Tag: friends

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business

Thanks for downloading 1,636 copies of my book!

Bicycle in NYC

So I’ve just finished my first marketing campaign for my book and here’s what I’ve accomplished in 48 hours:

  • Amazon.com downloads: 1,567
  • Amazon.co.uk downloads: 40
  • Amazon.de downloads: 29
  • Amazon.fr downloads: 0

All-in-all, expected a total of 500-800 downloads and this totally blew away my estimates. And here’s what I’ve learned:

The French dislike my work
This is disappointing because I feel I support the French: I eat their fries and their bread, utilize a French press with regularity and support the French little coffee place down my street, and enjoy Pepe le Peu. How’s about some reciprocity?!

Social marketing really works
Put up some ads here and there which got me about 300 downloads – about what I guessed – however, people mentioning me on their FB page or via email forwards garnered me the vast majority of the downloads and this was completely unexpected.

Stuff y’put out online is powerful and stays forever. Note to self: redact mention of womanizing and rum intake in this blog.

Discovered I know five distinct groups of people

  • One group, without my asking, put up postings on FB and elsewhere; they took my undertaking and made it their own.
  • Another group, when asked, immediately started telling others.
  • A third group, when asked, declined.
  • A fourth group, when asked, completely ignored me.
  • A fifth group, was never asked and also never said a thing.

I’ve got to say that this was all a bit surprising. Some people I was sure would help did not and some people whom I never even thought to ask took it upon themselves to help. Eye-opening.

And speaking of reciprocity, two of the people that completely ignored me, I go out of my way to help all the time. Also eye-opening.

Again, think it’s that divergence of our very basic definitions of friendship.

It’s actually given me some clarity on things, so, while it was disappointing, it’s still beneficial cause it’s helped me figure out what to do with my time. And we all know Bicycle in NYC

Location: the basement of my brain, thinking of a sequel
Mood: grateful
Music: It’s not so bad And I want to thank you
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personal

We make our own luck in this world

Drinks in Times Square, NYC

Me: Y’know, in a decade, we loook pretty close to what we looked like back then. You look great!
Her: Oh thanks, you too.
Me: Well, I always look good.
Her: That’s…hey!

Met up with Hazel for some drinks the other night. She’s come around to my way of thinking that meeting your person deserves as much thought as getting a good job or going back to school for your career.

Me: Imagine if I said, “I’ve decided that I’m just going to leave getting a job to chance. It’ll happen when it happens. Until then, I’m going to sit at home every day and night and I believe that a high-paying, awesome job will call me and want just the way I am.” What would you say about my career plans?
Her: That that’s not a good idea.
Me: Right. But I can’t tell you how many times I have people say to me, “I’m just going to meet the right person. It’ll happen when it happens.” The right person’s a big deal – too big to leave up to chance. You make your own luck in this world.

———-

This recent study has a new take on why exercise is so good for us. Apparently, it makes our very healthy cells eat the weaker cells in our bodies as a kinda natural recycling.

Goes to show two things: (1) why exercise really is the fountain of youth and (2) that I can find a way to eat regardless of where I am and what I’m doing:

Me: We vacation well together – we can hang out or get our own alone time.
Wife: Yes, like I go to the spa, you go eat, I go to the beach, you go eat, I go to the cafe, you go eat, I go to…
Me: I would say something but that’s pretty accurate.

Location: getting dressed to meet a client
Mood: contented
Music: on the other side I’ve got friends and they’ve got my back
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personal

Friendships and getting the invite

Late night in a bar in downtown NYC

Having some issues with some friends lately.

The problem with dealing with friends is that on one hand, y’can’t expect them to act as you do – they have their own life experiences and values – but on the other hand, there’s a baseline mirroring required for them to be your friend.

For the first friend, his basic understanding of what friendship is differs greatly from my understanding.

  • His definition is: I have something you don’t want or need, but it is of value to me; here you go.
  • My definition is: I have something you want or need, despite it being of value to me; here you go.

It’s been a historically one-sided friendship and I’m thinking that cutting my losses would be the smart way to go.

For my other friend, he’s a genuinely good fella. The issue’s that he hangs out with a buncha douchebags – usually of the female persuasion. In fact, he seems to be drawn to them.

Some of their recent escapades include: breaking a mutual friend’s funiture and then trying to hide it, getting drunk and sick at a house party then leaving without a thanks or offering to clean up, and thinking racist jokes are hysterical.

It’s that mirroring again. He doesn’t realize that people’re starting to think he’s a douchebag because he keeps company with douchebags.

When I was single, had a rule to never turn down an invite. But to follow that rule, y’gotta first get an invite.

When people think that you come with douchebag, those invites are far less likely to come in.

Location: desk
Mood: disappointed
Music: crossed the sea to find a brother
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personal

Life limits you enough, why do it to yourself?

Jack Dempsey Corner sign in NYC

Him: About two hours.
Me: So it takes you two hours every day to get to and from work but you won’t spend 30 minutes to go out and maybe meet someone?
Him: There’s no point. Women are looking for someone with money and education. I got neither. There’s no point.
Me: There’s no point?! Look, I’m old, balding, and short. And I talk a lot with my hands. But I don’t care. I think I’m somebody. The world limits you enough, Paulie. Why do it to yourself?

Ran into guy that works in onea the local shops where I live. He and I’ve always been friendly and we got onto the topic of my getting hitched. Found out that he’s onea those guys that shoots himself down before life gets a chance to do it for him.

There’s this line in the Bhagavad Gita that goes, Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is. He’s already a nobody in his head and he looks for proof that this hypothesis’s true.

That’s the thing about looking for something. You usually end up finding it.

Me, I find that most people are on one end of the extreme or another. Either they think they’re nobody and think the world owes them nuthin, or they think they’re somebody, and the world owes them everything.

Y’get far in life, being the middle.

———-

Him: She was just kinda mean. Like she’d see someone walking down the street and immediately point out all the things wrong
Me: Well, good thing you didn’t sleep with her.
Him: Oh I did that too.

Met up with another friend of mine at my local dive bar. He’s getting married to someone he’s been dating for a while. He’s one of the guys I used to hang out with when I was single. Don’t know much about the girlie he’s marrying but I suppose as long as he knows, that’s the important thing.

Always hope that my friends find their person.

Location: about to have breakfast with the wife
Mood: freezing
Music: The breath that carried me, the sigh that blew me forward
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personal

Yes, but it is not I

Church in NYC

My insomnia is back in a big way. Feel tired and irritable all of time. Worried that all the things I do to manage it aren’t working any more, which then keeps me up even longer. No fun.

The Professor was in town over the weekend so the wife and I went with him to the local dive bar. He’s one of my oldest friends but, oddly, we never really hung out until after college. The other funny thing’s that he was a wrestler in high school and some 20 years later, I’m trying it out.

Him: (to my wife) When I was a kid, I was a busboy at this restaurant. It was fine except one day they caught me trying a wrestling move on a bag of rice.
Me: (to my wife) That’s not what they were mad about. They were mad because he was naked and put lipstick on the bag of rice.

Old friends that make the cut are always good to have around. The problem’s that people change and you change. Sometimes the people that once mirrored you no longer do. Learned long ago, this isn’t a good thing, or a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

Coincidentally, went to church the next day and the pastor repeated a story that I wrote about over five years ago.

The story is that St. Augustine was once this womanizer who once famously prayed, da mihi castitatem et continentiam…sed noli (“Grant me chastity and continence…but not yet”). It should be noted that he’s also the patron saint of brewers, as an aside.

Anywho, he was a frequent visitor of prostitutes before he changed his life around. Afterward, he went back to visit an old place and ran into a prostitute he used to know in that biblical way. He continued on his way so she tried to get his attention for his usual and called out to him, Augustine, it is I.

To which, he replied without stopping, Yes, but it is not I.

I think I’m a better person now than I was a decade ago; actually, know I am. But to get here, had to let some people because they don’t reflect who I am any more. It’s like that Cowboy story I told you.

Sometimes you go away, sometimes they do, and sometimes people just stay. It’s how the world is and how it’s supposed to be. Accepting it’s the hardest thing, yeah?

Now if only this insomnia would go away.

Location: last night, in misery
Mood: guess
Music: in the morning i will wake up in the shivering cold
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personal

the air of December, I swear I remember it that way

Sculpture on Broadway in the UWS, NYC

My insomnia has made it’s usual reappearance. No idea why. It’s irritating.

Less irritating is that people have been making reappearances in my Venn Diagram lately as well. There was my friend from church that I ran into on the street. She’s moving to Boston and starting grad school next year.

There’s also my buddy from my fencing class that disappeared for a while after Mike passed. Guess cause he took it pretty hard.

And about a half-dozen of my friends just had kids; been running into them in the big city here and there. Like I say, NYC’s a small town.

The thing about running into people’s that it’s a lot like running into a different version of yourself, like running into your possible pasts. Back when the church friend and I were hanging out, we were both single and enjoying single life. And my fencing buddy met me when I was still with my ex and had two cats.

Planning out some things for 2012 and every year that goes by, I’m constantly amazed the number is what it is.

2012? How could it actually almost be 2012?

Me: Do you remember when you thought 21 was old?
Her: (laughing) Yes – 30 seemed ancient back then.

Location: the same place
Mood: wide awake
Music: the air of December, I swear I remember it that way
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personal

Marriage is a funny thing

Small Thanksgiving dinner in the UWS, NYC

Her: George Washington __________? Between New York and New Jersey…
Him: Carver?
Her: George Washington CARVER is between New York and New Jersey?! BRIDGE! It’s BRIDGE! George Washington Bridge!

Forgot to mention that the wife and I did our first Thanksgiving sans respective families, although her sister did come by for the main meal.

Marriage’s a funny thing. We regularly comment to each other that, prior to three years ago, we were total strangers. Now were eschewing the family we’re known all our lives for this new family we made. See, funny thing.

On Monday, met up with some old co-workers from my internet days at Dive 75. If you’ve never been there, it’s the best bar in NYC, IMHO – mainly cause the music/tv’s not that loud, there’re bowls of chocolate everywhere, and stacks of board games.

Ended up playing Taboo until it was way past our respective bedtimes. Alcohol and chocolates really increases the entertainment value of boardgames.

It’s always hard finding time to meet up with them, or anyone really, but isn’t it always a nice time when y’actually find the time?

Location: the desk, per usual
Mood: Super busy
Music: They say people in your life are seasons And anything that happen is for a reason
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personal

Glutton for punishment

Lobster and oysters on the half-shell in downtown New York City NYC

Went out with a buddy to a banquet with lobster and oysters on the half-shell. For some reason, tend to drink Old Fashions there insteada my usual rum. Got raunchily ill the next day and through the weekend; felt like my innards were doing somersaults. Did manage to head over to the gym to wrestle but not without rushing to the restroom in the middle of the class.

Speakinga wrestling, WM came by to practice some fencing and then we hopped into his whip to head over to the boogie-down Bronx to check out my buddy’s first MMA match. He did phenomenally, dominating the guy at every position from every point – despite the guy outweighing him. It’s parta why I enjoy my class so much: we emphasize skill overcoming violence versus violence for violence’s sake.

In other news, work’s gotten busy again, in contrast to the usual summer slowdown, so that means hustling all over the map.

Finally feel well enough to have some coffee. Wish me luck.

Grappling bout in the Bronx NYC

Location: staring at a cuppa joe, wondering if I should drink it
Mood: weak
Music: Doesn’t everybody deserve to have the good life?
YASYCTAI: Set up a doctor’s appointment for a check up. (15 mins/0.5 pts)
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business personal

A Lecture then Drinks in the Down Town Association

Outside of the DTA in NYC

Gave a long presentation on an aspect of the law called Trademark Dilution last night. The actual speaking went fine – the problem was the forum (a) didn’t have a clock and (b) didn’t have a referee. So I had no idea how much time I had until some guy popped up and mouthed “five minutes.”

Looked down and I still had six slides to go through with the real meat of the lecture. So ran through that the best I could. The thing with letting go of control of something is that y’gotta have faith that the people that’re then in charge of that thing  do what they need to on their end. It was good, not great.

Afterward, met up with two of my friends at this place called the Down Town Association. It’s a oak paneled club that members get to show up at and relax in old leather chairs and glasses of whiskey.

The thing about NYC’s that every nice place, you’re shoulder-to-shoulder with another 1,000 people cause it’s a nice place. So that’s why it occasionally worth it to join things like the DTA – to get some civilization and some space.

No aged rum though, so I had an Old Fashioned. Two actually – before dashing off to my fencing class late.

There’s nuthin like waving around sharp objects with cheese and alcohol in your belly and annoyance in your soul.

Inside of the Down Town Association in NYC

Location: back to work
Mood: mildly annoyed
Music: 3 versions of this story: mine and yours and then the truth
YASYCTAI: Get ready for that next big thing. (time/1.0 pts)
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business personal

It’s been a decade since 9/11

Midtown West of New York City from the river

Causea the vacation last month, plus the hurricane and Labor Day, things have been slow. Actually, all of summer’s traditionally slow for me so it’s when I map out my trajectory for following year.

As I said, all businesses are comprised of three parts so I like the use the downtime to concentrate on the other two (sales/marketing & research/development). More on that some other time.

Yesterday, though, was running around Staten Island for work. Stopped by the Brooklyn Ikea on the way home to pick up some cabinets; HG’s a lot neater than me so I feel I’ve got to step up and get my stuff in order. Spent far more time yesterday pounding together funny flat boxes than reasonable.

Evidently, there’s this theory that obesity is contagious, which I could have told you – your friends’re mirrors to yourself so if you’ve got friends that love to pound food, chances are you do as well, or will. Think that HG’s a good influence on me in a number of aspects, neatness being just onea of those things.

Part of the reason you cut friends is to make room for the one’s that’re better for you.

Other friends you keep around for years, decades, even.

Speakinga decades, Sunday’s September 11th. Ten years, it’s been. There’re all these memorials and constant news clips whatnot. Which I understand, especially for those that were too young to not know what happened.

Thing is that I remember every goddamned minute of that goddamned morning. Suspect mosta my fellow New Yorkers do as well.

Ten years. Man, it feels like it was yesterday.

This video was shot on 9/7/2011.

Location: getting dressed for a meeting
Mood: pensive
Music: I’ll always love you though New York, New York, New York
YASYCTAI: Meet up with an old friend for coffee. (60 mins/0.5 pts)
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