Author: Logan Lo

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personal

Life limits you enough, why do it to yourself?

Jack Dempsey Corner sign in NYC

Him: About two hours.
Me: So it takes you two hours every day to get to and from work but you won’t spend 30 minutes to go out and maybe meet someone?
Him: There’s no point. Women are looking for someone with money and education. I got neither. There’s no point.
Me: There’s no point?! Look, I’m old, balding, and short. And I talk a lot with my hands. But I don’t care. I think I’m somebody. The world limits you enough, Paulie. Why do it to yourself?

Ran into guy that works in onea the local shops where I live. He and I’ve always been friendly and we got onto the topic of my getting hitched. Found out that he’s onea those guys that shoots himself down before life gets a chance to do it for him.

There’s this line in the Bhagavad Gita that goes, Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is. He’s already a nobody in his head and he looks for proof that this hypothesis’s true.

That’s the thing about looking for something. You usually end up finding it.

Me, I find that most people are on one end of the extreme or another. Either they think they’re nobody and think the world owes them nuthin, or they think they’re somebody, and the world owes them everything.

Y’get far in life, being the middle.

———-

Him: She was just kinda mean. Like she’d see someone walking down the street and immediately point out all the things wrong
Me: Well, good thing you didn’t sleep with her.
Him: Oh I did that too.

Met up with another friend of mine at my local dive bar. He’s getting married to someone he’s been dating for a while. He’s one of the guys I used to hang out with when I was single. Don’t know much about the girlie he’s marrying but I suppose as long as he knows, that’s the important thing.

Always hope that my friends find their person.

Location: about to have breakfast with the wife
Mood: freezing
Music: The breath that carried me, the sigh that blew me forward
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business personal

How putting on a presentation is like learning a language

No stopping sign in NYC

Me: (to chairwoman) Gotta be honest, at about the half-way mark, I mentally checked out and started planning my vacation.
Her: (laughing) No problem, I do that all the time.

As parta my real life, am a member of a number of committees. Mosta them are fine – can usually sit back and enjoy some simple carbohydrates and write in my head while people talk – but one committee I’ve been working with has a big presentation to do.

The thing is, they’re all experts in their field, which’s great, but this doesn’t make them experts at putting together a presentation.

We’ve all sat through a terrible presentation before, yeah? The presentations that ramble on and on without a clear agenda or salient point. My personal feeling’s that putting on a presentation’s like learning a language.

The way language should be taught’s by teaching a grammatical structure first. Once the basic outline of a sentence construct’s done, you can just swap out vocabulary.

English: The more I ______ the more _________I am.
German: Je mehr ich _______ desto mehr ________ich.
Chinese: 我越____我越___.

English: The more I eat, the more fat I am.
German: Je mehr ich esse, desto mehr Fett ich.
Chinese: 我越吃我越胖。

Basically, if you want a good presentation, y’gotta have the clear topic/point first, then a clear structure, then everything else. In this committee everyone started talking about all the big name people they could get to speak without figuring out how it was going to be structured.

This actor named Herbert Beerbohm Tree once said that A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

So I made myself absent going somewhere else in my head.

————

Him: So I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you have no cavities.
Me: Oh that’s great. I brush my teeth four times a day.
Him: Well, that’s the bad news, you’re brushing way too much. Can’t remember the last time I said that to someone.

My dentist’s trying to get me to wear braces – he says that since I have pretty straight teeth, it would only be for a few months to make them perfect. Don’t know if most people need perfect teeth. Good enough is good enough, I’m thinking.

Well, I suppose it’s something else to put on my list of self-improvement.

Location: in fronta the manuscript
Mood: excited
Music: don’t believe in anything but myself
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personal

No Stopping Anytime

No stopping sign in NYC

Me: (in bed at 12:01AM) Happy New Year!
Her: (turning around) Happy new year – g’night.

Well, it’s 2012. But you already knew that.

S’funny, when you’re younger, you want to stay up till midnight; when you’re older, you try to make make it to midnight. Was thinking that this was the year I’d stop writing the blog but it’s still like my bed of reeds, the place to tell things.

Been tweaking the manuscript with the help of an editor and she’s been great. Hopefully, when she’s done, it’ll be solid and ready to roll. If you’re interested in an advanced read, lemme know.

Every time I finish one project, got another one waiting. There’s some weird thing in me where I can’t just let things well enough alone. Suppose it’s some innate need to always be busy.

One project is that I’m trying to get done is buy out my buddy that owns my pad with me. In Manhattan, the average price per square foot of an apartment is $1,238 so my friend and I took a chance about a decade ago and bought our pad together.

He’s moved out to the burbs with his wife and kid so I’m trying to make some things happen. It’s even more stressful than it was back then cause so much more is on the line now. Plus, got the cursea age and knowledge now – two things I didn’t have the first time around.

Me: Think I took a lot more chances when I was younger.
Him: Think we all did.

There’s a point where y’stop doing things and taking those chances. And study after study shows that the sooner you stop, the sooner you die.

So, I’m off to work on some contracts, wrassle, eat some chili, work some more, tweak the manuscript, eat…it goes on.

There really is no stopping anytime.

———-

Admin note: For 2012, one resolution will be to regularly update this blog every Monday at 9AM, and most Wednesdays at 9AM. Just FYI…

Location: back in fronta the desk, ready to get stuff done.
Mood: anxious
Music: sometimes I find myself reeling, twisting, and rolling in a plastic sea
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personal

2011 Year in Review / Thanks


CS Lewis once said that, The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.

With the utmost respect to Mr. Lewis, there’s something about the world, when you get a certain age, where hours seem to drag but the years seem to fly by. 2011’s almost over and it feels like it just began.

In 2011, I:

  1. Made five resolutions. Kept three of them.
  2. Got married. (!)
  3. Got food poisoning for the third time in my life.
  4. Turned 38. (!)
  5. Had a second wedding celebration.
  6. Had a third wedding celebration wedding celebration and a fourth one as well. Man, we are just fulla ourselves – and then traveled to Europe to give some lectures.
  7. Nuthin really happened in July, just a lotta quiet summer weekends in NYC. But man, was it hot.
  8. Went to Bermuda, then dealt with Irene.
  9. Gave another lecture and spent a lotta time in the Down Town Association.
  10. Finished my manuscript. (!)
  11. Had my first Thanksgiving without going to my parents and instead had it with my wife (and sister-in-law – both of which I’ve not had in previous Thanksgivings).
  12. Made this here self-referential blog entry.

There are a few things that I keep to myself that I don’t put here just for a small semblance of privacy.

For example, I had six resolutions actually, the sixth was to marry Heartgirl. But I couldn’t actually put that up when I made those resolutions.

On the topic of Heartgirl, don’t think that I’ve ever said I love her publicly. Love is a word we all banter around; for example, I love rum and chili. Not together, per se, but conceivably even then.

Think it’s kinda obvious how I feel but maybe that’s just what it is in my head. But I do. Love her, that is.

She’s who I’ve been looking for since I was a fat kid in Flushing, NY. My person I can’t put inna words. And I’ve tried many times and yet I can’t.

So I won’t try. Instead, lemme say again that life’s a tragedy fulla joy and that she’s my greatest joy. She’s also funny, smart, and easy on the eyes, all of which doesn’t hurt.

Finally, I want to say thanks to her. For being the person to whom I don’t gotta prove my worth and for making sure I always have someone with whom to spend New Year’s Eve.

As for you, as always, thanks for reading.

Well then, it’s almost 2012.

Off we go…(!)

Location: the end of 2011
Mood: psyched
Music: Ah, but I thought I’d ask you just the same
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personal

All of your life’s problems can be divided into health, wealth, and relationships

LED snowflakes on a building in NYC

Her: (cleaning) Do you know you have a can of chili up here behind the dishes?
Me: Yeah, that’s my emergency stash.

It’s a funny season for relationships – at least three couples I know that “broke up” are back together again, while my FB feed is exploding with “XX is now in a relationship with YY.” Assume that’s the Lockdown effect and it’s contrapositive.

Health, Wealth, and Relationships – all of your life’s problems can be put into onea those buckets.

My relationships seem to be stable, with the occasional hiccup. As for health, nothing major – thank goodness – although I think I’m coming down with something or just run down.

And the reason I’m run down is because of that wealth part: on the negative side, it’s been a busier Nov/Dec than it’s been in years.

On the positive side, it’s been a busier Nov/Dec than it’s been in years. All this means less time for side projects like this blog and the other things I’m trying to get started.

Since we’re talking about wealth, been thinking of that formula mentioned a while ago, which I’d like to slightly modify. Think that scratch and time have an inverse relationship that shifts as you age.

When you’re young, you’ve got a lot of time, so you concentrate on making scratch. When you’re old, you hopefully have more scratch but you’re running outta time. Then there’s that place in the middle, which is where I am and mosta the people I know. It’s a tug-a-war between conserving one and making the other. And we’re all hoping, in some small way, it’s important somehow.

Suppose there’s time for more philosophy later. Right now, got deadlines.

In case I don’t see you until next week, and if you read the same book as me, wish you Happy Xmas. If you don’t read the same book as me, wish you happy holiday.

If you don’t read any book, not sure what I wish you, but assume it’s something positive.

Location: getting dressed to go to the post office
Mood: sick maybe?
Music: I am a seeker, I seek both night and day
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personal

Yes, but it is not I

Church in NYC

My insomnia is back in a big way. Feel tired and irritable all of time. Worried that all the things I do to manage it aren’t working any more, which then keeps me up even longer. No fun.

The Professor was in town over the weekend so the wife and I went with him to the local dive bar. He’s one of my oldest friends but, oddly, we never really hung out until after college. The other funny thing’s that he was a wrestler in high school and some 20 years later, I’m trying it out.

Him: (to my wife) When I was a kid, I was a busboy at this restaurant. It was fine except one day they caught me trying a wrestling move on a bag of rice.
Me: (to my wife) That’s not what they were mad about. They were mad because he was naked and put lipstick on the bag of rice.

Old friends that make the cut are always good to have around. The problem’s that people change and you change. Sometimes the people that once mirrored you no longer do. Learned long ago, this isn’t a good thing, or a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

Coincidentally, went to church the next day and the pastor repeated a story that I wrote about over five years ago.

The story is that St. Augustine was once this womanizer who once famously prayed, da mihi castitatem et continentiam…sed noli (“Grant me chastity and continence…but not yet”). It should be noted that he’s also the patron saint of brewers, as an aside.

Anywho, he was a frequent visitor of prostitutes before he changed his life around. Afterward, he went back to visit an old place and ran into a prostitute he used to know in that biblical way. He continued on his way so she tried to get his attention for his usual and called out to him, Augustine, it is I.

To which, he replied without stopping, Yes, but it is not I.

I think I’m a better person now than I was a decade ago; actually, know I am. But to get here, had to let some people because they don’t reflect who I am any more. It’s like that Cowboy story I told you.

Sometimes you go away, sometimes they do, and sometimes people just stay. It’s how the world is and how it’s supposed to be. Accepting it’s the hardest thing, yeah?

Now if only this insomnia would go away.

Location: last night, in misery
Mood: guess
Music: in the morning i will wake up in the shivering cold
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personal

You become less self-reliant after marriage

Building being torn down in the UWS, NYC

While I love the Honeymooners, it did always bother me that since that show, most family shows I know of have been about a clever wife and dimwitted husband. Think everything from The Simpsons to The King of Queens. There are some exceptions but by-and-large, that’s the go-to situation for most sitcoms.

Still, now that I’m actually married, I think there’s something to be said for men and “marriage brain.” Find myself relying on her regarding things on which I was once fairly self-reliant.

Me: Have you seen my toothbrush?
Her: I packed it along with some floss, toothpaste, and other toiletries in a plastic bag. I also packed a snack bag.

Which is not to say I don’t pull my own weight around the joint. In addition to being the official killer of bugs and other critters, I keep the place humming.

Her: Why’s it so bright in here?
Me: I put in two more fluorescent light tubes.
Her: (shielding eyes) Take them out – it’s like we’re living on the sun.

Although it is interesting since we got married, we’ve somehow managed to read each others minds so that often seem to be thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time:

Me: I like married life.
Her: (simultaneously) You look weird.

Well, not every time.

Location: in fronta an enormous cuppa joe
Mood: still wide awake
Music: nobody knows that her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes
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personal

the air of December, I swear I remember it that way

Sculpture on Broadway in the UWS, NYC

My insomnia has made it’s usual reappearance. No idea why. It’s irritating.

Less irritating is that people have been making reappearances in my Venn Diagram lately as well. There was my friend from church that I ran into on the street. She’s moving to Boston and starting grad school next year.

There’s also my buddy from my fencing class that disappeared for a while after Mike passed. Guess cause he took it pretty hard.

And about a half-dozen of my friends just had kids; been running into them in the big city here and there. Like I say, NYC’s a small town.

The thing about running into people’s that it’s a lot like running into a different version of yourself, like running into your possible pasts. Back when the church friend and I were hanging out, we were both single and enjoying single life. And my fencing buddy met me when I was still with my ex and had two cats.

Planning out some things for 2012 and every year that goes by, I’m constantly amazed the number is what it is.

2012? How could it actually almost be 2012?

Me: Do you remember when you thought 21 was old?
Her: (laughing) Yes – 30 seemed ancient back then.

Location: the same place
Mood: wide awake
Music: the air of December, I swear I remember it that way
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personal

Marriage is a funny thing

Small Thanksgiving dinner in the UWS, NYC

Her: George Washington __________? Between New York and New Jersey…
Him: Carver?
Her: George Washington CARVER is between New York and New Jersey?! BRIDGE! It’s BRIDGE! George Washington Bridge!

Forgot to mention that the wife and I did our first Thanksgiving sans respective families, although her sister did come by for the main meal.

Marriage’s a funny thing. We regularly comment to each other that, prior to three years ago, we were total strangers. Now were eschewing the family we’re known all our lives for this new family we made. See, funny thing.

On Monday, met up with some old co-workers from my internet days at Dive 75. If you’ve never been there, it’s the best bar in NYC, IMHO – mainly cause the music/tv’s not that loud, there’re bowls of chocolate everywhere, and stacks of board games.

Ended up playing Taboo until it was way past our respective bedtimes. Alcohol and chocolates really increases the entertainment value of boardgames.

It’s always hard finding time to meet up with them, or anyone really, but isn’t it always a nice time when y’actually find the time?

Location: the desk, per usual
Mood: Super busy
Music: They say people in your life are seasons And anything that happen is for a reason
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personal

For writers, the problem isn’t piracy, it’s obscurity

Dog tied to tree in NYC

I can’t believe that rat bastard left me tied up here. It’s freezing.

———-

Me: (staring at fallen mirror) I don’t get what happened.
Her: (exasperated) I don’t understand how you can fix really difficult things like legal problems and computers but can’t get simple things like why a mirror fell off a door.

Took three days off. Like completely off. There’s something to be said for not doing anything and letting your batteries recharge. Organized some files, caught up with Good Eats – which I just found out isn’t making any more episodes – and read.

Y’know that manuscript that I’ve been talking about all these years? Been thinking of letting you read it on 2012.01.02. Cause I was spending all of this time trying to make it perfect to publish it on paper via a big publisher when I realized that I don’t read paper if can avoid it.

This fella named Tim O’Reilly said that the enemy of the author is not piracy but obscurity. Think that’s true.

So, in addition to all of the work I’ve got going on, got two projects I’m working on.

  1. The first is a legal matter y’might find interesting and might wanna be a part of.
  2. The second is my manuscript.

Figure I should be launching the first one by the middle of next month and the second one by January 2, 2012. All depends on how much rum I’ve ingested.

Keep me honest and on schedule, ok?

Location: home
Mood: ambitious
Music: ich hab viel zu viel zu tun lass uns später weiter reden
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