Tag: family

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Parenting Drama Pt 2 – Educate the Children

It’s French

I’m sure you remember the Pythagorean theorem from grammar school.

But, Pythagoras was also a philosopher, with a quote I’ve always liked: Educate the children and it won’t be necessary to punish the men.

Obvs, let’s make it gender neutral.

That’s kinda how I look at my responsibility when it comes to teaching this kid. If I screw it up, he’ll bear the punishment for my failures, not me. Can’t have that.

On the flip side, though, I wonder if I’m too strict. Spoke to my mom not that long ago:

Her: I think you’re too hard on him.
Me: I’m too hard on him?! Have you met you? You were super hard on us.
Her: Noooooo.
Me: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Her: (ignoring me) He’s such a good boy. Be easier on him.
Me: What planet am I on right now?

Now, before we went to the party together last weekend, I was supposed to have a sitter come in for part of the day but she totally flaked with on me, first with this excuse:

Her next text was saying the snow was too much. Very annoying.

But, the boy and I ended up having a really fun time the whole weekend, starting out in Central Park with his classmates.

And the next day, it was literally just him and me in this playground the entire morning.

Man, being a parent is stressful. Dunno if any of these choices I’m making are the right ones, but I hope they are.

Him: I’m bore…
Me: Don’t say it! Don’t say it.
Him: Fiiiiine. I’m going to play my ukulele. (walks away)
Me: (under breath) Just don’t start a band, drop out of school, and become a musician.
Him: What?
Me: I said, have fun!

Mouse was in the city, so she and I grabbed dinner around the way. Purely as friends.

Me: You drove all the way in so, obviously, my treat.
Her: French/Japanese. Something flavorful.

We ended up going to the same bistro I went to the other day with Chad and friends.

Me: A Croque Madame is essentially a grilled cheese with ham and an egg.
Her: That’s an insane price for a grilled cheese.
Me: (shrugging) It’s French.

We went to a bar around the way, but it was closed so we went to another bar down the street.

It was late when she went home.

Once wrote that I was never friends with a serious ex.

But I’m trying new things because we’re both part of the fabric of each other’s lives. Still, it’s complicated.

Her: Get out.
Me: (sighing) Hokay, I’ll try again tomorrow.

Ended up having a completely sleepless night because I’m not used to eating or drinking at night – I’m still doing intermittent fasting so I rarely consume anything after 6PM.

Just as well.

The Acrobat: What are you up to?
Me: Talking to you, evidently.

Location: earlier today, in the third nicest apartment I’ve ever been in. This time, right outside the gym
Mood: so fulla carbs, you wouldn’t believe
Music: classy girls don’t kiss in bars, you fool (Spotify)
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Parenting Drama Pt 1

Dude!

My son’s picking up some interesting words at school.

Him: Dude! It’s so late.
Me: What? Why are you calling me dude?
Him: I dunno, dude.
Me: Well, the teenage years are gonna be rough.

That word, honestly, doesn’t bother me so much.

The word that does bother me, no end, is bored. Especially as it pertains to school.

He’s reading at a third-grade level and also doing long division while the other kids are…not.

What I don’t want for him is to be like my brother and me. If you think I’m smart, think of me as Sherlock and my brother as Mycroft – my brother’s significantly smarter than me.

There’s no comparison between the two of us, really. And I’m fine with that because he’s paid dearly for his intelligence. But that’s his story, not mine.

Still, my kid is far more like my brother than me. Which worries me.

I was pretty unhappy as a kid. My brother was miserable.

In any case, stuff my kid said caught the ear of his teacher, who had to contact the guidance counselor, who then contacted me. It was the start of a series of annoying meetings.

Teacher: I just want you to know, he’s the happiest kid I know. I don’t think he’s upset, I think he’s just bo..
Me: Bored. He’s looking to stir things up.
Her: Yes. But I’m required to tell the counselor.
Me: I get it.

Guidance Counselor: Mr. Lo, your son is just the most adorable kid! Can I say that?
Me: I think you just did.
Her: (later) I don’t think he means it. I think he’s just a little bo…
Me: Bored. Yup. He’s looking to stir things up.
Her: Yes. Would you consider putting him in the G&T classes?
Me: Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I want him normal. I want him to have a normal life. I don’t want that for him.

So, what to do? I knew this was gonna happen, which is why I look at school as teaching him social skills.

I’ll teach him math, science, English, history, and everything else he needs to know. I just need him in school to keep him socially normal.

As for the boredom, I’ve been bringing the kid with me to my jits classes here and there. I just want to acclimate him to the life.

Last Friday, Mouse was there and was nice enough to offer us a lift back.

Watching the two of them talk is just the sweetest thing. Because she’s just so good at connecting with him.

Her: Were you just trying to be different?
Him: (laughing) Yeah…

They have a really sweet and special bond and I’m grateful for that.

It was really nice to spend time seeing the two of them interact, although we all had a lot more time to interact than we had expected.

Me: Shoot, there’s a ton of traffic
Her: I think there was an accident.
Him: Oh! Let I smell smoke!

Of course, we were hoping everyone was alright.

I brought him in to watch TV for a bit and stepped outside to chat with Mouse in the car.

Thought about the possible pasts again, as you might imagine.

Me: Thanks for the lift home.
Her: Sure.

Location: earlier today, trying to get from 14th Street to 79th Street in 20 minutes
Mood: parental
Music: I got your back, I will be near (Spotify)
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I only have two modes

Getting Old is a Gift

A few weeks ago:

Her: Here. You want some?
Me: No, I’m good, darling.
Her: (laughing) I thought you were a lawyer, not a cop.
Me: It’s not that. I’m only have two modes: Way too much or not at all.

Decades ago, I was in a club called Club USA for work when I was called upstairs to chat with the big mucky-muck.

There was a mirrored platter – maybe it was just a mirror, I don’t remember – with a mountain of cocaine on it. They motioned for me to sit down and the fella that called me upstairs handed me a rolled-up piece of paper.

Me: No, I’m good.
Him: What are you, a cop?
Me: No. I had some earlier and I don’t wanna overdo it.

That was a bald-faced lie, I was just scared.

The clubs were always swimming in drugs but I never took any because I was a club producer not a club consumer. But I was certain I’d be seen as what I thought myself to be: A fake and a poser.

After what seemed to be forever, the main guy looked at me and…

Him: (slowly nodding) Never had one of you say no. It’s good to know your limits, kid. So, what’s your offer?

And that was the start of my twenties in NYC, which were pretty nuts. Too bad I didn’t have a blog back then.

Funny thing is, a fella joined my gym earlier this week and brought up Rain, who did have a blog during that crazy time.

Him: …I was part of all that. Like AsianAvenue.
Me: (laughing) Do you remember Rain?
Him: Wait, you’re Logan from Bachelor Cooking?
Me: That was a lifetime ago, but yeah.

Thought about that because I got an invite to a party thrown by my friends around the way.

Last time, it was me and the Gymgirl at The Time Warner Center. This time, it was me and the kid on an entire floor at the Park Hyatt.

As soon as we walked in, we saw RE Mike and his wife, Maggie.

Her: OMG, that’s your son? He’s so big now! He’s adorable.
Me: It’s good, because I’m required by law to keep him another 11 years.

It was a great night – the kid sang all the songs and danced up a storm – well, until people took note of a little kid singing along to all the current pop songs.

Her: How does he know all these songs?
Me: Heck if I know, he just does.

Then he just wrapped his arms around me and asked to go back the table.

But he spent most of the night with Maggie and all the other women I knew there at the party.

Which is just as well, because I’m worried that he might be developing a gambling habit.

The funny thing is that my buddy from around the way, me, and RE Mike used to head out on the town together and hit up the clubs.

They remember when I met the German Girl at a local dive bar and any number of other random women/outings.

And now we’re having filet mignon and tuna tartare with champagne at the Park Hyatt with a live band, professional dancers, and more entertainment than you can shake a stick at.

Although, it’s good I didn’t bring any sticks to shake.

It’s also good having success models as friends.

Speaking of friends, my friend Sue wrote me recently, noting that she was sad she was getting older.

Me: I get it but I appreciate the luxury of being able to get old at all. As you know, I know too many that don’t have that. So try to be grateful that I can get old at all.
Her: You’re right, that’s something to be thankful for.

Every day is a gift.  And these gifts are even better when they’re with good and old friends.

Me: Thanks for always including us. We so appreciate it.
Her: Of course. We love you both.

And family.

Location: earlier today, at a swimming pool wondering if I should jump in
Mood: grateful
Music: You gotta wake up every morning, see the day as a gift
 (Spotify)
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Lil Rollers

Gaius Julius Caesar

Her: How did you meet your wife?
Me: (laughing) Same way I met you, darling.

My buddy is currently juggling about three or four women right now. Each one was a street pickup, which might sound crass to you, but it’s not meant to be; a street pickup simply means someone you have zero nexus with – a total stranger.

When I met Alison, she was just a beautiful girl walking into a club I was walking out of. I literally thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

Even though she was on date – with a guy called Tall Scott, which gives you some indication of what he looked like relative to 5’8″ me – I knew I had to meet her. Even if that meant I’d get socked in the face.

Best decision I ever made.

The best decision she ever made was to go on a date with Tall Scott (who, I should note, was a nice fella, but she was mine, not his).

Most people have some nexus with the person they love the most in the world with: They’re classmates, gym buddies, co-workers, something.

But a street pickup is zero nexus – it’s a complete and utter stranger.

Now, as it turned out, we ended up having a friend in common, but when we first spoke to each other, we didn’t know that.

For some reason, I’m quite proud of that fact.

Me: In one of our first conversations, I told her that Julius was Caesar’s middle name. His first name was Gaius.
Her: (laughing) I never knew that.
Me: And now you do.
Her: (later) You’re very nice. But you’re obviously still in love with your wife.
Me: I am. It’s even more complicated than you might imagine. (shrugging) I don’t think true love ever dies. And I don’t think most people would call me, “nice.”
Her: What would they call you?

Me: Did you have fun?
Him: I loved it! Can we come again tomorrow?!
Me: (laughing) Sorry, kiddo. Only once a week for us for now.
Him: Awwwwwwww!

We just recently launched our kids program that we named the Paxibellum Lil Rollers. My son was a bit apprehensive but both Chad and I were floored at just how good our buddy Mike was at teaching kids.

For example, at one point, he fell and started to cry and Mike totally brought him back and made him just fall in love with program.

Today was his second class and, when he came in, I told him Mouse might be there so he hit the mat and started running around screaming at the top of his lungs, “I wanna see Mousie!!!”

It was pretty adorbs, I gotta say.

She ended up not coming but Pez was there – she’s going to be the assistant kids coach – and the kid was thrilled to have a friend on the mats.

Afterwards, I got them all Taco Bell, just because … oh, you know…

Anywho, if you have a kid between the ages of 5 and 14 in Manhattan, bring them by our gym at 4 W 18th Street. They’ll be in great hands.

Me: Dude, he’s so good at this.
Chad: Yeah, man, he really is.

Tonight, my kali coach was late to class so I covered the first half.

It was weird teaching again. I think the last time I taught a class was maybe in 2014. And, I gotta admit, I missed it.

Chad: I’ve never seen you teach before.
Me: Really? (thinking) Oh, I guess that’s right.
Him: You’re good at it. You should do it more.
Me: Maybe someday. I got the kid. (laughing) Besides, we can’t afford me yet.

Location: home
Mood: remorseful
Music: that’s how you’ll stay. That’s why, darling (Spotify)
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Chad and Mouse turn 32

I can work it!

Chad and Mouse both turned 32 recently. Unlike when they turned 30, this was a far more sedate affair.

Chad was in the mood for ramen – or so I thought – so Pac and I took him and Mouse out to eat at Oramen just around the way from the gym.

Pac and I got there first.

Him: I’m gonna get some hot sake. It’s perfect for weather like this.
Me: I’ll have some too.

We ended up ordering sushi and appetizers for the table just cause he and I were already hungry.

Then Chad and Mouse showed up.

Me: Wait, we came to a ramen joint because you wanted ramen and you’re not ordering ramen.
Him: No, I said I wanted to come here because the food’s good.

They had duck ramen and I was tempted to get that but instead got the beef rib ramen.

It was excellent. I’m getting hungry just writing this.

We all chatted for a bit before we left, but not before the owner caught us heading out and offered to take a picture of us with my camera.

We ended up going to the same place we went to for their 30th – and Mouse’s 28th – Solas.

Some other people from the gym showed up and we ended up staying there until about midnight or so.

Mouse and I left last.

Me: Shall we dance?
Her: (laughs) OK.

We went downstairs and stayed there for a bit before she called an Uber and I headed home. It was nice seeing everyone have a good time.

Had a pretty restless night because of all the drinking and other reasons but that’s neither here nor there.

Met up with sister-in-law at the Plaza Hotel the next day; she was nice enough to watch the boy while I went out the night before.

Chad and I actually met up again on Sunday; The CEO asked us out to brunch and, since I live around the way, I could hardly say no.

He introduced us an Army Colonel, and two well-heeled financial guys – one was also a Judo Instructor and the other the Vice-President of The CEO’s co-op on Central Park West.

VP: Wait, you’re single? You should meet my sister.
Me: You should hear more about me before you offer up relatives to meet me.
The CEO: I’ve already tried to fix Logan up with a hot blonde and someone else.
VP: I’ll send you her information.

Chad was gonna order a burger but I convinced him to get the Croque Madame instead, just because we had been chatting about maybe heading off to Europe one of these days.

He ended up being more open to it than my son was.

Me: How was it?
Him: Pretty good!

Me? I ordered the Egg Benedict with smoked salmon and a side salad just because I’ve been working out like mad lately and wanted to keep the diet up as well.

Although I cheated a great deal.

Me: Chad, I’m taking some of your fries.
Colonel: There’s some here as well.
Me: Oh, I’ll take those too. It doesn’t count if you didn’t order it.

They were all pretty interesting fellas but the Colonel was actually a lecturer at West Point on Strategies and Tactics.

Me: You know, it’s funny, but Chad and I [through our Scenic Fights channel] talk a lot about strategies and tactics on a micro level, whereas your expertise seems the same, but on a macro level.
Him: Oh, we can all get together and talk shop anytime.
Me: I’m down. I actually thought about being a professor myself, but I would just want to teach. Stuff like grading exams and dealing with students keeps me from pursuing that.
Chad: Yeah, I just want to teach. Logan takes care of everything else for me.

The CEO ended up covering the entire bill.

Me: Oh man…
Him: It’s fine, I invited you all out.
Me: It’s not that, had I known you were going to pay, I woulda ordered the steak.

After a while, we all went our separate ways. Chad and I talked about the gym for a bit before I brought the kid to a playdate around the way.

Me: Look out for the dog poop!
Him: I know how to work it, Papa!

The mother of the kid that we met up and I started talking about diet and exercise and she actually subscribes to the exact same dietary philosophy that I adhere to.

Me: I mainly feed him protein, fat, and fiber.
Her: Me too!

She made most of her money as an artist and I pretty impressed with her set up. She’s a single parent just like me that also lived in a Manhattan duplex.

Me: Yeah, the kid having his own room is perfect. I get my own space, he gets his.
She: Exactly!

We ended agreeing on most things, which is pretty rare since I think I raise the boy pretty differently from most people.

In any case, by the time we got home, both the kid and were wiped.

Him: I want to call Mouse on her birthday.
Me: That can be arranged. Did you have fun this weekend?
Him: (sleepily nods)
Me: Me too, kiddo.

Location: earlier today, hearing about an ambush in Afghanistan while safely having coffee on the UWS
Mood: curious
Music: I know my heart’s got room for you (Spotify)
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PSA: The seed and the soil

That’s on you

Him: Oh, have you met Logan? He runs a gym downtown.
Me: Technically, I’m still a lawyer and part-owner of a gym downtown.
Her: How did that happen?
Me: Very quickly, actually.

The hits just keep coming. My buddy Mark – a fellow Cornell grad – just had kidney surgery to remove a cancerous growth. While digging around, they found another cancerous growth on the other kidney.

That’s three people I know with life-threatening illnesses.

People think it’s strange that I’m in the gym four days a week but I know people there even more.

And these are *highly* successful people, including a world-famous actor, a billionaire, and a former NFL player/Fortune 500 CEO, amongst others.

Curt is someone else that’s in the gym six days a week and he’s a personal trainer that told me the following:

Logan, you have to lift weights now because if you don’t, you’ll have to lift weights later.

It’s true. I missed PT for personal reasons today but now, I’m in it. Cannot wait for summer.

Some lady’s gonna have a fine summer, lemme tell ya…

Her: I’m better looking as a woman than you are as a man.
Me: (laughing) You think so?
Her: With this chest and this booty?
Me: Fair. I suppose we’ll see.

On that note, like I’ve said repeatedly, alla your life’s problems can be divided up into health, wealth, and relationships.

Outta those three, health is the one that gets the most short-shrift.

But if this pandemic has taught us anything, it’s something that I know all too well: Life is nasty, brutish, and short.

So, if the best bulwark against cancer, age, and injury is good diet and exercise, dunno why everyone doesn’t do it. It’s the fountain of youth.

I should know.

Her: You’re semi-retired? How old are you?!
Me: Oh, we’re playing the game. How old do you think I am?
Her: 32?
Me: (laughing)
Her: No? 38?
Me: (laughing more)

Did you know that Taco Bell has a Taco Lover’s Pass? It’s 30 days of free tacos for $10. Of course I bought one the day it came out. I’ve literally eaten 2-10 tacos a day for two weeks straight now.

But I balance it out with: (a) nuts, oatmeal, salads, or fish for my other meals and, (b) a lotta home-cooked meals, and (c) a ton of time at my gym, Paxibellum.

Look you’re gonna have to pay the price for the things you do at some point. I’d rather pay it now on my terms, than later on someone/something else’s terms.

The basic concept of cancer can be summed up in one phrase: The seed and the soil.

We ALL have cancer cells in our bodies – that’s the seed with our bodies being the soil.

      • If you take strong seeds and toss them onto rocky sand, they probably won’t sprout.
      • If you take crappy seeds and toss them into the most fertile land, ditto.

Your goal in health should be reduce the health of the seeds while making your body as inhospitable to those seeds as possible.

Luckily diet and exercise takes care of both.

Note that shitty luck has a hand in this. Alison had a superb diet and was an athlete all her life, which is part of why it was so gut-wrenching for me to watch her suffer and die.

But, in the end, that’s the one thing you can’t do anything about. You might as well affect what you can, when you can.

You need to reduce the amount of cancer cells in your body as much as possible and that’s done via diet and exercise.

Some turmeric spiced pork loin I made with some homemade veggie soup to balance out the month of Taco Bell.

Gonna leave this kinda heavy post with something funny my son said today as we headed to my gym; note that he’s just in first grade, which makes this all the more funny.

Me: We’re late!
Him: I’m already ready! That’s on you!

That made me laugh like you wouldn’t believe.

God, I love that rug rat.

Location: today, getting stabbed on W 18th Street
Mood: frick’n freezing, yo!
Music: What a thing, to be human (Spotify)
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Sledding, Winnie, Micky, and a Dentist

Not Linked In

I got an email from LinkedIn today that caught my eye. It looks like the university that my buddy told me was looking for an IP professor is now broadly searching for someone.

On a related note, January 1st, 2022 was/is a huge day in IP law. It’s the day that Winnie the Pooh and Micky Mouse lasped into public domain. This means that anyone can legally create a Winnie the Pooh or Micky Mouse related business (with a billion exceptions).

Like I said, before everything went down with Alison and my dad, both events would have a huge impact on my life.

Today? It’s just something I mention in this here blog and I’ll probably not think about again until the next cocktail party I attend.

Or brunch.

Maybe not.

I recently had the kid’s teeth pulled. Again.

We ended up doing outside of insurance (again) so it’ll be gruel and weak tea for us for the next two years.

Jesus Christ, healthcare costs are ridic.

After getting my own teeth bashed in this past October, I switched the kid’s helmet to a full face and head version.

Buddy: Does the kid care that he’s the only one wearing a helmet to go sledding?
Me: No. And even if he did, it wouldn’t matter. I gotta keep him safe. That’s literally my only job.

It didn’t matter yesterday anywho. It was single digits and he was the only one sledding. But he loved it. That’s all that I cared about.

Him: This is so much fun! Do you want to try?
Me: (laughing) I’m good, kid. Go again. I’ll be here, waiting.
Him: OK, papa! Watch me!!

Location: being told to stop being a p$#@$ by a girl in Union Square
Mood: family-oriented
Music: it’s only my will that keeps me alive (Spotify)
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Sine qua non

Villan it is

Me: Goddammit. The RTX 3090 needs three pcie power connectors and you only have two.
Him: Goddammit.

My buddy Panda just left. Was trying to upgrade his computer but no luck. Still, we did manage to sit down and have some rum together.

Him: You’ve accomplished a lotta stuff with your life.
Me: (taking a sip) What have I accomplished besides being a high-functioning alcoholic?
Him: (shrugging) Well, you’re high-functioning at least.

Spoke to someone I dated after everything went down with Alison and my dad. I literally had to dig up my old phone – and old phone number – to figure out how to get in touch with her. My brain’s like swiss cheese lately.

That’s an interesting story that I’m still trying to sort out. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday.

Me: FWIW, I think I loved you. Everything was just…crazy then.
Her: (laughs) You think?! You did. You still do.
Me: Sure. And I think you still love me. But in the end, it doesn’t make a difference does it?
Her: No, it doesn’t. (shaking head) I’ve never met anyone so out of touch with what they’re thinking and feeling.
Me: It was too much. It’s still too much to take. In the end, we were both right: We’re incompatible.

On that note, I thought of my ex before Alison recently.

This woman named Alana Davis sang a cover of Ani DiFranco 32 Flavors that I prefer to Ani’s verison. Alison always thought that was blashphomy.

In any case, both versions start off with a line that goes, “Squint your eyes and look closer; I’m not between you and your ambition.”

When my ex and I broke up, she essentially said I was holding her back: From making new friends, from getting promoted at work, from blogging, from public speaking, from everything.

In law, there’s a latin phrase, sine qua non, which translates to “but for…”

eg: She would be happy and successful – but for Logan holding her back.

I thought of that phrase and the Ani song as she was telling me how awful I was.

Don’t think I was angry so much as I was sad that she blamed me for so much. I like to think that she was just lashing out because everything was such a mess.

Have zero idea what’s going on with her now but I always wondered if her life became everything she dreamed it would be if only I wasn’t in it.

Sine qua non Logan…

Honestly, as I write this, I hope she was right. That it was me, all along, keeping her from being the best version of her self.

I wrote once that I was always secretly on her side and I still am.

In fact, I’m secretly on the side of a lotta people who probably don’t know that I am. Because, for some moments in time, they meant the world to me.

In the end, that’s fine.

Everyone needs a good enemy and if that’s my role in someone’s life, so be it – sometimes, we don’t get to choose if we’re the hero or the villian, life chooses for us.

Villan it is…

In other news, I finished making the duck confit for the kid recently.

Him: I don’t want to try it.
Me: Try it, you might like it.
Him: (reluctantly) Oh, it’s good!
Me: See?!
Him: I’m just going to eat the (plain) rice, OK? Yummy. This rice is so good.
Me: (sighing)

Location: stepping out of the car on W 76th and Amsterdam
Mood: villanous
Music: God help you if you are a phoenix and you dare to rise (Spotify)
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My reason for being here

Ready

My son and I went to NJ to my in-laws for Christmas where I had an endless stream of delicious food.

Mostly carbs, though.

My son’s gift to my MIL was that he played a song for her on the ukulele. I’m ridiculously proud of him, for the below and so much more.

Her: That kid is a genius!
Me: He takes after his mom.

Essentially spent my time playing with the kid, eating, and sleeping the whole time I was there. It was glorious.

The boy was sad when I left but I told him I’d see him soon. I took the train home; on the platform on the ride back was a fella easily six foot four or more.

Her: Is a giant next to you?
Me: Yes.

The rest of the weekend/week was spent meeting up with people that stopped by, with gifts like the Pastor…

Him: I have a gift for you!
Me: Dude! I didn’t get you anything.
Him: (later) There’s a huge rat behind you.
Me: You’ll tell me if it comes near me, right?
Him: If you see my eyes widen in horror, run.

…and Pac…

Him: Man, I never thought of it that way. (thinking) You see things that other people don’t see.
Me: It was my gift, seeing all the angles. Except with Alison. I didn’t see what I needed to see and she paid for it.
Him: You can’t blame yourself for that.
Me: (shrugging and taking a sip of rum) But, I do.

…and my buddy Miller that, unexpectedly bought me a handcrafted knife from Raven Knives.

Him: Merry Christmas, brother! I got something for you.
Me: Ooooooh, is it a busty 32-36 year old? Because I’ve always wanted one of those. And, you shouldn’t have!

I carry so much guilt, you wouldn’t believe it. But, somehow, I feel better than I have in a long while, I have to say.

Think it’s because I survied another holiday season. Well, almost.

Just a few days more.

All these years, I keep wondering if Hope is a good or bad thing.

I suppose there’s no way to ever tell until our race is run.

Me: I only have 5,000 days left here.
Him: That’s it?
Me: (nodding) It means I can’t waste time. I gotta make sure the boy’s ready.
Him: If anyone will get him ready, it’ll be you.
Me: (shaking head) So many people put their faith in me and I feel like I’ve let them all down. Alison, Mouse, Gradgirl, Daisy. So many people. But I can’t let him down. He’s my reason for being here.

Location: having coffee on W 18th Street, telling him that I finally understand
Mood: hopeful(ish)
Music: Problems I created, yeah, I wasn’t perfect (Spotify)
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Categories
personal

Omens

A family discussion

I met with a fella named Mikio Shinagawa in February of 2012 for a project that never happened.

We met after hours at his restaurant Omen and he offered me some tea that I took. This was back when I was still someone and not the broken, but high-functioning, charming alcoholic nobody you all know and love.

He passed away recently. Told him that I’d come back some day to try out his restaurant with my wife. He laughed and said he was looking forward to meeting her and that he’d treat us like royalty.

Never saw him again.

Another part of my possible pasts. He seemed like a nice fella. Fucking cancer.

We’ve had a lotta new students in the gym and I’m reminded just how different people that regularly train are from everyone else.

Him: What about you? How long have you been doing this?
Me: (thinking) 17 years?
Him: 17 years!? Wait, how old are you?

I’ve actually been studying kali for 17 years, 8 months, and 6 days.

Me: This is the longest I’ve gone without holding a weapon in my right hand.
Him: That’s a sentence that I don’t think I’ve ever said.

Speaking of the gym, one of our guys got COVID and may have given it to Chad, or the other way around.

Or maybe it was me?

See, about a week-and-a-half ago, I dropped the kid off at school, came home, and was so tired that I decided to take a nap at 8:45AM.

The next thing you know, it was 12:30 in the afternoon. I can’t remember the last time I slept in/overslept. I attributed it to my being out and about all week.

At the same time, I had a sore throat that I attributed to my (exceedingly) dry room.

Once I turned on my humidifier, everything seemed to go away and it was – at most – a 24-hour thing, so I didn’t think anything of it.

That is, until Chad called me to tell me he was gonna shut down the school.

Looking into the Omicron variant, because its symptoms seem to be milder, and because it doesn’t have the lack of smell/taste indicator, I wonder if that’s why it’s so contagious: Because it doesn’t act like the COVID virus we’ve all grown accustomed to, people don’t think they have it.

In any case, I took a PCR test, but even after three days, I don’t have the results yet. It seems that the company that gave me my test is so bad at getting results back in time that the NYS Attorney General just issued them a warning two days ago.

Which means that my luck remains true to form.

2021.12.24_08:34 Edit: Got my results – negative

Speaking of luck – and not being able to hold a weapon in my right hand – I’m running into Mouse randomly all the time; by no machinations from either of us.

We both happen to see the same physical therapist and we both happen to have appointments at the same time. Me for my hand, her for her leg.

But it’s been nice talking with her without all the weirdness that happens after a breakup. She’s (very) active in the gym and one of the rules I have is: Let true things be true.

The truth of the matter is that she’s now part of the fabric of my life, and that of my friends, so we both have to be adults about the whole thing.

Which, let’s be honest, isn’t really saying much as it pertains to me.

Location: hopping out of her car at 34th Street to get the kid
Mood: nostalgic
Music: Look at you through kinder eyes, kinder eyes (Spotify)
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