Tag: nightlife

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Old lions

Parenting’s hard

Before I went out with RE Mike, I picked up the kid from school and he wasn’t his usual indefatigably happy self because of his black eye.

Him: Some of the kids were making fun of me. (sadly) They called me hamburger face. I didn’t like that. I asked them to stop but they didn’t. (sighs)
Me: You can’t control what other kids do or say, but you can control how you react to these things. Do you know their names?
Him: No.
Me: People that you don’t know that are mean shouldn’t matter to you. Don’t care so much about people and things that don’t matter. Now, go play.
Her: (woman overhearing my conversation after he ran off) That was really good advice.
Me: Thanks. Parenting’s hard, isn’t it?
Her (nodding) So hard.

If you don’t have a kid, it’s difficult to explain how much it wears on a parent to have a sad kid; and this kid is rarely sad.

But when he is, I’m bummed all day.

While I was out with RE Mike, I mentioned the fact that I studied weapons fighting for just about as long as we’ve known each other.

He was totally shocked because I never once mentioned it.

It’s funny, people think that because I have a blog, my life’s an open book. In many ways, it is. But I also keep a lotta secrets.

There’s so much of my life I’ve not told you and I don’t think you’d believe if I told you anywho.

After all, some secrets are (quite) good and some are (quite) bad, but all are special things.

The next morning, he texted me the following – the link is to Scenic Fights:

Anywho, after I picked the boy up late from RE Mike’s pad, we took the long walk to the west side to grab the train home.

Him: I’m scared.
Me: Why?
Him: It’s so dark and people are so loud.
Me: It’s fine, you’re with me and I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you.
Him: You’re not scared?
Me: Everyone’s scared sometimes. But I’m not right now. Because these people are all like sheep, or – at most – like wolves, and papa’s neither.
Him: What are you then?
Me: (laughing) Uncle Pac thinks papa’s an old lion. That sounds about right. And lions – even old ones – aren’t afraid of sheep or wolves.

Although, to be fair, I’m like a weird old lion…

Location: West 77th and Columbus on a conference call trying to sound cavalier
Mood: parental
Music: devil’s on my shoulder stirring up trouble (Spotify)
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Two unexpected silent dance parties

He’s in second grade

Think I’ve been to one silent dance party – where people dancing wear headphones to music by a DJ, but spectators generally don’t – in my life up until about a week ago.

Then I went to two within a week or so.

The first was when I went to the biergarten last week, which I didn’t know would be happening but my buddy Katrina did…

…and the second with another friend when we went to get burgers and beers around the way…

…and we ended up staying so long that it became yet another outdoor silent dance party – again, I didn’t know that this would be happening at all.

Or, rather, the food took so long that the whole thing became yet another outdoor silent dance party.

Think that’s the coolest thing about living in New York City, though; you can go out for one activity (dinner/drinks) and end up in a completely different activity (dancing/singing) with zero effort.

Check that: The weirdest/coolest thing about the night was that this fella walked up to me and asked, Excuse me, do you have a YouTube channel?

It was actually the second guy in two days to recognize me. I’ll tell you about the first one later.

Pretty flattering, I gotta say.

Her: (after) I think his friends were encouraging him to talk to you.
Me: That’s so funny.
Her: You’re a celebrity!
Me: (laughing) A D-list YouTube celebrity, but yes.

I’ve got a buncha smart devices all over our pad and, when the boy’s here, he generally wakes me up by saying, Papa, good morning! It’s time to wake up.

Well, one day when he was away, I woke up to that same sentence. (!?)

For a moment, I wonder if I’d somehow forgotten that I’d picked him up and leapt out of bed to see if he was in his room. He wasn’t.

It turns out that he figured out how to log into the family account on his tablet and made an announcement. From his grandparents’ home in NJ.

He’s definitely gonna be a handful as he gets older.

In any case, I picked him up for real last week and the pad is noticeably more joyous now.

He just started second grade. Isn’t that a kick in the head?

Him: Papa, good morning! It’s time to wake up.
Me: (groggily) Five more minutes…
Him: That’s what you always say!
Me: Because I always need five more minutes, kid.

Location: this morning, pancake brekkie with my favourite little human
Mood: tired, but oh so happy
Music: You’re my little piece of summertime (Spotify)
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A Bohemian Biergarten Bday

I joke that this is how most people react when I arrive places.

Great skin

The thing about Scenic Fights is that I actually like alla the people involved in its production.

And there are a lotta people involved in it; I think you’d be surprised if you actually saw the entire crew. I suppose that’s why it looks so polished.

In any case, Tom is the main cameraman and he turned 30 this past weekend so, after the gym one night, I went to Astoria to the oldest biergarten in New York to celebrate.

The last one I’d gone to was with my college friends but I actually came to this one with other friends from my gym a while back. This time, I went with my friend, Katrina, from my current gym.

Me: (at the gym) Wait, what on earth is in your bag, lady?!
Her: Broccoli. What?! I needed to get groceries.
Me: OK, you’ll need to stay 10 feet behind me at all times.
Her: Are you serious?
Me: Kinda.

The train took forever to get there so we just chatted. One thing I learned about her is that she has 200,597 unread emails.

Me: How is that even possible?
Her: Well, a lot of them are junk mail and…
Me: (interrupting) Jesus Christ, I don’t even know where to start. First of all…

Getting back to her groceries, once we got to the joint, the guy at the door wouldn’t let us in.

Him: No outside food.
Me: It’s groceries, man.
Him: No outside food.
Me: It’s raw broccoli! Trust me, we’re not gonna be whipping this out to eat in a bar.

He was grumpy but ultimately let us in.

I would totally whip that out and eat it in a bar.

Immediately bumped into Tom’s best friend, who works for Scenic Fights as well, as soon as I walked in.

Me: Which group is ours?
Him: This whole section is ours; all of these tables are for Tom.
Me: Whoa, we own this joint.

I was starving so the first order of business was buying some fries and a kielbasa plus drinks for me and Katrina.

In terms of just the food, this is what $19 will buy you in NYC.

For serious.

For some reason, I was in the mood for a cranberry vodka but she wanted the hard seltzer.

Me: Can I try that?
Her: Sure.
Me: Oh, that’s pretty good. I’ll have that later.

After we had gotten some food into us, we started to relax and socialize.

Tom’s super tall so I always joke for him to not be taller than me. He obliged, as the good friend he is.

Him: Honestly, there are a lot of drawbacks to being tall.
Me: Oh, yes, tell the old, short Chinese man how awful it is to be 30, white, and tall in America.

Also met his girlfriend and another buddy’s wife. After a while, they started offering to set me up with their friends, which I found both funny and flattering.

Girl1: What about her? (shows me her phone)
Me: Super cute. How old is she?
Girl1: 27.
Me: Oh, man…
Girl2: Wait, here’s my best friend. You’d love her.
Me: Also super cute. How old is she?
Girl3: Younger! 26.
Me: Wait, [that’s the wrong direction] how old do you think I am?
Girl2: I dunno. 33?!
Me: (to friend) MARRY THIS GIRL! (to her) You are my favourite person at this table. The rest of you can go pound sand.

Tom’s girlfriend and another girl took my phone because they wanted to give me suggestions on my dating profile.

Me: Anything you don’t like?
Her: Honestly, that’s a really good profile and good picture choices. And you’re lawyer? I thought you were a martial arts teacher.
Me: Ivy-league educated lawyer. And you should see me cook, lady.

Tom sat at another table with some other people, and motioned me over.

Him: Come meet some of your fans, Logan.
Me: Wait, my mom’s here?

The people at the table also thought I was about 33 and when I told them how old I was, two women immediately asked me what my skin care regime was.

Me: I dunno. I stay outta the sun and eat mostly protein, fat, and fiber.
Her: You don’t moisturize?
Me: No. I’m a dude.

Now that I think about it, women that find out my age generally ask me my skin care regime. I should have a better answer.

In any case, Katrina and I stayed out pretty late. There’s a funny(ish) silent dance party video I need to dig up to show you.

Now, I have an app that tells me when the next train is and it turned out that that one was coming in 5 mins and the next one was gonna be 23 minutes later so we made a mad dash for the station.

Me: (running, then stopping) Dammit, I dropped your broccoli. Again, who buys…
Her: (running) NOT NOW, LOGAN! LET’S GO!

It was a fun night and nice group of people. But the kid’s back soon, so I’ll be back to daddy duty this week.

Which is fine, cause I miss him like crazy.

Location: Penn Station, yesterday, off to go get my treasure
Mood: happy
Music: I’m starting to forget all of the ridges of your spine (Spotify)
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Movie Premier Pt 2: Jang Hyuk’s The Killer

Assassins next door

Because I knew that I was going to the film’s East Coast premier, I’d not seen the film before, so I was looking forward to it.

The last time I was in a movie theatre seems like a lifetime ago. I think it was Battle Angel Alita or Avengers: Endgame, both in 2019.

The Killer was part of the 20th Anniversary New York Asian Film Festival, that ran from July 15-31, 2022.

I vaguely remember going to another such festival years ago.

Anywho, like I said in my last entry, I sat next to the owner of Midnight Pulp, where we chatted about life and our families.

That’s all I’ll say there. Nice fella.

The movie itself was quite cool, although I do wonder how many more of the assassin-next-door types of films are possible.

This was an interesting take on the genre because it revolved around the idea of family and protecting family.

That was what stuck with me, anywho.

Afterwards, there was a brief discussion of the film and some question-and-answer.

It was pretty packed and I was beat – and pretty lit – so I just wanted to head back.

Midway off the block, though, Joong hit me up.

Him: Hi Logan, still around? We can get a photo for you with Jang Hyuk.

So, I high-tailed it back where I met up with him and the StruggleNation peeps again.

I chatted with Jang Hyuk for a bit, by way of Joong. Very cool and down to earth guy, actually.

We, briefly, discussed martial arts and violence in general. Surprisingly, his background was JKD and not kali, per se.

Chatted with a few more people before I made it out the door and took a long walk home.

I’ve been super social lately and it’s been tiring and, oddly, very sad.

But I suppose that’s another discussion for another time.

Location: yesterday, searching for a lottery place with the kid and getting caught in the rain.
Mood: sad
Music: I get carried away, carried away, from you (Spotify)
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Movie Premier Pt 1: Jang Hyuk’s The Killer

No dental

The East Coast premier of Jang Hyuk’s latest flick, The Killer: A Girl Who Deserves to Die, was in my neighborhood, just a block from my old law school.

Him: Can you make it?
Me: It’s technically walking distance from me so how could I not?

Since it was at Lincoln Center, I was thinking of inviting French Dancer or Acrobat – who are both super artsy – but I decided against it.

The last time I invited someone to a special event, it left such a bad taste in my mouth that I pretty much solo these types of things.

Shame, though. It was definitely a cool event.

Started off with a top-shelf open bar at Lincoln Ristorante.

Me: Can I get the Pyrat aged rum in a low-ball with a thick slice of orange.
Bartender: Of course!

Sweeeeeeet – it’s rare that a bar carries one of my preferred aged rums. So, the night was off to a good start.

The fella coordinating the night’s event was a guy named Joong;

Me: Oh, thanks for inviting us.
Him: No problem – actually, I’ve been a fan of Scenic Fights since you guys first came out.
Me: Get outta town!

I actually met a ton of people that said they’d seen our work. Who knows if that’s true but hope springs eternal.

He ended up introducing me to the fellas that run StruggleNation, who were also fans.

Him: Wait, you’re Logan from Scenic Fights?
Me: (laughing) Yeah. I look different when I’m wearing my lawyer clothes.
Him: You’re a lawyer?!
Me: That’s what the piece of paper on my wall says. But, to be fair, I printed it myself on a inkjet printer.

I was also introduced to the film’s distributor, his wife, and the CEO of Midnight Pulp, who ended up sitting next to me at the movie itself.

Oddly, we spent most the time talking about our kids and family.

Me: How do I know if I’m doing a good job?
Her: The fact that you question if you’re doing a good job at all, probably means you’re doing better than most.

Although it did veer off into unexpected territory.

Another Woman: I actually see you being someone like that. You could be an assassin, and no one would know.
Me: Sure, but you gotta figure there’s no dental and the hours are probably awful.
Her: (laughs) Benefits are important.
Me: Don’t I know it, lady.

After a spell, we all made our way to the theater to catch the film. Joong and his girlfriend had seen it before. Multiple times.

Her: This is actually the fourth time we’re seeing it.
Me: No kidding?
Him: Yup. Part of the job. But you’ll like it.

And he was right.

I’ll tell you about the rest tomorrow or something. I’ve been stuck in the basement of my brain for a bit.

Here’s some of the film with the Scenic Fights fellas and me.

Location: surrounded by papers, wondering where to start
Mood: remorseful
Music: Oh, don’t you put me on the back burner (Spotify)
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Sending unsolicited duck pics

Don’t it always seem…?

My insomnia has been back with a vengeance these days.

The boy’s been away for three weeks now but, because he’s coming back soon, I met up with who I could while he was away.

On that note, I went to my office for the first time in a while. A lotta new (young) faces.

We went to the Campbell and I had some drinks with my boss before I struck up conversation with a pair of blue eyes.

I meet people every day but, just like years ago, meeting people is never the issue. It’s connecting with people of my tribe that’s the hard part.

Friend: What’s the problem? Meet someone, stick it in. It’s not rocket science.
Me: (dryly) Glad to see romance isn’t dead in 2022.

We had another Scenic Fight shoot this past weekend. It was mostly Chad and Pac because my knee’s been so jacked.

But I was busy dealing with legal issues for them, so I’ve been busy enough as it is.

My shoot was only about 2.5 hours; those guys were there from early morning to late night.

But I was running on fumes anywho, what with my knee and lack of sleep.

Pac wanted to eat, drink, and talk, though. Everyone’s got their own demons to fight.

We went to my favourite dive bar around the way. Alla the food joints near me were closed so we ordered DoorDash to bring over Korean wings.

Me: $72 for wings? That’s insane.
Him: (shrugging) Dude, I’m tired and lazy. I’m doing it.
Me: Fiiiiine…

I got a lotta ducks shirts – either ones people buy me or I buy myself – because of my tendency to send women unsolicited duck pics.

Dunno what the big deal is, frankly. Ducks are so damn cute.

Anywho, I was wearing once such shirt at this bar and the bartender and I were chatting for a bit when he says, “Hold on…” and hands me this little rubber ducky that matched my shirt perfectly.

Him: (laughing) It matches your shirt!
Me: My kid’s gonna love this, thanks!

Found it far more amusing than Pac did.

Anywho, he filled me in on his life and filled me in on some data I was missing with other things.

Him: I wanted to know your point of view.
Me: That was interesting. But, not at all, how I saw it. Here’s how I saw it…

That’s the thing with life, there’s my side, the other side, and the truth.

And that’s always the case, irrespective of what we believe.

Man, don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone?

Location: earlier tonight, 16th Street, wondering if he was gonna take out a gun and shoot
Mood: mopey
Music: Why do you want me? (Spotify)
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The Poster Child for Lame

D-List celebrity

After two days of being unexpectedly social, I was planning to stay home to drink my sorrows away alone in my pad when NC rang me up and up invited me to go out drinking with her and her friends.

Her: I’m going to Astoria tonight with Robyn and a few friends, if you want to join us!
Me: If it’s casual, I’m in.

I remembered my old rule of never turning down an invitation.

When I only know one or two people there, all the more so because it forces me to get outta my head and be chatty.

And that’s how I found myself in Queens in the middle of night having drinks with NC, Robyn, and their friends until past midnight.

Me: It’s been a strange and sad few years, Robyn.
Her: I know. I read your blog. I know about your wife. I’m sorry.
Me: (nodding) Yeah, me too.

NC and Robyn both said they’d stop by the gym, which is sweet. The gym could use a few more cool, tough chicks.

Saturday, I was determined to stay home. My therapist said that I had a tendency to ignore painful things and busy myself so as not to deal with things.

But, I decided to hit up the gym first which ended up being a bad idea because that knee injury got worse.

Afterward, I got coffee with another friend, who I just found out is an expert fencer.

She and I were in the middle of chatting about weapons fighting when the fella sitting next to us started talking to me.

Him: I don’t mean to eavesdrop but do you shoot short videos about fighting?
Me: Yes! Scenic Fights?
Him: I’m a subscriber!

It’s, honestly, super wild to me that people recognize me from it as often as they do.

Felt compelled to stay home for the rest of the weekend but then I got a call from someone inviting me the beach.

Her: Come out! Don’t be lame.
Me: Have you met me? I’m the poster child for lame.
Her: You should swing by.
Me: (laughing) One doesn’t just swing by the southern tip of Brooklyn.
Her: People do it all the time, Logan.

Later on that week, I went to see PT Steve at his PT shop to get my knee checked out.

Me: Well?
Him: You tore your meniscus. But it doesn’t seem all that bad. Just do the exercises you did before and rest.

Sounds pretty on-brand for me.

In any case, when I don’t wanna be social, I end up being way more social than I expect. When I wanna be social, it’s crickets.

Honestly, though, I need to rest up because we have another Scenic Fights shoot happening this Sunday.

Pac and I were going over our notes, plus trying to figure out how to get to an opening night movie showing that we all got invited to the following week.

It’s weird being a D-list celebrity. All I ever wanted to be known for is writing and being a good husband and father. If wishes were horses…

Me: We should be fine, three good-looking fellas like ourselves…
Him: (interrupting) Well, two of us are good looking.
Me: You rat bastard…

Location: earlier tonight, 14th Street, wondering if I should call.
Mood: pensive
Music: Surrounded by many alone in this crowd (Spotify)
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Ruining my own weekend plans

Wanting things to be different

I’ve not spent the 4th of July with anyone in years.

Alison spent most 4th of Julys with her extended family. Mouse did the same but not even extended family, just immediate family.

And for this 4th and the past one, the boy’s been away.

This year, I wanted it to be different. To this end, I made alla these plans with a pair of pretty hazel eyes except, a few days beforehand, she asked me a question I couldn’t answer.

Her: I wonder if you can make room for someone in your life right now?
Me: What do you mean?
Her: You seem set in your ways.
Me: I think that, for the right person, I could find room.
Her: Yeah. For the right person.

And it made me realize a lotta things – not just about her and me – but about some questions that has been rattling around my head for a while now.

I finally understood what someone was trying to tell me for years. But, I suppose, that’s another entry entirely.

In any case, I didn’t sleep a wink that night. In the morning, I woke up and promptly ruined all of my weekend plans and hurt my own heart.

Still, it was – honestly – the most adult breakup I’ve ever had in my entire life.

Me: … I wanted to be upfront with you about everything.
Her: And I appreciate you being honest with me about all that. All that being the case, I think it’s probably best to just take a bit of a step back from this.

And that was that.

I was gonna just spend the weekend at home drinking but life had other plans for me.

To start with, that night, a female friend invited me to see a concert and then we sat on my stoop afterward to have some wine, something I hadn’t done in decades.

Somehow, we got onto the topic of our respective dating lives and god.

Her: The real spiritual path is a higher calling to true redemption.
Me: OK. I’m vomiting in my mouth right now.
Her: Oh man, you have so many issues.
Me: Refusing to have sex or hating God?
Her: Both.

The next day, I was supposed to go with the Counselor to see Isabel the Singer but things fell through there as well for a whole host of reasons.

Mouse was at the gym and I was tempted to ask her if she wanted to come but that always ends in a gun fight so I decided against it and just went by myself.

It ended up being pretty cool.

Isabel: Thanks so much for coming!
Me: It was great, thanks for having me.

On the way home, way later than normal, got a call from the Acrobat but I’ll keep that part to myself.

The next day – and totally outta the blue – a girl named NC that I’ve not really chatted with in close to a decade hit me up to chat.

After a spell, I invited her to come by Paxibellum because we actually met at my old gym years ago.

Me: Come by my gym and roll!
Her: I can come by on Friday!

She did and we had a pretty fun time. She said she’d try to come by again.

She’s trying to figure out things in her own life as well.

Man, aren’t we all?

Was actually supposed to get dinner with some friends in Chinatown with some other friends I’d not seen since before COVID but that fell through as well.

In truth, that was fine by me. My week was already a lot more social than I wanted after everything went down.

Figured that I’d spend the rest of the weekend alone at home, but life had other plans for me, which I suppose I’ll tell you about later as well.

Location: earlier tonight, the Campbell, thinking of my possible pasts – and possible future
Mood: conflicted
Music: tell me that you miss me – baby, get your ass home (Spotify)
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Cyrano de Low and the Siege of Melos

Yo-Yo, the Philosopher

Back before I met Alison, I recall writing emails to women on behalf of my friends, or – at the very least – editing them.

Now, with everyone texting these days, I find myself being asked by friends to respond to messages from women. It’s all pretty amusing for me, gotta say.

I was trying to explain to one friend that communication isn’t just what you say but what the listener/reader hears.

To further drive the point home, I told him something that I tell my friends alla time but also gave him two versions of the same concept: The first is by Thucydides during the Seige of Melos and the second by a kid called Yo-Yo in my junior high school.

 

On a related note, a young woman in my gym is going back to college – an ivy league – and wondering what she should pick as her major if she wants to go to law school.

Been telling her that, if that’s the case, she should really consider philosophy and read more from people like Thucydides – although, admittedly, he’s more of a historian than straight philosopher.

I actually never took any philosophy classes as an undergrad and it’s a regret of mine.

As for my own dating life, I saw the Acrobat and the Counselor recently, which is always entertaining, conversation-wise and otherwise.

Me: (noticing her ordering an open drink) Aren’t you concerned about roofies?
Her: With you? No. Not even sure I’d object. No wait, I would. I’d want to be awake for that.
Me: Noted.

The Counselor was actually in my area doing a cold sauna, for people with inflammation (everyone has inflammation to varying degrees).

The concept is to step into a super cold – negative 140 degrees Celsius – room and just be there for three minutes.

She was part ice cube when I met up with her.

Her: It was so cold, Logan!
Me: (laughing) I can imagine.

We ended up going to the Dublin House, which I’ve actually never been to, despite it being only a few blocks south of me and one of the oldest bars in NYC with a really cool neon sign that was recently rehabed.

Me: You should take advantage of me while you can. These looks won’t last forever.
Her: (shrugging) I figure that if you were going to fall apart, it would have happened already.

The Dublin House was cool but without air conditioning so we went to another of my usual bars around the way.

This one had both air conditioning and candy all over the place. Unfortunately, I’m dieting for a couple of things coming up so I ended up trying to hand the candy to other people so I wouldn’t be tempted.

We’ve both been so busy that we’ve not actually seen each other in a while so we ended up chatting most of the evening.

Her: My last boyfriend was closer in age to my dad than me.
Me: No kidding. What was the age difference?
Her: (thinking) 15 years?
Me: Wait, that’s the difference between us.
Her: Oh! You’re right. I forget.

Location: sitting in front of a 14TB external USB drive at 5400RPM and an 8TB external USB drive at 7200RPM with a USB-C hub and wondering if I should shuck both, and then swap the internals.
Mood: super tired
Music: Fell in love with a girl who’s a few years younger (Spotify)
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Memorial Day Weekend 1: Putting on our administrative hats

$10 and a six-piece Chicken McNuggets

The Boy: How do you clean a tuba?
Me: With a tuba paste.
Him: Correct!

I dropped off the kid with my in-laws the other day and, after some food and computer repairs, high-tailed it back home to try and make my gym class.

Me: So, should I mail you the bill for the computer repair or just email you a PDF?
Her: Why don’t we call the child-care and computer repair a wash, Logan?
Me: (laughing) Fair. Thanks, mom.

Unfortunately, there was an hour delay due to a fire in the tunnels on the NYC side, while rain was coming down on the tracks on the other side.

It was something else.

Debated not going into Paxi but went in anyway. On the way in, I ran into Mouse, who was also late, and we ended up paired together for part of the class.

It was nice to spend some time with her, I gotta say. I asked her to give me a lift back but she declined. I understood.

It took a few years but I’m trying to accept the world as it is, not as I wish it to be.

Which was the core of who I once was before I lost everything.

Making it home, I broke my fast – because I hadn’t eaten since 4PM and it was 9PM – and ate four burgers.

It wasn’t my proudest moment.

The next day, I met with a friend of mine…

Her: Do you want to make out?
Me: Sure.

…and also arranged to see the Counselor.

Her: I’ll see you around 8:30?
Me: Yup! By mine?
Her: Yes.

We ended up catching Uncharted but our phones kept going off.

Me: These damn dating apps are always trying to get me to spend money.
Her: Weird, I don’t get that problem.
Me: You’re a woman, you don’t need to. Didn’t you say you had 1,800 messages/likes on one of them?
Her: God, it gives me anxiety whenever I think of it. I just delete the apps and start over again.

Later, we somehow got onto the topic of injuries. She actually had far more than I had expected and I think she was unprepared for how many I had.

Her: Whoa. Was all that from fighting?
Me: Well, that’s what I tell people but the vast majority of them are because I’m super clumsy.

It took us a while to watch the film because, not only were our phones going off, I kept stopping to talk about random things.

Me: Have you ever heard of the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon; once you see something, you can’t unsee it. Well, I was telling my son about water barrels the other day…
Her: How do you know all this stuff, Logan?
Me: I don’t have many friends.
Her: (laughing) I doubt that. I think you might be a little ADD.
Me: (shrugging) Maybe. (later) Wait, how much was your haircut?
Her: OK, in my defense, it’s been a while since I had a proper haircut. (pause). $X00.
Me: $X00! Jesus Christ. Listen, next time, I’ll cut your hair for $10 and a six-piece Chicken McNuggets.

That was the second time in 24 hours a pretty lady declined a generous offer from me.

Which is probably for the best because we ended up killing what was left of my good rum and I was likely to try and re-cut her hair that night.

Me: (very drunk) I have some administrative things for us to discuss.
Her: (equally drunk) OK, let me put on my administrative hat.
Me: Oooooh, lemme get mine on too…

Location: earlier today, saving him from drowning in Long Island
Mood: protective
Music: momma always said, “Look up into the sky, find the sun on a cloudy day” (Spotify)
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