Tag: troubles

Categories
personal

Secret Project II

Location: 22:30, yest., hitting something on 72nd
Mood: better
Music: I don’t care…As long are you’re here

A brief break from Bachelor Cooking, just to keep you on your toes. Thanx to Seemore for putting our last vid up on her cooking page; to ouijacat for sending me the above and prodigallyyours for her nice words – I was feeling craptastic because I spoke to my grandmother recently.

Me: Something’s come up. I can’t come.

Her: It’s been almost five years. (long silence) You promised.

Me: I know, (clearing throat) I know.

I felt murderous but Johnny’s traveling and Bryson’s busy so I spent Saturday working with my coach, Koshen. I also just walked in from fencing. Y’ever just wanna break stuff?

Man, I wanna break stuff.

———-

Seemore reminded me that I’ve got a project in my head. Remember the last insomnia driven project I had? It turned out well, I thought, and now I need volunteers again. Involves drinking so drinkers and foodies welcome.

More practical than art. If you wanna help, shoot me an email: logan607 at hotmail.

Categories
personal

Miss

I’m right

I’ll be posting a lot less these days. I’m so insanely busy that I may have torpedoed yet another perfectly fine relationship. One day, I’m gonna run outta chances. I’ve already run outta rum.

In A Few Good Men: Lt. Daniel Kaffe says, upon entering a courtroom, “So this is what a courtroom looks like.”

Recently, I stepped into a courtroom for the first time since law school. My opposing counsel was a young woman. I remember when she walked in, I thought, She’ll be the one I go against and I was right.

Her: Where’s your lawyer?Me: I’m representing myself – I’m a lawyer. I’m actually…
Her: (interrupting) Whatever. Did you file your notice of appearance?
Me: Um…that is…?
Her: (shocked) Are you ____ing me?
Me: (shaking head) No. (pause) Can I borrow your pen?
———-
Her: (disgusted) What kinda offer’s that?
Me: Miss, I may not know what to file where or what something’s called. And I sorta got lost coming here. But I know the law and I know I’m right. And you know it too. So tell your client, that’s my offer. (pause) You know I’m right, miss.
Her: (long pause, sigh) Lemme call her. 

———-

Afterwards

Her: You should be a litigator. You would do well.
Me: (shaking head) Thank you. But no. 36 months. Then I’m out.
Her: You did well. (she repeated, holding out hand) Good luck.
Me: (shaking her hand) Thank you, I’ll take it. Happy holidays, miss.
Her: Happy holidays.

Four more to go.

I walked in the door an hour ago. I’d kill for a good stiff drink right now. Or sex. Or a good fight.

Something.

Location: 30 mins ago, looking for an open liquor store, chick or a fight
Mood: tired and vicious
Music: mercy baby I do not know what this all means

Categories
personal

Gossip Folk / More advice

Location: 16:02 yest, looking at the new office
Mood: contemplative
Music: he went about his business and devised a plan


Continuing from yesterday, someone asked me if there was a lesson to be learned from what happened to me. Here’s my answer:

Avoid gossip folk.

The woman that took my scratch was the local gossip. I thought she was harmless. Lesson learned.

When I’m out and about, I constantly see guys call a girl a hottie one second and a bitch the instant their game goes south. And that’s always when static starts and I get gone. People always cut you down with words before they cut you down with anything else.

Before it became part of WWII, the beef between China and Japan was called the Sino-Japanese War, Shina being being a racist word in Japanese. In fact, all of WWII can be seen as step-by-step escalations of evil starting with simple words.

In this blog, the only person I criticize (relentlessly) is myself. I’ve now made it a point to avoid gossip-folk, even cutting an entire raft of friends. Cause if they gossip about others, they gossip about you. And if they gossip about you, they don’t respect you. And if they don’t respect you, well then…

I think evil people can’t help it. They can hide everything else, but the gossip. The one scene I remember from JHS reading Julius Caesar was where Cassius starts it all up by leaning over to Brutus and whispering, The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings.

I should have known better. I should have paid attention in seventh grade English class.

Avoid gossip folk. That’s my advice.

Categories
personal

Only one end

Location: 2 hours ago, on Broadway, remembering
Mood: ok
Music: I will show you someone that you never thought you’d be

Helen Keller said that Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.

She was on the money. Oh, speaking of Helen Keller, click here for a short video I made a while ago.

Anyway – I woke up mad early and hopped to court again. I got what I wanted but that’s a story for another time. I couldn’t celebrate because I had to run to the office and land a client. Then I got a shut-off notice from ConEd and the contractor for my new office wants another $6,000. It’s always something.

The thing is, you gotta keep bobbing ‘n weaving. My dad told me recently, there’s really only one end, everything else is an opportunity. I hope he’s right.

I ran out the door at five today to make a massive holiday party with some killer food. There I met a pretty blue-eyed dancer whom I feel now I should’ve asked for her number but instead, I gave her mine.

Afterwards, I had coffee with two recent college grads and a girl in college at a diner on 34th near where I met Blue Jean Eyes. Old ghosts. I told them to save 10% of everything they ever made, learn a foreign language, meet as many people as they could, and see the world.

I wish someone told me that last one when I was in college.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, I do (now).

Categories
personal

Theme Song

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?


I gotta make payroll & rent Monday so I’ll post on Tuesday. Clearly, the most logical thing would be to rob a bank.

So I’ll be busy…plotting…

———-

If your life was a TV show, what would it be it’s theme song? I got a few. But if I had to chose just one, it would be Overkill.

Like I said, the insomnia’s back; I don’t actually mind being alone between the sheets. I do mind the lying there awake though.

So I get up and go for a walk. I’ve lived here my whole life and the last several women I’ve seen have been from around the way. I’ve run into a few of them over the past several months. I got memories on every corner.

In other words, on every corner, ghosts appear and fade away.

At least there’re pretty lights.

———-

I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps it’s just my imagination
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
Its time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least there’s pretty lights
And though there’s little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill

Location: 13:00 yest, Paterson, NJ City Hall
Mood: indescribable
Music: at night I worry over situations

Categories
personal

So great

It would be so great if I could just fall asleep

Today I spent most of the day in court. That’s bad enough but my mind’s also really cloudy cause the insomnia’s back. It made a bad situation worse.

Think I might post less because I’m worried I’m gonna start sounding insane. I’m writing constantly.

Couldn’t sleep at all the other night so I got up and made chili – here’s the recipe with pics if you’re interested.

Most nights, I’m just walking about town. The thing about my neighborhood is that there’s always something to see. There’s always something for the singular.

Maybe I’ll fall asleep and have nice dreams tonight. That would be great.

That would be so _______ great.

Location: 21:21 yest, trying to find parking in NYC
Mood: so freaking tired
Music: these words are my diary, screaming out loud

Categories
personal

Unexpected hellos / Unexpected halos

She wanted to say hello, and just did

Me on phone, hating life:

(sigh) Look, I heard you, now hear me out…yes…yes…no…fine. What would you do if you were me?…That’s conjecture, let’s stick with what we know…

Text on mobile from Europe:

Logan! It’s your Berlingirl! Just wanted to say “hello”…and now I did! 🙂 How’s autumn in NY? I just had my show last week and it went great. Hugs!

Me on phone, hating life a little less:

…What? I’m sorry, could you say that again? (pause) I was distracted by…something.

It’s always the little things that make us or break us. And Autumn in NY?

It’s always lovely, even when it’s not.

Location: 12:47 yest, happily interrupted in my office
Mood: wet
Music: Ich bin mittendrin Da dreht sich die Erde

Categories
business personal

One at a time

I could handle it all, if it only was one at a time

(c) History Channel

 

At The Battle of Thermopylae, the Spartans arranged it so that, despite being vastly outnumbered, they only had to deal with the soldier directly in front of them. One at a time. The thousands of soldiers behind them just didn’t exist. Only the one in front of them.

Affiliate
Her: I’m not sure…
Me: Look, I’m not asking you to trust me. You don’t know me. I’m asking you to give me a chance. One chance. Let me show you what we can do.
Her: (thinking) I’ll send you two deals. Don’t %^$& them up.
Me: We won’t.

Contractor
Him: Why would I do that? I don’t even know you.
Me: Because, I’m young and I’m bright. And if you do this for me, a young and bright (if not altogether too trusting) guy in the world owes you a favor. Ask around, that means something.
Him: I can wait one more week.

Creditor
Him: It’s too late.
Me: If you do it that way, you’ll get $0.65 on the dollar. My way, it’ll take longer, but you’ll get 100%.
Him: (pause) I’ll see what I can do.

Repeat about 20 times a week for six weeks.

Just one massive, career-ending, financially-destructive catastrophe at a time, please.

One at a time.

Location: 12:08, 13:02, 14:24, 16:33: 17:02 – banks
Mood: exhausted
Music: you must be real far gone; you’re relating to a psychopath

Categories
business personal

I’m in

I’m all in

 

Just took out this huge loan (@8.75%) to try to get my life back. I’ve never had non-education/home related debt before. It’s disconcerting.

———-

With nods to Kastinkerbell, who is making me a Subversive Cross Stitch cause she’s cool like that, we all have things we say over and over again.

Recently, this girl on the idiot box kept ending her sentences with “Y’know what I mean?” After ten minutes, I wanted to yell, “NO! I…DON’T…KNOW.”

Then again, I say the same things constantly:

  • Well aware. / What am I an idiot? (pointing to my face and drawing a circle)
  • Oh…my…
  • Whoa, whoa, whoa!
  • I know, I know, I know.
  • Or you could not.
  • Why don’t we just tell people we did, and don’t?
  • You’ve GOT to be kidding me.
  • Sheyeah, you wish.
  • Are you always so potty-mouth, or are you just trying to impress me?
  • Well, more or less.
  • No, I’m wearing a girdle.
  • That’n two bucks’ll get you on the downtown bus.
  • I promise to dress trampy. Oh, who am I kidding – I always dress trampy.
  • I’m in.
sigh
Yeah…I’m all in.

 

Location: 19:00 yest, Home Depot, buying a faucet
Mood: busy
Music: une société qui désarme La victime, et pas le voleur

Categories
business dating personal

Everything

My GPS lies to me, but otherwise, all is good

Spent the day running around Connecticut, Westchester, and then stuck for two hours on the Cross Bronx Expressway – the GPS said it would take 22 minutes. It took 2.5 hours.

Damn lying GPS.

Was rushing back because I had a church function to attend. Eventually I got there and did my thing.

Somehow, two girls and I got onto the topic of dating and I told them that I had a mental block about meeting and dating someone from church. I just feel that’s sleazy somehow.

For some reason, they thought that was the one place I should be looking to meet someone.

Huh.

I then went home and got a call from a pretty lady and met her for a quick drink.

Quite a day.

———-

Got a few emails and comments from people saying they felt bad for me. Thanks much, but don’t feel bad for me, please.

I’m good. God gave me everything.

Location: One hour ago, getting a kiss on Columbus
Mood: exhausted
Music: God gave me everything I want; I can’t stop