Tag: troubles

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business personal

Regular Job

I’d rather it this way than have a regular life

…ain’t gon’ follow no footsteps I’m making my own…

I think you read me because you find my life interesting. Without a hint of arrogance or pride, I can tell you I find my life interesting.

Every time I write something, I think, man, no one’s gonna believe this.

But I write about what happens. And I know why these things – good (dates, tv shows, random meetings, free trips to Europe) and bad (dates, car accidents, insomnia, robberies), keep happening.

Because I keep trying. I keep pushing. I keep thinking I’m someone.

It is better to try and fail greatly then never try at all. And I fail all the time. Health, wealth, relationship. Every one of them is a failure – I got my arm torn out trying to fight; I got robbed of all the money I’ve made in 34 years; and the last one? You know…

And stupidly, I keep trying. Because I asked for all this.

Y’ever listen to 8 Mile by Eminem? There’re these lines that go:

don’t got enough pep The pressure’s too much man,
I’m just tryin to do what’s best
And I try, sit alone and I cry
Yo I won’t tell no lie, not a moment goes by
That I don’t pray to the sky, please I’m beggin you God
Please don’t let me be pigeon holed in no regular job

 

When I was a kid, I told God I never wanted a regular life. And it’s like He laughed and said, You got it, kid – but everything’s got a price.

Sometimes I think I should have just married No 3 and worked in that law firm and had my 2.5 kids by now. Bought myself a red Porsche. When I started to find out about everything, that’s one of the first things I thought of (the life, not the Porsche).

I think I’d rather it be this way then be stuck in a regular job. A regular life.

I’m a man, I’ma make a new plan
Time for me to just stand up, and travel new lands
Time for me to just take matters in my own hands
Once I’m over these tracks, man I’ma never look back

 

The thing that just about broke me, was when I had to tell my parents. My mom worries so. And my father? I think I’m like every son, I just want him to be proud of me.

But he told me to keep daring greatly. Cause he did. It’s what we do, he said, you have to keep trying. I would only be disappointed in you if you stopped trying.

I nodded and stammered in my crappy, crappy, Chinese, I will.

Location: 19:46, having diet ice cream@79th & Amsterdam
Mood: heartbroken
Music: I got every ingredient, all I need is the courage

Categories
personal

I don’t see why

Someone stole every penny I had

 

Well, I suppose I should tell you what happened now that things have settled a bit.

Someone stole every penny I ever made. Six figures. Gone. I have 11.62 to my fine name.

But I think I’ll be ok. I’ll survive.

It’s what I do.

————

Was thinking about the curly-haired girl recently. I haven’t seen her in a month or so and I don’t think I will.

But I thought about a conversation we had the last time I saw her.

Her: So I don’t see why you’re still single.
Me: I’m really good at hiding the crazy until about the third or fourth date.
Her: Ah, (slowly nodding) good to know…

It all seems so unreal. Unfortunately, it’s all true.

Location: 20:00 yest, on 32d btw 8th and 9th
Mood: completely sotted
Music: feeling lonely I had a life to give many dreams to live

Categories
personal

Exactly two years in spite of the misery

Life is sweet, despite of the misery

My mom bought me sushi today. Pity sushi from my mother. This is what it’s come to.

One Dragon Roll, one Shrimp Tempura Roll, one Spicy Tuna Roll.

Pity Sushi. The next best thing to Third Date, It’s Late, Do You Wanna Crash At My Pad, Sushi.

———-

Forgot to mention that when I arrived in Munich, the customs officer took my passport and asked me if I had been in Germany before. I nodded so he flipped through it.

Then he looked up at me and asked, Is today a special day for you?

No, I said, not particularly. Why?

Because you came here exactly two years ago. I thought maybe you had an anniversary here. I didn’t believe him so he showed me. It was true: October 5th, 2005 and October 5th, 2007.

What a coincidence.

Was that really two years ago that I went to Berlin with my ex? We’ve been split up for that long? I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t.

Ah, what does it matter? Life is sweet, in spite of the misery.

Location: 12PM yest., having an enormous salad on my couch
Mood: slightly hopeful
Music: Wanna hide from the vicious world outside But don’t

Categories
personal

One good thing

Thank Goodness for the Good Souls

I pray every night. Dunno if you knew that.

Last night, I said, I know I’ve been given so much already but can I just get one good thing tomorrow? Just to help me through this rough patch? I got several.

  • I passed my exam!
  • You guys sent me both happy and stupid.
  • Six friends called me to see how I was and I had this following conversation recently about my situation:

Me: …so that’s what happened.
Him: Wow, I’m sorry.
Me: Yeah, I don’t see how it could be worse.
Him: (thinking) My father just died. He’s all the family I had. I’m a 29-year old orphan now.
Me: (pause) Well, that beats me. (laughing) I got your drink.

Thank goodness for the good souls, yeah?

———-

This will be my last post on my situation until I resolve it. I’ll be back with the irrelevant tomorrow.

Location: 9PM, fencing in the UWS
Mood: terrible
Music: One good day of the week and I’ll be up again

Categories
personal

Leaving

Found out a family friend stole from me today

I lent a friend some money because she was going through a divorce and was in a bind. It’s not like I had that much spare scratch but I figured that she was good for it so I borrowed some dough against the cards and gave it to her.

I stopped by her place cause I haven’t heard from her and was worried. Apartment was empty. She up and left. I’ve known her seven years. She didn’t even say sorry.

On the same day, I took the last straw from another friend too. I’ve known him since the 90s. The very last straw.

What a day. It was…indescribable.

Then I got a call from the guy that gave me the gig in Mancini Duffy a decade ago.

Him: Dude, how’ve you been?
Me: (stunned) What made you call? I haven’t heard from you in years.
Him: I dunno. (laugh) I got the urge to call.

Then Bryson called me.

Him: Hey brother, thought I’d see how you were.
Me: I can’t even tell you.
Him: (pause) Tell me.

When you keep cutting your friends, you end up with the ones that matter. I guess that’s something, yeah?

———-

I’ll be posting a lot of pictures – still a work in progress. I wanted to write more, but I drank my night away.

I really gotta go.

I feel terrible here.

Location: 12AM, getting a free drink on the UWS
Mood: indescribable
Music: Some glad morning when this life is o’er I’ll fly away Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.