Month: January 2011

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personal

Jaymay – Tragedy / Cooking with my dad

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-J10UG3FOg

Video I made from Jaymay’s concert I went to over summer. It’s a funny song called Tragedy; I’ve got a few more that I’ll edit when I can’t sleep.

———-

Me: Have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich with a tomato in it?
Her: You know I’m white, right? That’s like me asking you if you’ve ever had an eggroll.

My friend Steel dropped by with his wife so we grabbed some rum around the way. Like me, he loves to cook; once made a chocolate ganache pie and he took one bite and knew that I forgot to put in some salt. Very impressive.

He and Bryson are going over to my parents this week. My pop used to be a chef – don’t think I ever told you that. He used have this Japanese restaurant upstate growing up.

S’funny, anything he couldn’t sell or was going bad, he’d bring home. So I ate a lotta lobster and sushi growing up. Used to complain, Why can’t we have burgers and pizza like everyone else?

Pretty surprised that my dad didn’t just beat the snot outta me as a kid.

Anywho, the fellas wanna learn from my pop and he’s got time this week. Me? I’m just there for the food.

My schedule one day this week’s gonna be brutal: Manhattan->Brooklyn->Queens->Yonkers-White Plains->Queens again->home. Still, running around to make some scratch’s better than running around for nuthin.

Usually.

Me: Used to have about 500 daily readers. But once I got into a good relationship, that dropped a lot.
Friend’s wife: Of course it did. Good relationship, job, life. Who wants to read about that?

Location: picking up the car
Mood: Busy again
Music: You can always count on me to bring you down
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Over three years later, still hate mice and AT&T

Mona Lisa on a NYC Building

The snow just keeps coming. Parta the reason I live in the city is because I thought I wouldn’t have to shovel. This is not true.

In other news, was all over the city and beyond this week: went to the boogie-down Bronx, Yonkers, White Plains, Queens and Long Island. All on the same day. So at least work’s picking up.

Been thinking about canceling AT&T for some time now – over three years actually – since my reception is horrid is non-existent stinks sucks bites leaves much to be desired. But they’re like the mafia; they keep pulling you back in. I’m like a crow with my love of new shiny.

But then PB sent me this link and I rang them up. Spoke to a nice young lady and convinced her to send me a 3G microcell free of charge.

I’m telling ya, the most valuable skill y’can have is an ability to talk to people.

But since this @#$@#$ comes from AT&T, of course it doesn’t work. Can’t believe I left Sprint all those years ago and got into something worse.

Guess that’s my project for the day.

Location: in fronta more blinking lights
Mood: frustrated
Music: So I traveled back, down that road
YASYCTAI: Try to resolve that issue. (120 mins/1 pt)
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Online dating: eHarmony vs. Match vs. Plenty of Fish vs. OK Cupid

Which Dating Site is Right for you?

Cocktail party in NYC

 

When I was in college, the high point of the day was coming home to a blinking answering machine, meaning someone called and left a message. Before caller ID, email, voicemail, text messaging, IM, wall postings, and poking there was…a blinking light.

I heard people wondering about online dating and they ask, as if it’s a binary question: Should I do it – yes or no?

However, that’s the wrong approach. The better question is one of degrees: how much online dating should I do?

An online dating site should be on any singleton’s menu of meeting places, which is no longer limited to the local bar or random parties. As with most things, it’s the extremes that come across as weird, such as someone that only does online dating or someone that does no online dating at all.

The way I look at it, it’s like having a relative named, for example, Aunt eMatch that says, “I’ve got a girl I think you might like.” In fact, it’s better; it’s like Aunt eMatch saying, “I’ve got a girl I think you might like – and here’s her resume, a buncha pics, and a writing sample.”

So, which dating site is best for you? Well, I’ve personally used Match, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid. They all have some similarities as well as some major differences:

eHarmony
Major Difference
eHarmony is front-loaded, meaning that you have to fill out a ton of questions and essays ahead of time before you even start meeting anyone. This can take hours.

Best Aspect
After you’ve completed that first major step of filling out all of those questions and essays, you can essentially sit back as eHarmony sends you profiles of people that it thinks are right for you. I have friends that love this because it takes some of the trepidation out of meeting people; there’s always the sense that “Hey, eHarmony thinks we’d get along.”

Worst Aspect
You have to wait for eHarmony to get around to sending you profiles and you may not be a fan of whom it thinks you’d like. Moreover, if you’re interested in a same-sex pairing, you can forget about that here; heterosexuals only, please. Plus, it’s expensive.

Match
Major Difference
Match is the most similar to newspaper personals – it doesn’t try to be much more or less than that. This means that you’re pretty much on your own; Match lets you put up a personal page about yourself and then look around for others that you might like.

Best Aspect
You can have your profile up in 10 minutes, browse anyone else’s profile, and message whomever you’d like. Plus, there’s no restriction on who you can contact (opposite sex, same sex, anyone at all).

Worst Aspect
Anyone can have a profile up in 10 minutes, browse your profile, and message you. Also, each time you contact someone, you’re essentially starting with a cold introduction and have to write a tailored email/essay to each person. Unlike eHarmony, this means pretty much constant maintenance. Plus, Match never seems to delete profiles – mine is still up after three years of disuse. Consider that before you randomly message someone. Also, like eHarmony, it’s anything but cheap.

Plenty of Fish
Major Difference
Because it’s free, it boasts the single largest database of people. Like Match, it’s a fairly straightforward “personals” oriented website.

Best Aspect
I personally know of one marriage and a handful of relationships from Plenty of Fish because the barrier to entry is essentially zero. As a result of this, there are a jaw-dropping number of profiles to browse (this can also be put in the “worst aspect” category too).

Worst Aspect
Essentially the same as Match.com except that there’s very limited oversight (they only have three customer service staff members as of this writing) and there is a very wild west feel to it. It also looks as if they only have three customer service staff members there.

OK Cupid
Major Difference
Like Plenty of Fish, it’s free, but to get any real use out of the site, you have to go through online activities like answering polls and other questions. By doing this, you create a more data driven – versus opinion driven – profile of yourself. As such, OK Cupid is a bit like a combination of Match and eHarmony.

Best Aspect
Because it’s data driven, you are able to paint a more accurate picture of who you really are rather than who you perceive yourself to be. Moreover, there’s a “fun” quality that pervades the site. If you like fun and games, chances are good you’ll meet someone else who likes fun and games. Did I mention it’s free?

Worst Aspect
You have to answer a number of polls and questions so, like Match and Plenty of Fish, it’s pretty much continual maintenance only a bit more involved.

What’s the right site for you? Well, it depends on your personality.

  • If you like to do a lot of work upfront and then relax, eHarmony is the clear winner.
  • If you find that you play online games like Candy Crush Saga and are used to filling out online polls, OK Cupid is the one for you.
  • Match and Plenty of Fish are good if you just want a traditional personals-like forum to meet other people. If you want a more polished site with some “adult supervision,” Match is probably better for you; however, if cost is key, Plenty of Fish wins over Match.

Final thoughts
If you must choose one, consider OK Cupid as the price is right and you can test the waters before you write a check. A special note for women: for sites like Match and Plenty of Fish, your responses can be pretty overwhelming; it’s simply the nature of the site and men in general. This may be a good or bad thing depending on your tolerance for random email.

Men, since we get comparatively less contact than women on these sites, a good strategy might be to choose one paying site coupled with a complimentary free site: eHarmony plus Plenty of Fish or Match plus OK Cupid.

Regardless, with a good mix of online and offline interactions, you’ll have no excuse for being home on a Friday night.

If you liked this entry, I just wrote a quick little book in April 2014 on how to write A Great Online Dating Profile with 30 tips to get noticed and get more responses – it’s just $0.99 at Amazon, BN.com, and the Apple Store, as well as most other online retailers:

A Great Online Dating ProfileI also wrote a book about first dates with information I just haven’t seen in other books that I learned from three solid years of dating in NYC.

A Great First Date, early 2014

It’s just $2.99 at at Amazon, BN.com, and the Apple Store.

  • You can also read the first 25% of it online now by clicking here!
  • If you’re in the UK, you can visit our friends at: DatingPriceGuide.co.uk for their own take on eHarmony vs. Match.com.
  • Click on the Dating tag to see how my dating life went – the earlier stories are the more entertaining ones, IMHO. You can also click here to find out what finally happened to me.
  • Check out the comments to reach other people’s thoughts on these sites (and maybe leave a thought of your own).
  • Finally, click here to subscribe to this blog OR follow me on Twitter: @logan607

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personal

Logical issues in stories / writing

Graffiti Madonna in downtown NYC

Her: What’re you doing?
Me: Installing a HDMI splitter to power the 47 and 26″ monitors, upgrade the ram, and dupe the old harddrive to a two terabyte drive.
Her: Oh…well, I was just building a flux-capacitor in the bedroom so…

Well, writing this blog in the middle of the day doesn’t work and I’ve got a full Monday schedule for the foreseeable future so back to publishing in the AM.

Speakinga writing, been working on my manuscript like a madman; actually trying to submit it to a writing contest soon. Problem was that there were a buncha logical issues that had to be resolved, which is parta the reason it was put away for so long.

A logical issue’s when something in a story just doesn’t make sense and yanks the reader/viewer outta the story. For example, just saw The A-Team film the other day. Wasn’t expecting Shakespeare but there’s the one scene where (1) a tank falls outta a plane, (2) hits a body of water, (3) everyone insides survives, and (4) a few minutes later, they’re driving on dry land.

Assume, arguendo, that the first three are possible; the fact is that if a tank fell into a lake, it’d sink to the bottom, and it’s engine would fill with water. It’d be impossible for them to then drive the tank onto dry land.

This was such a glaring error that the rest of the story was unwatchable – even though I could suspend disbelief enough that a tank could fly (don’t bother asking), couldn’t do it once that happened.

Figured out how to kill a character last year; now I’ve gotta have another one leave the story without getting offed.

Think that’s why science fiction’s so alluring; y’can resolve a lotta these logical issues by just saying that’s what happens in that world.

Stupid crime fiction…

———-

Got a non-canonical entry tomorrow, see you then?

Location: Midnight, sitting in front of a keyboard
Mood: hopeful
Music: all winter we got carried away over on the rooftops
YASYCTAI: Take those chances. (1 minute/3 pts)
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When Harry Met Sally was a movie, not real life

Drinks in NYC

The news coverage on this assassin seems to paint a portrait of someone that just could not talk to a woman. He was definitely broken insteada bendy.

For me, the surest sign of some sort of mental illness is when a person cannot relate to someone of the opposite sex. One person, a female, immediately springs to mind as she absolutely hates men but despite being relatively attractive and in her 20s, she’s had almost no experience with men whatsoever.

It seems it’s pervasive on both sides and our early indoctrination in grade school with boys versus girls seems partly to blame. It makes about as much sense as saying, “OK, today is blacks versus whites.”

Hollywood reinforces this with stereotypes that have an air of truth but no real truth to them, such as the old saw: Men and women can’t be friends because sex always gets in the way.

Sheyeah, if you’re a lonely Hollywood writer, that’s probably true.

But in the real world, if you’ve got equal parts male and female friends and you had sex or wanted to have sex with everyone of the opposite sex, you’d be exhausted.

Pretty sure that a good percentage of the  crazy can be resolved by (a) finding your people and (b) finding your person.

We literally and figuratively go crazy by our lonesome. It’s a sad thing.

Location: waiting for a package
Mood: contemplative
Music: now you put me in the magic position
YASYCTAI: Try to be more bendy. Life is better that way. (time/2 pts)
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Procrastination and the planning fallacy

The pool at the Parker Meridien in NYC

Last week, had to go to the courts downtown for some personal business. Very different from all the other times I’ve had to go to court.

I’ll tell you about it in a bit.

———-

Just walked in the door for some physical therapy; an old sports injury’s been bothering me more and more as the years’ve gone by so figured I’d take care of it before got much worse. PT’s a funny thing where you walk in, meet someone, shake hands, and a complete stranger then puts their hands all over your body. Interesting.

S’funny how quickly time rushes by; have a tendency to keep putting things off. Shoulda taken care of this years ago but I didn’t. Luckily, the lady said I should be ok but it’d take a few years.

This scientist named Jon Elster has this thing he calls the “planning fall ofcy” where they can’t estimate how long something’ll take to do cause they don’t accurately remember how long it took them to do it in the past and don’t take into account hiccups along the way.

Figured that I’d be much better at things and my life in general by now but I’ve got to get a move on things.

Speakinga which, on the last part of manuscript. Gonna publish in 2011 or die trying.

Gonna publish in 2011, hopefully.

Location: lying on a vinyl table in the UWS and told to relax
Mood: relaxed
Music: But there’s more to this journey than is apparent to the eye
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Why I don’t curse casually

Car buried under snow in NYC with a subway sign

Continuing with my last post, you can probably tell now after four years that I don’t generally curse.

Don’t think I’ve ever told you why so now’s about as good a time as any:

Up in Cornell, there’s a small gym in this res hall called Dickson. Used to go there with my buddy Eric all of time. One night, about twenty (20!) years ago, these two pretty girls were working out there and I started chatting them up – eh, it’s a hobby.

After about ten minutes, they got up and quickly left the gym and I turned to Eric and said, “What’s their #$@#$ problem?”

Eric, disgusted, put down his weights and said, “You’re kidding me right? You talk like you’re from the gutter, every word was ‘f___,’ or, ‘s___’ or, ‘m___f___’ – and you’re a English major? What’s your problem?” He stood up and left too and I sat there, mortified. Never heard myself speak before; my voice.

Sounded like what’d you expect from a fella born to penniless immigrant parents outside an industrial park in Queens, New York.

Said once that someone else’s opinion of you’s nonea your business. However, your own opinion of yourself is your business.

My opiniona myself at that moment was less than stellar.

Stopped cursing casually that day twenty years ago. Don’t hold others to the same standard; just a personal choice I make for myself.

Look, sometimes something happens where the only adequate response is WTF? But most times, another of the 880,000 words in the English language’re probably better.

Then again, this is just my opinion. And what’s my opinion, really?

———-

  • Admin note 1: Gonna start publishing at 11-12EST on Mondays and Wednesdays from now on; just the work schedule.
  • Admin note 2: If you’re reading me on loganlo.com and feedburner, I’ve got a few tech entries I’ll be posting from time to time that’s sort of separate from the regular blog. Feel free to ignore.

Location: bundling up to go shovel again
Mood: contemplative
Music: the only thing I did good was scrapping Until the end of time
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If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck

Shot of a train in NYC with a subway sign

Been reading a lot about the whackjob that tried to off the Congresswoman here in the US. Apparently, the authorities are pouring through everything this kid posted online to get a picture of who and what he was all about.

Going through this kid’s internet life – based upon his writings and videos – they’re concluding that’s he’s a full-on whackadoo.

This fella named Riley wrote that when “I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck.”

In Stalker, I wrote that the only thing to believe is the words that come out of someone’s mouth. Don’t ever assume, “I’m not interested” means “please try harder.”

Bring this all up, not just because of what happened in Arizona but also cause this acquaintance of mine took it upon himself to write “bitches” and “p****y” on my FB page.

And when I called him out on it, instead of an apology, he says I’m being insulting by saying he sounds like a thug. It’s just locker room banter, he says.

He misses the point. The phrase locker room banter implies a partitioned and segregated group – men in a locker room separate from women, work, the other team, etc.

Look, my co-workers are on this social site, my old boss, my kid cousins, my fiancee’s family, etc. Got no problems with cursing, got a problem with a fella that pops on, leaves an expletive, and disappears.

Thing is, he’s not a bad fella, not at all. He just doesn’t seem to grasp, as a 40-year old, that on the interwebs, everyone can see anything you write and it never goes away. It is, in fact, the polar opposite of a locker room. When you talk like a thug, is it any surprise then when someone in the world says, “You talk like a thug.”

You are what you put out into the aether. Every word is a pixel in your digital portrait. If you write it, own it.

Said it a million times: your friends mirror you. His argument’s that all of his friend talk like this and this is how they talk to each other. Which makes sense, his friends mirror him. But don’t mirror me.

For example, also I’ve got nothing against football. Just don’t watch it. And none of my close friends are crazy into it either. Just not what we’re about – no value judgment, just not our thing.

Similarly, I don’t toss out “bitches” and “p****y” like they’re papercuts; they’re not to me. They’re at least a bullet if not more.

If a thug doesn’t use words like that, who does? Show me someone that uses those words with someone they barely talk to and I’ll show you someone that talks like a thug.

Which brings me to another saying I like: Don’t piss on me and tell me it’s rain.

———-

Write this blog with the assumption that an employer, fiancee, family member might stumble across it. And if they read it, I’m sure I’ll come across as a very nerdy, clumsy, rum-loving, former skirt-chasing, insomniac. That’s ok, cause it’s true.

Wish I was terribly smooth, rich, and lucky; wish I were taller, wish I were a baller.

But I’m ok with whatever assumption you draw from this blog, cause the words’re all mine.

OK, except for walks like a duck, don’t piss  on me, and wish I were taller, those I stole. But the rest…

 

Location: off to the garage
Mood: irritated
Music: when it comes to playing basketball I’m always last to be picked
YASYCTAI: Inventory your digital life. (hours/2 pts)
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How to keep your 2011 resolutions

So how was your NYE? HG and I were feeling under the weather so we just stayed in and watched Inception. We’ve become a boring couple – which is a rather nice thing to be, actually. Did go out the night before to my friend Paolo’s for a pre-NYE party.l

A fella came up to me and said he read my blog. It was actually the high point of my night; it’s great when someone tells you that you did something that connected with them.

For this new year, made a list of goals rather than resolutions – after all, it’s important to have a target so you have something to aim for, yeah? I think how to keep these 2011 resolutions is to make them more specific and keep them manageable. And only have a handful.

Most times, just kept these goals to myself but when you put something out into the aether, it makes it more concrete. So here we go:

1. Finish manuscript within 60 days.
It’s been almost a decade since I started it so it’s about time; gonna slow down on other things to get this done. Inception blew me away with it’s complex storytelling. Gotta get in gear.

2. Practice German for 30 minutes a day, five days a week.
In the past decade my German has, if anything, gone down. Thought I’d be fluent by now.

3. Learn three new Chinese characters a week.
Ditto – can speak poor Chinese and German but am illiterate in both.

4. Wrestle three times a week.
Again, a decade’s gone by without much improvement.

5. Practice fencing 15 minutes a day
Think 15 minutes is manageable.

As for more general goals, plan to lose a little weight, invest more, actually have a wedding, and get more clients for the law firm. But the above are the big ticket items for me.

Just said that what we say of things in our heads make them real or not; might as well make them positive things. So, off to read some German for the next 30 mins while I get to work.

Also los!

Location: the beginning of 2011
Mood: ambitious
Music: there’s reason to believe Maybe this year will be better than the last
YASYCTAI: Make a list of manageable goals for 2011. (60 mins/2 pts)
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