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personal

Times Square to home

Two miles in Summer

Her: It’s a nice night – we should walk home.
Me: That’s like two miles!
Her: Cm’on, you said you didn’t go to the gym today…

After we left the theatre, we she decided to walk home – I figured I’d walk up with her as well.

It was a madhouse.

Her: Once we make it past 50th, it’ll be better.
Me: I know, I used to live here.
Her: Then you know!

It was actually busy until about 52nd, but it definitely got better.

We walked by some outdoor vendors selling goods.

Me: Man, that’s gotta be miserable.
Her: (nods)

We walked past the Ed Sulivan Theatre, which I always did when I went to Fordham but lived in Times Square. I told her some stories about that time.

What little I could remember, anywho.

After a while, we got to Lincoln Center, which was having a dance party of some sort.

But we were too hot to linger for too long.

After we got back, she had to go pick up her kid and I had to toss out a buncha things for recycling.

It was a nice ending to a nice night out.

The kid’s back this weekend. I cannot wait to see him.

Location: the LES, watching the premiere of I’m Not An Activist at DCTV
Mood: troubled
Music: I’m right back where I started (Spotify)
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Once Upon a One More Time

Everybody needs a RE Mike

First mentioned RE Mike to you some 15 years ago, where he floated me and my buddy Sheridan into a private party with James Lipton, Richard Kind, David Zaikin, Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin.

Since then, he’s gotten me into more parties and events than I can possibly count including some grand openings, model parties, private concerts, private concerts with donut bars, ship launches, whatever the hell was happening in the picture below, dinners, real estate events (of course), and roof parties.

This is from the really weird party we went to in 2019.

He even set up one of the wedding parties that Alison and I had, and the only one in Manhattan, at a joint he owned.

He and my friends around the way were some of the first people I saw after everything went down.

I shoulda had a donut from the donut wall that night.

I’m honestly not sure why he’s always so nice to me, but – heck – who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

Everyone should have a RE Mike in their lives.

RE Mike: [Sent you an invite to the Britney Spears musical.]
Me: Thanks! When are you going?
Him: Went last week enjoy! It’s silly but fun.
Me: Cooooooool, thanks!

The Firecracker and I were trying to figure out what to do last weekend when he got us two tickets to a new show with Britney Spears songs called Once Upon a One More Time.

Honestly, while I liked a few songs from her – like Work Bitch, which, before everything went down, coulda been my theme song – I wouldn’t really call myself a fan of hers.

Having said that, The Firecracker loves musicals so I figured I’d take one for the team and go with her.

Not counting the musicals on the cruises I go on, the last time I went to a Broadway musical was with Alison some 14 years ago.

But, I gotta admit, it was a lot more fun than I was expecting, and the story wasn’t bad at all.

I’d never been to the Marquis Theatre, which is in the New York Marriott Marquis hotel in Times Square.

The layout was a bit odd as you walk downstairs and immediately are facing the concession/bar area. Weird/bad feng shui.

Her: Do you want a drink?
Me: I’ll just have some of yours.
Her: Why don’t I just get you one?
Me: Because I’ll just keep running to the bathroom.

Outside, there were a buncha booths where people to take selfies with some of the songs as themes.

The Firecracker had a blast and it was fun doing something completely different for a change. If you get a chance to go, you should.

Afterward, we took a long walk-up Broadway, about two miles north to my pad.

I’ll tell you about that in my next post.

Until then, below is the encore from the show, which they were cool enough to let us record.

Location: the gym, for the first time in a while
Mood: missing the kid like crazy
Music: You want a Maserati? You better work (Spotify)
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Lucky Logan

It’s time. I’ll help.

Was coming back from the gym last week when I exited the subway and stepped over, what looked like, a torn piece of fluttering paper.

But it moved differently than the other rando pieces of litter I usually see so I turned back around and took a closer look.


It turned out to be this little yellow butterfly.

Was mesmerized by it for a few minutes. I’m sure people thought I was weird, recording what seems like a piece of trash.

I can only imagine it was on its way to get drinks with friends somewhere downtown.

NYC has its little bits of magic, if you just stop and pay attention.

Speaking of getting drinks, I brought the Firecracker to my favourite local restaurant, Arte Cafe, a few blocks south of me.

The Firecracker had never been before and we went at an off hour so we had the joint to ourselves.

Used to go there alla time but I just stopped for various reasons, I’m sure you can guess.

The last time I was there was almost five years ago.

Ended up getting my usual burger with a side salad.

Everything was great except…

Her: That’s gonna drive me crazy – both mirrors are crooked.
Me: (looking) Why would tell me that?! Now it’s gonna drive *me* crazy.
Her: I need to do something about that.
Me: (standing up) I got it.

So, I walked over and straightened out both mirrors.

There were patrons in the other areas and I think they all thought we were odd, but one of the waitstaff laughed and nodded so I’m guessing that all was ok.

Her: Thanks! That was gonna drive me nuts.
Me: You and me both, lady.

I took her out to eat because she was helping me clean out the kid’s room and rearrange everything.

I’m making some pretty major changes – the first in a long while – with the kid’s room because he’s getting older and I want to make sure his room grows as he grows.

Tossed Alison’s old desk that I gave him to use these past few years. But it’s been falling apart because the kid’s been pretty rough with it.

Was a lot harder to do than you might imagine.

Firecracker: (gently) I know you don’t want to do it, but it’s time. I’ll help.
Me: No. It’s fine. I’ve got to do this.

In any case, I’m feeling rushed because he’s coming back soon and there’s so much more to do.

Was gonna focus alla my time this past weekend on it but then RE Mike hit me up to tickets to a Broadway show.

I generally only have the kinda luck that no one wants. But every once in a while, something good happens.

I’ll tell you more about that in the next entry.

Location: home, realizing that the box I got to keep all the power stuff doesn’t fit underneath my TV stand
Mood: missing the kid
Music: If there’s nothing missing in my life (Spotify)
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A Double-Date in NJ

A reason to live in the burbs

Me: I’m not sure I should head to the gym. I’ve got so much to do.
Her: Go. You missed so many days that it’ll be good to clear your head.
Me: OK.

Because I had COVID, I lost a solid week of projects that I was planning to do while the kid was away.

As soon as I felt better, I threw myself into my unchanged list of tasks to do.

One major thing I’d not done in years was to clean out all the kid’s old toys, clothes, and papers from the past two years. After three days, his room still just looked like it vomited up everything.

Now, the Firecracker and I were supposed to head out to see Pac and his girl for dinner but I didn’t think I could make it.

Pretty much told him we weren’t going to come because once I got back from the gym, it would be a solid six more hours of work that I needed to do to make it in time to toss everything for that week’s trash and recycling.

But when I got back, the Firecracker intercepted me.

Her: Hey, I wanna show you something.
Me: Do I have to? I’m so beat.
Her: Yeah. I think you’ll like it.

It turns out that, while I was gone she spent two hours cleaning up the kid’s room and did in two hours what woulda taken me four hours. So, I had two hours to wrap it all up.

Me: Well, it looks like we’ll be there tonight.
Pac: Great! Come by at 6PM.

So, after I did what I could with the kid’s room, off we went.

It was raining when we left but we arrived at Port Authority with just three minutes to spare for the next bus.

Her: If you navigate, I’ll buy tickets on my phone.
Me: Sold!

So, while she was face down on her phone buying tickets, I got us to the right gate in two minutes and 30 seconds. We arrived just moments before the bus pulled out.

Now, we thought we took the wrong bus because we didn’t know it first went south before heading north (Pac lives in the north part of NJ) but we ended up being right on time.

Pac and his girl were just great. Turns out that she has a green thumb, something I aspire to.

Me: These plants are just amazing! I never thought of having a succulent garden.
Him: She has them as a kinda meditative thing.
Me: Oh man, my plants just give me agita.

We brought some alcohol while they ordered a ton of fried Korean chix, which we demolished.

Afterward, we played a game of Exploding Kittens, which I lost and came in last…

…then a game of Spot It, which I lost and came in last.

Me: This stinks!
Firecracker: Oh, you’re just mad because you keep losing.
Me: Well, yeah…

We ended up just chatting until late.

Afterward, we grabbed a Lyft home.

Her: Your friends are really nice. We should invite them over some day.
Me: Sure. Pac’s by alla time but it’d be nice to have him and his girl over one day.
Her: Would you ever live out here in the burbs, Logan Lo?
Me: Maybe. If I had a good reason.
Her: (nodding) Maybe you’ll have one, someday.

Location: Paxibellum, shooting more Scenic Fights and getting more crotches tossed into my face
Mood: potentially seriously messed up. I’ll tell you later on if I am
Music: Its gettin hot in here (so hot) (Spotify)
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An infinite capacity for taking things for granted

Got COVID…yet again

Firecracker: Take a COVID test.
Me: What? Don’t be ridiculous. There’s no way I have COVID again. I already had it three times, I’m double vaxxed and double boosted.
Her: Just take one. You have a million tests, anywho.
Me: (sighing) I guess you’re right.
Her: (later) Well?
Me: I HAVE @#$@#$@ COVID AGAIN! FOUR TIMES NOW!

Felt like hot trash for the past few days.

The two people I rolled with the day before AND the Firecracker – who spent every single day with me – did not get it.

My luck runs ever true.

The fella that wrote Brave New World once said, Most human being have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.

Thought about that tonight because I’m constantly reminded of my possible pasts that I didn’t realize would be so short and special to me in hindsight.

See, I’ve been clearing out stuff in the house and had to head down to the basement, which I’ve not done in a while because the basement scares me, greatly.

Not because of the spiders, or mice, or whatnot, but because of ghosts.

Well, that’s not wholly true because they’re not ghosts per se, but apparitions in my head.

Remember when alla that flooding happened and I told you that I lost most of Alison’s things then? That was true. But I still find things.

Tonight, I found a box of a 101 cookie cutter shapes. Alison got them when she was pregnant with one of the kids we lost.

She had all these dreams of making sugar cookies and tree ornaments for our children.

They’ve never been used.

And I found bags and bags of the kid’s clothes when he was younger.

See, I saved every single goddamn shirt and pants. Because I thought that, maybe one day, I’d have another fatty to call my own. And he, or she, would need some clothes.

And a crib, and a stroller, and a changing bed, and toys…

But alla that seems less and less likely now.

One of the (many) things about Alison that I adored was how unsentimental she was. As long as she had a picture of something she loved, that was good enough for her.

Coming from a poor background, my family slanted towards hoarding while her priorities were cleaniness and order. She always encouraged me to let things go.

So, I started giving away a lotta of the kid’s old clothes and things.

And I’ll probably give away these cookie cutters as well.

Alison would have.

Spoke to my therapist recently.

Therapist: How have you been?
Me: Besides getting COVID for the 4th time, pretty well.
Her: (smiles) You seem it. Tell me what’s been going on.
Me: Things have been going really well with the Firecracker and me. She understands, better than most, having alla these hopes and dreams and then having them suddenly disappear.
Her: That’s great, what else?
Me: (thinking) I think that for a long time, I’ve been unable to truly accept that this is my life. I think that for the past…Jesus Christ…seven years, I’ve been fighting – both subconsciously and consciously – the reality that is my life.
Her: And now?
Me: I don’t really have any other choice, do I?
Her: I’m proud of you, Logan. That’s a good step. You should be proud of yourself as well.
Me: I’m not sure I’d go that far, yet. But I’m trying to be better.
Her: (nods)

Location: my basement, sans COVID, thinking of my possible pasts
Mood: thoughtful
Music: the trace of a memory, stained into the past (Spotify)
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The 4th of July weekend, Pt 2

Catching fireworks with the Firecracker

Her: I’ve been here all this time and I’ve never seen the fireworks.
Me: Well, it’s not my thing but I’m sure we can figure something out.
Her: Fireworks for the Firecracker – we’ve gotta do it, Lo!

My cousin, Ras, just moved in LIC and had an outdoor space so the Firecracker and I were supposed to head there after dinner but Ras cancelled last minute.

But it was fine, we were in LIC anywho so just scouted around for a place to watch the fireworks.

For those of you not in NYC, Long Island City in Queens and Midtown East in Manhattan are the two best places to catch the Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks because they’re held on the east side.

As a native New Yorker, I’ve spent my life trying to avoid going to these things but the Firecracker’s not originally from around here, so I figured I’d take her.

First, we went to a tiny, tiny, tiny, restaurant called Carla.

Afterward, we walked around looking for a spot to catch the fireworks.

We walked for a looooooong time.

Because not every place was suitable.

Her: No, Logan Lo.
Me: Now, hear me out…

We did not go there.

We did, however, do our civic duty and killed a lanternfly nymph that we saw – first one for 2023.

We ended up walking past the gym I’d gone to while the lockdown was in place.

The streets were already insanely crowded and the Firecracker was getting a headache, so we just popped into a Thai restaurant and ordered a few drinks as well as more food.

They had paper umbrellas in their drinks.

While there, the fireworks started and everyone left the restaurant.

We were the only people there.

So, I quickly grabbed a corner table that actually had a good view of the fireworks.

It was like we had a private room.

After a bit, we decided to leave a bit early to avoid the rush.

Which was near impossible because of the crush of people around us.

But it was fine because that meant that we could watch more of the fireworks, anywho.

A friend of mine once told me that the 4th of July was for family.

This was the first 4th in a while that I’d spent with anyone in years but it definitely felt right.

Me: Maybe next year, we can just watch them at home on the television, yeah?
Her: Sure, Lo. Next year. Maybe.
Me: (nodding) I’ll take maybe.

Location: home with COVID, still
Mood: a bit less COVIDy
Music: there’s a spark in you, you just gotta ignite the light (Spotify)
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The 4th of July weekend, Pt 1

Making sense

The Firecracker and I ended up heading out to Gar and Wynn’s place in Long Island for the 4th of July weekend.

It was supposed to rain for most of the day, so we just spent time out at the pool for a bit.

Rick: Go down the slide, I’ll hold the raft there.
Me: I dunno…
Him: Don’t worry, I’ll make sure the raft is there when you come down.

That was somewhat true. I couldn’t keep my balance and kept falling into the pool.

The Firecracker didn’t have that issue.

I brought out Codenames, which I don’t think I’ve played in close to five years.

Me: Bale (for cotton).
Him: Bail? Oh, like in court?
Me: No…
Firecracker: No cheating!
Me: I’m just clarifying!
Her: Cheater!

I’d meant “bale” of cotton.

Afterward, we went out to a combo Chinese hot pot/Korean BBQ place.

The Firecracker never had hot pot before so I made her a sauce for it.

She was not a fan of the sauce I made.

Her: I’ll make my own.
Me: Rude!

However, she was a fan of the hot pot itself.

I essentially stuffed my face for 90 minutes straight.

Katsmw: You know Logan’s busy eating when he’s quiet for over an hour.
Me: (nods, continues to eat)

Rick thought it would be funny if he told the staff it was Gar’s birthday. Which he did and it was not.

It was late when we got back.

Her: I like your friends. They’re all successful and nice; that’s a good combo.
Me: I try to avoid loser friends that are mean.
Her: Makes sense.

Location: home, in bed with COVID for the 4th time
Mood: COVIDy
Music: We should be reckless, doing the things we know we shouldn’t do (Spotify)
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Four bars, one night, and a free TV

Using useless information

I’m really behind in alla my posts, sorry.

But I’m trying to catch up.

The Firecracker’s kid and my kid were away, plus she was in the middle of moving, so I ended up helping her schlepp her stuff here and there.

Her: We have to bring this TV to my new place so I can give it away.
Me: What?! That’s ridiculous. It’s gonna rain soon. Just slap a sign on it that it’s a free TV and someone’ll take it.
Her: Are you sure? I’d hate for it to end up in a landfill.
Me: Trust me.

It was gone in a few hours.

After a full day of that and a million other errands, we decided to treat ourselves afterwards to a drink at a local bar.

We got some appetizers…

…and drinks.

But the night seemed super early yet.

Me: Do you wanna go someplace else?
Her: With you? Sure!

We soon found ourselves at my old bar Malachy’s – which just had a major face-lift – where we had some rum and diet coke.

But I was, of course, still hungry.

Her: I know a place near my old apartment with board games and $6 burgers.
Me: You had me at $6 burgers.

She was looking for the perfect game and found a trivia one called, I should have known that!

Her: Who wrote Robinson Crusoe?
Me: Daniel Defoe. Hey, did you know that it was based on a real person named Alexander Selkirk? Just before he died, he dreamt of being back on his island.
Her: You know a lotta useless information, Lo.
Me: We’re using it right now!

Of course, I ended up spilling hot sauce all over the cards.

Her: LOGAN! I can’t bring you anywhere.
Me: (sighing) Evidently not. I’ll get some paper.

After several drinks and food, we walked outta the bar.

Me: I want more food.
Her: We can get some chicken sandwiches and a pina colada over at Tiki Chick.
Me: Sold!

While the Firecracker went to the restroom, I chatted with the manager.

Me: Where in Africa are you from?
Him: Sengal.
Me: Oh. I loved a girl once that worked in Dakar.
Him: Really? That’s so great. Was that her?
Me: (shaking head) No. No, that’s my girlfriend. The girl from Dakar was…someone else. She…got sick.
Him: Oh. (gently) Your girlfriend is very pretty.
Me: (nodding) I think so too. Thanks.

Location: earlier tonight, walking all over LIC so the Firecracker could see the fireworks for the first time.
Mood: full and tired
Music: Come along, baby, we better make a start (Spotify)
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It’s Summertime again

New traditions

Years ago, Alison and I were taking a walk in the hood when we came across a fella at a street fair near our pad selling these cool oversized coasters.

Alisons loved them and picked out four large ones; they’re still the ones I use to this day.

Fast forward to the weekend after last and kid and I were hanging out with the Firecracker and her kid at another street fair when I met the same guy.

Me: I bought a buncha these from you years ago. We chatted about cameras.
Him: (big smile) I remember you!

Dunno if he really did, but it was nice for him to say.

I told the kid he could pick any four of the smaller sized ones and I’d get them for him; he did, so I did.

Him: Do you like them?
Me: You picked them out, so I like them.

Since it was the end of the school year, I told the kid he could have anything he wanted for dinner.

Despite us seeing some gorgeous dumplings and authentic German bratwurst…

…this is what he choose.

In my defense, I ate the vast majority of it all.

Him: Are you still hungry?!
Me: …well, I could eat a little…
Him: Papa!

Well, I could…

Dropped him with my in-laws for a spell – as I did last year.

It’s bittersweet, like most things with me, that we have these new traditions, he and I. But it’s not supposed to be like this.

Nuthin is as it was supposed to be.

I spent the day out with him in NJ and had a nice Afghani dinner before I left.

Me: I’ll miss you.
Him: I’ll come back!

It was just as well. There’s been alla this stuff that I needed to do around the house.

For example, there were years of leaks into my basement that I needed to fix…

…years.

So, I finally got that done.

Pac swung by to pick my (legal) brain for a project of his and brought over some pan-fried chix and ribs from Charles Pan-Fried Chicken.

He originally wanted some Cuban-Chinese around me but I told him that our buddy Half-man said this place was the bomb – the last time I had it was with the NFL Player.

Him: Man, this was definitely the better choice!
Me: Agreed!
Him: I may have gotten a little excited and bought too much stuff.

He did not.

It’s my first summer as a 50 year-old.

And yet, I’m as excited about it as I was as a child.

Me: I like you.
Her: (laughs) Oh, Lo…you don’t like me.
Me: I don’t?
Her: (shakes head, smiles) No, Logan Lo. You don’t.
Me: (nodding) Ah…

Location: yesterday, getting sprayed in the most unmentionable places at my buddy’s pool in Long Island
Mood: hopeful
Music: Romantic Piscean seeks angel in disguise (Spotify)
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Oh, how I wish you were here

Proud of ourselves

The Firecracker was busy for most of the following day but we met up for a walk to the pier near my pad when she was free.

There was a salsa party going on so we had to fight our way through that to make it to the edge of the pier, but it was worth it.

Me: What are you thinking?
Her: These are the times where I think, I can’t believe that I live here.

This fella named Richard Ford once said, The more we see our parents fully, see them as the world does, the better our chances to see the world as it is.

The boy just got his first red stripe in BJJ, which is kinda a big deal – certainly to him, if nuthin else.

Him: LOOK, LOOK! (shows me) Are you proud of me?
Me: Of course. But that’s not as important as if you’re proud of yourself. Are you proud of yourself?
Him: (beaming) Yes!
Me: That’s the most important thing, kid. Do things that make yourself proud of yourself, not me or anyone else.

Finding that I miss my dad the most when I want to ask him things about me when I was the kid’s age.

I mean, my mom’s still around and she and I talk about these things but I wonder what my dad was thinking when I was the kid’s age and doing similar things.

Realize all the times that my dad was right – and wrong – about things. I so wish he was here to talk about it all.

If he was, I wish I could tell him that I understand now, so much more about him than I ever did.

Wish I could tell him that I loved him, still do, and always will.

I wonder if he’d be proud of me. Then again, I think I did the best I could with everything I was given.

In that sense, then, I’m proud of myself.

Still, I wish he was here.

Although, truthfully, I always wish the people I loved were here with me.

Him: You looked like this again (makes face). Were you thinking of mommy again?
Me: (smiling, shaking head) I always think of her, but at that moment, I was thinking of my papa.
Him: (hugs me) I’m sorry, daddy.
Me: Thanks, kid. You’re my faves.
Him: YOU’RE MY FAVES!
Me: (laughing, hoping that I’ll stay in his top 10 forever)

Location: getting a second free soda at a street party because the person wanted a pic of me
Mood: hollowed
Music: how I wish you were here (Spotify)
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