On (or Close to) Schedule
Her: Will you call her?
Me: Possibly. These thing are hit or miss.
Her: But you got her number, right?
Me: Better.
Her: Better?
Me: I told her to draw a picture of herself. This way, I’ll know which one she is.
Location: 2AM, Sway
Mood: Sotted
Music: That pretty red dress
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People ask me all the time why I’m looking.
The pathetically honest answer is that when I’m with someone, I sleep just a little bit better. Maybe ten percent. It’s enough. I do it so I can sleep ten percent better. Crazy.
It’s not about sex. It’s about something else – and that’s a different post; but if you’ve read me enough, I’m sure you could guess.
You remember the last time you didn’t get a good night’s sleep? You look at your clock and do that mental math – if I fall asleep right now, I can get four hours sleep? Three hours. Two. Forty minutes. You remember how horrible you felt the next day?
Yeah, that’s me every two weeks for 20 years.
I’ve avoided talking about insomnia for almost two months but here we are.
Another date today. Another pretty face. Biker. It usually takes about three dates for either the girl or me to call it quits. Goes either way.
Hazel thinks I’m luckier than most cause I meet so many people but I tell her that it just means I’m disappointed and I disappoint more frequently. I know it’s crazy. I know it.
And yet I sit. I smile. I ask, So, what’s your story?
Inside I hope, this time’s the last time.
Location: 2PM yest, in front of the Flatiron saying, Bye
Mood: awake
Music: Tell me, where is the shepherd
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I crashed this party with some friends including an old friend, Buckley, whom I’ve known for 14 years. He’s a decent fellow. The problem’s that he’s 36 and he still thinks that drinking to excess is somehow cool.
I crash a lotta parties cause I get along with everyone. But Buckley was a slobbering, augmentative drunk. Before I knew it, he was being tossed out by this group of guys at the behest of the birthday girl. It was a whole production with me having to get between them all.
Ugh.
Eventually, we got him into a cab and I walked back with Hazel and Kane to apologize to the birthday girl. I should mention now that the birthday girl has a pretty face.
Here’s the thing. It’s NYC. You can’t go two feet without running into a girl with a pretty face. They’re like a dime-a-dozen. I’m pretty calloused to girls with pretty faces. But as I’m apologizing to her, she’s apologizing back to me. She said, I’m sorry I was being so douchey.
This whole time, everyone is staring at our exchange because I think they all expected some beef. Instead, she and I are smiling and laughing, like we’re old friends. She said I came off as good guy and I told her that I thought she was just really all that.
As we’re talking, she went from being a pretty face to a pretty girl. There’s a very big difference between the two. Like the difference between gold paint and gold.
She invited us to come back in but I told her that we came back purely to apologize. We chatted a bit more before I gave her a hug that she returned. If things were different, I might have given her my number. Then again, the poor girl’s been through enough.
It’s not all the time that people’s insides match their outsides. My ex said mine don’t.
It’s nice to meet someone whose stuff did.
Location: 7:15PM yest, saying hi at church
Mood: tired
Music: we throw parties, you throw knives
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I went on three dates in one day today.
One was sad. Berlingirl showed up unexpectedly – a nice surprise. Spent some time with her before she had to catch her flight. She said, I wish you a wonderful fall. (Ich wunsche dir einen wunderschonen Herbst).
Don’t think she knows how much that meant to me.
One was random. She gave me her digits and said,It was nice meeting you (Wo hen gaoxing renshi ni).
I’ve already lost the piece of paper – of course.
The last?
It was sad in a completely different way. She said, May you have a good year (L’shanah tovah tikatev v’taihatem).
She said once that she hated the disappointments. Tonight, she said, in a manner of speaking, I’m working through a few things.
Funny, it sounds different on the other end. She put on her blue jacket. Gave me a red kiss. Hopped into a yellow cab. And was gone in a green light.
Why, look at that. The weekend’s almost here.
Location: here
Mood: Sotted
Music: Then she said, Don’t get cute
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Got a package in the mail the other day from The Laura. She had sent me some clothes because she mentioned that she had some in my size.
The thing is that we’ve only ever met three times and each time very briefly. So the gesture was all the more appreciated because it was so unwarranted. She even sent a lovely card.
Thanks!
———
Berlingirl stopped by on Sunday. She’s going home this week and I’m most likely in Syracuse by the time you read this so we won’t see each other again for a while.
But I told her that she has a friend in NYC if she ever comes back.
Me: It was nice meeting you too.
Her: (smiling) Will you see that girl you like this week?
Me: I hope so.
Her: (She smiled, leaned in and gave me a kiss) Strange. I’ve never kissed a German-speaking, Chinese-American in a Mexican museum exhibit before.
Me: And now you have.
Her: (laughing) Yes, I have. I hope you have a happy life, Logan.
You too.
The world can be a nice place sometimes. I forget.
Ich vergesse so viel…aber du vergesse ich nie. Gute reise!
Location: 6:30PM yest, saying tschüss @ 72nd & Broadway
Mood: grateful
Music: by and by, I’ll fly away
I saw Berlingirl again the other day:
Her: I like your happy words, like lovely and wonderful. I also like hilarious, what a great word! And actually – actually is actually so useful!
Me: (nodding) It is.
Her: I brought you something. (hands me a gift)
Me: Lemme guess, it’s a baseball.
Her: Funny…No, but it does come with a catch – is that how you say it? You have to drink it with me here before I go or with me in Germany someday. (pause) Unless you drink it with the woman you love.
Me: (laughing) Fair enough.
Life is long and the world is small. I’m sure I’ll see her again.
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Almost a year ago, I wrote this. After I walked the girl to where she was staying, I ducked into the 24 grocery on Broadway. That same manager saw me and gave me a big smile.
Him: How’s everything my young friend?
Me: It’s a beautiful night – I’ve no worries, no troubles.
Him: (nodding) That is a beautiful night.
Location: 12AM, 86th and Broadway
Mood: content
Music: she knows I know what she’s thinking
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Busy week. My rule to never say no to an invite came back to bite me last week. I was out every night after returning from Baltimore. Both my liver and my wallet hate me.
Saw a curly-haired girl from NYC, a grey-eyed blond from down south, and a brunette actress from Berlin, whom I suppose should be called Berlingirl.
For the first time in months, I find myself thinking about one particular girl. I’m trying not to dwell on it her too much, but it’s not easy.
Still, Fall’s my favorite season and I was alone(ish) last time around. Some company this year would be nice.
Not absolutely necessary but nice.
Hey, when does your year start? Does it start in January like most people? Or on your birthday?
Or September? Mine starts in September. Probably cause I was a student for so long.
And when you’re a fat, clumsy, geek, no one calls you to come out to play over summers. Plus camp’s for people with spare scratch.
For kids like me, summer’s just three months of solitude.
I can’t hardly wait for Fall to come.
Seriously, bring it, bring it, bring it…
Location: 10PM yest, saying goodbye and then hello on Broadway
Mood: excited again
Music: One eye on the winter Oh there’s just a hint of soviet snow
Met another young lady tonight.
Asked her what we the most difficult part about dating in the big city.
Her: I’d have to say the disappointment. I keep hoping this time’ll be different…
Me: Huh. (pause) Funny you say that…
Huh.
See you Tuesday guys, be safe.
Location: 12AM Columbus, having this conversation
Mood: thoughtful
Music: circles. Confusion. Is nothing new?
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Hopping on a 6AM train bound for Baltimore tomorrow. Exam.
Not ready but when are we ever for these tests we take in life?
Did go to that concert Friday at the seaport to see Camera Obscura. Opening act was The Last Town Chorus – that’s a pic of the lead singer, sorry so blurry, I was hella far away. They sang a cover of Bowie’s Modern Love.
Told the Grey-Eyed Girl I went with that I got dropped off by my party bus rental at the seaport and spent my prom night there. She got a kick outta that. Been in this @#$! town too long.
Speaking of towns, looks like she and I are heading for Friendsville – weird, it’s usually me driving there. Well, it happens.
Been on 20 dates with 14 girlies in 60 days. Plus I met two separate women on the way to the concert. Not sure I’m cut out for this modern love – I’ve essentially turbo-charged my disappointments and disappointing. Perhaps I’m just all charm and no substance.
Startin’ to think dating’s just an excuse for me to blow coin I ain’t got, time I don’t have and hope I can’t spare.
Actually, hope? That I got.
Cause I keep thinking, this time’ll be different.
This time…
Location: on the telephone, dealing
Mood: indescribable
Music: Its just the power to charm
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Summer’s not my season. Bad, bad, bad things happen to me in summer.
Fall, however, is my season. I woke up all week thinking its fall.
Woke up happy all week.
———-
Been hanging with these guys Paul and Sheridan a lot lately. Recently, Paul and I were at party with an old friend/legal client of mine and a group of us got talking.
Girl1: What do you mean?
Me: There’s no such thing as a line. Look, if you’re attracted to me, I could walk up to you, say anything, anything, and you’d respond positively. In college, my friend Crawford would walk up to a girl, go Whoo-Hooo! and ten minutes later they’re making out.
Girl2: I disagree, what a guy says matters.
Me: To an extent, yes. But I think it’s less about the content and more the conveyance. Say a cute chick walked up to me and started talking to me in French with a wink’n smile; the content, which I wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t matter to me. I’d just be thinking, Hey…
Girl1: That’s cause you’re a guy.
Me: No. (sighing) It’s cause I know. When you like someone, they can do no wrong; when you don’t, they can do no right.
Starting tagging things not a pickup line just so you can see what I mean.
Location: in front of a bunch of computer parts in Queens
Mood: busy
Music: the good boys and girls take the so called right track