Tag: dialogue

Categories
personal

If I were a betting man?

You get bonuses to go with every painful thing that happens to you

Saint Clair Cemin's 40 foot stainless steel sculpture at 57th Street and Broadway.After some more serious pain in my left leg and the acceptance of the fact that it wasn’t actually getting better, went to the doctor.

Didn’t actually have to wait all that long before this young doctor came in and examined me.

He pulled and pushed my leg in all sorts of different ways that were pretty violent but, oddly, didn’t hurt that much. Then he sent me in for an X-Ray and then finally wrapped up everything by saying that I had to get an MRI to rule out any damage to meniscus.

But there was a pause in his voice that worried me. Been to enough hospitals to recognize it.

Doctor: …just bring this to the front desk and they’ll order up the MRI for you.
Me: Will I need surgery?
Doctor: Well, it’s hard to say without an MRI and…
Me: (interrupting) What if you were a betting man, Doc? What would you say my chances were that I needed surgery then?
Doctor: (slight laugh) If I were a betting man? (turning somber) If I were a betting man, I’d say 90%. There’s definitely some damage there.

Took a deep breath and then went out to the front desk and then made it home.

The thing with bad events is that, not only do you get the bad event, you get bonuses.

The bad event here is that I got injured and now have to get surgery.

The bonuses here are that now I’m unable to work out, which means I’m unable to sleep. So in addition to the discomfort in my leg, there’s the return of the insomnia. Last night was the first night.

It’s only 8:41 AM and I’m already dreading tonight.

Also had to turn down some work in Brooklyn as I can’t make it out that far.

Finally, I’ve recently been dealing with a crisis of faith for unrelated reasons.

Not been the best week so far.

Well, there’s always tomorrow.

Location: a chair
Mood: concerned
Music: if we are wise We know that there’s always tomorrow
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Do you actually do any work?

When you make things look easy, people think it’s easy

Traditional double-edged razor, shaving mug, shaving brush, and standWas planning to post last Friday but a buncha ConEd people showed up early Friday to open up a gas pipe in front of my building and asked me if they could tap into the gas in my apartment. Very strange.

Afterward, hobbled down to Chinatown to meet up with the CEO of a bank and RE Mike, which doesn’t sound like fun but it was one of the best 90 minute meetings I’ve ever had. We mostly ended up talking about television shows and growing up the in big city.

There was this very young secretary at a firm I worked at once that didn’t really understand what I did all day. To her, it seemed like a lot of lunches and drinks.

Secretary: Do you actually do any work?
Me: (amused) That guy that just left? The one wearing the flip-flops and over-sized tee-shirt? He just hired us for a $19 million deal. So I would say, “yes.”

There’s this throw called the Harai-Goshi which, when done correctly, looks effortless. But to be able to get to that stage takes years of work. Ironically, it was that throw that the newbie was trying to do that put me outta commission last week.

But that’s neither here nor there.

In any case, took me forever to get back home because of my bum knee and then later that night, injured it even more trying to kill a mosquito. Could barely walk the next day.

Still, the weekend picked up dramatically after that. Went out with my wife for another date night around the way although even that took forever with my knee.

Her: Logan, if this were the animal kingdom, I would have already eaten you and found another mate.

Ended the night drinking wine and watching Forks over Knives on Netflix, it’s also on Showbox if you have that – btw, if you enjoyed Food Inc, you’ll probably enjoy this as well.

I’d tell you more about the date itself but she’s got her own blog now so you can click it and see for yourself.

She did take a really nice shot of me, which makes me look better that I really look. Those are the best kinda shots.

Since I’ve got the time, I’ll be posting tomorrow too. See you then?

Location: still home with a bum leg
Mood: fat
Music: I know she’s gonna leave this broken man behind her
 Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Old Man Logan

Struggle is the meaning of life

A lone bicycle in NYC

Me: (watching a contestant on X-Factor) I find her really annoying.
Her: I wanna kill myself.

The wife got me a cane for my injury, which made life immensely better for me although I do think it makes me look slightly ridiculous.

A recent Wall Street Journal article entitled Dirtier Lives May Be Just the Medicine We Need notes that while we’ve destroyed a litany of diseases (tuberculosis, polio, cholera, malaria, etc), we may have replaced them with modern illnesses (asthma, eczema, hay fever, Crohn’s disease, etc).

The hypothesis seems to be that the body must struggle against something. And if it has nuthin to struggle against, it begins to overreact to the things around it.

As an aside, reading my FB feed, I’m starting to think I know a lotta crackpot conspiracy theorists. But I digress…

Bring this up cause my mom is – justifiably – upset that that I got injured yet again.

Her: Why can’t you do something safer? Like cycling?

And of course, nothing is ever safe.

Was gonna tell her that the nature of man is to struggle against something. That there’s this Swahili saying that goes: Life has meaning only in the struggle. Triumph or defeat is in the hands of the Gods. So celebrate the struggle.

And without the struggle, the body and mind will find its own thing to struggle with.

But my Chinese isn’t good enough, and I don’t have the words. So instead, told her I’d consider it.

My wife’s taken to calling me Old Man Logan and took the picture below for her blog.

It’s hard to argue against that characterization.

Columbus Circle before the rain

Forgot to mention that, after I left the gym, took a cab back to my pad. When I got out, a stranger holding two grocery bags looked at me trying to hobble outta the cab.

Him: Can I help you?
Me: No, it’s fine.
Him: (walking to me and leaning down) I insist.
Me: (Putting arm around him) Ah, the kindness of strangers. I’ve got to remember I’m not 17 anymore.
Him: (laughing) You and me both, friend.

Location: home, for the past five days
Mood: slothful
Music: Don’t go looking for trouble, it’s looking for you
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Looking for silver linings

Got injured again so I’m trying to make the best of it
Columbus Circle before the rain

Me: (what I thought): Oh this won’t be good.
Me: (what I actually said): F________________!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it looks like I’ll have more time to blog the next few weeks since I’m going to be stuck in bed for a while.

Whenever we get a new guy in our gym, there’s a part of me that’s slightly worried because my worst – worst – injuries are from newbies.

11 years ago, I first joined a judo gym and this new guy walked in off the street and put me in what’s called a kimura. He then promptly tore my supraspinatus, which left me in traction for about six years.

Then a guy in my fencing class, after a month, disarmed me – in drilling – by tearing the sword from my hand and left my right wrist messed up for about 18 months.

Finally, there was that girl that went for an old injury despite being told not to go for it.

I think it has something to do with wanting to win. I’ve never been injured – or close to injured – by any of the older students. They want to win too but they’ve got control and know that if they really wanted to, they could win. So they don’t need to.

Yesterday, a new guy in the class did a pretty violent throw, which didn’t actually work, but did manage to completely jack up my knee.

For a second there, thought it was gonna be horrible insteada just really not good.

So now I’m sitting here writing to you with a brace and ice around my knee.

Still, for every negative, there’s usually some small positive.

This fella named Bill “Superfoot” Wall ofce has an impressive history – 21 fights, 20 wins, 1 draw, 0 losses. But he won this as a kickboxer after he was sidelined in a judo injury. Moreover, he learned to have a devastating left kick because he couldn’t use his right leg.

After my judo injury, took up fencing to fix my arm.

Then because of the injury in the right arm, I learned how to fence with my left. And I…am not left-handed.

So when I wrassle, my go to move is this – admittedly ridiculous looking – thing called a rubber guard. But I’m only proficient at it with my left leg because you need your right arm for it. In fact, just this past weekend, managed to put it on with my right leg only to realize it was completely unnatural. And it was unsuccessful.

Well, my left leg’s the one that’s jacked-up right now. So now I don’t think I can do it there for a while.

My brother, the doc, thinks it’s just a nasty sprain, as does my coach. But I’m out for a few weeks to a month.

In the meanwhile, suppose I’ll blog, work, and figure out how to start using my right leg for stuff. I also happen to be right-handed but left-footed for kicks so I can’t do that anymore either.

Note to self: Dude, you’re almost 40!

Rats.

Me: Do we still have that blue icepack?
Her: Maybe if you respected the organization of the freezer and didn’t just throw things in there, you’d know.
Me: Even when I’m injured, huh?
Her: (laughing) Let me get it for you.

Location: bed, looking at my purple knee
Mood: irritated
Music: well time slips away and leaves you with nothing mister
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

It doesn’t take much to feel rich

Luxury comes from the little things in life
Classic NYC Coffee Shop

Me: So I bought some bathroom tissue.
Her: Do we need any?
Me: Well, no. But they were on sale – 48 rolls for $23.
Her: You bought 48 rolls!?
Me: Well, actually it’s looks like I bought two orders, so 96. (thinking) I could cancel one order.
Her: (laughing)
Me: I’ll cancel one order.

It’s not a bad trade – I get to smell nice all the time, she gets bulk commodities.

Told her recently about how, during grade school, there was always this huge garbage bag fulla pretzels during lunch.

These were big, soft, doughy kinds you get on the street corner except they were cold and soggy.

For $0.25, you could get one after lunch. Usually didn’t have a quarter to buy one but one kid named Scott always bought one. Realized one day that he bought it in lieu of lunch altogether.

I think this is the first time I told any one that. Figured my family didn’t have any scratch either so why rat him out?

In any case, recall that my mom gave me a quarter once so I bought one. It was wet, soggy and dense. But I loved it. I felt rich.

There’s this scene in one of my favourite books where a mother is asked why she pours a cuppa joe for her kid if her kid never drinks it.

The mom replies that they don’t have much of anything. But she can afford to give her kid one cup of cheap coffee to dump down the sink.

Said once that I have more clothes than anyone else I know.

Just got another custom made suit. When I put it on, I immediately remembered the pretzel and laughed. Felt silly. Then I gave my mom a call.

Funny how the mind works, yeah?

“There was a special Nolan idea about the coffee. It was their one great luxury. Mama made a big potful each morning and reheated it for dinner and supper and it got stronger as the day wore on. It was an awful lot of water and very little coffee but Mama put a lump of chicory in it which made it taste strong and bitter. Each one was allowed three cups a day with milk. Other times you could help yourself to a cup of black coffee anytime you felt like it. Sometimes when you had nothing at all and it was raining and you were alone in the flat, it was wonderful to know that you could have something even though it was only a cup of black and bitter coffee.

Neeley and Francie loved coffee but seldom drank it. Today, as usual, Neeley let his coffee stand black and ate his condensed milk spread on bread. He sipped a little of the black coffee for the sake of formality. Mama poured out Francie’s coffee and put the milk in it even though she knew that the child wouldn’t drink it.

Francie loved the smell of coffee and the way it was hot. As she ate her bread and meat, she kept one hand curved about the cup enjoying its warmth. From time to time, she’d smell the bitter sweetness of it. That was better than drinking it. At the end of the meal, it went down the sink.

Mama had two sisters, Sissy and Evy, who came to the flat often. Every time they saw the coffee thrown away, they gave Mama a lecture about wasting things.

Mama explained: ‘Francie is entitled to one cup each meal like the rest. If it makes her feel better to throw it away rather than to drink it, all right. I think it’s good that people like us can waste something once in a while and get the feeling of how it would be to have lots of money and not have to worry about scrounging.’

This queer point of view satisfied Mama and pleased Francie. It was one of the links between the ground-down poor and the wasteful rich. The girl felt that even if she had less than anybody in Williamsburg, somehow she had more. She was richer because she had something to waste. She ate her sugar bun slowly, reluctant to have done with its sweet taste, while the coffee got ice-cold. Regally, she poured it down the sink drain feeling casually extravagant.”

— A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Location: downtown in just a bit
Mood: groggy
Music: waiting At the counter For the man To pour the coffee
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Living your own life is hard enough

Everyone has an opinion as to how someone else should live their lives

Me: And what do you want?
Him: It doesn’t matter what I want. My father wants me to marry a Korean girl.
Me: If he wants a Korean girl so much, he should marry one.

So an interesting subset of my post from last week on writing a dating profile was communication from about four different women noting that on the profile, I was 39 years old, looking for women that were 25-30.

What none of them seemed to realize was: in order for me to get that screengrab of my profile, I had to log into my old profile, which I did last week – at 39 years of age.

I’d not touched that profile since September 2008 – when I was 35. The site merely updated my age to 39 when I logged in in August 2012.

But here’s the thing: Even if I was 39, looking for women that are 25-30, isn’t that my business?

In other words, suppose I told someone I was attracted to black women. How revolting would it be if someone said, Logan! You’re a Chinese-American man. You should be ashamed of yourself, trying to date a black woman.

An actual message from someone except the person said I was a “39-year-old man” and instead of “black woman,” she said, “25 year old.”

Let’s take it a step further.

Suppose I said, I was looking for a black man. Sudden people get incensed one way or another.

The thing is my wife and I would probably have had issues 30 years ago with us being a mixed-race couple.

Why does everyone have an opinion as to what one adult finds attractive in another adult?

More mind-boggling, why do people think their opinions matter to anyone but themselves?

And when did they learn that their opinions are better than someone else’s opinions?

I know Asians that think I’ve “sold-out” by marrying out of my race. In fact, I was one of those people in my teens.

But I was a stupid kid – as evidenced by my admittedly poor clothing and hair choices. These are adults writing this.

Perhaps the most powerful thing I’ve ever learned in my life isn’t a fencing or a wrestling move, but rather this: What other people think of me is none of my business.

The moment you believe that statement – not just know it intellectually but truly believe it – you are separate from everyone else in the world.

You gain a membership into a cadre of thinkers and dreamers that live their lives in the world but unaffected by the world.

And it cuts both way: What you think of someone else is none of their business.

Then again, if someone isn’t living their own life, perhaps you should say something.

Me: Living one’s own life is hard enough. Doesn’t your father get tired of living your life too?
Him: (laughing) He means well.
Me: I’m sure he does. But – and this is admittedly none of my business – long after he’s gone, you’ll be stuck with the choices he makes for you. Your father lives his life. Your mother lives hers. You should live yours, yeah?

Location: in front of a cuppa joe and Mamma Lo’s carrot cake
Mood: you guessed it, crazy busy
Music: picture the scene, filming and screening, dreaming of me
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Chris Gethard and being kind for no reason

It’s easy to be cruel for no reason; it’s just as easy to be kind

Actually, that same day I saw the foozball table from my last entry, I was in Chinatown earlier. Was starving so I popped into a dive that had 20 dumplings for $4. That was great. Not so great was the fact that I went to the gym not more than 20 minutes later.

Me: I don’t feel so hot.
Him: Do you think it mighta been the 20 dumplings you just ate?
Me: (thinking) Nah…
Him: (knees me in stomach)
Me: C’mon!

———-

As you know, I was very fat as a kid.

5′ 3″ 185 pounds fat. 44 inch waist at 13 years old fat. Hella fat.

Then at 15, lost all the weight and – comparatively speaking to what I used to look like – looked pretty good. Was also a lot smarter than most people my age due to the fact I had zero friends and studied all the time.

So I was thin, smart, and not so bad looking. Combined with years of getting bullied, I became just a rotten teenager. Arrogant and mean. And I was that way for a while. But that’s a story for another time.

In any case, I see what happened to me as the interwebs as that on a massive, global scale. Where the powerless and nobodies can become superstars. And it’s cliched how quickly people can become cruel for no reason when given the opportunity.

It wasn’t until much later in life that I realized that anyone can be unkind; that’s easy. Ellen DeGeneres said that most comedy is based on getting a laugh at someone else’s expense. Think that’s true.

A reader once wrote me that he thought my blog was the most “un-ranty” one he reads. Suppose that’s because, I realized that I got lucky in life. And my comedy, if any, is at my expense.

Anywho, I bring this all up cause my brother just sent me a link to a comedian named Chris Gethard who wrote a long, heart-felt message to an anonymous fan that felt suicidal. I enjoyed it for a number of reasons – one of which is that it talks about suicide, which I think more people should do. The other of which is that it was kind.

Say it all the time: Thank goodness for the good souls.

Location: a yellow bed
Mood: still crazy busy
Music: cannot reach a pen for me to draw the line
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

I’ll probably say the same thing every year

Another September 11th – everything changes and everything stays the same

On the way to my gym class the other day, ran across a young boy, his mom, and an older fella playing on a foosball table at Herald Square. Motioned to the mother, holding Syd, if I could take a picture of them. She hesitated but I smiled and she smiled and nodded.

Another day in the big city.

———-

Recently, a fella called in a bomb scare because he wanted to get back at his current girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend. He’d evidently posted pictures on Facebook – post-breakup – of her in compromising positions.

In any case, the guy that made the call got arrested, and the ex-boyfriend got arrested also cause it turned out he had outstanding warrants against him.

It just goes to prove my theory that your friends – and those you surround yourself with – mirror you.

Me: So she went from dating an obvious douchebag to dating another douchebag.
Her: Yes. The shaded part of the venn diagram for all of them would read, “Douchebag.”

———-

Got a lotta comments and emails regarding my post about writing a good dating profile but: (a) I’m swamped with work and (b) tomorrow is September 11th so I’m feeling a bit pensive. I’ll just address everything at the end of this week or some time next week?

On the topic of September 11th, it’s now been over a decade. Seems hard to believe. Suppose I’ll say the same thing every year.

Which makes sense, cause I’m pretty sure I’ll feel the same around this time, every year.

On a much lighter note, however, my wife Alison has started her own blog called Pure Provender on my second favourite topic: food.

Location: all over the map today
Mood: crazy busy and slightly sad
Music: you’re like a paper aeroplane that never seems to land
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Why is that even a choice?

How I spent my Labour Day 2012

Got a number of interesting emails and comments on my last post. I’ll write the follow up at some point soon. Let me know if you ended up using any of my tips.

BTW, if you Google other posts on how to write dating profiles, the “tips” are mostly sophomorically inane – be nice, smile, etc. Everyone thinks that because they’ve gone out on ten or 15 dates, they can give advice on it. I wonder how many of them they’ve actually done the disappointing and been the disappointed time-and-time again.

It’s not as easy as one might think; constantly being the dumper and the dumpee.

———-

Spent mosta the weekend trying to fix one of my computers.

There’s this scene – either from Family Guy or SNL or something like that – where a man is playing with a dial. On that dial is a series of gradients such as “warm,” “hot,” “hotter ‘n hell,” “hotter than the sun,” etc.

So one guy flips it to the top selection and then screams in pain, Why is that even a choice?! Why does it go so high!?

In Windows, there’s a selection to turn a disk into something called a “dynamic disk.” It’s literally a 1/2 second choice. In any case, if you do it to your main drive, it becomes a doorstop. Later I read that it can be done to any drive but the main drive.

That’s how I spent 95% of my holiday weekend, trying to fix it.

Was not able to fix it.

The other 5% of my weekend was spent seeing friends. One was a friend of the wife’s who stopped by.

The other was that old law school buddy of mine that I ran into downtown a few years back. She invited me to a party recently and – while I turn down invitations now – said yes cause she was one of the people in law school I actually liked.

Went to their home out in Hoboken, which was amazingly nice. Brought her a bottle of rum (of course) as a housewarming gift and met a buncha people I didn’t know. Spoke to one woman about her dating life.

Me: There’s no such thing as a line.
Her: Of course there is, like “Are you a runner? Because you were just running through my mind.”
Me: There’s no such thing as a line because if you want to talk to him, you just end up talking to him, regardless of what he says. And if you don’t nuthin he says will make a difference. A bunch of people have said, “Oh that’s just a line.”
Her: And what do you say?
Me: (shrugging) I just say, You’re talking to me, aren’t you?

———-

Went home to see the wife, who surprised me earlier with a bottle of Ron Zacapa XO Rum.

Her: You were having a rough week, so I thought you’d like a nice bottle of rum.
Me: (beaming) You’re the best wife ever!

Location: my humid room
Mood: busy
Music: I’d never make it through without you around
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Categories
personal

Why are we nastiest to the people we know best?

Brother’s girlfriend: Do you think your wife would like some of these cute frog clips? (holds them up)
Me: No, we try to keep our house free of junk. (shaking head) Wait, that’s not…
Her: (laughing) I’m sorry I offered you my junk!

Some times it’s just carelessness. Most times, though, it’s just the odd nature of familiarity where you’re the cruelest to the people that you’re the closest to.

Had a conversation almost exactly five years ago, with someone whose name and face I don’t recall. But I remember the conversation cause it was the same one I’d had before in the past and again in the future.

Essentially, asked her why she kept going on all these dates if they ended up so bad. She said it was cause she hoped this time, this time’ll be different.

But, for better or worse, when we meet new people, we usually wear masks; we look just a little bit better, stand a little bit taller, and act a little bit nicer.

For my part, I actually shave.

Sometimes the person with whom it’s finally different ends up in the same place once the masks come off.

Think that’s also why we treat the people closest to us the worst. Cause we wear those masks at first and it’s easier with strangers to keep those masks on. It’s harder to keep them on with the people you’re closest to.

Went out to see the rents the other day to help them hook up some random technology.  Got frustrated cause my dad kept confusing two different types of cables.

Barked at him and then immediately felt ashamed when I realized I was yelling at a 70+ year old man.

Like to be a father someday. And if I’m lucky enough to be one, hope he or she doesn’t yell at me cause I can’t tell the difference between the flux-capacitor and the wireless power charger when I’m an old man.

Then again, suppose fathers and sons’re meant to argue about nonsense.

Me: No dad, that’s the power. A power cable’s black! It’s always black! The other cable’s the ethernet cable. They’re completely different!
Him: Sorry, it’s hard for me to tell the difference.
Me: (embarrassed) That’s ok, dad. Sorry I yelled.

Location: getting ready for a meeting
Mood: tired
Music: get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.