Tag: conversations

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There’s always room for more down

On my knees again

Doctor: You’re not having a good day?
Me: I’ve had better.
Him: (pause) Well, it’s about to get a lot worse.

So after I wrote the last entry, went on with my day. Later that night, got another phone call for a wholly different reason.

In 40 years, think I’ve honestly been on my knees twice. This is a third time. There are things that one knows but does not truly believe in life.

Like last time, I could handle it all, if it was only one at a time.

Spent the day slogging from offices to offices in the blinding snow, trying to make sense of a litany of things that make no sense; making decisions I’m ill-prepared to make.

Him: Well, you gotta figure that this is rock bottom.
Me: No, there’s always room for more down.

But I went to teach my fencing class last night and for about 90 minutes, I got to put down the things I’d been carrying all day.

It’s a blessing to have things in your life where you can put down the weights you bear.

Student: This wasn’t what I expected.
Me: We’re not here to dance, we’re here to fight. We’re here to struggle. Life’s a struggle we all lose one day. But until then, we struggle.

Never saw that student again.

The thing with leaving things at a doorway is that, ultimately, you have to pick them up again on your way out.

So I do, trudging home in the snow, bearing it.

And I swear that the whole goddamned weight of it all is sinking me deeper into the snow.

———-

If you write or see me, I won’t tell you so please don’t ask. As with last time, I’ll tell you when I’m ready.

 

Location: yesterday, three hours in a frozen car
Mood: heartbroken
Music: It’s true, the suffering shapes you
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Loaves. Made of meat.

Caught The Secret Life of Walter Mitty


After over a week of work, finally finished re-grouting and re-caulking the bathroom; this while juggling two important clients, getting the book settled, and my usual fun and games.

In the end, it was worth it as I have a nice sparkling bathroom now equipped with a brand new water softener system. And the wife made me meatloaf from America’s Test Kitchen, which is amazingly good.

Me: Man, my back is killing me. What do I get in return for all this labor?
Her: Loaves. Made of meat.
Me: OK, that’s fair.

Speaking of the book, I just found out it’s available for pre-order on iTunes. You can even download the first 25% of it now. Pretty exciting – at least for me.

We had to pick up supplies for another project so she headed down to Columbus Circle at 7AM on Saturday to pick it up.

When she got back, we realize they gave her the wrong stuff so we both had to go down there to sort it out.

Her: Are you mad (at them)?
Me: Furious. I don’t understand how businesses can survive being so incompetent.

As for my business, because a good chunk of what I earn is project-oriented, four times a year I have to write ginormous checks to the government to pay my taxes. Coupled with the new project, ended up writing a whole bunch of huge checks this weekend.

Me: So, we’re poor again.
Her: But happy!

Did manage to catch The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, which we loved. Definitely worth the ticket price.

All-in-all, happy, indeed.

Location: finishing one thing, starting another
Mood: anxious
Music: The dragonfly it ran away, but it came back with a story to say
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2014’s barely begun

Already back to the grind

Found out that the woman that got injured in the last entry is back from the hospital. Gonna stop by her apartment building to ask the people there how’s she’s doing.

Evidently, she had her skull cracked open (!) so I don’t know if she’s going to need physical therapy or what.

That’s the thing about life, horrible things just suddenly happen while you’re minding your own business. It’s a scary thought that your life can change so quickly and so suddenly.

———–

Her: (pointing to my hand) What is that?
Me: It’s that gross Chai tea. I don’t want it to go to waste so I’m just gonna drink…
Her: (slapping teabag from my hand, lands on the floor)

This was our sixth New Year’s together.

Our first new year’s was a whole production with dinner out and such. This last one, we were in bed by 11 and watching the ball drop on the tube by our lonesome.

I suppose that’s how it is; after a while, just being comfortable with your favourite person beats everything else.

Finally wrapped up a set of client-related work so I decided to spend the new year downtime re-grouting, re-caulking, and re-painting our bathroom, assembling a headboard, and fixing up the blog – you like the new look?

And then those same clients called me back for a slate of new work.

So the past week has been insanely hectic. I’m covered in grout dust and paint while running into the office and/or in front of my laptop working on these huge projects, one of which is in the papers.

In between, I’m wrapping up a book I wrote called A Great First Date, which is all about how to go on a first date in this postmodern social media/texting/Tinder world.

It’s out on Valentine’s Day this year so I’ll let you know more about it when we get closer. Sign up for updates above in “Subscribe for Notifications” for more details

I’d tell you more, but I’m off to wrassle for my New Year’s resolution.

So many projects and so few lunch hours and coffee breaks in which to do them.

Location: at the end of a project, ready for another
Mood: crazy busy, yo
Music: Dying is easy It’s living that scares me to death
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Hoping we don’t go back to the good old days

Anyone missing the old NYC didn’t live in the old NYC

Me: Do you want me to slice that for you?
Her: Why?
Me: Cutting bagels are the among the most dangerous household activities.
Her: (getting knife) You’re the clumsiest person I know.
Me: This is true.

Finished up a slate of projects for a client recently and immediately got more work in. There’s no real happy balance with my type of work, it’s either feast or famine.

The professor was in town but we each only had an hour or so, so we caught up in basement of Grand Central.

Me: Y’know, I have no childhood reference for this place. I figured if I came here back then, I’d get shanked.
Him: Yeah.

The people that dream of the good old days of NYC never had to live here back then. I have the feeling they’re the same people that like to rubberneck at car wrecks or watch nature shows when the impala gets killed by the lioness.

Great entertainment if you’re the lioness or the one in a safe car. Not so much if you’re the impala.

Running down my list of friends who were born and raised here, the professor is in Pittsburgh, another buddy is in Hawaii, another one in Cali, another one in Connecticut.

The City takes its toll on you over a lifetime.

I bring this up because I was concerned about our new mayor. The last time we had a mayor like him, the city was a cesspool.

But his recent choice of our old Chief Bratton has allayed my fears, somewhat. Only somewhat.

For me, I can only wait.

Because there really isn’t anywhere like New York.

 

Location: in front of all these computer screens
Mood: tired
Music: I know, I know, I know you ain’t the one to play the game.
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It’s not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.

What’s the Point?

Him: What’s the point? You’re 40, when are you ever gonna get into a fight, let alone a sword fight?
Me: Why do you play the guitar? You’re never gonna be in a band.

Spent most of the holiday weekend traveling around the city – Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island – and New Jersey as I did work, saw my rents, and the wife’s family as well. Exhausting.

Was debating going to the gym last week because my leg was killing me but I ended up going, knowing I’d be eating my weight in complex carbohydrates.

While I was there, a buddy, who forgot my leg was injured, was goofing around and kicked my knee. I went down like a sack of bricks. Still not a 100% now so I’m using it as an opportunity to catch up on some work and my social media.

Speakinga which, I’m genuinely amused by people that are so critical of the whole Black Friday shopping frenzies.

The way I look at it, everyone’s got a thing. Something that makes no sense to anyone else, but matters to them.

One guy whom I’m friends with, wakes up at the crack of dawn to hit the gym, goes to work, goes to the gym again, and lives to punch someone in the face or get punched in the face. To anyone else not in the life, this probably seems crazy. “What’s the point?”

To him, there’s a point.

Yet he had this whole rant as to people waking up at the crack of dawn to get a good deal on a television, essentially saying, “What’s the point?”

I remember my parents waiting in line for a 13″ black and white TV for me years ago. It was my favorite possession as a child. It made me feel less poor.

For all I know, that’s why these people braved the cold and the sneers. What does he know? For that matter, what do I? And who really cares what people hang meaning upon?

There’s a hypocrisy with people that point out the inane in someone else’s life while not realizing it in their own.

I know it’s a bit ridiculous that I spend so much time either rolling around the floor or whacking someone with a blunt object. Yet to me it has meaning.

And look, I think it’s nuts that someone would want to risk life and limb to try to get a cheap toaster. But I’m not them. And they probably think it’s nuts that I spend so much time icing my leg because I can’t accept I’m 40.

Sir Edmund Hillary, the fella that climbed Mount Everest, once noted that, It’s not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.

Personally, that someone has a goal – however silly I might personally find it – is a laudable thing in and of itself. It’s better to have some passion for something than live life as if in a haze. Even if no one else understands it.

Me: Spent Friday upgrading the two computers. I installed about 40 updates and a wireless 802.11n card into the living room MCE. We can stream full HD wirelessly.
Her: That’s nice.
Me: FULL WIRELESS HD! Not 720 like a chump. 1080p!
Her: …
Me: Clearly, you’re not affording this the attention it deserves.

Location: icing my leg at home
Mood: amused
Music: I have to climb Up on the side of this mountain of mine
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A Trip to the New York Historical Society

Paying a Personal Space Fee

Me: Do you want to go to the New York Historical Society today?
Her: Sure.

I’ve lived in my neighborhood for almost two decades and, despite the museum being only a few blocks south of me, never went. Tickets were $18 a person, which for a museum, is a bit much. But there’s a benefit to it.

Me: Man, there’s no one here. It’s like we own the joint.
Her: This is great.

That’s the thing about NYC, no matter what you do or where you go, there’s always someone talking next to you, bumping into you, eating something, something.

I’m always surprised when I hear that the murder rate’s going down and not up.

Said it years ago; personal space in NYC is next to nuthin. But at this museum, there were times we didn’t even see another person.

If anything, the admission price was a personal space fee.

And the elevator was bigger than our kitchen.

As for the exhibits, they had lots of knickknacks from NYC excavations, which were admittedly cool. But, I did expect to see more pictures of old NY.

Her: Look down there.
Me: (looking) Hey, a bottle of rum!

There was an exhibit with a Picasso sculpture, and some works by Matisse and Monet as well. Pretty varied.

Afterward, we did our traditional meal of a slice of pizza and diet coke.

Not a bad way to spend a weekend.

Location: home working on my book
Mood: ambitious
Music: Wouldn’t you love to love her?
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Personal Goals

It gets harder getting things done

Me: Our sense of accomplishment changes as we get older. In fact I hit a personal goal this past weekend.
Him: Oh, what was that?
Me: No one called me. It was great to be left to my own devices.
Him: I know what you mean.

Was out in Staten Island yesterday. Sat in traffic for a good part of it. There, I met up with a fella that I’m mentoring for one of the things I do in life.

We both agreed that it gets harder and harder to fight the inertia as you get older.

David Allen, who wrote Getting Things Done, said that, “You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”

And that’s the problem: I wanna do everything. There are all these projects that I have in my head and I’m loathe to give up any of them.

I’d like to fix up my laughably bad German and my crappy Chinese, write more, wrestle more, fence more, cook more, etc. And yet, I have to constantly pick and choose.

Every day we’re given 24 hours to spend and I always find and I’m a day late and an hour short.

For the most part, I’ve cut out television – which has been huge – except for the news in the morning and the occasional Jeopardy contest with the wife.

For the most part.

Me: Do you think that a larger television would make our lives more fulfilling?
Her: No.
Me: OK, think about it for a bit and get back to me.

Location: my desk, still icing my damn leg
Mood: creative
Music: never one to be late, complain, express ideas in her brain
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A walk with David and Goliath

Reading Malcolm Gladwell’s David and Goliath

Me: I took an online health quiz and it says my real age is 20.
Her: 20? That seems too young.
Me: I work out 1.5 hours a day!
Her: Ok, but were there any questions about how many hot dogs or pieces of fried chicken you eat?

My wife and I went out for a walk this past weekend. Stopped by the local bookstore and picked up Malcolm Gladwell’s David and Goliath.

I’m only about seven chapters in, but like all his other books, the writing is snappy and subject matter is interesting. The basic premise is that the things that we think of as disadvantages may work out to be advantages and vice versa. But only time can show which is which.

This is a recurring theme in this blog as I think it’s all about growing into one’s self.

There’s this place in the Indian Ocean called the Desolation Islands that has an odd feature about the insects there: they don’t have wings and the particular species of insects are supposed to.

What the scientists have figured out is that the winds there are so strong that the ones that had wings were blown off centuries ago, leaving only the ones without wings.

Dunno if Gladwell mentions this in his book but it fits into his basic theme.

In my case, my childhood disadvantages – my astounding nerdy-ness and weight as a child – have helped me greatly as an adult.

With this in mind, I’m sure my constant eating of fried chicken will be an advantage in some capacity someday, if it hasn’t already.

Wrestling buddy: Oooooph, jeez how much do you weigh?!
Me: 170. Mostly as a one inch layer of fat distributed evenly throughout my body.
Him: I can’t breathe.

I’m actually writing another book myself called, A Great First Date that I’m hoping to be done with in a month of so.

I’ll tell you more about it as I wrap it up.

Location: my desk, icing my leg
Mood: injured
Music: The better things I have to say will fall to you
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PieFace and the Philippines

The lazy man’s way to help the Philippines

I was out the other night attending a seminar that my buddy was giving about internet marketing.

Went there mostly to support him but ended up learning a great deal about it. It’s always interesting when you see another side to people that you know.

Afterward, was heading home when I saw the Pieface food chain across the street and picked up some pies. Meat pies are something I would think would be a huge hit here and yet it’s not. They were so @#$@#$@# good.

Now I want another one. Pie. Made of meat. Brilliant.

The wife thought it was a pleasant surprise, which is also good because I tend to bring home things that are usually not so.

Her: If you’re going out, can you pick up paper towels?
Me: Paper towels, got it. (leave, come back)
Her: (looking into bag) So, by paper towels you thought I meant a bag of Doritos and a bag of Cheetos?
Me: Dammit!

On a more serious note, I present another very easy, lazy way to help the world – in this case the Philippines.

I just sent a few bucks to the Philippines Red Cross via PayPal and it took about two minutes here.

$5 would help greatly and is about the cost of a nice cuppa joe. $5 and two minutes a small price to pay to help save the world, I think.

Location: my safe home
Mood: concerned
Music: Crossed the sea to find a brother
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Birthday party at Formerly Crows

And the difference between Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day

It’s Veteran’s Day. Wrote something for Memorial Day a few years back that I think is still apropos.

In case you ever wondered, the difference between the two – Veteran’s and Memorial Day – is that the former is for the ones that made it back home; the latter is for those that didn’t.

Thanks to both groups.

The guy I wrassle with the most turned 40 this past weekend so I went to his birthday party at an old speakeasy called Formerly Crows.

Him: Hey, you came!
Me: Thought I’d come and help raise the average age of the joint.

A number of people from my gym were there and it was interesting to see them in regular clothes, since we usually just see each other in sweats and the like.

Whereas mixed drinks are normally about $11-14 in the city, the place had some reasonably price fare or about $8 or so, although no good rum to speak of, again. The problem with non-aged rum is that it has to be mixed and I just don’t like all that sugar.

So I’ve been drinking more Vodka sodas lately.

Her: (introducing me to someone) This is Logan, he’s hilarious!
Me: Well, now you’ve gone and set the bar too high. Let’s discuss the new healthcare law.

Coincidentally, the bday boy’s brother was an old friend of mine as well and he showed up after a bit, so we caught up.

About five vodka sodas later, decided I’d had my fill and headed for the door.

Walking to the subway, saw a guy pull a fresh pizza pie out of the oven. Figured I need something besides vodka in my belly.

Made it home with a belly fulla vodka, soda, and pizza. Then spent the rest of the night trying to fall asleep.

So that was typical.

Location: my peaceful apartment
Mood: finished
Music: I’m a full grown man And I’m not afraid to
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