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personal

I’m ok

Was just in a car accident

But my car is totaled. There was a picture up there but I deleted it because I’m trying to forget it.

Instead, here’s a picture of the blue sky.

Thank god the girl I was with, who was in the passenger seat, was wearing a seatbelt too because she’s fine too. I had just met her.

I’m still a little muddle-headed.

—–

Thanks for all the kind words. I’m going to make an appointment with the doc today.

My neck’s a bit stiff but hopefully that’ll clear up.

I just spoke to the girl; she went to work but is leaving early because she’s going to see the doc. This was only our second date. At least we’ll both remember each other vividly.

Well, in a way, this is a good date story, no? We both walked away almost completely unscathed.

On another note entirely, I was actually sleeping well last week.

Last night…not so much.

Location: 1:30AM, sitting on a curb in Harlem, praying
Mood: freaked out
Music: When i look at my life, oh me, oh my

Categories
personal

The little things

I live my life through tiny cues

Despite my best efforts, had to go outside today for work. 95+ degrees of hell.

I live my life via interpersonal perception: quick, acute, and intuitive cognition. In other words: tiny cues.

Was at the bookstore the other day and this guy with hella scary tats came in. He had two short sticks in his bag and callouses on his right hand. So I asked, “Are you an XXXX fencer?”

His face broke out into this huge grin and he gave me the salute for my system, which I returned. We’re gonna roll after work craziness stops.

When it comes to women, think I fall or don’t fall for them based on these cues.

Broke it off with this one girl because she never said, “Thank you” to people. There’re a million pretty girls in the big city – I don’t need one that can’t be nice.

Once fell for another girl because, when she thought I couldn’t hear, she’d wash the dishes and sing just…terribly. Another girl would bob her head back and forth when she was happy or wanted to dance. I loved her right away.

In this video, look at Imogen’s eyes 3 mins, 35 sec before it ends. Things like that kill me. I can’t explain why. It just does.

KT Tunstall is half-Chinese with a smoky Scottish voice. My people rock so hard.

In the vid above, watch her eyes 11 seconds before it ends. Eyes get me every time (here’s another version – I’m crushing).

Little things. I’m a sucker for the little things.

Hey, aren’t we all?

Location: still in front of my cracked screen
Mood: oddly content
Music: won’t you please send me back

Categories
personal

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is – Bhagavad Gita

Caligirl: …then there are the serial daters. The guys that are always out and about.
Me: If I were honest, I’d tell you that that’s what I’m afraid of. See, I’ve only ever been in long-term relationships. I never really dated. I think I secretly worried that I might be good at it.
Her: (turning) And?
Me: (laughing) You tell me.

——

Him: You don’t think it’s strange, to have a site with your name on it all about you? And all the stuff you write – who reads it? I mean, you’re just you. You’re just a regular dude. You’re not like a celebrity or anything.
Me: “Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.”
Him: What?
Me: (shrugging) It just means that in my head, I think I’m someone.

Location: still in front of this cracked screen
Mood: weird
Music: Must I always be waiting waiting on you?

Categories
personal

Oh, this doesn’t look good…

Just broke another computer

 

…this doesn’t look good at all.

I am seriously the most clumsy person I know.

Location: In front of my cracked computer screen
Mood: dismayed
Music: This town is crazy, but nobody cares

Categories
personal

Party Crashing

This weekend Hazel and I went to a rooftop party, crashed the Manic Panic 30 year anniversary party, and crashed the NYC Live Earth party at the Maritime Hotel. The rooftop party was fun, Manic Panic had free products and the Live Earth had an open bar. No rum, though.

Shucks.

I’ve been hanging out with my buddy Sheridan’s group of friends – a motley mix of Jewish and Asian. We floated into the latter two parties because Hazel was “Cynthia Wong” that night. At Manic Panic, I met this sweet looking girl who turned around and had this gi-normous tatoo on her back. Surprising – she looked like the (Chinese) girl next door.

Sheridan’s out and about more than me. A few weeks earlier we went to R Bar where I, of course, ended up talking to 22 year olds. Somehow we slipped in a limo going to Azza. There another very sweet looking girl walked up to me, introduced herself, and asked me if I had cocaine. (?!)

Said no but we hung out until it was time to go home. Of course, she was 22 too.

Didn’t exchange info with tattoo girl, cocaine girl or any woman in the past three weeks. My social card is full and I’m swamped with work. Plus, something tells me that Ms. Right isn’t going to open with, “Hi cutie – have any coke?”

My social life is entertaining, scratch is coming in and, most importantly, I’m getting sleep.

Can’t tell you what all that is doing for my mood.

Oh yeah, I’ve burned some more boats. I’m excited again.

Location: 7PM yest., Toast in Morningside Heights
Mood: oddly good
Music: I’m tired of fighting Fighting for a lost cause

Categories
personal

I took my own advice…

…and played hooky for an hour. Met up with a young lady for lunch.

Now back to the grind.

Have a great weekend everyone.

See you Monday.

Location: <15 mins, under the blue sky in the UWS
Mood: awake
Music: I gotta do something About where we’re going

Categories
personal

Selene in the bright blue sky

There’s nothing like New York lights in the indigo

Regarding yesterday’s post, click here. Got a haircut.

I’m meeting so many new people these days. Weird. Must be the season. Or my cologne. Or the fact that I’m easy.

Kidding.

I don’t wear cologne. Much.

I like walking at night because it’s quiet and the New York lights in the indigo…well, you just can’t get that anywhere else. But I can’t tonight because of the rain. So I’m here with you.

Love the blue sky too, it’s just that I’m usually up at night. But in truth, the blue sky gets me every time, especially in the fall.

Sometimes I’ll just stop whatever I’m doing to go outside and look up. You gotta, from time-to-time. Cause really, is anything so important that you can’t spare five minutes to look up?

Once in a while, I’ll see the moon in the bright blue sky.

And I think, it’s gonna be a good day.

Today – grey, miserable, and wet.

Tomorrow?

I’ll let you know, yeah?

Location: under a raincloud in Queens
Mood: soggy
Music: She is raging and the storm blows up in her eyes

Categories
personal

Do I look like a people person?

I’m wearing a shirt that says, Do I Look Like a F___ People Person?

Made it home yesterday. Met two women on their way home too but home for them was Boston. Such is my luck.

It was dismal outside. Was gonna stay in when my flatmate reminded me that the reason I rushed home was to enjoy the Fourth. So I met up with my friend L. As you would expect, I totally missed the whole East Side Fireworks display but she and I did go out with some friends to eat.

Afterwards, I walked her home and got drenched. Totally soaked. So I took a shower at her place, borrowed this dead-sexy shirt, and crawled onto her sofa to crash. Her roommate Locationgirl was there and asked me over and over “Why are you here?” Didn’t understand the question until after they went to bed.

She meant, What are you doing here with L?

Ah…

So I lay there for a bit and the ticking of the fan and the thunder kept me up. After about two hours of that, the rain finally stopped and I gave up trying to sleep. I left L a note, quietly left, took a cab back up to my pad and am about to crawl off and lie awake in my own bed.

In this snazzy shirt no less.

Location: home again
Mood: exhausted
Music: I woke up to the sound of pouring rain

Categories
business personal

Happy Fourth!

 

If I’m lucky, I’ll be heading home today. If not, I’ll be spending the Fourth here. Hope not.

Managed to get a solid seven hours of sleep last night but when you’re running the kind of national debt-like sleep deficit like me, that’s only so good. But I’ll take what I can get.

So I’m driving on the road today when fawn leaps out in front of me. Luckily there wasn’t anyone behind me because I slammed on the brakes. Full-on.

I know you’re not supposed to do that, but I just couldn’t hit Bambi.

The fawn high-tails into the woods and the mom comes out to look at me.

And I look at her.

Then I started laughing because she just stares at me with this, Dude, you could have killed someone, look.

Managed to get one pic before she disappeared.

There’s something you don’t see much of in the big city, yeah?

Happy Fourth of July everyone.

Location: Still away, another hotel
Mood: exhausted
Music: Ain’t that america we’re someting to see baby

Categories
personal

Always Dreaming

I dream a lot, but I’m not a very good sleeper

 

But I don’t want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you can’t help that, said the Cat, we’re all mad here. I’m mad, you’re mad.
How do you know I’m mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn’t have come here.

Sometimes I have nice dreams.

Unfortunately, it’s rare because of my insomnia – and when I’m awake, I feel like I’m sleepwalking. But I daydream a lot.

And sometimes, my daydreams are just as real and just as nice when I’m up as when I sleep. I spend a lot of time in my head, you see.

An ex once told me that when she and I lived in the same neighborhood, she used to walk to my building, sit on my stoop, and whisper, Come out, come out…let’s have some fun.

The times I did randomly come out, she thought she had magic.

In my head, she doesn’t hate me, and I don’t hate myself, for how I treated her.

And, in my head, my other ex is wrong and my insides do match my outsides.

But you can never change what another person does or thinks. Only yourself. I know that.

Still, being ambulatory for 18 hours a day means that I spend a lot of time there. In my head, I mean.

I know, I know – what if I get stuck there? I suppose large polite men in clean white coats will take me away. Funny, sometimes I think I’m just one more sleepless night away from that. I’ve been up for…I don’t know how long now…

Hey, you’d visit me, yeah?

Shake your head with that, “Oh, so sad, he had so much promise,” look on your face before you shuffle off?

But sometimes I wonder, which way is worse.

Because, you see, in my head, I’m quite happy.

Michel Gondry said, I dream a lot, but I’m not a very good sleeper.

I love that. The knowing that it’s not just me.

Come out, come out…let’s have some fun…

Location: physically, an ugly hotel bed in 14202, mentally…
Mood: awake
Music: one more, you’re nuts