Tag: good things

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personal

Hurt you so badly

Better off now

After the night out with the Firecracker and her friend, neither of us could make it to the Frenchman’s karaoke thingy the next day.

Me: (next morning) I think I’m still drunk.
Her: I need a Tylenol.
Me: Why are we even awake?!

But we were scheduled to meet up with her sister and her sister’s fella, both of whom lived across the street from her.

We ended up meeting up at a bar for an afternoon drink, not too far from the tiki bar we were the night before.

The Firecracker and I each got a rum and diet coke – plus wings for me – while they got beers and a huge pretzel for their kid, which made me think of Germany.

Her sister and fella were super cool and grabbed the bill, which was super nice of them.

Afterward, I was hungry for more wings, so we spent a solid 45 minutes walking around the hood looking for more wings, which I ultimately found.

A young couple were arguing – well, the fella was being yelled at by his girl – and the girl asked me what I thought.

Her: (turning to me) What do you think?! Am I right or is he?
Me: I’m just trying to get some wings here, lady…
Her: No, no, no, is he right or am I?
Me: (shaking head) I can’t say. I can say that communication isn’t what you’re saying but what he’s hearing. And he – and everyone else here – is just hearing you yell at him, kid.

There’s a lot more to this story but I’ll end it here.

The next day, I went out to NJ to get the boy from my in-laws.

MIL: We’re having pasta, salad, and garlic bread.
Me: I’m not saying no to any of that.

He went out with his guitar to practice and bringing it back was a bit of a pain, but worth it because he had plenty of time to practice.

As you might imagine, the Firecracker and I chat quite a bit now.

I find it odd because the weird commonality of the women I met after Alison have all had very sad stories to tell.

Wonder if it’s something about me that either attracts people with sad stories or perhaps they feel safe because I have my own – obscenely – sad stories.

Perhaps it’s a bit of both.

Me: I’m sorry.
Her: Nothing to be sorry about. I’m better off now.
Me: (shaking head) I’m sorry the world hurt you so badly, Firecracker.
Her: (nodding) I’m sorry the world hurt you so badly, Lo.
Me: Yeah…

Location: this afternoon, Blue Bottle with the pastor, disagreeing about cruising
Mood: contemplative
Music: this should be a crime and I’m ready to do the time (Spotify)
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personal

Seaport, Chinatown, Little Italy

Last three decades

Her: Totes
Me: Is that what the kids say these days?
Her; No, it’s what I say. (thinking) Although, technically I’m a kid. Especially compared to you. (pause) Because you’re so old, Lo.
Me: Thanks for clarifying that last part.
Her: (cheerily) Any time, Logan Lo!

The Firecracker had a day off the other day so I took a mental health day for myself and we headed down to the seaport to walk around.

Just being out and walking around was nice. I felt closer to normal than I’d felt in a long time.

It didn’t take long for us to make it down to the Seaport.

The last time I went was with RE Mike, not that long ago, so I gave her a mini-tour – she’d been there before but not all the spots.

They had an ice skating rink out that looked fun. Maybe I’ll bring the kid, now that he’s no longer a complete neophyte.

We pretty much had the observation area on top all to ourselves.

The weather was full-on gorgeous.

And because the weather was so nice, we decided to walk the 3/4 mile from there to Chinatown.

She actually had clients in the area so she spent as much time telling me about things there as I did her.

Me: Have you ever had Vietnamese food?
Her: Nope, but I’m down to try.

We walked over to my usual joint for Vietnamese grub but they were closed so I ended up bringing her to one of the Pho Bangs in the area, because those are pretty consistently good.

I ordered my usual faves, including a Vietnamese coffee, some pho, some bun, and a banh mi.

Her: That’s a lotta food.
Me: I eat a lot. You’ll have to get used to that.

Only managed to take one pic because I was so hungry.

After we devoured alla that food – we were both pretty famished – we strolled around the area.

I showed her Rain’s old pad…

Me: I cannot tell you how much of my 20s and 30s I spent here.
Her: That’s cool that you have these stories.

…as well as the old NYC Police Headquarters…

Her: That’s gorgeous!
Me: Yeah, they’re all apartments now.

…and Little Italy before finally heading back home.

Heading to our subway station, we ended up walking past Gio’s old pad and I remembered all those late nights I used to have.

All-in-all, it was nice way to spend a beautiful day.

For the most part…

Me: (thinking) 1993?
Her: (thinking) I was in Ms. Ingram’s third grade class when you graduated college.
Me: Well, I feel dirty.
Her: Yup.

Location: this morning, skyping with the kid at my desk and explaining why I had board games out
Mood: hungry, like always
Music: it’s fine by me if you never leave (Spotify)
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personal

What you got till it’s gone

Last three decades

Meant to put up a video of the kid doing a takedown in BJJ in my last entry but I didn’t have the video edited for that so here it is now:

In any case, after the party, we hightailed it to New Jersey to see the in-laws – my MIL ended up making meatloaf and she and I ended up chatting about the time that Alison and she both made the ATK meatloaf.

Her: That one turned out really well.
Me: After all these years, I still remember it.

Sorry. I get lost in my head and my memories sometimes.

Left that night to get home and get some work done. On the way home, I heard someone call out my name.

It turned out to be the ABFF’s sister, who just happened to be heading back into the city on the exact same train as me.

Honestly dunno how I keep running into people that either know me IRL or via Scenic Fights.

NYC is really a small town sometimes.

One of the things I had to do here while the boy’s away is check out apartments.

Essentially, I never seriously thought about moving – at least not without Alison – in the past but with this massive real estate tax rise, I have to figure out my other options.

This is one of the reasons that the Firecracker and I went to that open house the other day.

Although, honestly, checking out other pads makes me realize how much I like my own pad.

It’s like that old Joni Mitchell song: Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone?

And I’m worried that I might have to leave the only home I’ve ever known for the past three decades.

Man, that blows my mind.

Location: this afternoon, my apartment, happy that I don’t have to go to Detroit tonight
Mood: concerned
Music: I don’t wanna give it, why you wanna give it? (Spotify)
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personal

Getting up

Skating at Chelsea Piers

The boy’s away all week for his mid-winter break so that gives me time to work and work on things that I need to focus on.

Before I dropped him off, though, we had a lotta activities together.

One thing is that he’s been enjoying his BJJ classes more after I essentially forced him to spar. Initially, he didn’t wanna do it.

Him: I’m just gonna lose. They’re better than me.
Me: I, honestly, don’t care if you win or lose. I care if you try or not. It goes like this: (1) I need you to try, (2) If you fail, you have to try again, and (3) if you win, that’s great, but 1 and 2 are much more important.
Him: So, you don’t care if I lose?
Me: (shaking head) I care if you give up before you even start. Winning is great, but trying – that’s what’s important to papa.

So, after his very first roll – which he won – he’s been loving the sparring aspect to it. That’s been wonderful.

Afterward, the Firecracker and her son came by for a pizza playdate; she actually brought stuff for the kids to make pizza and they participated in some culinary arts.

Her: I dated a guy for nine months, and he never met my son.
Me: Why not?
Her: (shrugging) I guess I didn’t think he was my guy.
Me: Works for me.

Let’s be honest, the kids could work on their symmetry and pizza-making skills BUT, I suppose that’s not the point of the whole exercise.

They left late, and both kids wanted to hang out longer but it was waaay past everyone’s bedtimes, including my own.

Me: So, what did you think of them?
The boy: They’re nice. More than nice. I like them.
Me: Good, maybe we’ll do that again.

In hindsight, pizza was probably not the best idea, because the very next day, we went to a pizza party for one of the kid’s friends around the way.

Do you remember when I told you that the kid was playing with this one girl for a while and that girl told him that she didn’t want to play with him anymore so he just turned around and met another girl named Sandy?

Well, some two years later, Sandy and the kid are still friends and she just turned 8 the other day and invited us to Chelsea Piers to do some ice skating.

Here’s the thing: The kid’s never been ice skating before. So, Sandy and her family essentially invited us to experience the kid’s very first time ice skating.

For some reason, I found that both sweet and fascinating – it’s so interesting to me that I get to experience another human being experiencing something for the first time.

In any case, he was literally falling down for the entire hour. But, goddamn if that kid didn’t smile, struggle to his feet, and try again.

Honestly, I was so proud of this kid. He didn’t cry once.

I do admit I laughed a lot more than I should, but he was so unsinkable, I didn’t feel awful about myself.

Me: So, what did you think of ice skating?
Him: I liked it! (thinking) But I wasn’t very good at it.
Me: (shaking head) That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you tried, and you kept getting up even though you kept falling. Are you proud of yourself?
Him: Yes!
Me: I am too.

Afterward, I spoke to Sandy’s dad…

Me: you asked me to drink the wine so you wouldn’t have to take it home. I just wanna say, I did as you asked.
Him: (laughing) Did you really?
Me: I did. Because I’m a good friend, that’s why. I do as asked.

…as well as her mom…

Her: You know, I’m still reading your blog.
Me: That’s great!
Her: So…how’s the Firecracker?
Me: (laughs)

Location: earlier this evening, a tiki bar with a pretty girl, two chicken sandwiches, and a pina colada with an umbrella in it.
Mood: magical
Music: Got a ticket for a world where we belong (Spotify)
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personal

Valentine’s Day 2023

Sneak peeks

Don’t think I’ve had a proper Valentine’s Day in years.

Not that I’ve not wanted to. It’s just that it’s not something you can do on your own.

Like I said, I’ve been trying to do things differently these days. After all, if you keep doing what you do, you keep getting what you get.

Me: You free to do something [next week]?
Her: A chance to spend time with Logan Lo? Yes, please.
Me: (laughing) Great. I’ve got a few things in mind.

Had my sitter watch the kid and had the Firecraker meet me outside of my pad.

While it’s great that the boy seems to be fine with her, I do want to try and manage how often he sees her because everything is so new.

Having said that, I brought her to a private sneak peek of a building that was just gut renovated a couplea blocks from my pad.

As soon as we walked in, someone took our coats, and within a few minutes…

Him: Chardonnay?
Me: That would be lovely – thank you very much.

She’d never been to anything like this so I showed her around a bit but she got the hang of it pretty early and was soon off doing her own thing, checking things out.

Should mention that the bathrooms at this place were nicer than my entire apartment.

Her: This shower is bigger than most rooms.
Me: We should get a place like this.
Her: Let’s do it!

In any case, I put on my old personality and started making friends.

Me: Do you have a card?
Him: (fumbling) No, I…
Me: (reaching in my jacket pocket) No worries, take one of mine. Logan. And you are…?

The Firecracker wanted to stay longer than I did, because it was all so new and fun.

But we had dinner plans.

Me: Sushi’s still good?
Her: You put that in my head, so, yes, I’m definitely up for some sushi.

I’m still trying to understand how much she eats. I’m used to eating a ton so I ordered waaaaaay too much sushi. She had a normal human’s portion while I…did not.

Her: I’m so stuffed.
Me: I’M so stuffed. That says a lot.

We actually got each other things for Valentine’s Day. What I got for her is for her and we’ll leave it that.

Me: I always slant practical versus romantic. It’s just my nature.
Her: No, these are awesome, thank you!

She, in turn, handed me a heart-shaped box. I gotta admit, I was a bit disappointed when I saw it because I don’t eat sweets. At least, not normal sweets that I don’t bake myself.

Her: It’s not what you think it is. Open it.

And I did and saw that she bought me a heart-shaped box of…dried meat products.

Her: I know you don’t eat carbs so…
Me: Holy shitballs, this is awesome!
Her: You like it?
Me: It’s perfect. Thank you.

Afterward, because she didn’t live too far from the restaurant I walked her home.

Me: Did you have a nice night?
Her: I had you, a nice event, and a great dinner. So, yes.
Me: (laughing) Good. I did as well.
Her: This wouldn’t be a bad life, Logan Lo.
Me: No, Firecracker. Not at all.

Location: this afternoon, watching the boy hit a takedown and get mount on the UWS
Mood: impressed
Music: you and me, we’re not friends (Spotify)
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personal

I certainly think so

A Superbowl party

The NFL player invited me over to his pad for a Super Bowl party.

Me: Can I bring two dates? One you’ve met – he’s in grammar school and likes to sing – the other is a young blonde I’ve been seeing lately. Not sure if she’s free but I’ll ask?
Him: Sure – I hope she is smoking!
Me: Well, I certainly think so.

Like I said, it’s nice to be social and have company. Honestly, it’s nice having someone to (finally) invite to come with me to alla these things I get invited to all the time – and I literally get 2-4 invites to something every week, despite being so clumsy.

Still, it’s been years since I’ve been able to just add someone to a guest list so it does take a little getting used to.

She was great though, although my son was slightly confused…

Him: Wait, [the Firecracker]’s coming?
Me: Yep.
Him: (shrugs) OK.

…but not terribly so.

He really does roll with the punches very well, I gotta say.

Since everyone lived local, we got there a bit early and had the gorgeous food spread all to ourselves.

Me: Should we wait until the other guests arrive?
Housekeeper: No – eat, eat.
Me: (sitting down) No need to tell me twice, lady.

The Firecracker had never been in this building, although she’d seen it and walked by it a few times.

Me: I think Bono and Steve Martin also live here.
Her: No kidding!
Me:  Maybe we’ll run into one of them?

Everyone was just great, and the night was a lotta fun – although the kid was mainly just interested in the food and his tablet.

Him: Can I have dessert?
Me: ONE thing.
Him: Yay! I want the football cookie.

The Firecracker had to leave early because she had another event to go to, and then the kid and I had to leave because he had school the next day.

Me: Did you have a good time?
Him: Yes. I like [the Firecracker and the NFL Player].
Me: Good. Maybe we’ll keep them around for a bit.

Location: this morning, a cherry red Tesla on Broadway just off 72nd Street
Mood: surprised
Music: Trouble and worry, I’m gonna leave behind. I’m coming back – Lord, it’s been a while (Spotify)
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The 90s-Themed Party

Dinner with my college friends

Her: Logan! (shakes head, sighs) What’s the opposite of a cougar?
Me: I dunno.
Her: Logan Lo…

It’s been super busy lately, sorry for the lack of updates.

I suppose the two things that are taking up the most of my time are: the tax increase (boo!) and the Firecracker (yay!).

I’ve not been social with too many of my old friends for reasons I’ve told you about before, but lately, that’s been changing.

For example, I’ve always wanted to introduce someone to my college friends but either no one I was dating reached that level of comfort or the people that did wouldn’t have appreciated it or them.

The last person I introduced my college friends to was Alison and that was over a decade ago.

But my friends were celebrating two of our groups birthdays and I asked if the Firecracker wanted to come along.

Me: The thing is, there might be a theme.
Her: What’s the theme?
Me: The 90s.
Her: I love it! We gotta do it.

So, we got dressed up and headed downtown to Kimika to meet everyone.

Honestly, one of the best things about her is her positivity. I didn’t realize how much negativity I’d been harbouring in my life for the past few years.

She loved Clueless as a kid so dressed somewhat similarly to Cher/Alicia Silverstone while I channeled my inner Will Ferrel from Night at the Roxbury, combined with the Rock from the 90s.

The fella over my shoulder’s Gar, whose home I went to over the summer to swim.

It was a ton of fun. The food was ridic good and I cannot tell you how many bottles of wines and glasses of rum I went through.

Although, I should comment that we were all talking about us all getting older and I had a glass of red wine in my hand and I literally snapped it in half for some inexplicable reason.

Table: LOGAN! What happened?
Her: Did you just snap that in half?
Me: Yes?
Her: Why did you do that?
Me: I didn’t do it intentionally!

I really didn’t. Suppose I’m really, really not mentally ready to turn 50.

That woulda been the end of that…had I not spilled another glass of water a few minutes later.

Table: (groans)
Me: (to Firecracker) This may explain why I don’t get invited out a lot.

For some reason, they didn’t tell me to leave. In fact, they invited us out to drinks afterward at another friend’s bar, Ms. Yoo.

Along the way, I ended up chatting with Gar’s wife, Wynn.

Her: So, I’m just watching some things on YouTube and you know what shows up?
Me: No idea.
Her: You! I get this suggested video from Scenic Fights and there’s your face!
Me: Sweeeeeeet. You’re welcome.

The bar was pretty packed with people but it was still great.

LT: Here are some cards for comped drinks.
Me: Thanks! I promise to try and not spill anything.

I really am ridic clumsy.

One of the girls there knew my cousin Ras and we commented (a) how young everyone looked and (b) how small the world was.

By that point, it was late so the Firecracker and I broke out and headed back home.

Her: Your friends are nice.
Me: I like to think so. Did you have a nice night?
Her: (nods) Yeah, I did.

 

Location: running into another kalista in a playground on the UWS
Mood: flirty
Music: Dreams are hopeless aspirations in hopes of comin’ true (Spotify)
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dating personal

All in

Being at a loss for words

The Firecracker had a happy hour with her co-workers the other day and invited me to come along.

I was flattered that she wanted me to meet them. The last time anyone introduced me to their coworkers in a social setting was years ago, although I did stop by an office here and there.

Unfortunately, I’d gotten hit with a MASSIVE hike in my monthly real estate taxes, which threw me and alla my plans for a loop.

Honestly, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you how much more I’m paying per month to live in the same damn place I’ve been in for years.

In any case, I’m never late for these kinda things but, because I was juggling a buncha things related to this unexpected new bill, I was 15 minutes late.

Felt awful about that. The Firecracker and her coworkers were all seated in a nearly empty bar when I arrived.

Me: (breathlessly) So sorry I’m late. What’s the topic of discussion besides my tardiness?
Co-Worker1: We were talking about Greece and olives.
Me: (taking a seat) Lovely! Do you remember back when there was that whole pink slime nonsense where people were up-in-arms over putting lye in meat? I told several people that, historically, olives cannot be consumed without soaking them in lye first. They didn’t believe me but thank goodness for Google.

It was all pretty fun after that.

Me: Sorry I have to drink and run. Single parenting and alla that. (reach for my wallet)
Her Boss: (waving his hand) It’s on me, really.
Me: Dammit, I shoulda ordered more expensive stuff.

Because we both had to pick up our kids, and we lived in the same hood, we left together.

Her: (walking outside with me) OMG, you really are good in social settings.
Me: Like I said, you can bring me anywhere, anytime, and cut me loose. I’ll make friends. I have zero social anxiety.
Her: Seriously!

During the happy hour, I felt like the Firecracker was proud that she was sitting there with me. She was legit bragging about me, which was something that’s not happened to me in ages.

In fact, I’ve been a shady secret for so many people for a long time, for reasons that I understand – and I myself often caused.

Gotta say, it was refreshing to be the opposite of a shady secret. She was saying, This is my fella.

On that note, even though we were super early in whatever this thing was/is between us, we chatted about what we were hoping for and doing.

The details of that talk are kinda private and somewhat irrelevant.

But when it comes to dating – at least in modern America – there’re really only three choices:

      1. Roll the dice and leave someone that’s great to keep searching for your person, who – hopefully – exists.
      2. Cash out and give up. Thank god for Netflix and the gym.
      3. Cards down, all in, and hope for the best.

It’s been years since I’ve done number three. And that was all heartbreak and mistakes, by everyone involved.

Which is why I bounced from number 1 and number 2 for alla this time.

But I’ve said for years that I’m looking for something that I can’t put into words.

And I find myself at a loss for words right now.

Me: So, what now, then? Cards down, all in? Or we rolling the dice again?
Her: (shaking head) No. I told you – I wanna keep you.
Me: What about your rotation?
Her: There’s no more rotation. I cut the last guy loose yesterday. Cards down, I’m all in, Logan Lo.
Me: (nodding) I was hoping you’d say that, Firecracker. All in, then. We’re all in.

Location: this afternoon, near Columbia. Day-drinking
Mood: hopeful
Music: I really wanna leave this party so, how ’bout you start it up? (Spotify)
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personal

More bonus I didn’t want

Having a home cooked meal at home

Me: With every tragedy, you get bonus tragedies.
Her: What are bonus tragedies?
Me: (shaking head) All the other shit that comes with your initial tragedy. Like, I assume after a divorce, there’s all this stupid paperwork you have to do. And you have to move. And you have to explain what happened to people. It’s all bullshit bonus. I’m sorry.

Getting the kid a passport is different for me than most parents. I know this because my sister just got passports for her kids.

Both parents have to sign off on getting a kid a passport so that one parent can’t secretly do it, receive the passport, and abscond with the child.

But when you’re a widower, you have to bring in proof that you’re a widower. Which means that I have to dig up both my marriage license and Alison’s fucking death certificate.

Lemme tell you – because I hope it’s a lifetime before you have to do such a thing – looking for, finding, and then touching something like a death certificate for someone you loved deeply is about emotionally equivalent to touching a hot pan repeatedly.

It’s not gonna kill you but fuck all if it doesn’t hurt like hell.

Like I said, it’s all bullshit bonus for shit you didn’t want in the first place.

Clerk: Here’s his picture! I do this a lot but, wow, your son’s super cute.
Me: Thanks. He…he takes after his mom.

The Firecracker wanted to cook dinner for me the other day, so she stopped by and took over the kitchen.

The last time someone cooked dinner for me in my own apartment was years ago.

Gotta say, it was nice. More than nice.

Me: I was gonna say that I was worried it would be dry since you didn’t brine it, but these came out great. Did you use a thermometer?
Her: (shaking head) No, just practice.

She found this bobby pin in my room and I could tell it bothered her.

Me: It’s definitely old. I have no idea who left it here.
Her: But why is it out?
Me: The kid probably put it there.
Her: But why do you even have it?
Me: (shrugging) I hate throwing things away. It seems wasteful. Just a poor kid’s mentality. (joking) I should really have a lost and found for all the rando jewelry and stuff that people leave here.
Her: (glares)
Me: This is probably a good time for me to stop talking. I should probably shut up. I’ll shut up now. (pause) I don’t know why I’m still talking.
Her: (nodding) Yeah…

If anyone’s looking for my foot, I found it in my mouth.

Her: It’s fine. We’ve only known each other four weeks.
Me: In my defense, you said, “Let’s not give this a name.”
Her: I know what I said, Lo. I’m allowed to change my mind.
Me: (nodding) Yes, yes you are.

Location: running into friends around Staples, asking how they were doing
Mood: pensive
Music: All of my demons keep me wide awake (Spotify)
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personal

Not getting a passport in Queens

Not win-win

It was a pretty insanely cold weekend this past weekend.

6 degrees was the low on both Friday and Saturday with Sunday having a high of 48 degrees, which was all pretty absurd.

Oddly, the gym was bursting at the seams on the coldest day of the week.

Didn’t expect that at all.

Sunday, I found out that my buddy, Grace, was holding a passport registration thingy in Flushing so I decided to (a) support her and (b) take care of getting the kid a passport.

Figured it’d be win-win. I was wrong.

First of all, the 7 train, which we use to get out there, wasn’t running so we had to transfer a few times to get to where it was.

Then when we showed up, the line was around the block. Literally.

We stood there for a solid hour.

The kid tried to entertain himself as best he could.

Ultimately, it didn’t move so we ended up just bailing.

I’m seeing my college friends this weekend for a 90s-themed dinner, so I decided to get a cheap haircut while we were in Flushing and also see my fam.

The kid was a riot over at the hair salon – the following was all in my crappy Chinese.

Her: He said, “thank you,” in Chinese!
Me: That’s about all he can say.
Her: It’s a start. Can I give him a piece of candy?
Me: Sure! He’ll love that.
Her: It’s doesn’t matter what kind of kid it is, they all love sweets, don’t they?
Me: Looks that way. But he does like to eat.

Afterward, I went to see my mom and sister.

They both cooked and I ate until I was beyond stuffed.

Like I said, feel I should see my family more.

I had the saddest thought recently, that there’ll come a time when I’ll wanna see my mom and I won’t be able to.

Shit, just writing that hurt my heart.

Me: Thanks for dinner, mom! (pause) I love you.
Her: You’re welcome! And I love you too!

Think my sister may be the only person that regularly bakes more than me for his/her kids.

Like me, she bakes high fiber, low-carb, delicious things. Tonight was a chocolate swirl cheesecake that was killer.

When I went for my second slice, we had the following exchange:

Her: Hey, do you want some tea?
Me: Do I!
Her: Decaf?
Me: Great!
Her: Heavy cream ok?
Me: Yes, please.
Her: Here you go. (hands me cup, sits down) So…tell me about the Firecracker.
Me: (laughs)

Location: this afternoon, showing the kid where I grew up
Mood: thoughtful
Music: If it’s alright, I’d like to stay (Spotify)
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