Month: January 2022

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personal

Lil Rollers

Gaius Julius Caesar

Her: How did you meet your wife?
Me: (laughing) Same way I met you, darling.

My buddy is currently juggling about three or four women right now. Each one was a street pickup, which might sound crass to you, but it’s not meant to be; a street pickup simply means someone you have zero nexus with – a total stranger.

When I met Alison, she was just a beautiful girl walking into a club I was walking out of. I literally thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

Even though she was on date – with a guy called Tall Scott, which gives you some indication of what he looked like relative to 5’8″ me – I knew I had to meet her. Even if that meant I’d get socked in the face.

Best decision I ever made.

The best decision she ever made was to go on a date with Tall Scott (who, I should note, was a nice fella, but she was mine, not his).

Most people have some nexus with the person they love the most in the world with: They’re classmates, gym buddies, co-workers, something.

But a street pickup is zero nexus – it’s a complete and utter stranger.

Now, as it turned out, we ended up having a friend in common, but when we first spoke to each other, we didn’t know that.

For some reason, I’m quite proud of that fact.

Me: In one of our first conversations, I told her that Julius was Caesar’s middle name. His first name was Gaius.
Her: (laughing) I never knew that.
Me: And now you do.
Her: (later) You’re very nice. But you’re obviously still in love with your wife.
Me: I am. It’s even more complicated than you might imagine. (shrugging) I don’t think true love ever dies. And I don’t think most people would call me, “nice.”
Her: What would they call you?

Me: Did you have fun?
Him: I loved it! Can we come again tomorrow?!
Me: (laughing) Sorry, kiddo. Only once a week for us for now.
Him: Awwwwwwww!

We just recently launched our kids program that we named the Paxibellum Lil Rollers. My son was a bit apprehensive but both Chad and I were floored at just how good our buddy Mike was at teaching kids.

For example, at one point, he fell and started to cry and Mike totally brought him back and made him just fall in love with program.

Today was his second class and, when he came in, I told him Mouse might be there so he hit the mat and started running around screaming at the top of his lungs, “I wanna see Mousie!!!”

It was pretty adorbs, I gotta say.

She ended up not coming but Pez was there – she’s going to be the assistant kids coach – and the kid was thrilled to have a friend on the mats.

Afterwards, I got them all Taco Bell, just because … oh, you know…

Anywho, if you have a kid between the ages of 5 and 14 in Manhattan, bring them by our gym at 4 W 18th Street. They’ll be in great hands.

Me: Dude, he’s so good at this.
Chad: Yeah, man, he really is.

Tonight, my kali coach was late to class so I covered the first half.

It was weird teaching again. I think the last time I taught a class was maybe in 2014. And, I gotta admit, I missed it.

Chad: I’ve never seen you teach before.
Me: Really? (thinking) Oh, I guess that’s right.
Him: You’re good at it. You should do it more.
Me: Maybe someday. I got the kid. (laughing) Besides, we can’t afford me yet.

Location: home
Mood: remorseful
Music: that’s how you’ll stay. That’s why, darling (Spotify)
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Chad and Mouse turn 32

I can work it!

Chad and Mouse both turned 32 recently. Unlike when they turned 30, this was a far more sedate affair.

Chad was in the mood for ramen – or so I thought – so Pac and I took him and Mouse out to eat at Oramen just around the way from the gym.

Pac and I got there first.

Him: I’m gonna get some hot sake. It’s perfect for weather like this.
Me: I’ll have some too.

We ended up ordering sushi and appetizers for the table just cause he and I were already hungry.

Then Chad and Mouse showed up.

Me: Wait, we came to a ramen joint because you wanted ramen and you’re not ordering ramen.
Him: No, I said I wanted to come here because the food’s good.

They had duck ramen and I was tempted to get that but instead got the beef rib ramen.

It was excellent. I’m getting hungry just writing this.

We all chatted for a bit before we left, but not before the owner caught us heading out and offered to take a picture of us with my camera.

We ended up going to the same place we went to for their 30th – and Mouse’s 28th – Solas.

Some other people from the gym showed up and we ended up staying there until about midnight or so.

Mouse and I left last.

Me: Shall we dance?
Her: (laughs) OK.

We went downstairs and stayed there for a bit before she called an Uber and I headed home. It was nice seeing everyone have a good time.

Had a pretty restless night because of all the drinking and other reasons but that’s neither here nor there.

Met up with sister-in-law at the Plaza Hotel the next day; she was nice enough to watch the boy while I went out the night before.

Chad and I actually met up again on Sunday; The CEO asked us out to brunch and, since I live around the way, I could hardly say no.

He introduced us an Army Colonel, and two well-heeled financial guys – one was also a Judo Instructor and the other the Vice-President of The CEO’s co-op on Central Park West.

VP: Wait, you’re single? You should meet my sister.
Me: You should hear more about me before you offer up relatives to meet me.
The CEO: I’ve already tried to fix Logan up with a hot blonde and someone else.
VP: I’ll send you her information.

Chad was gonna order a burger but I convinced him to get the Croque Madame instead, just because we had been chatting about maybe heading off to Europe one of these days.

He ended up being more open to it than my son was.

Me: How was it?
Him: Pretty good!

Me? I ordered the Egg Benedict with smoked salmon and a side salad just because I’ve been working out like mad lately and wanted to keep the diet up as well.

Although I cheated a great deal.

Me: Chad, I’m taking some of your fries.
Colonel: There’s some here as well.
Me: Oh, I’ll take those too. It doesn’t count if you didn’t order it.

They were all pretty interesting fellas but the Colonel was actually a lecturer at West Point on Strategies and Tactics.

Me: You know, it’s funny, but Chad and I [through our Scenic Fights channel] talk a lot about strategies and tactics on a micro level, whereas your expertise seems the same, but on a macro level.
Him: Oh, we can all get together and talk shop anytime.
Me: I’m down. I actually thought about being a professor myself, but I would just want to teach. Stuff like grading exams and dealing with students keeps me from pursuing that.
Chad: Yeah, I just want to teach. Logan takes care of everything else for me.

The CEO ended up covering the entire bill.

Me: Oh man…
Him: It’s fine, I invited you all out.
Me: It’s not that, had I known you were going to pay, I woulda ordered the steak.

After a while, we all went our separate ways. Chad and I talked about the gym for a bit before I brought the kid to a playdate around the way.

Me: Look out for the dog poop!
Him: I know how to work it, Papa!

The mother of the kid that we met up and I started talking about diet and exercise and she actually subscribes to the exact same dietary philosophy that I adhere to.

Me: I mainly feed him protein, fat, and fiber.
Her: Me too!

She made most of her money as an artist and I pretty impressed with her set up. She’s a single parent just like me that also lived in a Manhattan duplex.

Me: Yeah, the kid having his own room is perfect. I get my own space, he gets his.
She: Exactly!

We ended agreeing on most things, which is pretty rare since I think I raise the boy pretty differently from most people.

In any case, by the time we got home, both the kid and were wiped.

Him: I want to call Mouse on her birthday.
Me: That can be arranged. Did you have fun this weekend?
Him: (sleepily nods)
Me: Me too, kiddo.

Location: earlier today, hearing about an ambush in Afghanistan while safely having coffee on the UWS
Mood: curious
Music: I know my heart’s got room for you (Spotify)
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PSA: The seed and the soil

That’s on you

Him: Oh, have you met Logan? He runs a gym downtown.
Me: Technically, I’m still a lawyer and part-owner of a gym downtown.
Her: How did that happen?
Me: Very quickly, actually.

The hits just keep coming. My buddy Mark – a fellow Cornell grad – just had kidney surgery to remove a cancerous growth. While digging around, they found another cancerous growth on the other kidney.

That’s three people I know with life-threatening illnesses.

People think it’s strange that I’m in the gym four days a week but I know people there even more.

And these are *highly* successful people, including a world-famous actor, a billionaire, and a former NFL player/Fortune 500 CEO, amongst others.

Curt is someone else that’s in the gym six days a week and he’s a personal trainer that told me the following:

Logan, you have to lift weights now because if you don’t, you’ll have to lift weights later.

It’s true. I missed PT for personal reasons today but now, I’m in it. Cannot wait for summer.

Some lady’s gonna have a fine summer, lemme tell ya…

Her: I’m better looking as a woman than you are as a man.
Me: (laughing) You think so?
Her: With this chest and this booty?
Me: Fair. I suppose we’ll see.

On that note, like I’ve said repeatedly, alla your life’s problems can be divided up into health, wealth, and relationships.

Outta those three, health is the one that gets the most short-shrift.

But if this pandemic has taught us anything, it’s something that I know all too well: Life is nasty, brutish, and short.

So, if the best bulwark against cancer, age, and injury is good diet and exercise, dunno why everyone doesn’t do it. It’s the fountain of youth.

I should know.

Her: You’re semi-retired? How old are you?!
Me: Oh, we’re playing the game. How old do you think I am?
Her: 32?
Me: (laughing)
Her: No? 38?
Me: (laughing more)

Did you know that Taco Bell has a Taco Lover’s Pass? It’s 30 days of free tacos for $10. Of course I bought one the day it came out. I’ve literally eaten 2-10 tacos a day for two weeks straight now.

But I balance it out with: (a) nuts, oatmeal, salads, or fish for my other meals and, (b) a lotta home-cooked meals, and (c) a ton of time at my gym, Paxibellum.

Look you’re gonna have to pay the price for the things you do at some point. I’d rather pay it now on my terms, than later on someone/something else’s terms.

The basic concept of cancer can be summed up in one phrase: The seed and the soil.

We ALL have cancer cells in our bodies – that’s the seed with our bodies being the soil.

      • If you take strong seeds and toss them onto rocky sand, they probably won’t sprout.
      • If you take crappy seeds and toss them into the most fertile land, ditto.

Your goal in health should be reduce the health of the seeds while making your body as inhospitable to those seeds as possible.

Luckily diet and exercise takes care of both.

Note that shitty luck has a hand in this. Alison had a superb diet and was an athlete all her life, which is part of why it was so gut-wrenching for me to watch her suffer and die.

But, in the end, that’s the one thing you can’t do anything about. You might as well affect what you can, when you can.

You need to reduce the amount of cancer cells in your body as much as possible and that’s done via diet and exercise.

Some turmeric spiced pork loin I made with some homemade veggie soup to balance out the month of Taco Bell.

Gonna leave this kinda heavy post with something funny my son said today as we headed to my gym; note that he’s just in first grade, which makes this all the more funny.

Me: We’re late!
Him: I’m already ready! That’s on you!

That made me laugh like you wouldn’t believe.

God, I love that rug rat.

Location: today, getting stabbed on W 18th Street
Mood: frick’n freezing, yo!
Music: What a thing, to be human (Spotify)
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Luck is strange and heartbreaking

Tempting fate

I’ve been tempting fate for the past year or so by keeping my toothpaste and my hand creme next to each other on the bathroom sink.

(Yes, I brush with children’s toothpaste; it’s easier and neater than having two things that perform the exact same function).

Well, it finally happened: I recently mixed the two up in the worst way. My skin smells like outrageous orange mango and my teeth and gums are now fully moisturized.

Not altogether terrible, I suppose.

And, if nothing else, my luck remains ever consistent. Case-in-point, I made the kid guacamole recently. Above is what I saw when I opened it.

After I was done laughing, my mind went dirty as I recalled a conversation with a young woman.

She told me she was getting hot and heavy with some dude and ended up having precisely the opposite experience of what I just had with this avocado.

Me: What did you do?
Her: What could I do? We were in it.

So, it’s not just my luck that could use improving.

Speaking of my luck, there’s a folder of stuff from my life before Alison that I spent years decades curating. It was almost my third career. I went looking for it recently for reasons that aren’t important and it’s gone.

I’m not sure if it disappeared during the second theft or Sleepy Logan deleted it or someone came into my apartment and deleted it.

It’s both maddening and slightly frightening.

Him: You never made a backup?
Me: That was my backup.

Spent the better part of a week searching for that folder. As I was looking for it, I thought about an old friend that helped me develop what was in it.

I’ve not him seen in a while – like the folder, he just up and disappeared.

Me: I’m thinking of trying to find him.
Him: How would you even start?
Me: I don’t know. I’m not sure how to find someone that’s as smart as him that doesn’t want to be found.

Speaking of Sleepy Logan, it’s hard to say sometimes if he’s me or I’m him.

I get confused even now. So little about my life makes any sense to me anymore.

Her: What are you looking for?
Me: Someone to be on my side, I suppose.
Her: (laughing) That doesn’t sound like too big an ask.
Me: You’d be surprised.
Her: And if someone was?
Me: (shrugging) I’d always be on hers. 

Just got some more absolutely devastating news about another friend of mine.

What it is about young Caucasian women dealing with life-threatening illnesses?

Luck is such a strange and heartbreaking thing.

Location: yesterday, around the Soup Nazi joint
Mood: busy
Music: It’s my life, I’m just fine, eating avocado (Spotify)
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All my pretty dreams

The people watching with me

I’m at an age where my possible pasts come back to me for one reason or another.

Some aren’t so long ago, like Lviv who reached out to me a few weeks back. We were talking about relationships and I told her about someone I had dated for a bit.

Me: …and here we are.
Her: Logan, you shouldn’t keep trying to make something that doesn’t work, work. It shouldn’t be so difficult.

It’s funny, things people tell me resonate with me in ways that I’m not prepared for.

It shouldn’t be so difficult, is one of those things.

Lviv’s a doll. Her fella’s lucky to have her.

Somena’s another friend that I find myself quoting often.

Met her shortly after my ex-before-Alison and I broke up and she too told me something that just changed everything about how I looked at that relationship and I’ve quoted it here many times in the past:

It’s better to be the star of your own movie than have a cameo in someone else’s.

But sometimes, a supporting character from my past contacts me with news that takes my breath away.

Was walking home from yet another date-to-nowhere when my friend Jeanna rang me.

She’s been in this blog under a different name that you’d recognize if you’ve been reading for a while but that’s neither here nor there.

Me: What happened?
Her: Long story short… I’m [sick]. It’s been a weeks long process of pain and doctors and catheters. I had MRIs of my brain and lumbar.
Me: No…
Her: I was going to write you – thought about it a few times – but didn’t want to remind you of any pain.
Me: I’m so sorry.

And just like that, I was back in 2015. Knocked the wind outta me.

She’s waiting for more tests and I’m holding out hope she’ll be ok. If it turns out that she’s not, I’ll let you know.

Life is, by nature, a shitshow. Who you sit with, though, makes all the difference.

Speaking of 2015 and sitting with people, was seeing an acrobat for a bit recently. That ended quietly so I can talk about now.

Me: I’d have to say 2015 because my son was born that year.
Her: That’s sweet. And the worst?
Me: Also 2015.
Her: Why?
Me: I lost…I lost all my pretty dreams.

Suppose there’s a reason you don’t see too many lawyers with acrobats.

But, she was lovely and earnest.  As is everyone in this entry. I hope they find their happiness however they can.

Wrote once about losing all my beautiful plans.

Man, I was dumb back then. So, dumb.

There’s a line in the song I quoted in that entry that goes, “I want to lose my sorrow and be free again.”

That’s something that I think a lotta people can relate to.

Me: I’m not sure what else to say.
Her: I just want a diagnosis, so I can start some sort of treatment plan and feel like myself again.

Which is why you need to people to sit with you as you watch the world go by.

Location: having tacos with my favourite little human, watching the world go by on 6th Avenue
Mood: concerned
Music: I’ve been here before. I can’t be here no more (Spotify)
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Sledding, Winnie, Micky, and a Dentist

Not Linked In

I got an email from LinkedIn today that caught my eye. It looks like the university that my buddy told me was looking for an IP professor is now broadly searching for someone.

On a related note, January 1st, 2022 was/is a huge day in IP law. It’s the day that Winnie the Pooh and Micky Mouse lasped into public domain. This means that anyone can legally create a Winnie the Pooh or Micky Mouse related business (with a billion exceptions).

Like I said, before everything went down with Alison and my dad, both events would have a huge impact on my life.

Today? It’s just something I mention in this here blog and I’ll probably not think about again until the next cocktail party I attend.

Or brunch.

Maybe not.

I recently had the kid’s teeth pulled. Again.

We ended up doing outside of insurance (again) so it’ll be gruel and weak tea for us for the next two years.

Jesus Christ, healthcare costs are ridic.

After getting my own teeth bashed in this past October, I switched the kid’s helmet to a full face and head version.

Buddy: Does the kid care that he’s the only one wearing a helmet to go sledding?
Me: No. And even if he did, it wouldn’t matter. I gotta keep him safe. That’s literally my only job.

It didn’t matter yesterday anywho. It was single digits and he was the only one sledding. But he loved it. That’s all that I cared about.

Him: This is so much fun! Do you want to try?
Me: (laughing) I’m good, kid. Go again. I’ll be here, waiting.
Him: OK, papa! Watch me!!

Location: being told to stop being a p$#@$ by a girl in Union Square
Mood: family-oriented
Music: it’s only my will that keeps me alive (Spotify)
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Sine qua non

Villan it is

Me: Goddammit. The RTX 3090 needs three pcie power connectors and you only have two.
Him: Goddammit.

My buddy Panda just left. Was trying to upgrade his computer but no luck. Still, we did manage to sit down and have some rum together.

Him: You’ve accomplished a lotta stuff with your life.
Me: (taking a sip) What have I accomplished besides being a high-functioning alcoholic?
Him: (shrugging) Well, you’re high-functioning at least.

Spoke to someone I dated after everything went down with Alison and my dad. I literally had to dig up my old phone – and old phone number – to figure out how to get in touch with her. My brain’s like swiss cheese lately.

That’s an interesting story that I’m still trying to sort out. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday.

Me: FWIW, I think I loved you. Everything was just…crazy then.
Her: (laughs) You think?! You did. You still do.
Me: Sure. And I think you still love me. But in the end, it doesn’t make a difference does it?
Her: No, it doesn’t. (shaking head) I’ve never met anyone so out of touch with what they’re thinking and feeling.
Me: It was too much. It’s still too much to take. In the end, we were both right: We’re incompatible.

On that note, I thought of my ex before Alison recently.

This woman named Alana Davis sang a cover of Ani DiFranco 32 Flavors that I prefer to Ani’s verison. Alison always thought that was blashphomy.

In any case, both versions start off with a line that goes, “Squint your eyes and look closer; I’m not between you and your ambition.”

When my ex and I broke up, she essentially said I was holding her back: From making new friends, from getting promoted at work, from blogging, from public speaking, from everything.

In law, there’s a latin phrase, sine qua non, which translates to “but for…”

eg: She would be happy and successful – but for Logan holding her back.

I thought of that phrase and the Ani song as she was telling me how awful I was.

Don’t think I was angry so much as I was sad that she blamed me for so much. I like to think that she was just lashing out because everything was such a mess.

Have zero idea what’s going on with her now but I always wondered if her life became everything she dreamed it would be if only I wasn’t in it.

Sine qua non Logan…

Honestly, as I write this, I hope she was right. That it was me, all along, keeping her from being the best version of her self.

I wrote once that I was always secretly on her side and I still am.

In fact, I’m secretly on the side of a lotta people who probably don’t know that I am. Because, for some moments in time, they meant the world to me.

In the end, that’s fine.

Everyone needs a good enemy and if that’s my role in someone’s life, so be it – sometimes, we don’t get to choose if we’re the hero or the villian, life chooses for us.

Villan it is…

In other news, I finished making the duck confit for the kid recently.

Him: I don’t want to try it.
Me: Try it, you might like it.
Him: (reluctantly) Oh, it’s good!
Me: See?!
Him: I’m just going to eat the (plain) rice, OK? Yummy. This rice is so good.
Me: (sighing)

Location: stepping out of the car on W 76th and Amsterdam
Mood: villanous
Music: God help you if you are a phoenix and you dare to rise (Spotify)
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A Pefect Mix

Complete conviction and complete insanity

The duck came out nicely – managed to have end more duck fat to work with. I might cave and have some potatoes in my near future.

The kid had to see the dentist the other day. It was a disaster. Waited for 90 minutes only to be told she couldn’t do anything for him.

Her: He needs to see an oral surgeon to get those teeth pulled.
Me: What are your thoughts of me with a some string tied to a door knob and his teeth and slamming the door?
Her: What?
Me: I said, “Gotcha, we gotta see an oral surgeon. I’ll get right on that.”

 

I have so many computer parts in my tiny little NYC apartment.

It’s my hoarding mentality; I’m always loathe to throw anything away. For example, I have a buncha i5-11500T chips; the thing that’s special about that chip is the “T” designation, which means it’s incredibly energy efficient, operating between 25 and 35 watts. This is compared to, say, an i9-12900K processor, which operates between 125 and 241 watts.

Now, granted, the i9 is significantly faster than the i5 but for things like blog writing and ordering additional bottles of rum, that speed is wasted for my needs. And probably most people.

The thing is, what do I do with alla these “T” chips? I find myself building computers literally just to build them.

For example, I have one that is used as a DVR, while another is used to operate the cameras in my building.

It’s kinda like growing zuccinis and giving them away, but nerdier/cooler.

That’s what I tell myself.

So, the other day, I decided to take my personal computer and streamline it – both in terms of what it can do and it’s physical size.

The way I look at it, assume arguendo that I pay $5,000 a month to live in a 1,000 SF apartment (this isn’t my actual rent but these are easy numbers to work with).

That works out to be $5 per square foot a month.

My old computer took about 2.5 square feet, which means it was taking up $12.50 of space a month, or $150 a year.

I managed to squeeze alla that into case taking up about one square foot, or $5 a month, or $60 a year.

And I can probably sell or donate the other parts I’m not using: win-win.

I’m totally lying to you, BTW. I’m gonna hoard all these parts JIC I need to build something else with them.

Finished building it just before midnight the other night. I need to stop doing things like  this.

Because I can’t seem to ever leave anything in my past. At least, not the things I care about.

Me: Why is it that everytime we see each other, we immediately get into an argument?
Her: Because, you have a perfect mix of complete conviction and complete insanity.
Me: Oh, please lemme put that in the blog.
Her: Fine. (later) You know you are actually completely insane, right?
Me: (shrugging) Well, not *completely*…

The city’s empty again. Which I kinda like, NGL.

Location: alone on the red line, wondering if I should run up and down the car while I can
Mood: conflicted
Music: Better to have loved and lost my mind (Spotify)
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About par for course

It’s 2022

Me: How’s your 2022 going?
Him: Well, it just started so, good, I guess? You?
Me: Early on the 1st, I walked out my door and immediately stepped in dog poop. So, about par for course.

Had alla these plans for the week while kid was away but then COVID hit my gym and we had to close.

That put a damper on everything.

Luckily, I had a backup plan with my buddy Morgan. But we only got through 25% of what we had planned there too.

You see, my dishwasher stopped working. I read the manual and it turns out that you’re supposed to clean it every month. I got it like 15 years ago for Alison and never cleaned it.

So, I took out my tools and took the whole thing apart and finally got to the filter. Imagine opening a jar a vasoline and sticking your hand into it. That’s what I essentially did.

Zero smell, thankfully. Just…15 years of grease stuck in the drain.

After cleaning out the waste drain and the waste grinder blade, I then spent an hour trying to clean out the trap with toothpicks and a toothbrush.

Then I googled the part and found out I could get a replacement for $40 so I just did that and let my dishes pile up for a few days.

The holidays are a barrel o’laughs for me, lemme tell ya.

My freezer has been just jam packed with vacuum sealed items so I decided to just clear it out by cooking and eating everything.

I made us a leg of lamb and some slow roasted chicken…

…some gyros with the Good Eats gyro recipe…

…which was pretty good but I woulda used less rosemary and marjoram next time. A lot less.

Then I made some Chinese eggs with tomatoes just to mix it up…

And then another leg of lamb…

…which turned out to be corned beef. But Spak came by and tried it.

Him: Man, that’s really good!
Me: I made it with Herbs de Provance and recooked it in the pressure cooker. I’m glad you like it because it was a mistake.

The fact he liked it meant a lot to me because he’s a pretty good cook himself.

We saw a flick about my personal hero that he brought over.

Had some other company too but that’s the only one I’m allowed to talk about.

Finally, I defrosted a duck, quartered it, and seasoned it for some duck confit via the sous vide.

Also managed to render some duck fat to make eggs in the morning for myself.

Anywho, after letting it marinade for three days, I put it in my sous vide at 155 degrees for 35 hours right before sitting down to write this.

I’ll let you know how that goes in a few days.

It’s 2022. I survived another holiday season.

What a kick in the head.

Her: What do you mean, you’re waiting?
Me: I figure I have about 7,000 days left here. I’m just waiting.
Her: That’s dark.
Me: (shaking head) No. This fella named Spalding Gray once said, “Everybody knows they are going to die, but no one really believes it.” I believe it.

Location: in Metal Park for four hours, telling a celebrity’s son not to cry
Mood: productive
Music: let’s just make this a little easier (Spotify)
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