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personal

Not enough time

Going on a quick trip around the world

I got it.

I’m going to Paris on Friday.

Then Nantes, Groningen, and Rotterdam, three blurry days for Oktoberfest in Munich, then Brussels, Innsbruck, Dover, and London.

Work, in a manner of speaking. My somewhat peculiar and particular skill set.

What it is doesn’t matter.

Cause I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go…

————

If you send me your email address, Fiona and I’ll send you a postcard.

Location: 2AM with Nadi and Anne on my porch
Mood: completely sotted
Music: This life would just be so easy
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I’m in

I need a weekend for my weekend

 

Him: All expenses paid. Interested?
Me: What am I an idiot? I’m in.

If I get it (or I don’t) I’ll tell you soon. Friday at the latest.

———-

Was out a lot this weekend. Hazel, Bryson, Gio and I went out till 4AM on Thursday night (when I met this girl) and then my brother was in town for the weekend.

I need a weekend for my weekend.

The Grey-Eyed Girl invited a bunch of us out to a party the other day. It was for an ivy league grad thingy and I assumed everyone there was from NYC.

So I end up spending some time with these two really nice girls. Here’s our conversation after we swap info.

Me: So if you’re 24, I’ve gotta think your friend’s like 18.
Girl1: She’s 28.
Me: (shocked) You’re kidding me.
Girl2: It’s the Asian genes.
Me: (nodding) Nice.
Girl2: So what are you? 24?
Me: (laughing) 34.
Girl2: (shocked) You’re kidding me.
Me: It’s the Asian genes.
Girl2: (nodding) Nice.
Me: So are you here for the birthday party?
Girl1: Oh no, we’re just in town from Boston for the weekend.
Me: (laughing) Of course you are.

Never a dull moment.

Location: underneath a ceiling fan in Queens
Mood: tired but hopeful
Music: been happy lately thinking about the good things to come
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Hit or miss

Met another woman and asked her to draw a picture for me

Her: Will you call her?
Me: Possibly. These thing are hit or miss.
Her: But you got her number, right?
Me: Better.
Her: Better?
Me: I told her to draw a picture of herself. This way, I’ll know which one she is.

Location: 2AM, Sway
Mood: Sotted
Music: That pretty red dress
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Therapy with Rain

I wait for the things worth waiting for

He’s been busy and so have I; plus we don’t have the requisite scratch for another ep of 72nd to Canal (if you happen to have 22 grand lying around, shoot me an email). We haven’t seen each other in a bit – life just gets in the way.

But his girl checked in with me today (she’s a sweetheart) and I recalled one of my more interesting conversations with him.

Him: Six months?
Me: Well…yeah, pretty much…
Him: Wow. I think I’d explode.
Me: Dude, it’s not that bad. I think I could make a year.
Him: That’s in-sane! One year?!?
Me: Oh yeah, I’m like a camel. I wanna wait until I find someone I really like.
Him: You’re not getting any younger, man. And no one lies on their deathbed thinking, Oh, I’m glad I didn’t hit that when I was 34.
Me: (shrugging) I’m ok. Plus, have you seen me lately?
Him: (scoffing) I’m looking right at ya – you should take what your goblin ass can get.

Location: 10PM yest, Broadway & 82nd, wondering
Mood: hard to say
Music: we notice you don’t come around
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Today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Really.

YAAARRRRRG!!

Please leave a pirate-sounding comment.

Location: an office I pay way too much for
Mood: tired
Music: Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you’ll marry a music man
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Why?

People are looking for relationships for different reasons. Here’s mine

People ask me all the time why I’m looking.

The pathetically honest answer is that when I’m with someone, I sleep just a little bit better. Maybe ten percent. It’s enough. I do it so I can sleep ten percent better. Crazy.

It’s not about sex. It’s about something else – and that’s a different post; but if you’ve read me enough, I’m sure you could guess.

You remember the last time you didn’t get a good night’s sleep? You look at your clock and do that mental math – if I fall asleep right now, I can get four hours sleep? Three hours. Two. Forty minutes. You remember how horrible you felt the next day?

Yeah, that’s me every two weeks for 20 years.

I’ve avoided talking about insomnia for almost two months but here we are.

Another date today. Another pretty face. Biker. It usually takes about three dates for either the girl or me to call it quits. Goes either way.

Hazel thinks I’m luckier than most cause I meet so many people but I tell her that it just means I’m disappointed and I disappoint more frequently. I know it’s crazy. I know it.

And yet I sit. I smile. I ask, So, what’s your story?

Inside I hope, this time’s the last time.

Location: 2PM yest, in front of the Flatiron saying, Bye
Mood: awake
Music: Tell me, where is the shepherd
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Where you need to be

I’ll C U When U Get There

The thing about relationships is that you develop shorthand. Like calling up your girl and saying, Hey, it’s me.

For years my brother was torn whether or not he should go to Cali. I told him that that I knew he’d get there someday and when he did, he should listen to the song above for me.

Then one day, he up and went.

That week, I got a call from a Cali number and when I answered, it was just the song playing. And I knew he was where he needed to be.

I woke up today with it in my head. I think about it every so often cause there’re so many good lines from it:

  • Life is a big game so you gotta play it with a big heart, somea us gotta run a little faster cuz we gotta later start
  • I’d be a fool to surrender when I know I can be a contender
  • if everybody’s a sinner then everybody could be a winner
  • wrap up your pity and turn it to ambition

Now I know I have at least five people that read me that sound depressed. Real depression.

So I interrupt my usual tales of complete randomness to say that you should take it seriously. It’s such a hateful thing because in the best case, you lose time. At the worst – well the outcome is like any other terminal disease.

The line that I particularly like from that song goes:

I’ma scuffle and struggle until I’m breathless and weak

To get to where you need to be, you gotta. And you should, until you’re breathless and weak.

Then you should do it again, yeah?

Back to complete randomness tomorrow.

Location: 8PM yest, showing the apartment to rent
Mood: concerned
Music: you gotta face responsibility one day, my brother
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Girl with a pretty face vs. A pretty girl

A very strange night to add to my list of very strange nights

 

I crashed this party with some friends including an old friend, Buckley, whom I’ve known for 14 years. He’s a decent fellow. The problem’s that he’s 36 and he still thinks that drinking to excess is somehow cool.

I crash a lotta parties cause I get along with everyone. But Buckley was a slobbering, augmentative drunk. Before I knew it, he was being tossed out by this group of guys at the behest of the birthday girl. It was a whole production with me having to get between them all.

Ugh.

Eventually, we got him into a cab and I walked back with Hazel and Kane to apologize to the birthday girl. I should mention now that the birthday girl has a pretty face.

Here’s the thing. It’s NYC. You can’t go two feet without running into a girl with a pretty face. They’re like a dime-a-dozen. I’m pretty calloused to girls with pretty faces. But as I’m apologizing to her, she’s apologizing back to me. She said, I’m sorry I was being so douchey.

This whole time, everyone is staring at our exchange because I think they all expected some beef. Instead, she and I are smiling and laughing, like we’re old friends. She said I came off as good guy and I told her that I thought she was just really all that.

As we’re talking, she went from being a pretty face to a pretty girl. There’s a very big difference between the two. Like the difference between gold paint and gold.

She invited us to come back in but I told her that we came back purely to apologize. We chatted a bit more before I gave her a hug that she returned. If things were different, I might have given her my number. Then again, the poor girl’s been through enough.

It’s not all the time that people’s insides match their outsides. My ex said mine don’t.

It’s nice to meet someone whose stuff did.

Location: 7:15PM yest, saying hi at church
Mood: tired
Music: we throw parties, you throw knives
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What has Life told you?

Got a call from a girl who asked me an interesting question

 

Me: I dunno, I’ve been out a lot this week, I shouldn’t.
Nadi: Blue-eyed Lawyergirl is gonna be there. Although you are NOT permitted to make a pass at her.
Me: First of all, I’ve got my hands full. Then again, why not? That’s half the fun right there – for all involved parties.
Nadi: It’s open ba…
Me: I’m in.

Was thinking of a girl with curls when my email box went ding.

Berlingirl wrote me and asked the most random but sweet thing: Hope you had a lovely day today! What has Life told you?

Thought that was such an interesting question.

So I stayed in tonight to listen. Life didn’t say anything to me though.

I’ll sit by the phone and wait anyway. Just in case.

Don’t wanna miss that call.

Location: living room, black chair
Mood: waiting
Music: where ever you go I always know
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Three

Went on three dates today

I went on three dates in one day today.

One was sad. Berlingirl showed up unexpectedly – a nice surprise. Spent some time with her before she had to catch her flight. She said, I wish you a wonderful fall. (Ich wunsche dir einen wunderschonen Herbst).

Don’t think she knows how much that meant to me.

One was random. She gave me her digits and said,It was nice meeting you (Wo hen gaoxing renshi ni).

I’ve already lost the piece of paper – of course.

The last?

It was sad in a completely different way. She said, May you have a good year (L’shanah tovah tikatev v’taihatem).

She said once that she hated the disappointments. Tonight, she said, in a manner of speaking, I’m working through a few things.

Funny, it sounds different on the other end. She put on her blue jacket. Gave me a red kiss. Hopped into a yellow cab. And was gone in a green light.

Why, look at that. The weekend’s almost here.

Location: here
Mood: Sotted
Music: Then she said, Don’t get cute
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