Cursing buildings and mountains

Another day, another goodbye

Her: I think everyone has a person. (later) Would it matter? If I ate a shrimp or tried some fishy sushi? I don’t think it would.
Me: No – because you are who you are and I don’t want you to change because of me.
Her: I guess I really know that you aren’t my person. Sometimes I forget, though.
Me: (pause) I hope you find your person. You deserve to find your person.
Her: I hope you find yours too.
Me: (thinking) You’re a good person.
Her: I didn’t do anything good.
Me: (long pause) You wished me well. That’s something good.

In addition to that very, very sad conversation, also lost my biggest client today, my computer died and either broke my leg or tore my ACL. Crashed at the ‘rents and ConEd was doing repairs so I took a cold shower. The moment I was done, got a knock on my door.

Him: Hey just wanted to tell you that the hot water is back.
Me: (dripping wet) Of course it is.

Not a good day. But there’s this old saying that it’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness. Ended my night with a nice conversation that I’ll keep to myself but made things seem a little less dark.

Hope you had a better day than I did.

Location: my childhood bed
Mood: beat tired
Music: You’ve been good to me; have i been good to you?

November’s a cold month

It was a rough weekend

Ran into Gshok at church yesterday and we grabbed dinner afterwards:

Her: I had to get rid of friends that weren’t good for me.
Me: I’m glad I made the cut.
Her: BARELY!

Her: Since you asked: (a) Your blog entries are a bit vague; (b) you’re too preoccupied with girls; and (c) you come off as a bit of a drama queen.
Me: (nodding slowly) Glad I asked.

———-

It was a rough weekend for me for a multitude of reasons. Mainly, though, it was because I think GES and I had our last Saturday cup of coffee for a while.

Me: …situation, if that makes a difference. My mind’s just fixed on getting outta this financial hole I’m in. (pause) Look, you’re catching me at a really…
Her: Just let me know if anything miraculously changes in your life.
(insert awful silence here) Goodbye Logan.

You know, the subway here in NYC just never runs on time. It never runs on time.

Unless someone’s exiting your Venn Diagram. Then it’s train on time.

Location: 04:00 yest, cabing from 86th and 3rd to home
Mood: disappointed
Music: So … She says it’s time she goes

This time around

 

Camera Obscura in concert at the South Street Seaport

 

Camera Obscura – the drummer was smoking like a chimney.

Baltimore was nice. Coming home was nicer. This time around, there was silverware. Sorta.

Was in the Baltimore Penn Station and I remembered being there a year ago asking my brother what I should do when I got home. He reminded me of something:

You’re 33. How can someone that you’ve been with for four years define you? What’d you do before her?

Told him the same thing once before.

I’m troubled again, but this time, for totally different reasons.

Was going to make a peanut butter and marmalade sandwich but instead had a rendezvous with a single-barrel, seven-year rum. No oranges.

This week is going to be very unpleasant but I just told someone here that life has it’s highs and lows. Life’s like that.

I’m ready for some more highs.

Camera Obscura in concert at the South Street Seaport

Location: 9PM yest, Freehold NJ, hearing a sad story
Mood: troubled
Music: I’m a stupid little thing

Logan still hates mice and AT&T

Switched mobile phone carries and thought of something

Note to self: After a major car accident and a two-week cold, avoid fencing.

Avoid…fencing.

———-

Haven’t seen my furry little houseguest in a few days, but the other thing I said still holds true.

After nine years, I’ve left the devil I know and ended up with the devil I don’t know, but already hate.

Funny, it’s sorta like my personal life, except with customer service, but just imagine…

Voice:

  • To leave a message, press 1.
  • To admit everything’s your fault since we’ve met, press 2.
  • To perform the traditional swapping of the stuff, press 3.
  • To find out things you really don’t wanna know but just gotta know, press…

Hope my 8/2007 is better than my 8/2006.

Location: 7PM yest, heading west on the LIE
Mood: sore
Music: ni wang ji wo xing ming
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Pets, Pt. II

Being friends with an ex comes with its own special baggage

Think I’m pretty much just feeding the mice at this point. They even keep eating all the poison bait I put out, with no effect.

Mouse1: Look, I like that he leaves us food on these shiny wood and metal plates. But, #$@#! That green stuff gave me a @#$@#! stomachache.
Mouse2: Why do you have to curse so much?
Mouse1: I’ve become inured to it as the expressive vocabulary of my society. It’s neither indicative of a belief nor of a value system.
Mouse2: (…)
Mouse1: (sighing, shaking head) I know, we totally gotta get outta this #$@#$@ joint.

May take one of No. 6’s cats. Besides the mouse issue, I miss having a pet that doesn’t swim in its own waste.

Unfortunately, my last conversation with her was decidedly unpleasant. While I like the thought of having a cat that I’m used to, I’m worried it’s gonna come with baggage.

No more baggage for this bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, Asian boy, thanx.

Plus, I’ve never had a little kitten before; that might be kinda cool.

But we’ll see.

Wonder how Harold’s gonna take it.

Location: PM yest., 26th Precinct, writing a check
Mood: still sick
Music: After all the b__s__ I’ve heard It’s refreshing
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Looks

 The man in the mirror

The show’s coming out tomorrow so I’ll post again this weekend or today.

Back in the day, my ex hated that mirror so I put it away. As luck would have it, I had just brought it out, dusted it off and put it up when she arrived last Sunday.

I spoke to the girl with eyes like faded jeans today who sent me back my jacket in the crumpled pink box in the picture. I’m disappointed because I thought it might be something but it turned out to be nothing.

We broke up twice before and each time, she felt I moved on too quickly. This time, I waited and made sure this is what she wanted. Yes.

We broke up because of an argument. I learned the hard way that it’s better to have honest disagreements than pretty lies. She wants someone who doesn’t argue with her and I guess that’s possible but I can’t see how real a relationship that could be.

Her past relationships have been rough on her and now I think I know why. Easy is fake; hard is real. Such is life.

I was going to tell her when I reconsidered. She would have just disagreed with me and that’s a losing bet. She’s not my girl anymore.

Me? I met up with a girl who’s leaving town. She loved a brown-eyed man on the other side of the world and I loved a blue-eyed girl on the other side of NYC.

We’re perfect for each other – except that we’re not.

With enough rum, we are and that’s good enough for the time being.

Looking back at all my posts this week, you must think I’m conceited. My friends always catch me staring at myself in mirrors. I’m not staring because I’m vain. I’m staring because I’m always surprised.

Because, in my head, I don’t look like that at all.

In my head, I look like this.

Location: @1AM, doing the Standard in some UWS bar
Mood: sotted
Music: gonna make a change, for once in my life

(Not) Back in the picture

Some breakups take longer than others

Blue Jean Eyes and I were orbiting for a bit more but I didn’t mention it because I wasn’t sure how it’d shake out. Turns out I was right; fifteen days later, we’re total strangers.

Suppose that’s just how it goes.

———-

There’s a new book called Send which basically says, think twice before you do anything online as once it’s up, it’s there forever. This is turning out to be very disturbingly true:

I did work for a short film, Cycle, years ago. Apparently it’s being shown someplace because I got a email from a girl asking me if I was the same Logan Lo.

Someone else said that she read about me from a random article in a local paper.

Just Googled my name and this blog showed up.

Getting a sinking feeling that if I ever look for a job (or a chick), I’m screwed.

I should re-think this blog, maybe…

Location: @3PM yest., Walker & 6th Ave
Mood: uncomfortable
Music: angel in disguise Chinese-speaking girlfriend big brown eyes

Who do you think you are?

Asking yourself that question works wonders

Was out and about this weekend again with three females; two were friends, one was not.

The two that were friends were out to meet people. They’re both very attractive and when they’re out with people they have no interest in, they’re socially fine. But the moment they like someone, they get shy. Think most people are like that. I was like that too.

But that was a while ago.

Now, I always ask myself: Just who the hell do you think you are?

Works wonders.

As for the girl that was not my friend, that’s a story for a different time.

Location: @9AM, yesterday, walking around the UWS
Mood: productive
Music: You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue Anyway

A Billion Miles of Fate and Luck

What is life but a bunch of random meetings?

(c) A Lo

I once randomly met a woman I dated for over a year at a cocktail party on 76th Street.

Met another woman who stood outside a phone booth in Columbia waiting to make a phone call.

Met yet another one who sat on a park bench north of Astor Place.

And I met Blue Jean Eyes in a random class in a random school at a random moment in my, admittedly, random life.

That last one ended just as randomly the other day. I think. There’s definitely something about her and me that I just can’t put my finger on. While it takes two people to get into a relationship, it only takes one to get out of it.

But you knew that.

I’m ok, though. I was hoping for a nice summer at least but you take life as it comes. She’s great. I wish her only every good thing.

As for me, I’ve dusted myself off, gave Gio and the guys a call and got out and about. Had a weekend that I barely remember and a Monday night in front of another blue-eyed girl who told me I was having a great time.

I laughed.

I read once that the Universe expands by a billion miles in all directions every hour.

Isn’t the intersection of fate and luck fascinating?

Well, sad and disappointing at times, but fascinating nonetheless.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Location: @8:30 yesterday, dinner at the Manhattan Diner
Mood: Sick
Music: Hey Lloyd, I’m ready to be heartbroken

Still walking

What does that say about me?

Spoke to L the other night and she said something that made me pause.

I’m always the fling, never the girlfriend.

Her comment was a general comment, not directed at me, but it reminded me about things from both my long and recent pasts that were directed at me.

About eight years ago, I briefly dated this beautiful and wealthy trust fund baby. One day she said, “Guys always treat me like the side dish. I want to be the main course. You’re not going to do that to me, are you?”

For reasons that still escape me now, I told her I didn’t know. After some crying and choice words from her, I found myself taking a 2AM walk home. Not the first, not the last.

Also saw Blue Jean Eyes again recently. She and I both want something, I suppose, and we get along so well but

Don’t you find that the most hateful words come after the word but?

For the last four women that loved me before Blue Jean Eyes, my but was my insomnia – and the subsequent irritability, moodiness, arguing and general insanity.

For both Blue Jean Eyes and me it’s the choices we’ve made in life but Blue Jean Eyes’s also concerned by the choices I might make in life.

Returning to L and her comment, L asked, “What does that say about me?”

Once again, I didn’t know and once again, I thought about it on a 2AM walk home.

What does that say about me?

Location: @9:42PM, Times Square
Mood: thoughtful
Music: I should know better, your dreams are never free