Great Expectations

Everyone I ever liked was some form of Estella

Dickens actually wrote two endings for the book – in the published version, you don’t know what happens to the two of them.

In the original, Dickens had Pip realize that he loved the girl that was cruel. And that girl was gone. The good girl left behind, wasn’t the one he loved.

I can relate. Think all the women I’ve ever had a thing for was some version of Estella. Interesting, eh?

I would love to meet a girl with that name. There was this Korean girl Stella whom I had a crush on. When we got our yearbooks, she wrote, You should have asked me out, I woulda said yes.

Argh! It’s why I don’t tell people things like that.

Other names I like:

  • Alexis – damn, that’s sexy
  • Amanda – just dated one
  • Marie – just met one from France, seeing her soon
  • Melissa/Melody/Molly – no explanation
  • Yve/Yvonne – massive elementary school crush
  • Many French/German/Russian names – Tajania, Katja
  • Many Japanese names – Naomi, Marimo

Once dated a girl who was Frau Zuzanne D’Longe – that was just hot.

Just walked in from a date.

Keep wondering if it’s better to have expectations or to have none.

Location: -30 mins telling her, I’m going in again
Mood: sotted
Music: I’d just like to know do you love him or just making time

We all have our own Black Swans

A Black Swan is an unforeseen event that makes a huge impact

 

A Black Swan is an unforeseen event that makes a huge historical impact. The assassination of Franz Ferdinand, 9/11, and the rise of dot coms are considered Black Swans.

But we all have our own personal Black Swans, yeah? Those events that changed everything about our lives completely unexpectedly?

The ex moved out a year ago this week.

I recorded the above video for my brother after I got back from Baltimore and saw that she, and all her stuff, was gone (nothing risqué; trust me, totally SFW).

I used the spatula to make myself a peanut butter and orange marmalade sandwich. I sat in my empty living room and thought, Well, this is gonna suck. And it did. Really bad.

But it doesn’t anymore. When I do think of a girl, she’s not the one I think of. I never would have believed it.

Time and tide changes everything.

Note to self: If you ever live with a chick again, do not throw out your utensils just because hers matches.

Life is good.

Location: -20 mins, on Broadway, picking grapefruit
Mood: grateful
Music: My heart was broke, my head was sore, what a feeling
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Seven more things you might not know about me

Doing another meme – it’s what we do…

I’m doing the following meme as a followup to something similar a while back. So here are seven more things you might not have known about me:

  1. I paid for part of college by working in NYC clubs. I’m hard of hearing in one ear because of it.
  2. Unless due to (a) work or (b) a prior engagement – and much like that girl in high school everyone talks about – I never say no to a party.
  3. I’m a TV addict and built a machine that can record 750 hours of TV – cause I’m a geek.
  4. Prior to 8/2006, I only ever kissed 10 girlies. Since then, I’ve kissed a few more.
  5. I really quit my job to be a competitive fighter six years ago but then I got injured in training (dammit). I tell people I quit to write so I don’t have to tell the story.
  6. I’ve saved 10% of everything I’ve ever made since I was 14. Because of that, I own my apartment and have for the past three years. I have no debt besides the mortgage (and my bookie).
  7. I miss being 8. We were poor but I was always happy. I remember my mom brought me to the doc because she worried that I was daft – I’d stand and stare at the blue sky for hours.

My mom doesn’t know that, 26 years later, I still do it – shhhhhhh don’t tell her.

She worries.

Location: 10PM yest, at Bourbon St asking her if she knows
Mood: chipper
Music: there’s no place that I could be without you honestly

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Sold I to the merchant ships

I consider our origins

Well I’ve gotten some…colorful emails based on my last post.

While both men and women read a lot more into it than intended, both seemed to disappointed in me for completely different reasons.

Primo Levi wrote in Survival in Auschwitz, that he carried a 100 pound soup pot because it gave him a few moments in the sun.

A guard gave him the gig for Italian lessons. So Levi taught him Dantes Inferno 26, which has the line, Considerate la vostra semenza: fatti non foste a viver come bruti, ma per seguir virtute e canoscenza.

Consider your origin; you were not born to live like brutes, but to follow virtue and knowledge.

Look, we’re human. We’re flawed. But we try. It’s our redemption song.

Dante and Levi both believed that we have some nobility somewhere – even after seeing their respective hells, yeah?

Location: 2PM yest, watching a rooster in Harlem
Mood: amused
Music: someday we’ll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun

I could never take the place of your man

Met another women recently

My favourite line in Forrest Gump is when he goes, I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is. I thought about that with a girl I met up with recently and a girl I haven’t seen in a little while.

Her: Because I know.
Me: What do you mean?
Her: I know what it’s like when a guy’s crazy in love with me. I’ve had crazy love before, where I know, he’s only thinking of me. Now it’s the worst because I compare every guy to him. He’s ruined me. It’s my curse. Because now I know what it could be – what it should be… (after another half hour, I kissed her on the cheek and got up to go) You don’t have to go, you know.
Me: (laughing) We both know I do.

Been out and about a lot these days. It’s the luck of the draw. Just how it happens.

I wanted to tell you a happy story but tell me that these aren’t more interesting?

Location: 10PM, yest. on 75th with a pretty girl
Mood: sotted
Music: don’t waste your time, I know what’s on your mind

Can I borrow a quarter?

The Pickup Line Generator

I’ve been busier than I’ve been in ages. I can’t explain it.

If I knew I’d be working so much, I would have just gotten a job.

GEEK ALERT: On a different matter entirely, and related to my last post, I was thinking of getting a PDA phone and was looking up software options when I came across the Pickup Line Generator 1. Just imagine:

Me: Hi…um, hold on a sec (fumbles with phone).
Her: Um…
Me: Hold on, hold on…um…no that’s no good…not a redhead…haha, funny but…no. Oh wait. This is good. “Can I borrow…?”
Her: (interrupting) Um…I’m gay. And a pescatarian.
Me: Of course you are.

Somewhere, someone is paying $37 to embarrass him/herself completely.

Sucker.

I do it all the time without paying a cent.

Location: Broadway, putting another pretty lady into a cab
Mood: pensive
Music: You’re the best listener that I’ve ever met
Site Meter

Hole

I’m always working through a few things

I can’t believe no one sent me soup.

Despite my better judgment, just walked in the door from a night with the guys. I took the long walk home to clear my head and sober me up. I got in at 2AM on Monday and now 3AM on Thursday.

I’m turning 34 next week, I’ve gotta stop with these mid-week late nights. Then again, I don’t really work but that’s neither here nor there.

So, here I am in front of my computer trying to get some things done and my thoughts drift.

I’m feeling philosophical, what with the volume of chemicals in my system. As I said before, all of life’s problems can be traced to health, wealth or relationships. We all have holes in our worlds that go through one of those routes.

Now, I’ve got a hole in all three. I’m trying to fill them as best I can but they seem un-fillable, sometimes. Timing.

Speaking of which, another girl – whom I’ll just call Caligirl and let you guess why – and I were orbiting back in December. We never got together because of my situation back then and I ended up with someone else. Now – well, now, I’ve got a new situation on my mind. She’s nice enough but I’m trying to clear my head.

Her: Hey, I heard you’re seeing someone.
Me: I was. Past tense.
Her: Oh, well…that’s too bad. Not that it’s related (laugh) but, you free for lunch this weekend?
Me: (pause) I’d love to but I think I’m sick. I’m also…working through a few things.
Her: (sigh) Yeah…you’re always working through a few things.

Yeah…I’m always working through a few things.

Location: @2AM, grabbing an uptown train at 14th
Mood: tired
Music: if it’s all the same to you I love you oh so well Like a kid loves candy

Grace is Gone

Dusting off my typewriter

Stuffed from too much turkey to really write anything about me (nothing much happened beyond my gorging myself silly anyway).

I did want to say that I met up with a friend of mine for dinner the other day and, while I was waiting for her to arrive in the bookstore, I overheard a boy say to his girlfriend, “I’ll never let you go.”

That prompted me to dust off a pencil and write this because I’m a bitter, bitter, little man:

Grace is Gone

“I’ll never let you go,” the mother said,
and baby Grace cooed and stretched out her arms.
“I’ll never let you go,” the young man said,
as Grace smiled and kissed him.
“I’ll never let you go,” the husband growled,
as Grace inhaled and shot him in the head.
I’ll never let you go,” the judge said,
as Grace screamed and collapsed.
“I’ll never let you go,” the young woman said,
and Grace smiled and breathed her last.
“I’ll never let you go,” the mother said,
and baby Grace cooed and stretched out her arms.

Location: @9AM – on the couch, eating leftovers
Mood: Full
Music: It’s 2 am, I’m drunk again, Its heavy on my mind