Happy Halloween

And so and now Somena

Went to a Halloween party I went to with Cain last Wednesday. Had to carry him home. So he had a great time.

Don’t know about you, but when I like a song, I listen to it a million times. Then, whenever I hear that song again, I think about that period in my life.

I listened to The National singing, And so and now I’m sorry I missed you – I had a secret meeting in the basement of my brain all the time during the fall of last year. I remember I kept thinking of my ex. I almost never think of her any more. Weird how that works.

I met my very good friend Somena a year ago on Halloween. She was a librarian. Who says you can’t have meaningful relationships from people you meet in bars? She liked to listen to Secret Meeting and pretend she was a spy.

I’d never tell her but, late at night, on those long walks home, I do the same thing.

Like I said, Venn Diagrams…

Location: 15:30-20:24, locked outta my #$#$@#$! apartment
Mood: just plain irritated
Music: Didn’t anybody tell you how to gracefully disappear in a room?

Venn Diagrams

People enter and leave our lives like Venn Diagrams

Was talking to GES this past Sunday about Venn Diagrams.

You see, people walk around the world like 3D Venn Diagrams: we’re all in our own little worlds. Strangers, friends, family, lovers, acquaintances – all, for better or for worse, enter into your little world, do their little bit, and then leave.

Some people stay, some go. Sometimes they do something nice. Sometimes they rob you blind and leave you wondering if there’s someplace you could sell a kidney and how much you could get for it.

And sometimes they write you tell you everything’s gonna be alright.

Thanks for that last one.

Now…does anyone know the going rate on a kidney?

———-

Here’s Fiest again (with members of the National, more on that tomorrow), playing a guitar and reminding me of those teenage hopes.

Location: 16:45 yest, the 66th St. Post Office, waiting
Mood: grateful
Music: Sleepless long nights That was what my youth was for

No Chance

 

I’m at my parents and my father’s playing a sad song on the harmonica. He’s never had a lesson in the piano or the harmonica in his life.

But he can sit down in front of either and just break your heart.

Went with Cain, Paul, and Paul’s roomie to a costume party on Saturday. I was gonna go as Kato but I couldn’t find a hat.

Him: Just wear what you wore last year.
Me: What if I run into someone from last year?
Him: (exasperated) Dude, it’s a totally different party, there’s no chance of you running into someone from last year.

I ran into two people from last year. How embarrassing.

Oh…like I really care.

 

Like last Sunday, I woke up just in time to meet the pretty green-eyed schoolteacher (GES) for brunch. We walked all over the UWS again, to the East Side, then back and finished up with some sodas in a Columbia cafe – five hours. We actually saw two weddings in Central park – one was of a Chinese couple and I said gong xi (congrats) to them. The bride smiled at me.

The weather was just as I like it: cold, clear and crisp.

Her: Man, we walked so much, I’m going to sleep so well tonight.
Me: Lucky you.
Her: (puzzled) You won’t?
Me: (shaking head) I never do.

Location: 20:15 yest, asking someone in church to pray for me
Mood: resigned
Music: Babe, I’ll walk the seven seas when I believe that

Regular Job

I’d rather it this way than have a regular life

…ain’t gon’ follow no footsteps I’m making my own…

I think you read me because you find my life interesting. Without a hint of arrogance or pride, I can tell you I find my life interesting.

Every time I write something, I think, man, no one’s gonna believe this.

But I write about what happens. And I know why these things – good (dates, tv shows, random meetings, free trips to Europe) and bad (dates, car accidents, insomnia, robberies), keep happening.

Because I keep trying. I keep pushing. I keep thinking I’m someone.

It is better to try and fail greatly then never try at all. And I fail all the time. Health, wealth, relationship. Every one of them is a failure – I got my arm torn out trying to fight; I got robbed of all the money I’ve made in 34 years; and the last one? You know…

And stupidly, I keep trying. Because I asked for all this.

Y’ever listen to 8 Mile by Eminem? There’re these lines that go:

don’t got enough pep The pressure’s too much man,
I’m just tryin to do what’s best

And I try, sit alone and I cry
Yo I won’t tell no lie, not a moment goes by
That I don’t pray to the sky, please I’m beggin you God
Please don’t let me be pigeon holed in no regular job

 

When I was a kid, I told God I never wanted a regular life. And it’s like He laughed and said, You got it, kid – but everything’s got a price.

Sometimes I think I should have just married No 3 and worked in that law firm and had my 2.5 kids by now. Bought myself a red Porsche. When I started to find out about everything, that’s one of the first things I thought of (the life, not the Porsche).

I think I’d rather it be this way then be stuck in a regular job. A regular life.

I’m a man, I’ma make a new plan
Time for me to just stand up, and travel new lands
Time for me to just take matters in my own hands
Once I’m over these tracks, man I’ma never look back

 

The thing that just about broke me, was when I had to tell my parents. My mom worries so. And my father? I think I’m like every son, I just want him to be proud of me.

But he told me to keep daring greatly. Cause he did. It’s what we do, he said, you have to keep trying. I would only be disappointed in you if you stopped trying.

I nodded and stammered in my crappy, crappy, Chinese, I will.

Location: 19:46, having diet ice cream@79th & Amsterdam
Mood: heartbroken
Music: I got every ingredient, all I need is the courage

I don’t see why

Someone stole every penny I had

 

Well, I suppose I should tell you what happened now that things have settled a bit.

Someone stole every penny I ever made. Six figures. Gone. I have 11.62 to my fine name.

But I think I’ll be ok. I’ll survive.

It’s what I do.

————

Was thinking about the curly-haired girl recently. I haven’t seen her in a month or so and I don’t think I will.

But I thought about a conversation we had the last time I saw her.

Her: So I don’t see why you’re still single.
Me: I’m really good at hiding the crazy until about the third or fourth date.
Her: Ah, (slowly nodding) good to know…

It all seems so unreal. Unfortunately, it’s all true.

Location: 20:00 yest, on 32d btw 8th and 9th
Mood: completely sotted
Music: feeling lonely I had a life to give many dreams to live

Boys do make passes

Men do like women that wear glasses, Dorothy

I submit that Dorothy Parker was wrong.

I have a new female roommate – like the last two, she’s stunning. Also like the other two, she’s off limits to me. Mainly because I’m not a creep.

However, she hung out with me, Paul and Cain the other night:

Her: Really? No way…
Me: It’s true. (turning to Paul and Cain) What do you guys think?
Paul: Glasses, definitely.
Cain: Glasses.
Me: (turning back to her) See. We love that. Men also love them because chicks can toss them off all sexy-like. You just can’t do that with contacts. I mean you could…but that’d just be weird.

Location: 19:30 yest, driving through Central Park
Mood: sad
Music: I love the way you say, good morning

Hug or Handshake?

On a first date, do you do the hug or handshake?

Me: Hi there. (pause) Ah, the awkward, Hug or handshake?
Her: (smiling) I’ll give you the hug.

Because of the craziness of various things in my personal/business life, I’ve not been dating at all. But, as I said yesterday, on Sunday I met up with a pretty green-eyed school teacher for a cup of coffee and we had the best time – the weather was killer and we just walked about the neighborhood. It was probably the most relaxed I’d been in while.

For a few hours at least, I forgot about my worries. I’m supposed to see her again this week.

It’s funny, even in my darkest hours, I can still find ways to distract myself with utter randomness. Case in point, I was queuing in the bank the other day:

Female Teller 1: (handing me receipt) Is there anything else?
Me: Yeah, (pointing to Female Teller 2) What’s her name?
Both: Lisa
Me: (turning to Female Teller 2) Hello, Lisa.

All three of us laughed and then I politely excused myself. The rest of the week sucked but I live for the weekend and these random bits of entertainment.

That and the blue sky, of course.

Location: 20:00 yest., on the 7 train, coming home
Mood: concerned
Music: rescue me lemme have a good time

Monday

Walked with a woman I met on the train

 

Last Friday, Cain and I went to my friend Gshok’s housewarming. I was feeling a bit down and didn’t want to go but I’m glad I did. It was nice to not think about my worries. The Laura was supposed to come but she got into a car accident on the way there (she’s ok).

We played a rousing game of Taboo; we were tied when Gshok and I did a sudden-death round and my team won. My prize was what you see above.

Saturday, Paul and I made the Lower East Side drinking circuit. Crashed a birthday party, ate some cake (we didn’t wanna but the birthday girl insisted), and hit about five joints before calling it a night.

At 2AM, I bumped into a girl on the street and offered to keep her company on the long walk home, She smiled and said, OK so we walked and chatted for a bit. After we got where we needed to be, she said, Thanks for keeping me safe.

How did you know I’d keep you safe? I asked.

I could tell, she said and then she gave me a hug goodbye but not before I snapped the pic below. Another good deed.

Sunday, woke up just in time for a date with a pretty green-eyed school teacher (GES) I had been orbiting, but more on that later. Went to church and tried to make sense of everything.

It’s Monday. I don’t like Mondays.

 

Location: 20:30 yest., reintroducing myself on Broadway
Mood: thoughtful
Music: mother feels so shocked Father’s world is rocked

Exactly two years in spite of the misery

Life is sweet, despite of the misery

My mom bought me sushi today. Pity sushi from my mother. This is what it’s come to.

One Dragon Roll, one Shrimp Tempura Roll, one Spicy Tuna Roll.

Pity Sushi. The next best thing to Third Date, It’s Late, Do You Wanna Crash At My Pad, Sushi.

———-

Forgot to mention that when I arrived in Munich, the customs officer took my passport and asked me if I had been in Germany before. I nodded so he flipped through it.

Then he looked up at me and asked, Is today a special day for you?

No, I said, not particularly. Why?

Because you came here exactly two years ago. I thought maybe you had an anniversary here. I didn’t believe him so he showed me. It was true: October 5th, 2005 and October 5th, 2007.

What a coincidence.

Was that really two years ago that I went to Berlin with my ex? We’ve been split up for that long? I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t.

Ah, what does it matter? Life is sweet, in spite of the misery.

Location: 12PM yest., having an enormous salad on my couch
Mood: slightly hopeful
Music: Wanna hide from the vicious world outside But don’t

Pamela Luss

Went to see my friend sing some jazz

Met a singer named Pamela Luss a while back and we kept in touch. I always missed her singing engagements so I told her that her next one, I would absolutely make it.

And tonight I did. She was great.

Bebe Neuwirth came to hear her sing for the first set, which I missed, of course, but it’s just as well.

On the way there, Cain and I managed to catch an old man as he slipped on some gravel so I felt I did my good deed of the day.

That’s why NYC’s so cool – you just never know how your night’s gonna end up. I’ve lived here my whole life and I’m still surprised by it all.
Location: 9PM yest., @ 38th & Mad
Mood: hopeful
Music: Maybe it was the music, or the glamorous sky of blue