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personal

Running into a possible past

Making the right choice

Me: Sometimes, I wonder what my life woulda been like if I went to Dresden for that LLM.
Her: Well, there’d be no [son], no Alison, and no Firecracker.
Me: Maybe I’d have a son named, “Hansel.”

My kid went to a bday party around the way today and it was an interesting experience, at least for me.

Years ago, my buddies Johnny, RE Mike, Sheridan, and I all met up a few blocks south of my pad to check out a building that was for sale.

We were potentially gonna buy it, back before everything went to hell and I actually had some scratch.

We almost bought it, but Johnny felt it woulda been too much work. He wasn’t wrong per se but, in hindsight, I wish we did it.

Then again, Johnny and RE Mike never did get along.

Anywho, the reason I was thinking alla this is because the party took place inside the building we once almost bought.

It was markedly different/better than when I first saw it.

Most of the building was renovated with the first floor rented out to a small business.

Alla the things that Johnny was concerned about were addressed and it was fascinating to see the directions the new owners went in.

I spend a lotta time thinking about my possible pasts; what my life would have been like had I taken one path over another.

Used to do it pretty often when I was younger but, as the years go on and the branches accumulate, I find myself there in more situations.


Still, I can’t imagine a life without my son or Alison.

And the Firecracker has been an unexpectedly nice surprise in my life.

Her: (laughs) Yes, but he wouldn’t be [your son], he would have been someone different.
Me: Then I made the right choice then.

Speaking of Dresden, the Firecracker and I’ve been discussing heading to Europe together at some point while her friend was away and staying at the friend’s pad.

I’ll let you know if that happens.

Location: A building I almost bought before my old life ended
Mood: pensive
Music: Down like the sun at the end of the day (Spotify)
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Dinner at Iris’ and then a walk

40-60 Hours?!

Me: Hey, it’s Restaurant Week again.
Her: We should go out…oh, wait, that should be our thing!

Last week was pretty roasting so this week is a welcome respite from the heat.

Having said that, it was the last week we had without our kids so we went out to eat at Iris Restaurant in midtown.

The cuisine was Mediterranean, which is amongst my faves.

Pretty much everything was killer.

Afterward, we ended up walking home and stopping by The Shops at Columbus Circle, particularly Williams-Sonoma.

Me: I like looking at all the stuff I can’t afford, and can’t fit into my tiny apartment.
Her: But it’s still nice to look. (later) Hey – F for Firecracker!

The boy came back not soon afterward, as did her son.

It’s nice to have a bit of time off from being parents but we both missed our kids a lot.

I think the boy’s starting to realize that the effects of a vacation are quickly forgotten once you return to your real life.

Him: Wait, when did I come back from grandma’s?
Me: (puzzled) What? You came back yesterday.
Him: (incredulous) I did?! It feels like so long ago.
Me: (laughing) You’re not gonna enjoy working 40-60 hours a week.
Him: 40-60 HOURS?!
Me: (laughing more)

Location: Staples in the UWS, recycling lithium batteries
Mood: beat
Music: Was it all that easy? (Spotify)
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A dive-y birtday in the UWS

Anchoring in the aways

It was the ABFF’s birthday the other day so I invited her and the Firecracker to a local dive bar because I’m classy like that.

It started off normal enough, with just some burgers, chips, and guac…

…and some boardgames.

Things started to go sideways – at least for me – when I got the table some jello shots.

Her: Oh man, I can’t remember the last time I had one of these.
Me: I think it was around the turn of the century for me.

Again, I’m nuthin if not classy.

And the waiter comped us some really gross fireball shots.

That’s when the carbs started happening.

Something about greasy carbs when I’m drinking makes me feel particularly gross and this was no exception.

I didn’t last too much longer after that.

While we did stay out for some four hours, the Firecracker was happy that we got home at a reasonable hour – although, based on our conversations, we probably shoulda ended earlier.

Firecracker: That’s one good thing about your being so old, we have early nights.
Me: Who are you calling old?!
Her: You, old man. (later) Look, if you want your anchor in my away, you’re gonna have to make sure my boat is floating.
Me: What does that even mean?!
Her: See, you’re old.

Location: home, surrounded by the kid and his friend, who kept tripping on stuff
Mood: still hungry after four tacos, two turkey sandwiches, three oranges, and a baga chips. I want more.
Music: joy up on my face. Oh, sunshine in an empty place (Spotify)
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I’m not an activist

The Dragon Combat Club

Last Thursday was hot and steamy in the city. If I had the option, I woulda stayed home all day.

But I didn’t have that option because my buddy Hen Z – who’s a Paxibellum student of both kali and BJJ – invited me to come to the premier of a short video about a group that he started, called the:

“Dragon Combat Club, a grassroots self-defense organization formed in the wake of brutal anti-Asian attacks. The film they made explores community solidarity, self-expression, and the fundamental right to be safe.”

So, at 7PM last week, made my way down to 87 Lafayette St, which actually turned out to be an abandoned Fire Station, number 31.

There, I ran into my buddies Katrina and Prin – both of whom take kali and BJJ at Paxibellum as well.

It was weird, I felt like a mini-celebrity because I met so many people that knew me from Scenic Fights.

Him: Hi! Are you…?
Me: (holding out hand) Logan, nice to meet you.
Him: I’ve seen all your videos!

Which makes sense because Scenic Fights and I were part of the germination of the concept of using weapons for self-defense.

I’d been watching Hen and his group grow from an idea to its current status as a community-based organization and I’m glad he’s doing it to try and be a positive influence for the Asian-American community.

The video itself was pretty cool, and relatively short – I’ve linked to it below and think it’s worth the 10 minutes that it runs.

For some reason, though, the organizers cut the fans for a solid 15 minutes or so in the beginning and the air conditioners weren’t doing much at all.

I was melting during that time and couldn’t really cool down much, even after they turned the fans back on.

Still, it was a good experience and one I’m glad to have been a part of, however ancillarily.

Speaking of Scenic Fights, this is a wild thing to wrap my head around, but it turns out that, just on YouTube, we’ve had over 101 million – 101 MILLION – views.

That’s full-on nuts.

Then again, I really do believe what I wrote below in my IG account:

Location: home, trying to hook up an eGPU via thunderbolt and a G29 steering wheel via that to a NUC for the boy
Mood: exhausted but fulla tacos
Music: woke up knowing where I am, if just a little bit (Spotify)
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Times Square to home

Two miles in Summer

Her: It’s a nice night – we should walk home.
Me: That’s like two miles!
Her: Cm’on, you said you didn’t go to the gym today…

After we left the theatre, we she decided to walk home – I figured I’d walk up with her as well.

It was a madhouse.

Her: Once we make it past 50th, it’ll be better.
Me: I know, I used to live here.
Her: Then you know!

It was actually busy until about 52nd, but it definitely got better.

We walked by some outdoor vendors selling goods.

Me: Man, that’s gotta be miserable.
Her: (nods)

We walked past the Ed Sulivan Theatre, which I always did when I went to Fordham but lived in Times Square. I told her some stories about that time.

What little I could remember, anywho.

After a while, we got to Lincoln Center, which was having a dance party of some sort.

But we were too hot to linger for too long.

After we got back, she had to go pick up her kid and I had to toss out a buncha things for recycling.

It was a nice ending to a nice night out.

The kid’s back this weekend. I cannot wait to see him.

Location: the LES, watching the premiere of I’m Not An Activist at DCTV
Mood: troubled
Music: I’m right back where I started (Spotify)
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Once Upon a One More Time

Everybody needs a RE Mike

First mentioned RE Mike to you some 15 years ago, where he floated me and my buddy Sheridan into a private party with James Lipton, Richard Kind, David Zaikin, Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin.

Since then, he’s gotten me into more parties and events than I can possibly count including some grand openings, model parties, private concerts, private concerts with donut bars, ship launches, whatever the hell was happening in the picture below, dinners, real estate events (of course), and roof parties.

This is from the really weird party we went to in 2019.

He even set up one of the wedding parties that Alison and I had, and the only one in Manhattan, at a joint he owned.

He and my friends around the way were some of the first people I saw after everything went down.

I shoulda had a donut from the donut wall that night.

I’m honestly not sure why he’s always so nice to me, but – heck – who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

Everyone should have a RE Mike in their lives.

RE Mike: [Sent you an invite to the Britney Spears musical.]
Me: Thanks! When are you going?
Him: Went last week enjoy! It’s silly but fun.
Me: Cooooooool, thanks!

The Firecracker and I were trying to figure out what to do last weekend when he got us two tickets to a new show with Britney Spears songs called Once Upon a One More Time.

Honestly, while I liked a few songs from her – like Work Bitch, which, before everything went down, coulda been my theme song – I wouldn’t really call myself a fan of hers.

Having said that, The Firecracker loves musicals so I figured I’d take one for the team and go with her.

Not counting the musicals on the cruises I go on, the last time I went to a Broadway musical was with Alison some 14 years ago.

But, I gotta admit, it was a lot more fun than I was expecting, and the story wasn’t bad at all.

I’d never been to the Marquis Theatre, which is in the New York Marriott Marquis hotel in Times Square.

The layout was a bit odd as you walk downstairs and immediately are facing the concession/bar area. Weird/bad feng shui.

Her: Do you want a drink?
Me: I’ll just have some of yours.
Her: Why don’t I just get you one?
Me: Because I’ll just keep running to the bathroom.

Outside, there were a buncha booths where people to take selfies with some of the songs as themes.

The Firecracker had a blast and it was fun doing something completely different for a change. If you get a chance to go, you should.

Afterward, we took a long walk-up Broadway, about two miles north to my pad.

I’ll tell you about that in my next post.

Until then, below is the encore from the show, which they were cool enough to let us record.

Location: the gym, for the first time in a while
Mood: missing the kid like crazy
Music: You want a Maserati? You better work (Spotify)
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Lucky Logan

It’s time. I’ll help.

Was coming back from the gym last week when I exited the subway and stepped over, what looked like, a torn piece of fluttering paper.

But it moved differently than the other rando pieces of litter I usually see so I turned back around and took a closer look.


It turned out to be this little yellow butterfly.

Was mesmerized by it for a few minutes. I’m sure people thought I was weird, recording what seems like a piece of trash.

I can only imagine it was on its way to get drinks with friends somewhere downtown.

NYC has its little bits of magic, if you just stop and pay attention.

Speaking of getting drinks, I brought the Firecracker to my favourite local restaurant, Arte Cafe, a few blocks south of me.

The Firecracker had never been before and we went at an off hour so we had the joint to ourselves.

Used to go there alla time but I just stopped for various reasons, I’m sure you can guess.

The last time I was there was almost five years ago.

Ended up getting my usual burger with a side salad.

Everything was great except…

Her: That’s gonna drive me crazy – both mirrors are crooked.
Me: (looking) Why would tell me that?! Now it’s gonna drive *me* crazy.
Her: I need to do something about that.
Me: (standing up) I got it.

So, I walked over and straightened out both mirrors.

There were patrons in the other areas and I think they all thought we were odd, but one of the waitstaff laughed and nodded so I’m guessing that all was ok.

Her: Thanks! That was gonna drive me nuts.
Me: You and me both, lady.

I took her out to eat because she was helping me clean out the kid’s room and rearrange everything.

I’m making some pretty major changes – the first in a long while – with the kid’s room because he’s getting older and I want to make sure his room grows as he grows.

Tossed Alison’s old desk that I gave him to use these past few years. But it’s been falling apart because the kid’s been pretty rough with it.

Was a lot harder to do than you might imagine.

Firecracker: (gently) I know you don’t want to do it, but it’s time. I’ll help.
Me: No. It’s fine. I’ve got to do this.

In any case, I’m feeling rushed because he’s coming back soon and there’s so much more to do.

Was gonna focus alla my time this past weekend on it but then RE Mike hit me up to tickets to a Broadway show.

I generally only have the kinda luck that no one wants. But every once in a while, something good happens.

I’ll tell you more about that in the next entry.

Location: home, realizing that the box I got to keep all the power stuff doesn’t fit underneath my TV stand
Mood: missing the kid
Music: If there’s nothing missing in my life (Spotify)
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Flashy Hot Dogs

Hope is a tricky thing

Yesterday was National Hot Dog Day and the Firecracker has a soft spot in her heart for hot dogs so I grilled some up for us and her kid.

Did you know that some McDonalds used to sell hot dogs? It was only for a brief time.

Prob for the best; I’m not sure a lotta people would go to McDonald’s to order a hot dog.

I saw The Flash when it came out because he was always one of my favourite superheroes – mainly because super speed is the only power I think really matters.

That’s an entry for another day, I suppose.

But, while I don’t think it deserved to be as maligned as much as it has been, I wanted to tell you why I think the movie failed.

As a comic book nerd, I always gravitated more towards DC comics than Marvel comics, even though I really liked both.

See, Marvel likes to ground its characters in realism – the teenage Peter Parker trying to make ends meet while dealing with massive guilt, the alcoholic Tony Stark, the rage-filled, revenge-seeking Frank Castle, etc.

Comparatively, DC heroes are like otherworldly gods – Superman is essentially a god from the heavens, The Flash is as fast and mercurial as Mercury, Wonder Woman is a goddess.

The thing about these gods, though, is that they are innately good, and – more than anything – bastions of hope.

The Pastor and I discussed this ages ago.

Me: Did you like Man of Steel?
Him: No, because he killed Zod. Snyder doesn’t understand Superman never kills. He doesn’t understand that Batman doesn’t use guns. He doesn’t understand what makes them…them. DC Comics are all about hope. But Synder’s film have no joy, no hope. It’s all spectacle without heart.

And that, I think, is why The Flash bombed.

It’s one of the saddest and darkest superhero films out there; everyone and everything is disposable. Heroes are introduced merely to die. No one and nothing matters.

Look, don’t get me wrong, I understand that tragedy is a part of life.

Fuck, if anyone’s life is a tragedy, it’s mine (albeit, fulla joy).

Plus, there’s nuthin wrong with a cinematic tragedy; but kids trying to see their fave hero on the big screen – especially a DC-based one – want the good guys to win.

Evil to be overcome. Good to prevail.

Goddammit, I thought my own tragedy wouldn’t actually be one. Thought we would prevail. But I was wrong.

I digress.

In any case, just like you don’t go to McDonalds for a hot dog, you don’t go to a DC based film to leave feeling hopeless.

And that – not just the bad CGI (which I didn’t hate) and the foibles of the main actor – is why I think the movie failed.

That, and hope is a tricky thing to mess with.

After all these years, I still don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Location: home, using an impact drill to drill into my brick wall for the boy
Mood: full – I way overdid it on my goat curry tonight
Music: Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone (Spotify)
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It’s time to come home

Not that lawyer any more

Me: The problem is that you’re homeless and a stranger in a strange land. You’re not valued by him and never will be. But your friends and family are here.
Her: I can’t afford to live in NYC any more, Logan. I don’t have a job and I’m not 20 anymore.
Me: Plenty of people – your parents and mine – came here with less and spoke even shittier English than you…
Her: (laughs)
Me: …they all survived. They all thrived. It’s time.

A dear friend of mine, who moved away to be with the man of her dreams suddenly found herself in a nightmare.

She gave up everything – her home, her friends, her family, and her job, to be with this fella.

That’s her story to tell so I’ll end that part here.

But I told her things that I never told anyone.

Never told you either.

Because I not only lost both my families in 2017, but I also lost my career.

Never told you, but when I lectured in Malaga, over a decade ago, my topic was the right of publicity versus the right of privacy.

In it, I wrote about Gwen Stefani/No Doubt legal case where she allowed her likeness to be used for one thing but not another.

With the rise of computational power, we’re rapidly coming to a point where we don’t need an actual actor or singer but merely their likeness to create art. And that will open up a whole new world of possibilities, both for good and bad. – Logan

Right now, a major part of the whole writer/actor’s strike is the fear that their likeness will be used by a studio for, potentially, eternity.

Watched one lawyer talk about it, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t angry and jealous – because the focus of my entire practice was going to be about the intersection of the rights of publicity and privacy.

I knew a decade ago that this current AI crisis was coming and I wanted to be at the forefront of it all.

Her: Holy shit, you were ahead of the curve, Logan!
Me: Yeah, by over a decade. I’m gonna be honest with you, I threw myself a pity party last week thinking that coulda been me.

That fucking cancer took almost everything from Alison and me.

12 years of work, poof. Gone.

I’m still a lawyer but I’m not…that lawyer anymore.

I secretly used pictures of Alison throughout my lecture.

But Alison and I were dealt our shitty cards and we had no other choice but to play them.

After all, that’s what Alison did. Felt I had to respect her sacrifices and do the same.

I just said that the fucking cancer took almost everything.

Almost because I still had the boy.

Somehow, through all my chemicals and madness, I sobered up enough to remember him and how much he meant to Alison, and me.

Knew I had to make a home for him with me, however incomplete and inelegant that was.

That kid saved me and, together, we made this sad place – which was full of some seriously unspeakable and fucked-up things – a happy(ish) home for both of us.

And I told my friend all this just to let her know that it’s possible.

It’s possible to overcome the blow, even when it seems so unlikely.

Me: I’m not making light of your situation. It’s gonna be shitty and hard. But I just want you to know that you can survive this. You can survive this blow. Because, somehow, I did.
Her: (silence then laughing) I can’t believe I’m saying this but you’re making a lotta sense.
Me: (laughing) I’m as surprised as you are. (pause) Listen, X, it’s done. That place isn’t your home, not anymore. But here, you matter to a lotta people. Me included.
Her: (sighing) OK, Logan. Lemme think about it.
Me: Do that. It’s time to come home.


Location: home, waiting for people to pick up things up
Mood: better
Music: I only wish my words could just convince myself (Spotify)
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A Double-Date in NJ

A reason to live in the burbs

Me: I’m not sure I should head to the gym. I’ve got so much to do.
Her: Go. You missed so many days that it’ll be good to clear your head.
Me: OK.

Because I had COVID, I lost a solid week of projects that I was planning to do while the kid was away.

As soon as I felt better, I threw myself into my unchanged list of tasks to do.

One major thing I’d not done in years was to clean out all the kid’s old toys, clothes, and papers from the past two years. After three days, his room still just looked like it vomited up everything.

Now, the Firecracker and I were supposed to head out to see Pac and his girl for dinner but I didn’t think I could make it.

Pretty much told him we weren’t going to come because once I got back from the gym, it would be a solid six more hours of work that I needed to do to make it in time to toss everything for that week’s trash and recycling.

But when I got back, the Firecracker intercepted me.

Her: Hey, I wanna show you something.
Me: Do I have to? I’m so beat.
Her: Yeah. I think you’ll like it.

It turns out that, while I was gone she spent two hours cleaning up the kid’s room and did in two hours what woulda taken me four hours. So, I had two hours to wrap it all up.

Me: Well, it looks like we’ll be there tonight.
Pac: Great! Come by at 6PM.

So, after I did what I could with the kid’s room, off we went.

It was raining when we left but we arrived at Port Authority with just three minutes to spare for the next bus.

Her: If you navigate, I’ll buy tickets on my phone.
Me: Sold!

So, while she was face down on her phone buying tickets, I got us to the right gate in two minutes and 30 seconds. We arrived just moments before the bus pulled out.

Now, we thought we took the wrong bus because we didn’t know it first went south before heading north (Pac lives in the north part of NJ) but we ended up being right on time.

Pac and his girl were just great. Turns out that she has a green thumb, something I aspire to.

Me: These plants are just amazing! I never thought of having a succulent garden.
Him: She has them as a kinda meditative thing.
Me: Oh man, my plants just give me agita.

We brought some alcohol while they ordered a ton of fried Korean chix, which we demolished.

Afterward, we played a game of Exploding Kittens, which I lost and came in last…

…then a game of Spot It, which I lost and came in last.

Me: This stinks!
Firecracker: Oh, you’re just mad because you keep losing.
Me: Well, yeah…

We ended up just chatting until late.

Afterward, we grabbed a Lyft home.

Her: Your friends are really nice. We should invite them over some day.
Me: Sure. Pac’s by alla time but it’d be nice to have him and his girl over one day.
Her: Would you ever live out here in the burbs, Logan Lo?
Me: Maybe. If I had a good reason.
Her: (nodding) Maybe you’ll have one, someday.

Location: Paxibellum, shooting more Scenic Fights and getting more crotches tossed into my face
Mood: potentially seriously messed up. I’ll tell you later on if I am
Music: Its gettin hot in here (so hot) (Spotify)
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