Richard Jeni shot and killed himself
Richard Jeni shot and killed himself this week. The news upset me. I liked him. He was good at what he did. He made people laugh. He made me laugh.
Depression is horribly, ridiculously misunderstood. I hate how it’s something talked about in hushed tones, an embarrassment. No one sees cancer as an embarrassment but the end results of both, untreated, is the same. Someone ends up dead.
Nobody (in their right mind) refuses chemo because they worry how the family might look with a bald wife/son/father/daughter. When you catch a cold, no one thinks you’re brave if you refuse medication or help.
You’re just an idiot.
Read something once where they interviewed the people that jumped off bridges and survived. They pretty much universally said that, on the way down, they thought, “Oh man, I can change everything about my life…except this thing I’m doing now.”
I heard on the drive home last night that Brad Delp from Boston killed himself too.
What a waste. A colossal, avoidable, waste.
Location: @9 PM yesterday, getting kicked out
Music: spiraling down to the hole in the ground where I hide
You think your dating life is bad?
Had a late dinner and a bit to drink with Hazel and Locationgirl.
Probably have a 50/50 ratio of male/female friends. For me, there’s a clear line of demarcation between friends and lovers, potential or otherwise (of course that’s exactly what my ex said to me and that turned out to be total crap).
Still, it’s great being able to have feminine sounding boards. Consider the recent conversation between Casey and myself:
Her: You think your dating life is bad? On date three, a guy asked me to show up wearing a Halloween costume.
Me: No way! What’d you say?
Her: I said “F___ no!”
Me: Nice. Strong work there, Case.
Her: Yeah, and then just the other day he contacted me to ask if I had a Maid’s…
Me: (interrupting) Wait, you answered?
Her: (pause) Yea, I guess I shouldn’t have.
I’ve said it before, relationships are hard. You do what you can, when you can.
For me, life is…confusing. At least I’m not the only one who’s confused.
Location: @10PM, in front of pitcher three
Music: another chance and a someday soon, Shining like the Alabama moon
Just had to post…
“JAMA…compared four diets from low-carb to high-carb and put Atkins on top. Not just for weight loss but for health improvements as well.”
I’m holding onto the Atkins dream.
Damn that Mac & Cheese.
Damn it all to hell…
Location: freezing in apartment
Music: long lonely days, when it seems I did not have a friend
My day started off at 5AM when my windows flew open because of the wind, freaked the snot out of me, and dumped my bed with dirt.
Sitting there in the dark covered with debris in the howling wind, I thought, Yeah, sure, that’s about right.
And that’s the thing about my life – like everyone else’s I suppose – the misery bits are layered with the ridiculous bits.
Case-in-point: Blue Jean Eyes loved Mac & Cheese so I went out and bought a freezer full of various types because, well…ok, I have no explanation. I just did.
However, since we just parted ways, my last five meals have all had something to do with mac & cheese (eg: mac & cheese with a sandwich, mac & cheese with soup – you get the point).
Since I’m counting, my last four dates/relationships were with pescetarians from New Jersey.
Note to self: Stop dating pescetarians from New Jersey.
Time to microwave dinner. Wonder what’s on the menu…
Location: @2PM, shivering in Queens
Music: she takes my breath away Pretending that she don’t miss me
Thus ends my first post breakup relationship
Her: I love you.
Me: Ah, if only you did.
Well, that all went to hell.
But to quote a close friend:
It’s better to be the star of your own movie than have a cameo in someone else’s.
I did that the last time around.
This time, no matter how much I wish it weren’t so, I decided that I’d rather be by myself than play a cameo ever again.
I know I’m not perfect
(trust me, I’ve checked)
but I’m good enough to be
Once a lifetime,
no matter how I feel,
once a lifetime,
it’s enough for me.
Sigh. Those blue eyes though…
Location: @6:12 PM, saying goodbye to the east side
Music: I wish that I, that I could stay
I’m always second-guessing myself
Just finished my exams. My brain is full. Don’t think I passed all of them but I’ll take what I can get.
It’s funny; I passed the bar on my first try, mainly because the law is fascinating to me – the law itself, that is. I find the practice of law not as interesting although it has its moments. These exams were not law related and dreadfully boring.
On a different topic, I’d like to talk about THAT guy. You know him.
He’s the guy that gets up an hour-and-a-half before the exam ends, puts on his baseball cap and whistles on his way out.
Can’t stand that guy.
If you are that guy, please know that we despise you and wish you ill. I hope a truck drove past you on the way out and splashed your Gap khakis with mud.
Who wears khakis in the winter?
I’d like to point out that I’m the other guy. The guy that’s the last to leave the exam. The guy that makes the proctor go, “I said, ‘pencils down…sir.‘” (I’m old enough now that I’m scolded with the identifier “sir.”)
I leave last because I’m always changing my mind. I’m always second guessing myself.
I do it in life all the time. Why should being on the clock be any different?
UPDATE: 20070228 01:27
When I say “guy” I mean in the gender neutral manner. Such as: “I hate that guy (or girl) and hope that s/he never realizes how big his/her butt looks in those khakis.”
Location: @13:14, in Long Island figuring out standard deviations
Music: get this feeling I’m in motion, a certain sense of liberty