Tag: love

Categories
personal

An unexpected trip to Queens

A Chinese Chicken Gryo / Shawarma

Me: Why didn’t you answer you phone?!!
Mom: I didn’t hear it ring!
Me: For over an hour!?

My sister was inspired by our trip to Taiwan, so she took her kids there for Spring Break.

So, when she rang me, I assumed that it was to tell me something fun.

Instead, it was to tell me that her husband hadn’t heard from my mom in a few hours.

Without giving too much detail away, essentially, my mom forgot where she parked her car and decided to take an outrageously long walk home(ish).

With the help of my brother-in-law – thank goodness he was home – she made it home and found her car but not until hours later.

Out of an abundance of caution, and because I always, always, always regret not seeing Alison and my dad every chance I could, I woke up bright and early the next day to see her.

Because it was so early, I took the same route I took to return home to Queens from high school – it had been years since I’d taken that route home.

It was faster than I remembered.

Maybe it was because I had my laptop and could do work, and that made the commute a lot faster.

I remember that my dad would sometimes be waiting in the car at the subway station for me.

I looked at the place he would usually park for reasons I can’t explain.

Dunno why I do things like that.

Stupid, really.

But in some reality, he’s still alive and he’s waiting for me.

I digress…

Me: I’m just worried about you.
Her: What’s there to worry about? I forgot where I parked my car is all. It’s not that big a deal.
Me: I dunno, mom.
Her: It’s fine, it’s fine. Did you eat yet? Lemme make you something to eat.
Me: It’s ok, I’m not hungry.

That last part was true.

Literally, the only time I’m ever not hungry is when I’m worried. And I was worried about my mom.

Didn’t stay long. It took me 90 minutes to get to her, but I only stayed for 45 mins because I had so much to do.

Just wanted to see and hug her.

If you can see and hug your mom, you absolutely should.

Since I was in Queens, I remembered that I saw this Instagram short about this dude in Flushing Queens selling this 2000-year-old Chinese gyro / shawarma thingy – and you know what a sucker I am for those things – and I decided to get one before I headed back home.

Essentially, I saw that she seemed like herself and my hunger came roaring back.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Luis Flores (@pictureperfectluis)

So, I went there, waited in a short line, and ordered one.

$6. Chicken with a ton of cumin.

The bread was like a cross between a crossiont and phylo sheet. It was pretty delicious, I gotta say.

Realized, as I ate it at noon or so, that it was the very first thing I’d eaten all day – it was my first bite of food in 18 hours.

When Alison and my dad got sick, I dropped down to 140 pounds. I was skin and bones.

I know that I should spend as much time with my mom while I can.

Just don’t wanna think about things like that.

So, I think about stupid things like 2,000 year old Chinese gyros and push all that doubt to the side of my mouth.

Location: the gym, trying to impress this hot blonde
Mood: meditative
Music: we brave beestings and all (Spotify)
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Run for your children

You made it

Him: Look… (holds up belt)
Me: What? HEY – you got it! That’s my boy!

This was a pretty busy week, kid-wise.

First, the kid got a new BJJ belt, which he’s been hoping for for quite a while now.

Then I went to another one of his publishing parties at his school – it was nice that he was so happy to see me.

Then we dropped down to 0 degrees Fahrenheit with wind chill this past weekend in the city and we had a full day shoot at my old gym.

Me: Whoa! Why’s it so cold?
Him: The heat’s out.
Me: Get outta here.

It was way worse in that everyone else got to wear sweatshirts and hoodies, but I had to do all six hours in a tee-shirt.

I was absolutely miserable.

For serious, one of the guys was literally wearing his entire outer wear AND his costume while setting up while I’m in a tee-shirt.

Director: Whoa, your hands are turning blue.
Me: (teeth chattering) I am not unaware…also, I hate you.

Normally, I’m one of the fastest of the bunch to shoot his scenes but, because I was absolutely freezing, I kept messing up my lines.

Me: By the end of this video, you’ll know the mistakes that get people killed by Ghostface…
Director: You can’t say killed.
Me: Goddammit! OK. Sorry. “By the end of this video, you’ll know the mistakes that get people killed…”
Director: You can’t say killed.
Me: Goddammit! OK. Sorry. “By the end of this video, you’ll know the mistakes that get people killed” – GODDAMMIT!

Repeat about 20 times.

But I had to get my lines done because I had to make the kid’s recital, which was supposed to be at 5PM waaaaaaayyy uptown.

Because I wasn’t gonna make it, I wrote Sara and asked her to talk to his guitar teacher and ask if he could push it back 20 minutes to 5:20.

As soon as I cranked out that stupid line, I dashed up there, RAN outta the subway station (in boots, on ice, carrying a ton of gear and frying pan (part of the shoot)) and into the church where he was the next kid up.

Just made it.


At 1:52, there was a slight glitch with the video, sorry, but otherwise, it’s pretty good, I think?

Watch the video and catch the ending, where he saw that I came.

Little things like that make everything worth it.

Mood: still brrrrrrrrrrr
Music: Leave all your love and your longing behind, you can’t carry it with you if you want to survive (Spotify)
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Christmas 2025

A treasured memory

Went to my annual office party the other day.

This year, we had it at Valbella At The Park, which I’d never been to.

Ever since COVID not everyone has been in the office at the same time, so it was nice seeing everyone all at once.

The food and the company were great, as usual…

Me: (to new attorney) I graduated Fordham Law School in 1999.
Him: Oh, that’s when I was born.
Me: (nodding slowly) I’m gonna need another drink.

…for the most part.

Boss: What book do you recommend?
Me: Hmm, for fiction, you really can’t go wrong with The Godfather but for non-fiction, I think that every lawyer, really every person, should read Getting to Yes.
Female Partner: You mean, Getting Past No?
Me: Oh, that was the sequel – Getting to Yes is a book on negotiation but really, it’s for anyone who wants to be able to negotiate well. It’s good for any relationship, including interpersonal ones.

It was only supposed to be for a few hours, but we were there some five or six hours.

Had to head home a bit earlier than everyone else to tuck the kid into bed because we were heading off later on that week to Alison’s parents for Christmas.

Moving forward, I’m going to refer to Alison’s mom as A-MIL and Sara’s mom as S-MIL.

Her family and I don’t talk much about Alison during the holidays but that’s because we don’t really need to. We know we’re all thinking of her.

A-MIL: You should invite Sara.
Me: Are you sure?
Her: Of course, we have plenty of room.

I think it says a lot about Alison and her family that everyone – from Alison’s sister to her parents – have done their best to make Sara feel welcome.

And it says a lot about Sara that she came and was just amazeballs with them.

Sara: I brought flowers.
A-MIL: Oh, you didn’t have to do that. They’re beautiful, thank you! I’ll get them into a vase.

A fella could really fall for a girl like that.

There’s a ton more I can say about all that, but I suppose that’s a story for another time.

It was also nice that the kid was completely oblivious to all of this because everyone was just great.

Him: I got a baseball pitching machine!
Me: Thank god someone’s here to teach you how to play baseball, because it’s not me.

It was funny because Sara and A-MIL had to teach him how to properly hit the ball – A-MIL played a lot, while Sara was on the softball team.

Me: How long were you on (the softball team) for?
Her: Eight years. You never played baseball before?
Me: Lady, you need friends to play baseball.

I got my own gifts to focus on, including stuff from the kid.

Of course, we had to teach them how to play Big 2.

A-SIL didn’t get it for the first two rounds and then immediately started winning.

Me: Sara will play this anytime, anyplace.
Sara: This is true.
A-SIL: Oh, I love games.
Me: Great, we’ll have to play this more.

This is the eggnog that A-SIL made. Usually, it’s just the two of us that drinks it but this year, Sara helped.

After a while, Sara and I headed back to Manhattan while the kid stayed for a few more days with the in-laws.

Me: (on train) Hey, I just wanted you to know that you helping the kid practice hitting the ball will be one of my treasured memories.
Her: Oh, it’s not a big deal.
Me: It is. I couldn’t do it, and you didn’t need to, so thanks.
Her: You’re welcome, Logan Lo. Merry Christmas.
Me: Happy Christmas.
Her: No one says that, Logan.
Me: Look, “merry” is an anachronistic word that only eve…
Her: (groans, rolls eyes)

Location: earlier today, Chinatown, eating carbs
Mood: happy
Music: hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near (Spotify)
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Meet Sara Lo

Our Wedding Photos

Said that I was gonna post more of the wedding pics and I figure now is as good a time as any.

Her: At my office Christmas party tonight, Virgil said you looked “fit,” in the British context.

Me: He’s not wrong.

Her: I told him, you had to be to keep a woman well over a decade younger than him around. He was shocked – I don’t think he knew.

Me: How old did he think I was?

Her: Older but not 52 older.

Me: Oh man, I’m so old.

Her: You’re not very old, you’re just kinda old.

Me: (sighing) I suppose. Hey, since we’re married, do you think this would be a good time for me to tell my blog readers your real name? Since you’re “Sara Lo” now?

Her: I don’t know…what do you think?

Me: It’s your decision to make at this point; but I figure we ARE married…

Her: True. (thinking) OK, let’s do it!

Me: Sweeeeet.

Her: It’s too bad I don’t have a cool abbreviation for my Lo. You’ve got “Logan Lo.” Your mom’s “The Original J.Lo.” Me? I’m…
Me: (laughing) SLo!
Her: Exactly! (sighing) I can’t use that.

Meet Sara Lo, everyone.

She’s my fave.

Probably not gonna post until next week to just enjoy the holiday.

See you on Monday?

Location: earlier today, getting paper-cutter choked
Mood: happy
Music: Her mouth an amethyst, and in her eyes, two sapphires, blue (Spotify)
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Leaving holes in our lives that cannot be filled

As Happy as I could be

Him: (after meeting the Firecracker) You have a type.
Me: (shrugging) It’s not so much that as there are certain traits in a partner that I value. And the partner that I would pick to be my “until-death-do-you-part” partner would have the most of those things because I value those things.

The Firecracker isn’t Alison, but they have a lot in common – far beyond both being blondes with coloured eyes.

This shouldn’t be surprising because I seek certain things, just like everyone else does.

For example, they’re both female, which makes sense, as I like females. They’re both unwaveringly kind. They both liked that I cooked and I liked that they both cleaned.

Etc. Etc.

I’ve always said that we spend our lives looking for our tribes.

Who’s the ultimate example of your tribe if not your partner?

And if your partner isn’t the ultimate example of your tribe, why isn’t s/he, and why would you be with her/him then?

Firecracker: Are you happy?
Me: (thinking) Yes. But it’s complex.

This fella named Oliver Sacks once said:

When people die they cannot be replaced. They leave holes that cannot be filled, for it is the fate – the genetic and neural fate – of every human being to be a unique individual, to find his own path, to live his own life, to die his own death.

Yeah.

And when someone leaves your Venn diagram, they take with them that unique space in your life that only he or she coulda occupied.

So, I have a hole in my soul the shape of my dad that was carved out once he died.

Just like I have one in the shape of my grandmother.

But the largest hole is that of Alison. It’s still there, as are the others.

That’s not changed. It never will.

After all, grief is the price we pay for wonderful things.

My father, Alison, my grandmother – they were all my wonderful things.

So, when the Firecracker asks me something like, “Are you happy?” The answer is yes.

But, imagine that you lost your left arm seven years ago. And in those seven years, beautiful and terrible things happened, because, that’s how life is.

Assume that you’re lucky and the beautiful things far outnumber the terrible things.

I’d assume you’d be happy.

But you’ll never be as happy as you would have been if you got a chance to enjoy those wonderful things AND still have your left arm.

Except, it’s not just your left arm. It’s your right hand as well.

And other bits and pieces of your body soul.

As happy as you could possibly be, you’ll never be as happy as you could have been sine qua non/but for the losses.

That’s the truest answer for the Firecracker’s question and it’s something that I’m acutely aware of for my son.

Because, as happy as he’ll be, as good as a parent as I could possibly be, he’ll forever miss having his mother raise and love him.

He’ll forever be missing something most people, myself included, take for granted.

And my heart aches as to the truth of that statement.

It’s why Mother’s Day/Alison’s birthday is such hell for both of us.

Note that the same is true for the Firecracker.

Because we met after she’s lived decades of her life and the purpose of life is to wear you down.

She too has injuries that she bears so that, as happy as she might be with me, those injuries remain. But that’s her story to tell.

I know that I can make the years the Firecracker and I have together as happy as I can.

But I also know that there are things that I can’t do because we all have those holes in our souls in the shape of the people and things we’ve loved and lost.

I like to think that, it’s not so much that I’ll die one day, so much as it is that I’ll have so many holes in my soul that, one day, they’ll be too many for me to go on.

I’m 39 in this picture above and the main one.

My friend Nadi took them while we were having dinner one night.

Life was perfect at that moment.

At that moment: My clients are awesome, and my career is taking off. My dad is alive. I’m happy and laughing with friends. And she’s alive and we’re about to start a family. Three kids. Suburbs.

Alla that.

A year after that picture: Alison and I lost our first pregnancy. It was the start of a winter of sadness and pain that I wouldn’t have believed possible for anyone to survive.

Nonea that.

But, in that moment, I was happy because I didn’t know how fucked up life could – and would – become.

Man, the lucky never realize they are lucky until it’s too late.

I’m realizing how lucky – at least right now – I am.

And I’m grateful to the Firecracker and the kid for making me feel lucky again.

It’s been such a long time.

Me: But I’m as happy as I could possibly be right now. I have no capacity to be any happier.
Her: Ok, I’ll take that.

Location: A dark bullet bar with some new friends and good stories
Mood: lucky happy
Music: It’s gotta drive you crazy, how you keep it all inside (Spotify)
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Travelogue: Taiwan 2025, pt 3 – Visiting my childhood summer home

A trip to my childhood

The next day, we had Taipei street food and coffee for brekkie.

25 years ago, the coffee in Taiwan was pretty meh, but it’s about on par with the rest of the world at this point.

Everyone absolutely loved the food I got and devoured it – forgot to take pics but it was essentially this type of dan bing.

Although I did take manage to take pics of a fruit that I ate like there was no tomorrow as a kid here, the wax apple.

If you ever find any, get it.

Crap, now I want more.

Afterward, we left the AirBnB we called home alla those days and took the bullet train – first time for all of us – from Taipei to my mom’s hometown, Hsinchu.

Trip was ridonk fast, less than 40 mins; used to take like 90 mins by car.

She booked a five-star hotel that was less than seven minutes walking distance from my aunt’s pad and my mom’s childhood home.

This caliber of hotel was not around when I was here last in 2000. Case-in-point, there was not only a bidet in our room, but literally, every bathroom in the hotel.

Son: (trying a bidet for the first time) Oh my god, this is the best!!

The blue garage was where I spent all my childhood summers; it was a garage my grandmother converted into a convenience store, and it’s back to a garage now.

Me: (looking out from the balcony) Holy cow, we’re so close. We can see my mom’s home from our room.
Her: I spent a lotta time planning this.
Me: Oh man, I love you!

See all the tall buildings? Zero of those were around when I was a kid.

Zero.

Below’s a pic I took of that exact area 25 years ago. No joke.

This picture was taken April 8th, 2000. If you look to the right, you’ll see zero tall buildings. That’s where my mom’s old home was. Nothing was there then. Oh, and that’s my aunt’s helmet in front; she picked me up on her scooter.

We immediately took a walk so I could see the old hometown.

Her: How do we cross the street without getting killed?
Me: Honestly, I have no idea. There were never this many cars around before. This is crazy.

The church that I played at as a kid was still there, which blew my mind.

It wasn’t this color when I was a kid. There weren’t as many cars here so we used to play in the lot. I used to climb up the side of that wall on the right.

Everyone was hungry so we took a walk and found a bao joint.

The buns were hot, fresh, and delicious.

The Uber Eats sign made me chuckle.

Of course, we stopped by a convenience store for some drinks and snacks.

Son: I’ve never seen this before.
Me: What?
Him: M&Ms…but as a chocolate bar.
Me: Crazy what you find in other countries, yeah? You gotta travel when you get older, kid. Who knows what you’ll see elsewhere?

We headed home afterward for the kids to crash.

There was a spa in the hotel that the Firecracker and I both took advantage of except I managed to slip in the whirlpool area and cut a one-inch gash on my left knee.

Her: How did you do that!?
Me: Well, first of all, I’ve had very little sleep…

But the staff there patched me up pretty quickly.

Later that night, my cousin picked us up to take us out to eat.

Him: We were so sorry to hear about your late wife and dad. We told your mom but didn’t want to bother you directly.
Me: I know. I get it. It was…it was my year of horror (可怕的一年). What can anyone say?

Met up with my aunt – my mom’s younger sister and his mom – at the restaurant. My cousin insisted on taking us all out to eat.

To a buffet of all places.

Firecracker: Oh man, does he know you or what?
Me: I think it was just an amazingly lucky guess.

This was my kid cousin. He’s now taller and bigger than me.

He’s got two kids of his own to boot – alla the kids got along like a house on fire, which was sweet.

We caught up for a while and then he drove us all back to our hotel, where we all crashed pretty hard.

But before that, we drove past our grandmother’s store/house.

Me: I shoulda come when she…she went away.
Him: Your mom came.
Me: Right. Still.
Him: It’s ok.
Me: I loved that old lady.
Him: Of course. We all did.
Me: Yeah. (nodding, looking away)

The next morning, we inhaled the brekkie buffet, where I ate my weight in dragonfruit.

Son: Papa, your tongue is bright red.
Me: Take a pic and lemme see.

We caught an Uber to a neighboring town where we saw a replica of a Hakka Tulou, something unique to my particular ethnic group.

That’s a full entry for another time as there’s too much to get into now.
Yet another thing that the Firecracker researched and set up for us.

Afterward, we caught an Uber back to Hsinchu, where we went to a mall and had some western food because the kids wanted a break from Asian food and so we could get some new clothes for the kids.

Spaghetti in Taiwan turned out to be a very bad idea.

We also brought them to a park to run around before heading back to the hotel.

For dinner, the Firecracker and I wanted some authentic local Taiwanese food from Hsinchu, which is the type of food I think of when I think of Taiwanese food, so my cousin brought me a great local joint.

The beer was really good – kinda sweet and not bitter at all.

Him: When our cousin K came by last time, we blew like $500 USD here.
Me: You’re kidding.
Him: Nope. Closed the place down.
Me: (nodding) We are related.

Something about the lunch we had didn’t sit right with the kid, so he sat alone and didn’t eat – so I knew he was def feeling off.

Like I said, spaghetti in Taiwan turned out to be a bad idea.

The Firecracker, her kid, and I absolutely demolished alla that food.

Afterward, we went to my cousin’s pad and hung out with his kids and my aunt for a while before heading back to the hotel.

It was a sobering thought but I thought that this might be the last time I ever see my aunt again.

Firecracker: Not necessarily. We can come back soon.
Me: Maybe. I’d like that, though. Maybe.

Location: my old gym, getting a plaque that says I have a million subs on SF
Mood: ecstatic
Music: Home is where my habits have a habitat (Spotify)
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Travelogue: Korea 2025 and Taiwan 2025 (kinda)

Welcome back, Mr. Lo.

It was still dark when we left our little pad in the UWS, our bellies fulla heart attack sammies.

With my awful back, I was dreading the 16-hour trip but my buddy Ricky suggested that I get this blow-up seat cushion and god did it help; it, plus using my jacket as a lumbar pillow helped tremendously.

I’ve not slept on a plane in 44 years.

Every time I get on one, I think: This time will be it.

I took one-and-a-half pills of Ambien, one pot gummy, two OTC sleep meds and…nuthin. Was awake for the entire 16 hours it took to get Korea.

In fact, I was awake since the morning the Firecracker and I got hitched: 45.5 hours in total.

So, I was feeling dull and vicious when we arrived but that too is a story for another day.

Her: You’re not making any sense!
Me: OK, that happens after 35 hours. (turning to my son) From now on, ignore what I say and listen to her. I’m not thinking straight.

The plane ride was, thankfully, uneventful.

Whenever I travel internationally, I try to have an extended layover; this time, it was in Korea.

I’d never been.

So, after the Firecracker navigated us out – because I was completely nonfunctional – we crashed overnight in a huge hotel room in the boonies where I finally got some sleep after 45.5 hours.

Some, being the operative word here.

Just a rando set of statues we saw in the Uber coming back to the airport.

Right before I left town, I dropped my old German tutor and buddy KG Betty a line and she said she would love to meet up.

So, bright and early on Saturday morning, she picked us up outside the Seoul station and brought us to the Gyeongbokgung Palace, which the Firecracker was dying to see.

We just happened to make the changing of the guard.

The kids were only so interested.

Afterward, we went to try to get noodles at the knife-cut noodle lady’s stall at Gwangjang Market, Seoul from the Netflix series but it was – of course – closed that day.

It was still super cool, and packed for an early Saturday morning.

She brought us to a local joint where we had some authentic Korean food before she gave the Uber driver some clear directions to get us back to the airport in time to head to Taiwan to continue our journey.

But not before giving me a hug and a little gift because she knows me so well.

After the 16-hour flight from NYC to Seoul, the trip from Seoul to Taipei seemed like nuthin.

When we arrived in Taiwan, I walked out of the airport customs area in the Arrivals Hall – something I’d done a dozen times in my youth – I was just overwhelmed with emotions.

It was the smell and sight of the place that took me back to the very first time I’d arrived there as a little kid.

I had a memory – real or imagined, I’m not sure – of my grandmother and youngest uncle, rushing to give my mother a hug.

It felt real.

And there was a little part of me that kept thinking that maybe my grandmother might possibly show up, the fevered dream of sleep-deprived old man.

My son started asking me all of these inane questions and I barked at him.

Not my finest moment (I later apologized).

The Firecracker took him away and left me alone with my thoughts.

I literally stood there for the first time in 25 years and wept.

Thought of all those people I loved and lost and would never see again except in pictures and in my cloudy head.

And I have so many, from the memorable to the mundane, they all mattered to me in one way or another.

Like when my uncle brought me out a night market to have a sizzling plate of steak and the wonderment of all the game and clothes hawkers.

 

So many random memories came at me, one after another.

Everyone was quiet while we waited for our car to arrive and my son was the first to break the silence.

Papa. I’ve never seen you cry before.

It’s funny.

I cry all the time because that grief button’s always being hit.

Suppose I hid it well up until then.

It was just too much to take at that moment, I guess.

I was just slamming that goddamn button.

I couldn’t handle the cacophony in my head.

Too many old ghosts came rushing up to greet me all at once, but after a bit, I realized the car’d arrived, so we all piled in and were on our way.

The driver spoke to me in broken in English and I turned to him and all this Chinese started coming out, as if I were a fat 10-year-old kid again.

Chatted with him the whole ride to the AirBnb.

Me: (in Chinese) I’ve not been here in 25 years.
Cab driver: 25 years! Why so long?
Me: (thinking) Lots of things. Life. I don’t recognize this place anymore.
Him: (nodding) A lot’s changed in 25 years. This place was all empty 25 years ago. The city’s grown, the population’s shrunk.
Me: Shrunk? I would have thought the opposite.
Him: (shaking head) No. (laughs) People are getting married later. They don’t want to have kids.
Me: Yeah, it’s like that in a lotta places.
Him: (tells me more about Taipei and Taiwan in general, I translate for the Firecracker and the kids as best I can) Here we are, Mr. Lo. (exits the car and starts taking the luggage out) It’s NT$1650 but just give me NT$1,600.
Me: What? Why?
Him: It’s 25 years! Welcome back. (smiles, holds out his hand to shake mine) Welcome back, Mr. Lo.

Location: back in rainy NYC
Mood: crazy jetlagged
Music: Memories come rushing up to meet me now (Spotify)
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

The Firecracker and I did a Thing

We got hitched

Me: Hey.
Her: Yeah?
Me: I feel we should just go do it. You and me.
Her: Just us?
Me: Yeah. I mean, it feels like we’re already married. I can’t imagine life without you.
Her: (laughing) Well, that’s good, because you’re not getting rid of me.
Me: Sweeeeet.

May or may not post on Monday.

Gonna hang out with the kids and Mrs. Lo for a bit.

Me: This ring is really gonna cut into my picking up women.
Her: I will kill you, Logan. I will kill you dead.
Me: Noted.

Location: earlier today, the courthouse downtown
Mood: married
Music: I’ll go anywhere you want to (Spotify)
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Bro, these are precious

Licking off knives

The Devil once said something about his childhood that always stuck in my mind:

When you aren’t fed what you need by spoons, you learn to lick what you can off knives.

Never really understood what he meant by that until I became a dad myself, but I think it means that children will fill themselves with something, so it’s best that you do it before they do it themselves with things you may or may not want.

To this end, I’ve been trying my darndest to give him things that I loved as a child, like the books that made me, me or shows that I loved as a kid.

Obviously, he’ll find things of his own that he’ll know and love.

But sometimes I feel it’s a losing battle against the allure of technology and…screens.

Man, screens are crack for kids.

BUT there is one single thing that I loved as a kid that the kid loves as well: Board and card games.

So, the other day, instead of playing Big Two – which we’ve been playing pretty consistently around here – we dusted off the ole Settlers of Catan.

Man, I still remember playing with Paul and my friends way back when and coming home to Alison. That was a lifetime ago.

I digress…

The kids were really into it this time because they understood the rules and strategy, so it was a lot more fun.

While I ended up winning the game, for me, the high point of the whole evening came early on when we were all desperate for bricks.

The kid was the only one with any – he had just one – so we were all trying to cut a deal with him when he looks at the Firecracker’s kid dead in the eye and goes, You wanna trade that for this brick?! No way, bro, these are precious!

AND, I just happened to snap a pic right when he said it – that’s the pic directly above.

Laughed so hard I almost started crying.

That will be in the top ten memories for me and this kid for a while, I think.

Location: at a new studio, filming more shorts and video
Mood: drained
Music: with you, I am whole (Spotify)
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

So long and so completely

Happy birthday, mom

Two big things happened recently. The first was awful.

Saw a good buddy of mine the other day and he looked…off.

So, I asked him what was up. His wife answered for him.

His mother died this past Friday.

Instantly, I thought of my dad and my mom, and – of course – Alison.

When I lost my grandmother all those years ago, it was the first close loss I’d ever had.

The losses never stopped once it started.

That’s how it goes for everyone.

But no one’s really prepared for the loss of a parent, to say nothing of the loss of a spouse.

My dad said it himself when his own mom died, long after his own dad died:

I feel unmoored from my past, like a leaf in the wind or a ship on the waves.

Lines I stole from him years ago.

In any case, I took my buddy out for a drink over the weekend and just heard his (and his mom’s) story, which I’ll end here because it’s not mine to tell.

Me: This is why alcohol was invented, man.

The second was the opposite.

My own mom turned a milestone birthday, one that I’m grateful she was able to reach.

My sister came up with the brilliant plan to have many of our relatives from all over – including Taiwan – to video call her at the same time and wish her well.

As an aside, I usually put up pictures that don’t include my kid sister and only include my brother and me because, by the time she was born, I was already a fatty-fat-fat.

Anywho, getting back to my mom and the video call, she’s not one for pomp and circumstance but I could tell she was touched by the gesture.

I know that, at some point, I will have to go through what my buddy is going through and I’m not – at all – prepared for it.

Don’t think we’re ever prepared to say goodbye to the people we’ve loved so long and so completely.

Ok, that’s my sister when she came home from the hospital. I can put pics of her up so long as I’m not in them.

When I think of my mom, the faces you see above is the face I always see in my head when I think of her.

She’ll always be that young and beautiful to me.

I wish everyone we love can always stay.

Doubt that I’m alone in this.

But that’s not the deal, and we have to accept it, however hard it is.

Me: Even I have to go someday.
Him: But…what if you don’t, papa?
Me: That’s the deal, kid. We all have to go at some point so someone else gets a chance.
Him: (hopefully) But maybe it’ll be different for you.
Me: (laughing) Ok, kid. Maybe. We’ll just have to wait and see. Go do your math.

Happy birthday, mom.

Location: In the rain, picking up my treasure
Mood: nauseated
Music: seen it all the tears have fallen (Spotify)
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.