Tag: friends

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personal

It’s spring in January

It isn’t hell

Speaking of FOMO and not caring, last year I threw Chad and Mouse a joint bday party but this year, Chad just swung by on his actual bday and I just got the two of us a massive amount of Vietnamese food.

Him: Somehow, they knew it was my birthday and gave me two cans of coke.
Me: (puzzled) Yeah – I told them.
Him: Oh…

He only recently started getting a taste for good alcohol so I taught him how to make Hemmingway’s favourite drink, the daiquiri. At least, my version of it.

We pounded about four of them each and just discussed his new hobby, which is a wholly different conversation.

Me: I baked cupcakes.
Him: Thanks!
Me: They’re mainly for the kid, but I saved you one for your born day.
Him: I’ll take it.

Another friend stopped by this week; she was just in the city to train but the gym wasn’t open that day so I invited her to come here to shower and clean up.

Me: Do you want brekkie?
Her: Oh, I couldn’t…
Me: (rolling eyes) You’re a guest, are you hungry?
Her: I could eat.
Me: A heart-attack sandwich it is then.

Like I said, I have no shortage of friends. It’s the shortage of family that weighs on me the most.

Speaking of family, do you know the Roman/Greek myth of the seasons centers around family?

Essentially, the goddess Ceres – from whom we get the word “cereal” – was the goddess of grain and harvest. Her daughter, Proserpina, was kidnapped by Pluto and she refused to allow anything to grow until her child was returned.

Eventually, she was, but Proserpina had eaten six pomegranate seeds and, because of that, had to live in hell for six months out of the year.

During this time, Ceres despaired and so came winter until her child was back and spring could return again.

The boy came home this week – after all this time – and it was spring once again, at least in a tiny UWS apartment.

Me: He’s home!!!
Him: (inspecting the house) The bathroom’s dirty. Grandma’s bathroom is cleaner.
Me: (laughing) Everyone’s a critic. Also, to be fair, no one’s bathroom is as clean as grandma’s…

Ridic easy daquiri
One shot of light rum
1/2 a lime, freshly squeezed
1.5-2 TBS agave
Soda water
ice

Squeeze half a lime into a highball and mix in the agave and shot of rum until it’s thoroughly blended. Fill the highball halfway with ice and then the remainder with soda water. Gently stir to combine. Pound.

Repeat until every person of the opposite sex looks beautiful.

Location: home, without any rum but plus one boy
Mood: tired but content
Music: It’s so cruel what your mind can do (Spotify)
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I’d be ok with that

We know our own

This is a video of my son on Xmas morning. He was a bit excited.

Cappy came by with his wife and two kids, like he said,  to drop off a ridic amount of clothes and toys for the boy.

Cappy: Heads up! Planning on stopping by your place Saturday enroute upstate so we can drop off some more clothes and books.
Me: Thanks for thinking of us!

It was nice seeing them, even if it was just for a moment. We’ve known each other since we were 16.

On that note, I had dinner with a friend the other night. He told me that when 2020 started, he was worried about his future. But, in many ways, 2020 was one of the best years – if not the best year – of his life.

Him: I feel like I’m seeing the world for the first time, on my own terms.
Me: Picture Athens. And other parts of Greece. There are statues everywhere. What colour are they?
Him: White?
Me: They’re white now. But when people were contemporaries of them, they were all coloured. We see what they look like now, not what they were originally. That’s the thing: People will look at you and think this is how you’ve always been, when it’s what you made yourself.

It’s like that story I told you about the colour of the sun.

We don’t see the full picture of what someone or something is. Only what makes it through to us.

I told him that the person he knows now as Logan, wasn’t the person that Alison knew. It wasn’t the person that my other friends knew. I’d changed so much throughout the years.

Or, rather, the years changed me so much. In some ways for the better, in some ways not. Not at all.

Every once in a while, I remember who I used to be, the life I used to lead. Before Alison. With Alison.

I’ve been thinking of an old friend of mine who’s not on any social media and he just disappeared after 2019.

He was someone that saw me and helped me change. I suppose I wonder where he is because certain people bring out certain things in us that only they can bring out.

He remembers me when I was…colourful. I miss being colourful, at times. This is what I looked like when we met.

Minus the colour.

Him: Most people live their lives of quiet desperation, Logan.
Me: And you?
Him: I live my life without anything or anyone controlling me. I could leave in an hour and be in a tuk-tuk in Cambodia tomorrow and no one and nothing would stop me.
Me: The girl I’m seeing…
Him: (laughs) Heartgirl?
Me: (nodding) Heartgirl. I’d go where ever she was.
Him: What happened to Dresden and Berlin, Logan? I know you. You’d never be happy with just one girl.
Me: I would be. With the right girl I’d be happy. I’d give everything up for my person. Dresden and Berlin are just cities. She could be my person.
Him: She would control you. Love controls people. The moment someone controls you, you wouldn’t be safe.
Me: I’d be okay with that.

He was right about not being safe.

I suppose demons know their own.

Location: home, with daiquiris
Mood: very drunk
Music: my past now, like my house, was always made of glass (Spotify)
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Meant to be

You should have picked 7

Me: That’s me in Germany.
Him: You look exactly the same. What are you a vampire?!
Me: (laughing) Here, take this belt, it’s too big for me.
Him: I think I like that (mustard) colour.
Me: Good. Basic black is for basic bitches.

I’ve got a small group of people that I mentor. I remember being young and not knowing a thing about anything, really.

My first seismic shift happened when I met my first real girlfriend. As a poor kid from Queens, she was the daughter of a connected restaurateur. Our first date, she brought me to a restaurant at Rockefeller Center where a burger was $20 (a fortune at the time).

She also gave me a Fendi automatic watch for Xmas when I was 17. She basically taught me how to dress. She was pure evil, but she changed me for the better in many regards.

Then, when I was college, I met Buckley who first me taught me about computer and networks. That was life-altering. I just wished him a happy birthday tonight.

Him: Thanks! It’s the end of my 48th trip around the sun. I’m thankful that we’re still on this ride together
Me: Jesus Christ. I met you when we were teenagers. Welp, the world is definitely better with you in it, homie.

Cappy made sure I had a place to live and helped me make life-long friends that I still consider my safe-harbor. He just called me too.

Him: We’ll stop by on the 26th with clothes for the boy.
Me: I’ll be here.

I also met Joe who let me crash in his pad off Times Square for $300 a month. Yup, you read that right. We were roomies for years after college and he taught me how real New Yorkers lived in Manhattan. A woman I met and chat with regularly last year is best friends with his ex-wife. What a small world.

While in Manhattan, I met Bobby, Johnny, and the Devil, who introduced me to the clubs and the colorful side of NYC life.  They also taught me how to dress and walk into an expensive restaurant and not feel out of place. All three are gone for my life now. I only miss one of them and hope he’s still alive.

I dated the doctor, who got me into this building, and worked with me to buy it – along with her mom. We all actually still talk because we’re part of the same tribe.

I met my old boss at CNET, Kirk, who taught me sales and tech and why a naturally aspirated straight-6 engine is so cool. I also met Jim there, who threw me into the legal tech fire and got me meeting with CEOs and fighting fortune 100 companies (I won).

After everything went down with Alison, he sent me on a trip to Bermuda.

My boss, whom I just chatted with today as well, taught me how to be a better lawyer, far beyond anything I learned in law school. He also sued my biggest frenemy for me ages ago. We won that too.

Paul and Will helped me end up with Alison. I just saw Paul today.

Me: Man, that hair’s still wild.
Him: Yeah, I gotta see a barber somehow.

And, of course, there was Alison herself. All the blog entries from her first appearance to this one was her influencing my life. She still does; she reminds me what I’m worth.

People try to convince me that I’m not worth all that much, but she thought I was just tops.

On that note, a touchstone of my life has always been to leave people better off having met me than not. Those people left me better off; most by coming into it, some by coming in and leaving.

The hope is that I can help some people figure out who they were meant to be.

And then maybe I can take my lessons and help the one I love most in the world become who he’s meant to be.

Him: I picked 11.
Me: You shoulda picked 7. Because that’s the most likely number with two dice.
Him: Can I go now?
Me: (laughs) Sure.

Location: home, dreaming of family
Mood: hopeful
Music: They say through time I’ll find some healing but the clock goes slow (Spotify)
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The 2020 Christmas Spirit

Bit of a Grinch

Son: But I don’t want to get a shot.
Me: Kid, no one wants to get a shot. But we do what we have to do to keep the people we love safe. Do you want to keep Mouse, Grandma, and Grandpa safe?
Him: (hesitatingly) Yes.
Me: Then you have to get a shot.
Him: (nodding sadly) OK. If you say so.

The kid was due for his annual checkup so Mouse picked me up and we went off to NJ to get him. It was so nice to have him home, if only for a bit.

We even put up the Christmas tree together. This is him putting up the first ornament.

It was the one that Alison I got together all those years ago. We even put it in the same place.

I told him the story of each of the ornaments that Alison and I got for each other. Well, I tried to at least.

Me: And this one…and this one…
Mouse: (gently) Do you want to go to the back room for a second?
Me: Yes.
Her: (turning to the boy) That was a special ornament. Your mom got it for your dad and you because she loved you both so much.

The boy was really brave at the doctor’s office. Impatient, even. I like to think that too was born of love.

Him: I just want my shot now.
Doctor: Oh! (to me) Do you want the shot or nasal spay?
Me: I was unaware the latter was an option. Heck, yeah we’ll take the nasal spray!

The boy was puzzled but – ultimately – thrilled, of course, that he didn’t need a shot. Because he was so ready to take the shot, I still gave him the chocolate I promised him.

Him: But I didn’t get the shot.
Me: You weren’t going to get chocolate because you got a shot, you were going to get chocolate because you were brave. You get points in life for being brave.
Him: Yay!!!

It was hard bringing him back. He’s mine. I want him here with me.

Speaking of thinking that Mouse is great – and catching up with people during the holidays – I also got a chance to catch up with KG Betty.

Me:…and now you’re caught up to everything.
Her: I have to say, I’m on Mouse’s side here.
Me: I can see that.

The boy’s doctor was right by the ABFF’s pad so I rang her but we missed each other. But we made up for it because she swung by with her sister, kids, and a bottle of rum in tow.

They actually sang – and danced to – Feliz Navidad outside my door in their matching jammies.

Me: (laughing) This is how people get arrested in NYC.
Daughter: Do you or Mouse want some candy?
Me: We do! But we won’t take any.
ABFF: Get into the Christmas spirit!

She was right; I suppose I’m a bit of a grinch these days as Christmas makes me feel probably the opposite of what I should be feeling.

Then again, I’m probably not the only one.

Me: Wanna watch the news? See if we still live in a democracy?
Mouse: Hold on, I gotta finish all this bullshit gift shopping first.
Me: Well, if that’s not the 2020 Christmas spirit, I dunno what is.

Location: my empty apartment, doing some bullshit gift shopping of my own
Mood: missing the boy
Music: Take a shot in the rain, one for the pain (Spotify)
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Why are you always naked?!

Settlers of Hawaiian Pizza

Me: Your two favourite Lo’s will be there.
Mouse: To be fair, she’s my favourite one.

Before Alison got sick, for the period between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, I would get dressed up in my best suits and go to two-to-five parties a week.

It’s how I’d meet new clients for the coming year and also catch up with old clients and friends.

I still can’t get into the mindset of working full-time again – especially since the kid’ll be back permanently in the next few weeks, but I did try to take some time to catch up with people.

Like I said, I saw my cousin earlier last month:

Ras: People should eat what they want. Leave the Hawaiian pizza alone.
Me: Great, now I want a Hawaiian pizza.
Her: We’re already eating!
Me: It’s early, yet.

Oh, she passed her test, btw. This is good because it means I can probably borrow money from her at some point.

I also tried to see some of my college friends but we weren’t able to make it happen.

Duck: Hey, Logan. SJ bailed. I’m running around too. Let’s reschedule when we’re all available?
Me: OK, for sure.

Saw my buddy from around the way for some Vietnamese food. Not sure about his opinion as to Hawaiian pizza.

Him: What do you suggest?
Me: Pretty much everything. The sandwiches are killer.
Him: I just had a sandwich for lunch.
Me: Noodles it is then.

Hadn’t spoken to Chad in a bit so I rang him up. On video. Need to rethink doing that.

Chad: Logan, you can’t just video chat me outta the blue. I need a heads up.
Me: Why are you always naked, Chad?!
Him: I’m a free spirit, Logan!

Although, he should just decline the call, honestly.

He ended up stopping by for a round of Settlers of Catan with Mouse and me. He came close to winning but Mouse took the trophy in the end.

Me: I did not plan this out well.
Her: That’s what happens when you don’t pay attention.

I gotta start paying attention to things again.

Location: my empty apartment, taking care of a patient
Mood: fulla pro- and pre-biotics
Music: one more ride, baby, here we go (Spotify)
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The Comedian, The Criminal, and The Clown

Any good would come

I met up with the pastor from Vision Church recently for some coffee.

Him: I got you a gift.
Me: Oh, you shouldn’t have, really.
Him: It’ll give us something to talk about the next time we meet up.

It was a recently published comic that’s been getting a lotta press recently, called The Three Jokers.

Essentially, it’s about the three different types of Jokers that Batman’s faced throughout the years:

      1. The Comedian
      2. The Criminal
      3. The Clown

I’ll leave the rest there but it’s interesting in that I do think that we all have our three lives: Public, Private, and Secret.

My three lives have all been keeping me on my toes in their own ways, lately. Just dunno how to explain them to you in a way you might understand.

On that note, and returning to The Pastor, we had an compelling discussion before we left about defriending people and who we choose to have in our lives.

Him: People are complex. For example, there might be horribly racist people that you would trust with your son, but also people that wouldn’t dream of being racist, but you would never leave with alone with your son.
Me: Give me an example.
Him: Well, some Asian grandparents are horrible racists, but you’d trust them with your son in a heartbeat, wouldn’t you?
Me: (laughing) I suppose that’s true.
Him: So, I keep people around that I disagree with. Because they see the world differently than I do – and it’s good to see the world differently.
Me: I agree to some extent. But there are some people with I have no nexus and want none. I don’t want to see the world the way they do.
Him: Why not?
Me: (shaking head) Because…I don’t feel any good could come of it.

Location: still home
Mood: still happier
Music: friends with tired eyes (Spotify)
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Whipping around Red Hook

This was a mistake

Me: We have a car!
Her: (laughing) It’s your car! You’ve always had it.

I’ve had a car for the last 35 years. Dunno if I ever told you that. Normally, that’s not a big deal but I live in Manhattan.

I had two beaten up BMWs and a brand-spanking new (at that time) Honda Accord that I loved and I kept in a local garage in Manhattan.

But in 2007, after the theft and a buncha other crazy things, I gave up the parking spot and brought the car out to Queens to stay at my mom’s house, where it’s stayed for the past 13 years.

Alison gave up her beloved Civic because the idea was that we’d just use my car when the time came for us to leave the city and get a place in the burbs. Of course, none of that ever happened.

So this car I loved sat at my mom’s place all this time with 56,000 miles on it – that’s 3,733 miles a year.

When I saw my mother-in-law the other day – after Mouse dropped me off for the umpteenth time – and I mentioned the car to her, the first thing she said was, “Why don’t you just give Mouse the car?”

My mom had said something similar, despite her and/or my sister using it on occasion all this time (and paying for the insurance and upkeep all this time).

I told my mom and she immediately cleaned it out and handed me the keys and the title. Mouse refused to accept it as a gift though and offered to pay me a little something for it, which I appreciated.

Then she promptly drove me to NJ, and then back to the city, yet again. But that’s another story for another time.

After we picked up my whip, though, we were driving around Brooklyn when I suggested that – since we had a ride – we should celebrate. We rang up Cho, who suggested that we hit up the Red Hook Lobster Pound, which we did.

Her: (after eating everything) I’m still hungry.
Me: I have a rack of ribs at home.
Her: Sold. Let’s go.

We ended up heading home and eating another half rack-of-ribs between the two of us.

I would say that it’s brought us closer together but that’s not entirely true.

Me: Oh, this is a good song (on the radio).
Her: I see we’re listening to the oldies station.
Me: Clearly, this was a mistake.

Location: home – like, really home
Mood: happier
Music: we can swim far away from the wreck we made (Spotify)
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I want to have an argument

We’re about to find out

Her: How spicy is Sundubu-jjigae?
Me: We’re about to find out.

We’d just left the studio and she was ok but I was still really hungry. Since she’s on a mostly meat-diet, we ended up heading over to a Korean joint in Billyburg.

As for the answer to her question above, it turns out – at least for her – pretty spicy. Luckily, we also got some sashimi and some Korean tacos in honor of Pac.

We asked the waitress to take a picture of us and she tried her best. This is the best shot of the lot that she took.

At least she was very nice.

Afterward, we headed home. As we pulled up in front of my pad, she asked me if we could have an argument.

Me: OK.
Her: Look, I’m ok with things not being defined but I’m impressed how long you can be with things not being defined.
Me: Like you said, we seem to get along better when we’re not together.

It was raining so hard in NYC that night that we got a tornado warning. Which kinda matched what was going on inside her whip.

But, all-in-all, it was nice actually, chatting arguing with her under the stormy rain.

Sometimes you need a little rain to clear things up.

Afterward, I thanked her for the ride and all the company.

Me: It’s getting late, you should head home.
Her: Yeah.
Me: So, where are we now?
Her: I guess I’ll just see you later on this week.
Me: That’d be nice. See you then.

And then I went home and sat on my white couch thinking about all my possible pasts again.

It was actually wasn’t just my conversation with Mouse that got me thinking, but also a conversation Chad and I had in between shoots.

It reminded me of something I wrote just before Alison got sick.

Me: You know…my life is nuthin at all like what I thought it would five years ago. Or ever. Everything’s such a mess. It’s hard not to think about what could have been.
Him: I know this isn’t what you wanted, but you’re doing the best you can. If nothing else, your son will think he’s got a cool dad.
Me: I hope so. That’s one of the main reasons I’m doing this. I hope you’re right.

Location: home, waiting out the storm
Mood: hopeful
Music: I know, somewhere deep in my soul, that love never lasts (Spotify)

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Weekend Scenic Fights Video Shoot Pt 2

I think I do

Mouse couldn’t join us for the first shooting day but she agreed to wake up early, pick me up from my pad, and then Chad from his pad, to take us out to Brooklyn.

Well, that was the plan anywho.

Her: Couldn’t find my wallet so I ran late. Can you cab it to Chad and I’ll pay for it?
Me: Shoot. I’ll take subway to Chambers street. Pick me up there? Leaving now. Chambers and West Broadway.

While on the train, a fella wasn’t wearing a mask and listening to music on his phone. Crappy music. After a bit, I politely asked him.

Me: Hey man, can you turn that down?
Him: You gonna make me?
Me: I’d rather not. But seriously, I don’t wanna listen to your music the whole way down.
Him: You wanna start something?
Me: I think I do.

After a lotta posturing, he backed off. And I left at 14th Street because that was closer to Mouse. Plus, I didn’t want to start my day either in the hospital or sending someone to the hospital.

Mouse picked up Chad first and then me and we high-tailed it out to Brooklyn where we shot all day.

It was funny because her car door broke when she picked up Chad at the last shoot – it was already messed up but he and I yanked it and destroyed it.

Her: Don’t touch that…!
Chad: (alarms go off) Oh shoot, I forgot.
Me: Oh man, they’re gonna kill us if we get into a car crash.

We managed to make it there in one piece AND also managed to Skype the kid in the middle of the day.

Chad: Hey, papi!
Him: Where are you all!?
Me: We’re at a studio. In Brooklyn.
Him: Near Mouse?
Her: (laughing) No, kiddo. Brooklyn’s pretty big.
Him: Oh! The sign behind you says, “No Smoking!”
Her: That’s right. Don’t worry, we’re not.

That was only for a few minutes. We were so busy shooting all day that we ended up not getting lunch until 4PM, at which point we were starving.

Me: What on earth are you guys doing (in the picture below)?

Headed over to the lunch truck from the day before, we ordered a whole mess of tacos.

The lights kept going out in the truck so they ended up cooking in the dark.

I kept asking the guy to write down our order but he ignored me. When we brought the food back, he left out J’s order completely.

Me: I knew it. I hate when people don’t write things down.
J: It’s fine, I won’t eat.
Me: It’s not fine. Here’s take half of our food. Mouse and I’ll just grab something to eat later.

Once the shoot was over, she and I went to a nearby Korean joint and had food there.

I realize that most of my blog entries are about us being ravenously hungry and never managing to get full.

But this is getting long so I’ll tell you about that tomorrow.

Location: this morning, a much quieter subway ride
Mood: better
Music: I was whole
Where did you go? (Spotify)

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Weekend Scenic Fights Video Shoot Pt 1

Chinese BBQ

Spent this past weekend shooting a few more episodes of Scenic Fights, Fight Scene Breakdown with Chad and the other fellas.

The fella below is J, the producer and the one that thought up Fight Scene Breakdown with us. He was bummed he forgot his mask.

Before we went to the studio, though, Chad I met up in Chinatown early in the morning on the first day at NB Wing Wong Restaurant on Bowery.

Me: Have you ever had Chinese barbeque before?
Him: I don’t think so. What’s it like?
Me: It’s like barbeque, Chad.
Him: (laughing) No, I meant, what makes it Chinese?
Me: It’s sweet and salty slow grilled meats but with a little bit of Chinese spice. I’ll get us a variety.

We ended up getting two types of roasted pork, and two types of BBQ’d chicken, along with some wonton soup and veggies. We absolutely demolished everything.

We hopped an Uber and made our way to the studio in Queens where we shot a handful of episodes before trekking home on the subway.

Him: Whoa, look at all those food trucks! We shoulda eaten here.
Me: Let’s grab a menu so we can figure out what we want for tomorrow.

We had another full day of shooting but I’ll tell you about that tomorrow.

Location: in my head, folding clothes with Alison and the boy
Mood: rough
Music: take a hit so I can forget(Spotify)

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