After we finished our coffee, we drove by this once-small mall that I used to go to – it expanded quite a bit over the last few years.
Me: When I used to come here, there were only two stores. Now look at it. Her: Wow, it’s definitely not two stores anymore.
She wanted to get some decorations for her place for the coming holidays.
Her: I always wanted the space and money to have holiday decorations for all the holidays. Me: That’s tough to do anywhere, let alone Manhattan. Her: Oooh, look! Halloween decorations!
Afterward, we went to have dinner with my mom’s best friend, her daughter, Mary, and her daughter’s boyfriend.
I met Mary when she was like two years old, and she and my sister were great friends. Her dad, Nick, passed away a few years ago and I told you about him.
Actually, ran into her once years ago not too far from my pad and she got to meet my son, but he was maybe two years old himself at the time.
In any case, my mom’s best friend had been wanting to see my son for a while so we went to have dinner at her house.
We were supposed to order food in, but Mary’s mom had clearly spent all day cooking because there was so much killer food, including appetizers of meatballs that my kid devoured.
Me: Your mom was a major reason why I was fat. Mary: What?! You can’t blame my mom for that. Me: I loved everything she ever made, have zero self-control, and can’t take personal responsibility for my actions.
The kid actually ate so many of the meatballs that he didn’t want dinner, which I kinda figured.
The Firecracker and everyone got along just swimmingly, which I knew they would.
Mary said I helped her with her SATs, which I vaguely remember, but it seems like lifetimes ago.
Afterward, we all talked about how we met.
Me: I can’t stand the apps but it’s a part of modern life now. Mary’s Boyfriend: I didn’t mind the apps that much. Me: I do have to say that you meet people that you’d never meet otherwise.
I think it’s amazing that my mom and her best friend met and kept in touch all these years.
When my dad died, she was a constant source of comfort and the same was true when Nick died.
Find it pretty adorable that these two immigrant women who speak broken English found each other and have been in each other’s lives for all this time.
My mom and Mary’s mom found it in each other, and I think I’ll be forever grateful for that.
Me: Thanks so much for everything! Let’s do this again soon – 30 years is way too long. Mary’s mom: Yes! Me: I’ll schedule you in for 2033. Maybe August…
Me: The problem is that you’re homeless and a stranger in a strange land. You’re not valued by him and never will be. But your friends and family are here. Her: I can’t afford to live in NYC any more, Logan. I don’t have a job and I’m not 20 anymore. Me: Plenty of people – your parents and mine – came here with less and spoke even shittier English than you… Her: (laughs) Me: …they all survived. They all thrived. It’s time.
A dear friend of mine, who moved away to be with the man of her dreams suddenly found herself in a nightmare.
She gave up everything – her home, her friends, her family, and her job, to be with this fella.
That’s her story to tell so I’ll end that part here.
But I told her things that I never told anyone.
Never told you either.
Because I not only lost both my families in 2017, but I also lost my career.
Never told you, but when I lectured in Malaga, over a decade ago, my topic was the right of publicity versus the right of privacy.
With the rise of computational power, we’re rapidly coming to a point where we don’t need an actual actor or singer but merely their likeness to create art. And that will open up a whole new world of possibilities, both for good and bad. – Logan
Watched one lawyer talk about it, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t angry and jealous – because the focus of my entire practice was going to be about the intersection of the rights of publicity and privacy.
I knew a decade ago that this current AI crisis was coming and I wanted to be at the forefront of it all.
Her: Holy shit, you were ahead of the curve, Logan! Me: Yeah, by over a decade. I’m gonna be honest with you, I threw myself a pity party last week thinking that coulda been me.
That fucking cancer took almost everything from Alison and me.
12 years of work, poof. Gone.
I’m still a lawyer but I’m not…that lawyer anymore.
I secretly used pictures of Alison throughout my lecture.
After all, that’s what Alison did. Felt I had to respect her sacrifices and do the same.
I just said that the fucking cancer took almost everything.
Almost because I still had the boy.
Somehow, through all my chemicals and madness, I sobered up enough to remember him and how much he meant to Alison, and me.
Knew I had to make a home for him with me, however incomplete and inelegant that was.
That kid saved me and, together, we made this sad place – which was full of some seriously unspeakable and fucked-up things – a happy(ish) home for both of us.
And I told my friend all this just to let her know that it’s possible.
Me: I’m not making light of your situation. It’s gonna be shitty and hard. But I just want you to know that you can survive this. You can survive this blow. Because, somehow, I did. Her: (silence then laughing) I can’t believe I’m saying this but you’re making a lotta sense. Me: (laughing) I’m as surprised as you are. (pause) Listen, X, it’s done. That place isn’t your home, not anymore. But here, you matter to a lotta people. Me included. Her: (sighing) OK, Logan. Lemme think about it. Me: Do that. It’s time to come home.
Never realized just how true that statement was until I became a dad.
Seeing the kid every day, I don’t really notice how much he’s grown, day-by-day, but looking at pictures, I’m shocked how much he’s changed.
The fella that wrote The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe said something similar: Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but, when we look back everything is different?
It’s so true.
Everything, and everyone, is so different now.
The kid finished school today.
It seems like we just started and it’s summer vacation already.
I (barely) remember taking him to preschool when he was just 18-months old and I gave him a rum-carrier as a bookbag.
Now, he’s a full-fledged kid with opinions – lots of them.
Me: How on earth do you not like 紅豆湯, kid? I loved that growing up. Him: People like different things, papa.
Alison loved this kid so much the short time she was here with him. She woulda loved him to the moon and back if she could see him now.
As I do.
Met up with some a group of fathers from the school for some beer and tacos the other day.
I really only talked to two of them, but a solid eight people showed up. It was interesting finding out about their lives.
Me: You’re a lawyer? My condolences. (laughing) I’m one as well. Him: What do you do? Me: Drink, mostly. When I’m not raising the kid.
I could only stay out for about 90 minutes before I had to pick the kid up from a birthday party he was attending.
Still, it’s one of those things I think I’ll do again.
Thought of it again when I told the kid that he was done with school and that he was starting a whole new grade next year.
Him: Can you believe it?! Me: (laughing) Not really, kid. Not really.
He loves this shirt and wears it *waaaay* too often – no idea why.
Suppose I’ll always think of him as a little boy, even when he’s not one any more.
Like I said in my last entry, I think I understand my dad now more than I ever have before.
After all, all men are little boys to the parents that love them.
Imaginary Tea
I love you more than you will ever know
I love you no matter what you do
I’m gonna hold you as long as you will let me
‘Cause you’re mine, I love you
I loved you before I heard ever heard your voice
Before I even knew your name
I loved you before I saw those pretty eyes
I loved you right away
So, take it slow
Before you know it, you’ll be old and grown
Just remember that I’m always here
Hands you can hold on to
I love you
Don’t worry what anybody else will say
Don’t hurry to break that precious heart
When you try to be like somebody else
Remember I love you the way you are
So, take it slow
Before you know it, you’re gonna be old and grown
Just remember that I’m always here
Hands you can hold on to
And I love you
So, let’s climb every tree
And drink imaginary tea
And speak a language only we can understand
And I will fight back the tears
As we fly through the years
And I’ll keep you as close as I can
I love you more than you will ever know
I love you no matter what you do
And I’m gonna hold you as long as you will let me
‘Cause you’re mine, I love you
The Firecracker was busy for most of the following day but we met up for a walk to the pier near my pad when she was free.
There was a salsa party going on so we had to fight our way through that to make it to the edge of the pier, but it was worth it.
Me: What are you thinking? Her: These are the times where I think, I can’t believe that I live here.
This fella named Richard Ford once said, The more we see our parents fully, see them as the world does, the better our chances to see the world as it is.
The boy just got his first red stripe in BJJ, which is kinda a big deal – certainly to him, if nuthin else.
Him: LOOK, LOOK! (shows me) Are you proud of me? Me: Of course. But that’s not as important as if you’re proud of yourself. Are you proud of yourself? Him: (beaming) Yes! Me: That’s the most important thing, kid. Do things that make yourself proud of yourself, not me or anyone else.
I mean, my mom’s still around and she and I talk about these things but I wonder what my dad was thinking when I was the kid’s age and doing similar things.
Realize all the times that my dad was right – and wrong – about things. I so wish he was here to talk about it all.
If he was, I wish I could tell him that I understand now, so much more about him than I ever did.
Wish I could tell him that I loved him, still do, and always will.
I wonder if he’d be proud of me. Then again, I think I did the best I could with everything I was given.
In that sense, then, I’m proud of myself.
Still, I wish he was here.
Although, truthfully, I always wish the people I loved were here with me.
Him: You looked like this again (makes face). Were you thinking of mommy again? Me: (smiling, shaking head) I always think of her, but at that moment, I was thinking of my papa. Him: (hugs me) I’m sorry, daddy. Me: Thanks, kid. You’re my faves. Him: YOU’RE MY FAVES! Me: (laughing, hoping that I’ll stay in his top 10 forever)
Location: getting a second free soda at a street party because the person wanted a pic of me
Mood: hollowed
Music: how I wish you were here (Spotify) Subscribe! Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.
Me: What makes a proctologist decide to be a proctologist? I mean they have to look at assholes all day. Firecracker: (shrugging) I’m sure that you lawyers deal with just as many, if not more, assholes every day. Me: Fair.
I find the Firecracker pretty funny, mainly with her earnestness in life.
Because the funniest things come from a place of honesty.
There’s something refreshing about having someone that is relentlessly upbeat and positive, especially considering my recent past.
In terms of the big three buckets of health, wealth, and relationships, relationships seem to be the one that my friends talk with me about the most.
With that said, I’m not the only one whose life seems on the upswing.
Ran into a friend of mine the other day who was with someone new. Afterward, she and I chatted about it.
Me: I didn’t realize you and [your ex] broke up. Was there any particular thing? Her: (thinking) It was weird. I told him – straight-up – things like, “Could you let me know if you’re running late, “or “Could you drop me a line to make sure I got home OK?” Nothing. Ever. Me: That’s weird. Her: Yeah. Basically, that relationship was: “He knew what I wanted but he never did it.” Me: Jesus Christ, can I relate to that…
Of course, for every person whose life is getting better, there’s gotta be at least one person whose life is getting worse.
Or two – see, two friends of mine just announced that they were divorcing each other. I didn’t wanna pry but it seemed that things mainly come down to issues in communication.
Have you ever actually read the story of the Little Mermaid? The original story is…dark. Waaaaay, dark.
Essentially, the mermaid saved this prince’s life but couldn’t speak so the prince thought some other chick saved his life and married her, and she died.
The end.
Think the loneliest people in the world are the ones that aren’t actually mute but can’t communicate.
Then again, some things might be best left unsaid.
Me: Can you do me a favour? Her: Sure, what? Me: Can you walk on my back? I’ve had a rough day at the gym. Her: (laughs) Sure! Me: (10 minutes later, groaning) OMG, hurt me, call me names, make me write bad checks! Her: Umm… you…Mad Hatter! Me: (laughing hysterically) MAD HATTER?! Her: That’s all I could come up with! Now write me some bad checks!
I feel like I’m finally past my lemon days, maybe? That’s the hope, anywho.
So, here’s to some lemonade…
Location: day-drinking with her in an empty bar on 80th and Amsterdam
Mood: completely exhausted
Music: Everything’s just fine, I’ma be just fine (Spotify) Subscribe! Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.
Her: I want a banh mi. Me: I want to banh *you* right now. Her: (laughs)
Was in the mood for Vietnamese the other day so the lady and I hit up the local joint.
I’d not eaten inside the place in years because of COVID so it was weird sitting inside at a table.
So weird what normalcy feels like these days.
We got a pork belly sandwich with two coffees. She wanted to treat so I agreed.
The coffee was great – I’ve always liked Cafe Du Monde’s Chicory Coffee, which is what some of my fave Vietnamese joints serve but it’s definitely an acquired taste.
This place had a whole wall of the stuff.
I shoulda taken a pic. Next time.
Me: God, that sandwich was so ridonk good. Her: Do you want another one? Me: I *want* another one but I won’t get another one. I’m 50. I gotta start trying to eat a little less.
Try, being the operative word here.
Been on a weird kick of growing my own mushrooms lately, for both health and food in general.
Mainly Lion’s Mane because (a) it has a consistency and look that’s pretty similar to lobster, which is wild, and (b) it’s been linked to good brain health, and oyster mushrooms.
As the kid gets older, I’m always thinking of ways to keep him and his brain protected.
To wit, the blue and pink oyster mushrooms are part of a science project that is both fascinating and delicious; the lion’s mane I’ve been growing myself from some I got at a local famer’s market near the gym.
The hope is that he just gets used to things in his life – like turmeric, mushrooms, and green tea – that are overall protective of his health.
Of course, he likes none of it now but the hope is that he will someday as he gets older.
Him: (makes a face) No. I don’t like it. Me: Welp, you tried it and I appreciate that. You might like it in the future. Him: If you say so….
Location: earlier today, chatting with my therapist at a white desk
Mood: hungry
Music: I was starving when I met you (Spotify) Subscribe! Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.
New Guy: (torques my arm) Me: (yelps) Dude! Relax, I’m 50. I’m all about tapping. Him: (laughs, answers in thick southern accent) Hey now, I’m not at fault here. You can’t come onto the mats looking younger than me and expect me to know you’re 50! Me: (laughing) Fair. My go-to joke is that Asians don’t have height, but we have eternal youth.
Had a few people reach out to me to wish me a Happy Birthday and two of them commented on my blog entry about it.
Him: You know what woulda been a better entry? Five tips on staying young. Me: Oh, I can give you two right now: (1) Stay outta the sun, and (2) Be born Asian. You’re kinda screwed on one of those… Him: Dude, I’m kinda screwed on botha those!
I’m only semi-kidding about the first two. I stay outta the sun for the most part, and always have. It’s one of the benefits of never being invited to anything as a kid; I literally just stayed in my basement for years at a time.
As for being Chinese, genetics only account for 25% of your age/health, at least according to the April 2023 issue of Men’s Health:
Now, you can read them yourself, but I’ve actually been doing his four steps for years now. They are:
1. Run three times per week
What he really means is just exercise. It’s literally the fountain of youth. I’ve been going to the gym 6-10 hours a week for the last 30 years.
And that’s why it was the second tip I gave in my birthday entry.
2. Intermittent fasting
I’ve been doing this since Alison got sick, mainly because it’s highly anti-cancer, since fasting can trigger a biological state called autophagy, where the body seeks out low-performing/weird cells when there isn’t enough food present.
While the body can’t tell a cell is cancerous, it can tell if it’s low-performing/weird and will kill it to save nutrients for the higher-performing/normal cells.
That’s why I do it. BUT, it’s also linked to youth.
And the reason why can best be summed up in a question: What if your body tells the passage of time by the amount of calories it consumes?
It’s an interesting hypothesis but really, the exact mechanism probably isn’t all that important. What is actually important is that limiting when and how much you eat will probably mean that (a) you’ll live longer and (b) you’ll look younger.
Instead of spending thousands of dollars on face lifts and creams, skip brekkie.
Her: You like feeling hungry? Me: I like feeling hungry. It reminds me that I’m alive and makes eating all that more fun. Her: I don’t like being uncomfortable. Me: The highest-performing people, I think, are the ones that are comfortable being uncomfortable.
3. Drink green matcha tea twice a day
I’ve been drinking a lot more than two cups of green tea a day since Alison got sick, again, because it’s highly anti-cancer.
Green tea, unlike other kinds of tea, has a compound called ECGC which has been linked in double-blind Japanese studies where they found that drinking five-cups of green tea a day, not only resulted in a statistically significant reduction in cancer across the board, it led to a statistically significant reduction in … death.
In other words, if you drink five cups of green tea a day, you’re less likely to die, period. That’s wild.
Why every person on the planet isn’t drinking green tea like it was going outta style is beyond me.
BUT, just last year, a study came out that found that people that had too much green tea had liver failure. Still, it seems that the people that had liver issues took supplements along with green tea, moreover, it doesn’t say if they had underlying health issues to begin with.
As for me, green tea (it doesn’t need to be matcha) makes up most of my liquid sustenance, with coffee and water making up the rest.
Early this year, I cut out about three people from my life, one person literally went outta her way to make me feel like shit about everything, including how I was raising my son.
And one of my closest friends was a fella named Johnny who I cut out just after Alison died along with my old coach for the same reasons – I outgrew them and their petty grievances, against me and the world.
I’ve got 8,250 days left on the planet and I plan to spend alla them with people that want to make themselves and people around them better, not worse.
Lemme add two of my own tips for looking and staying young:
5. Squat every day
Asians tend to live long and better when they’re in Asia and less so when they’re not. Why is that?
Well, there’s a large group of people that feel this is because many Asians in Asia still use squat toilets. This means, at least once a day, a huge amount of the population does these very deep squats which have massive health benefits, least of which are good knees and a strong core.
I squat daily – both with and without weights. You should try it.
6. Learn something. Anything. But learn it deeply
A good friend of mine, who is Caucasian, just decided one day to learn Chinese and I’ve been chatting with her about it. She said that she feels her brain working in ways that she hasn’t felt since she was a kid.
A sharp mind is a hallmark of youth. Older people are slower in every regard, including how they think.
Constantly learning new things – ideas, facts, languages, etc – is stretching out your mind as much as your body.
Me: I have a personal indicator that will tell me when I’m old. Her: What is it? Me: Ever since I was a little kid, I would bound – not walk, *bound* – up the stairs two at a time. I still do that and I can’t help myself. I think that the day I can’t easily do that is the day that I will truly be old.
A young girl: [Your son] says you’re a fighter. Me: Heavens! Now, do I look like a fighter, little miss? Her: (laughs) Noooo! Me: Well, there you go. I’m just a lawyer. And his dad. Son: (afterward, annoyed) Why didn’t you say you’re a fighter?! Me: Because I’m not, I’m someone that can fight but I’m not a fighter. There’s a difference. Him: Papa! Me: (shrugging) Besides, no one needs to know what we do in our private lives, kid. I want you to learn something here: People don’t look like they really are inside. Our insides don’t often match our outsides, for better for worse. The less people know about what you can do, the better. Him: Then why do you spend so much time [learning how to fight]? Me: Because…sometimes you have to show people what you can do.
This girl named Betty was running to catch a train about a 100 years ago when her science teacher saw her.
The science teacher was also the running coach of the school and never saw anyone run that fast – and he was the coach!
So, he convinced her to run for him and soon, she found herself in the 1928 Olympics at just 16 years old, breaking a whole buncha records.
Almost 100 years later, she remains the youngest athlete to win an Olympic 100-meter gold.
That’s not the most remarkable thing about her, though.
Just three years later, in 1931, she was in a plane crash where she was so messed up that they were sure she was dead. They didn’t send her to the hospital, they sent her to the morgue.
Luckily the undertaker realized she was alive and she, somehow, survived.
Unfortunately, the doctors said she’d never walk again, let alone race again. She spent six months in a wheelchair and didn’t walk normally for two whole years.
But she somehow did walk again and then run again – and she actually ran in the 1946 summer Olympics against the heavily-favoured Germans in the relay race.
The kicker is that she beat them.
Not my pic, obvs. Click here for more info. Man, look how happy this kid is.
The thing is, if you pull up a picture of Betty Robinson, she just looks like any other chick from that time.
You’d never know she was a beast in her lane.
I’ve met so many people in my half-century here. But the ones I always value the most, are the ones with their secret lives that no one would ever suspect.
I’ve met beasts that you wouldn’t believe.
Suppose I hope this for my son, for him to have secrets that keep him safe and happy until and unless he has to show the world what he can do.
Son: So, you do fight, right, papa? Me: Not if I can help it, kid. Remember that, too.
Speaking of meeting up with people, I met up with the Firecracker for drinks the other day at a place that a buddy from my gym told me he loves that’s all decked out as if it were still the Victorian age.
Super cool and ornate, plus it’s right around the gym.
I’d been walking past it for months without realizing what was inside.
Just like with people, the City has alla these hidden secrets that I like finding out about.
Then again, I usually tell you about them when I find about them, so we can share the secret, yeah?
2023 - This is me on Saturday during our shoot, two days before I'm 50.
Just the particulars
Me: What if one day you get new glasses and realize how old I am? Firecracker: I don’t think so. Maybe I’m just more into antiques than I thought I was.
1973 – 0 Years old
4. You can reinvent yourself again and again
F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote Alison’s favorite book, The Great Gatsby; I loved that girl as much as I hated that book.
When I was in college, I spoke four languages and was certain that I’d end up working for the Foreign Service.
Then I changed my mind and wanted to be a writer – ended up writing for several national publications including one of the first major articles on Windows NT versus Novell for Computer Shopper, and some travel articles for the New York Sun.
While doing this, I worked in the club industry and made a name for myself, which a few people still recognize me for.
1983 – 10 Years Old (and starting to get fat, hoo-boy, did I get even bigger)
Then I decided I wanted to build networks and ended up building a 100-seat computer network for a Fortune 600 company on Madison Avenue.
Then I went to law school to become a lawyer. Then I went to CNET and became their first International Sale Manager. Then I went back to being a lawyer.
Then I bought my building with some friends and became a building manager.
Then I got another degree and became one of only 350 people in the New York State with that degree while still working on my legal career. Somehow found myself lecturing on the law all over including Europe and New York. Even won an award.
I also started teaching kali on the sly just a block from my pad and started up a private jet company.
After Alison got sick, I gave up everything and became a cancer researcher, a caretaker, and then a father.
Somehow, in my late 40s, I also became a YouTuber and a gym owner.
Look, my point is that Fitzgerald was fulla shit.
You can be anything you want to be. You get to decide and no one else does.
I decided at 14 that I didn’t wanna be fat so I stopped being fat. It was as simple and as difficult as that.
Few things in life are actually difficult; the most difficult thing you’ll ever do is to decide to do something.
Everything else after that decision are just the particulars.
1993 – 20 Years old – My brother edited out the people next to me in this pic – in fact, he did all these pics. He’s crazy talented, that boy.
This is dangerous – I speak from both personal experience and as a new father.
My greatest fear is that kid’ll meet some knuckleheads that get him into trouble.
Look, you choose your friends because they mirror some quality you have or desire. I don’t have any close friends that are, say, massive gamblers, because I’m not a massive gambler.
You don’t get to chose your family but you do get to choose your tribe. So, if the people that you hang out with are a buncha people that cheat on their partners alla time, you’re gonna become someone that chats on your partner.
If you’re the most successful person in your group, this is probably a bad thing, too. You need a better group.
This is one major reason why I didn’t want to continue some romantic relationships I was involved in; because, while they were usually fine, their friends weren’t the type of friends I wanted in my life.
Or my kid’s life.
Him: (a long time ago) I heard you two broke up, I’m sorry. Me: It’s fine. There’s no tragedy that doesn’t have some positive bonus and the bonus here is that I literally never have to pretend to enjoy hanging out with her lame friends again.
This is why I’ve cut so many people outta my life – because I want to be around people that point me in the direction I want to go.
Speaking of bonuses, here’s a bonus tip.
2003 – 30 years old
Bonus: Sometimes, Logan, you gotta say, “Fuck it, I’m out.”
If you are the average of the five people you hang out with the most, then I’m grateful that Bryson’s one of my oldest and dearest friends – for a whole host of reasons.
He’s dangerous; he boxed with Dolph Lundgren, is a brown belt in BJJ under Fabio Clemete, is a black belt in shorin ryu karate, and is also a skilled Japanese fencer.
But, he’s also a great father and cook, married to a beautiful doctor, and helped build a buncha businesses that you’ve probably visited.
Most importantly, though, he’s a great human being. He’s the kinda guy I wanna be, so I try to hang out with him whenever I can.
Years ago, I visited him and his then girlfriend (now wife) out in San Francisco and I was probably depressed when I met them.
I was struggling with whether or not to quit my job and also leave the girl I was seeing.
For the former, it was a great job but I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue being involved with it. The latter? Well, kinda the same thing.
I had all the mixed feelings of duty, loyalty, guilt, etc.
Him, his wife, their roomie, and I, somehow ended up on a boat in the middle of a lake where we got into a water gun fight with some group of people on another boat.
I got onto that boat confused and depressed and left it feeling..pretty good.
And it was because I started telling him alla these issues I had with the girl and that job and he listened, politely, and then simply said, Sometimes, Logan, you gotta say, “Fuck it.”
I added on the “I’m out” over the years.
The number of times I’ve said, Fuck it, I’m out, since that day has gotta be at least in the hundreds, if not thousands.
It’s an incredibly powerful statement and one that you can whip out at any time, in any situation.
Bad job? Bad relationship? Bad habits?
Fuck it, I’m out, is a perfect answer that leads directly to Tip 4, which is reinventing yourself.
But be careful, because it is so powerful. Use it with caution.
2013 – 40 years old
Once told you about this snippet of a Batman cartoon I watched when I was younger.
In it, a villain was trying to convince Bruce Wayne that Bruce was mad but Bruce/Batman fought back and won.
When his friend asked Bruce why he was so sure that he (Bruce) wasn’t crazy, he answered simply that the voices called him “Bruce.”
But that’s not what he called himself.
I’ve been many things I’ve been proud of. I think that, by the time you read this, Scenic Fights will either be at exactly 400,000 subscribers or close to it.
And I’ve got some big things happening in my life that I may or may not tell you about in the future.
But none of that matters, really. In my head, I’m the kid’s father. Full-stop.
If that ends up being the only thing that I’m known for, I’m ok with that.
Substitute teacher: And you are? Me: (pointing at the kid) His father. Her: (brightly) Oh! He’s a wonderful child! When I said that I was a substitute, he came up to me afterward and said that if I forgot anyone’s name, to ask him because he would tell me. He was my helper all day. Me: (laughing) That’s awesome. Her: He’s awesome! Me: You’re not wrong, lady. You’re not wrong. (sighing) He takes after his mom. Her: You two are lucky. Me: (nodding) Yeah. Lucky us.
I’ve been alive for exactly 18,250 days.
I’ve only got 8,250 days left, if I’m…lucky.
Hopefully, I’ll keep writing and you’ll keep reading, yeah?
2023 – This is me on Saturday during our shoot, two days before I’m 50.
That’s a joke, of course. But I did just turn 50 this past week, so it’s not quite as funny as it’s been in the past.
The pic above is of me when I was a few days old.
Man, it’s a kick in the head to get my mind around that I was once that infant in the picture above some 50 years ago.
Realize that I probably don’t look 50 to you, which is fine because I don’t look 50 to me.
In fact, when I think of 50, I think of Molly Shannon’s Sally O’Malley (who’s actually 58 in the clip below):
It’s funny because a lotta my friends tell me that they use me as an example of what 50 might be like for them.
This is my friend Hawk, who – like a lotta my friends – only texts me on my bday, but that’s fine, I’m always thrilled to hear from them.
Spent a lotta time wondering what I would write about to commemorate this momentous occasion and the best thing I could come up with was the five concepts that changed my life the most.
1. Invest in the S&P 500
One of my summer jobs in college was helping two accountants do paperwork for a company called Ziff-Davis, where I ended up working at after college. They asked me to come in on the weekend and said they’d buy lunch. As a poor college kid, that was enough, so I did.
While I was there, we got to talking about investing and they told me to just dump every spare cent I ever made into the S&P 500.
Basically, “S&P” is “Standard and Poor,” think of them like the New York Times, except they only report about companies. And one thing they do is list the 500 biggest companies – in terms of how much they’re worth – at any given time.
When, say, Company 498 becomes Company 502, it’s kicked out, and some other company becomes 498.
A fella named John Bogle figured out that if you invested money evenly into each of the 500 companies, you’d end up making about 11.8% annually.
If you invested $1,000 a year for 50 years, you woulda “spent” $50,000 but you would end up with $2,505,311.97, or $2,455,311.97 profit.
There are hundreds of funds that track the S&P 500 for little or no money.
Started doing that 30 years ago, when I was 20. My life woulda been radically different if I never took that weekend gig.
Think they got me turkey club both days.
In any case, you should probably start investing ASAP, if you haven’t done it yet.
2. Do pushups – or something – every morning
I was a pretty fat kid from 10 to 14 – when I was 14, I was 5 foot 3 inches and 185 pounds with a 44-inch waist.
I went on a fast for four months – legit stopped eating, cold – and dropped down to 120 pounds and a 28-inch waist.
I’m now 50 years old with a 28-inch waist.
It all started when I stopped eating completely to reset my brain and started working out. When I first did it, I could barely do two pushups.
By the time I was 18, I was doing 100 pushups without issue. I just banged out 79 pushups in 60 seconds a few weeks ago.
Look, I don’t really do pushups anymore because I kept needing more. I’m in the gym like 10 hours a week these days.
You don’t gotta do pushups, you can do situps, you can run, you can walk for 30 minutes. Whatever.
But you gotta do something.
Otherwise, you’ll definitely look your age.
3. Learn to cook and stop eating stuff made by machines
OK, I admit that I eat quite a lotta things made by machines, like protein bars and stuff.
But I make sure that at least three out of every four meals I eat, I’ve made most of it myself.
This way, you know what you’re putting into your body.
As an aside, the bulk of my diet is beans and nuts, mainly peanut butter, honestly.
I found out that they sold five-pound jars of peanut butter but I’m more than half-way though one jar and it’s only been less than two weeks.
So, I bought another jar.
But that’s really neither here nor there…
I still have two more things to tell you, but I’ll do that tomorrow because it’s getting late and I don’t wanna mess up my sleep schedule any more than it already is.
And because it’s never too late to be better.
I’m trying to be better, even now.
We should all try to be better than we were yesterday.
