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personal

What I remember

9/11 made me believe in evil things again

So, I had a heartbreaking day today.

It rained, which was perfectly apropos.

Wasn’t planning on writing anything – every two-bit hack with a computer writes something about the day and I didn’t wanna be another one.

But here I am. Makes sense; I am a two-bit hack with a computer.

I’ve lived here my whole life. I had one of my first elementary school class trips to see those buildings. I remember I was scared to look up at them because I thought they might fall on me.

After college I worked on the 2nd Floor. Wheelock NatWest. Then again about a decade ago. Mancini Duffy. My brother worked there once.

My sister went to school in their shadow.

They were always there.

That’s why when you lose someone close to you, it’s so heartbreaking. It’s because they’re always there. And then one day, poof. They’re gone.

The scene I remember most is that of strangers gathered around cars, the city quiet, save for the radios.

Can you see it?

Cars stopped along Broadway with their radios on full blast for strangers? No music, no commercials, just the news. Everyone quiet and craning their neck so they could hear the latest bit of misery.

I believed in evil again that day. I believe in it now. I remember thinking of that line from American Pie that goes, I saw satan laughing with delight, the day the music died.

I’m not a good enough writer to put into words how I felt then or feel now. So I’ll just say that I had a heartbreaking day today.

It rained, which was perfectly apropos.

Location: in my living room, trying not to be depressed
Mood: see location
Music: and there we were all in one place
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personal

A little kindness

The world can be a nice place sometimes

Got a package in the mail the other day from The Laura. She had sent me some clothes because she mentioned that she had some in my size.

The thing is that we’ve only ever met three times and each time very briefly. So the gesture was all the more appreciated because it was so unwarranted. She even sent a lovely card.

Thanks!

———

Berlingirl stopped by on Sunday. She’s going home this week and I’m most likely in Syracuse by the time you read this so we won’t see each other again for a while.

But I told her that she has a friend in NYC if she ever comes back.

Me: It was nice meeting you too.
Her: (smiling) Will you see that girl you like this week?
Me: I hope so.
Her: (She smiled, leaned in and gave me a kiss) Strange. I’ve never kissed a German-speaking, Chinese-American in a Mexican museum exhibit before.
Me: And now you have.
Her: (laughing) Yes, I have. I hope you have a happy life, Logan.

You too.

The world can be a nice place sometimes. I forget.

Ich vergesse so viel…aber du vergesse ich nie. Gute reise!

Location: 6:30PM yest, saying tschüss @ 72nd & Broadway
Mood: grateful
Music: by and by, I’ll fly away

Categories
personal

Das ist fuer dich

Went on a date with the Berlingirl

 

I saw Berlingirl again the other day:

Her: I like your happy words, like lovely and wonderful. I also like hilarious, what a great word! And actuallyactually is actually so useful!
Me: (nodding) It is.
Her: I brought you something. (hands me a gift)
Me: Lemme guess, it’s a baseball.
Her: Funny…No, but it does come with a catch – is that how you say it? You have to drink it with me here before I go or with me in Germany someday. (pause) Unless you drink it with the woman you love.
Me: (laughing) Fair enough.

Life is long and the world is small. I’m sure I’ll see her again.

 

Almost a year ago, I wrote this. After I walked the girl to where she was staying, I ducked into the 24 grocery on Broadway. That same manager saw me and gave me a big smile.

Him: How’s everything my young friend?
Me: It’s a beautiful night – I’ve no worries, no troubles.
Him: (nodding) That is a beautiful night.

Location: 12AM, 86th and Broadway
Mood: content
Music: she knows I know what she’s thinking
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personal

Time after time

 

Met another young lady tonight.

Asked her what we the most difficult part about dating in the big city.

Her: I’d have to say the disappointment. I keep hoping this time’ll be different…
Me: Huh. (pause) Funny you say that…

Huh.

See you Tuesday guys, be safe.

Location: 12AM Columbus, having this conversation
Mood: thoughtful
Music: circles. Confusion. Is nothing new?
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dating personal

Never gonna fall for

Saw a concert with Camera Obscura and The Last Town Chorus

 

The Last Town Chorus playing Modern Love at the South Street Seaport

Hopping on a 6AM train bound for Baltimore tomorrow. Exam.

Not ready but when are we ever for these tests we take in life?

Did go to that concert Friday at the seaport to see Camera Obscura. Opening act was The Last Town Chorus – that’s a pic of the lead singer, sorry so blurry, I was hella far away. They sang a cover of Bowie’s Modern Love.

Camera Obscura at the South Street Seaport

Told the Grey-Eyed Girl I went with that I got dropped off by my party bus rental at the seaport and spent my prom night there. She got a kick outta that. Been in this @#$! town too long.

Speaking of towns, looks like she and I are heading for Friendsville – weird, it’s usually me driving there. Well, it happens.

Been on 20 dates with 14 girlies in 60 days. Plus I met two separate women on the way to the concert. Not sure I’m cut out for this modern love – I’ve essentially turbo-charged my disappointments and disappointing. Perhaps I’m just all charm and no substance.

Startin’ to think dating’s just an excuse for me to blow coin I ain’t got, time I don’t have and hope I can’t spare.

Actually, hope? That I got.

Cause I keep thinking, this time’ll be different.

This time…

Location: on the telephone, dealing
Mood: indescribable
Music: Its just the power to charm
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Camera Obscura

Wondering if I should play hooky and see a concert

 

Argh! Camera Obscura is playing live and free tonight at the South Street Seaport at 8PM.

Was planning to stay in tonight for the first time in months just to prep for the exam but these guys are so awesome.

Should I go? Man, I’m so torn…

Location: about to run out the door
Mood: confused
Music: I’ve got my life of complication here to sort out

Categories
personal

Fallen Summer

I got my pad, my people and my poison. Someday, maybe my person too.

You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light.

My friend Jaerik made an interesting observation on my blog that I don’t think I’ve ever noticed myself.

He said that I rarely do angry blog entries. Never thought of that.

I think people do angry on the internet because it’s easy and makes for pseudo-intellect. Sure there’s lots to be pissed about; life is inherently unfair.

But man, that’s the quickest way to a bitter, solitary life.

This blog is mostly about my love life because, well, I got nuthin else to complain about.

Not really.

I got my pad. I got my people. I got my poison. I just picked up a new whip to replace my old ride. Another 300 payments and it’s all mine.

Figure someday I’ll get the girl too. Someday.

For now, I’ll take the fall weather we’re having in summer here in NYC.

Speaking of which, I met this girl at Bryant Park tonight…

Location: in front of a pile of books again
Mood: content
Music: God gave me everything

Categories
personal

No Such Thing

There’s no such thing as a pickup line

Summer’s not my season. Bad, bad, bad things happen to me in summer.

Fall, however, is my season. I woke up all week thinking its fall.

Woke up happy all week.

———-

Been hanging with these guys Paul and Sheridan a lot lately. Recently, Paul and I were at party with an old friend/legal client of mine and a group of us got talking.

Girl1: What do you mean?
Me: There’s no such thing as a line. Look, if you’re attracted to me, I could walk up to you, say anything, anything, and you’d respond positively. In college, my friend Crawford would walk up to a girl, go Whoo-Hooo! and ten minutes later they’re making out.
Girl2: I disagree, what a guy says matters.
Me: To an extent, yes. But I think it’s less about the content and more the conveyance. Say a cute chick walked up to me and started talking to me in French with a wink’n smile; the content, which I wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t matter to me. I’d just be thinking, Hey…
Girl1: That’s cause you’re a guy.
Me: No. (sighing) It’s cause I know. When you like someone, they can do no wrong; when you don’t, they can do no right.

Starting tagging things not a pickup line just so you can see what I mean.

Location: in front of a bunch of computer parts in Queens
Mood: busy
Music: the good boys and girls take the so called right track

Categories
personal

Coincidences

Told a woman where to go to randomly run into me

Why, Electronic Gods? What have I done to anger you so?

Truth be told, one of the people I randomly ran into on Saturday wasn’t all that coincidental.

Me: BTW, my mobile is 212.479.7990 should you want to randomly run into me tonight downtown around 11PM at 9th and second in a bar called Solas (not the number I actually gave her).
Her: You’re cute…if I want to randomly run into you at Solas! Well you never know…
Me: I’ll let you buy me a drink.
Her: (laughing) Funny
Me: What are you talking about?
Her: We’ll see.

Fair enough…

Location: 5PM yest, in Flushing asking for extra sauce
Mood: see music
Music: I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad
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New York in the Indigo

When Harry Met Sally is just a film, it’s not the real world

I’ve been sitting here working all damn day. At least it’s the weekend. Hazel took this picture a couple of weekends back at the 7/7/07 rooftop party. Time’s just sprinting by.

People email me asking why Hazel, Somena, or any of my other female friends and I don’t just get together.

It’s because When Harry Met Sally isn’t the real world or the NY I know. In my NY, guys can have three types of female friends: former somethings, just friends, and potential somethings.

In my life at least, we all know the parts we play.

A guy like me won’t end up with a chick just cause she’s around. And vice versa.

Who wants that? That’s like when you eat the crap in the fridge because you’re too lazy to go out so you think, Eh, it looks ok.

I’ve had crazy love before. Once you’ve had that, everything else is a distant second. If you’ve ever been loved, you know. You won’t take less.

Dean Martin knew that you can never really go home to Steubenville after you’ve seen the lights of New York.

I’m alone, yeah.

But I’m not lonely.

OK, back to work…

Location: my black chair, all %#@! day
Mood: beat tired
Music: It ain’t no big thing But I know what I like
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