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Three changes in life

I think people go through three major changes in life

Water Towers in NYC

When I first started blogging years ago, I wrote on LiveJournal and met a number of people I still keep in touch with.

I actually like Facebook for what it is: A way to keep up with the lives of people you know (kinda) without having to interact with them unless you actually choose to.

But, on the flip side, I miss good long-form writing. Twitter, FB, and the like are good for quick quips or pithy observations but not for thoughtful prose.

In any case, when I was on LJ, I met a number of young married people. Off the top of my head, I can count ten.

All of them ended up getting divorced except for one young lady, who called me out of the blue this weekend asking for some advice on how to get a divorce.

As an odd by-product of that period of time when I was actively dating, I’ve developed a good ability to sense when a couple is headed for a break-up or divorce. It’s not 100%, but it’s pretty good.

I think that people go through three major changes in their life. People try out a personality in their late teens and early 20s – usually becoming a genre of a person – but often become someone different in their late 20s, then again in their middle 30s.

I think that I’ve settled into who I’m supposed to be at this point in my life although some people think that more change is ahead.

The thing about young people getting married young is that you’ve got two people that probably did see the world the same way in that first period but don’t last through the second and third.

Years ago, people did – my parents did, and so did yours, I suppose – but with the world getting smaller, it’s a lot easier to try and find someone that sees life the way you do rather than try and convince someone to see it your way.

Anywho, breakups are hard, regardless of the reasons why.

Me: Is it really over?
Friend: Yes, I think so.
Me: I’m sorry to hear it. OK, here’s what you have to do…

Location: home
Mood: thoughtful
Music: been all around the world, marching to the beat of a different drum

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Orange is the new Jello

It’s a sad day in the city

New Yorker Sign

Some nutcase shot two cops to death this past weekend in my city. There’s not much for me to say on the matter except it’s sad.

The holidays are right around the corner and two families have to prepare for funerals instead of celebrations.

It’s hard to make sense of the senseless.

———-

On another topic entirely, looks like there was a pretty quick outcome to the case I was involved in.

Not allowed to get into specifics but my client asked me to work with him on another case, so that’s good.

It’s like that Alexandre Dumas quote, Nothing succeeds like success.

Oysters at Cafe Espanol, NYC

Had a long night on Friday; went to two events – one for a client and the other for my old friend Johnny.

Went to Johnny’s first, at Cafe Espanol downtown. It was the first time I had Spanish food since I went to Spain and it was just one plate of deliciousness after another coupled with pitchers of mojitos. May have had an entire pitcher myself.

Had some killer seafood and far too much of a 10-person sized portion of paella.

Him: Are you full?
Me: Stuffed.
Him: Do you want more?
Me: Yes.

By the time I arrived at the client event, most people were already fairly snockered so I made my rounds and headed home.

Orange is the new Jello

I have a colonoscopy scheduled for tomorrow. So that means today nuthin but orange jello and clear liquids.

At least I did a lot of eating this past week.

Wife: Sorry you have to do this, I know how much you like to eat.
Me: I love to eat! This is gonna be rough.

Location: desk, hungry
Mood: hangry
Music: you’ve worn me down, worn me down like a road

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Stretches of boredom and high anxiety

Was a busy week last week

Protests in NYC near Rockefeller Center 2014.12.03

It seems that the closer I get to the finish line, the farther away it gets. Thought I’d be done this Wednesday with everything but some new things just cropped up.

Last week, though, was a whirlwind of work. Had to stay later in the office than I wanted to to talk to a new client. Caught the bus home.

At least I started to, but then protestors surrounded us and filled the streets so we couldn’t move. Ended up leaving that bus you see up there and finding another way back to the pad.

Federal Court in Brooklyn

Friday I was in Brooklyn Federal Court. I’m rarely in court and even more rarely in Federal court.

The difference between State Court and Federal Court is like the difference between a burger and prime rib; they’re both good, but one is usually more impressive.

Really got into it with the opposing lawyer.

Him: You said it was noon when in fact it was after noon.
Me: That’s a distinction without a difference. It has zero bearing on the issue at hand. The fact it’s important to you, doesn’t mean it’s actually important.

Oddly, though, he thanked me afterward for being courteous. The way I look at it, I don’t need to be a douchebag if I’m right. And I was right.

If I can sum up court, it would be exactly as described in a blog post on https://kratomystic.com/ that I read last week: long stretches of boredom with periods of high – extremely high – anxiety.

At least I got to break for lunch and have a spinach pie at Siggy’s.

Camden Plaza

The weekend was markedly better.

Saw my brother and also celebrated my friend’s birthday with the wife. Really nice group of people. Had a killer steak (speaking of steaks…) and some top shelf booze.

Him: What did you order?
Me: An old fashioned with rye. (turning to waitress) Make that two.

Have some food pics, of course, but I figure I’ll post that some other time.

Back Room at Tessa, NYC UWS

Birthday Cake

Location: close, so close, to the finish
Mood: anxious
Music: It’s been awhile since I’ve been stylin’ in just my jacket and my jeans

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And for dessert

I’m a sucker for unhealthy food

Barbershop in Downtown NYC

One of the most difficult things about what I do is that I have to give an estimate of how much a project will cost.

The last thing you want to do is say something will cost $1,000 and then have to revise that figure up to, say, $3,000. As a rule of thumb, I almost never revise my estimates.

Having said that, I radically under-bid on some projects and spent far too much time over the last two weeks buried in work. This weekend was two back-to-back 16-hour days.

Before that, though, did manage to sneak out for a haircut and meet up with my buddy Cuba to get some really bad-for-you fast food.

White Castle in NYC

Cuba probably walks around with a single-digit bodyfat index – something I wish I could boast but can’t.

Yet he and a small group of my friends, all of whom I would classify as athletes, have a soft-spot for junk food once in a while.

Now, I try to have fish at least once a week, veggies or fruit with every meal, a copious amount of water and fiber throughout the day, etc.

But every so often, I give in to temptation and order, say, 10 White Castle burgers, 20 Chicken Rings, a sack of fries and two Diet Cokes to split with a buddy.

It’s the Diet Coke makes it all ok.

And for dessert?

Me: What’re your thoughts regarding pizza for dessert?
Him: It’s a good thought. Let’s do it.

Running to the gym right now.

2 Bros Pizza

Location: behind tons and tons of paper
Mood: overworked.
Music: We drink away the days with a take-away pizza
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King for a day

The Men Made of Stone Hit Number 1

The Men Made of Stone Vigilante Justice

Because of my work lifestyle, some weeks are quiet while others are ridonk busy. Last week was the latter.

Earlier in the week, my buddy Gilson Oliveira from Resilience Marketing gave me a ring and said he wanted to try a few things to market The Men Made of Stone; I said yes, since most of his ideas are pretty brilliant.

He said that Friday and Saturday would be interesting. Didn’t have too much time to really think about it.

Friday, I was up in the Bronx and then White Plains for clients and then stuck on the highway during rush hour. It wasn’t until late that night when I had a chance to check my personal emails.

And I was floored.

The Men Made of Stone Ranking

My book was the number one Noir Crime ebook – beating out Lawrence Block’s A Walk Among the Tombstones – as well as the number two Vigilante Justice book – not even ebook, just book.

It was all pretty amazing. Now the question is: What to do next?

Been fleshing out some more fiction in my head but I switched over to non-fiction, specifically dating, for a while with A Great First Date and A Great Online Dating Profile, only because there’s a ton of information for those topics I can cull from this blog.

Of course, I could also write about what I actually do professionally, which is what Gilson recommends.

I suppose writers just have to write. What the next thing will be, I’m not sure. Not yet, anyway.

Me: That’s amazing, you’re like a magician. How do you do it?
Him: (laughing) Well, it’s a good book. And if I’m a magician, you know I can’t tell you.

Location: the office, shortly
Mood: busy, busy, busy
Music: I’ve heard it said or maybe read
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40th Weekend Conversations

Went to two 40th birthday parties

Mojitos in Jersey City

Three friends turned 40 over the weekend so there were three events on Saturday I had to go to. Only made it to two of them. My liver barely made it through the second one.

The memory card that had all the pics that I took didn’t make it at all.

I’m so bummed, I had some great shots. That is before everything turned very blurry.

Me: Happy 40th! It’s all downhill from here.
Him: Hey, thanks for coming!
Me: Of course I was coming.

The first one was with my buddy Rick, whom I’ve known since college. We met 21 years ago, a number I’m still having difficultly wrapping my head around.

His wife took out an entire half of the Experimental Cocktail Club, which was very cool. (Damn, I wish I had some pictures to show you). And she had an open bar, which was even cooler. But the coolest thing? Top shelf rum I’ve never had.

French Bartender: You’re a rum drinker? I’ve got something for you. It’s a French rum aged in cognac barrels.
Me: Can I drink it neat?
Him: (slightly offended) But of course!

Had much more than I should have. After some catching up with people I’d not seen in ages, dashed/stumbled off to the second joint.

That party was for the owner of Evolution Muay Thai, where another buddy Kung and The Ultimate Fighter contestant Angela Hill were. Angela told me some cool stories behind the scenes, none of which I can reprint here.

Hadn’t meant to stay quite as long as I did  but people – mostly Kung – kept buying me drinks.

Me: I can’t, I’m already snockered.
Him: (handing me drink) Too late – got you some rum.

Managed to get drinks spilled on me on me not once, not twice, but thrice.

Him: You’re going back to the bathroom!? You just came out!
Me: You just spilled on me again!
Him: Ooooh, my bad.

Had my revenge the next morning, though.

Me: How ya feeling? I had rum all night so I feel pretty good. RUM IS THE BEST. Sorry, I shouldn’t shout. What time did you call it a night?
Kung: 4 or so. Today is a lost day
Me: Ouch. Hopefully you can stay home and coffee it up.
Him: Oh yeah! I’m building a pillow fort.
Me: That’s why I build one the night before. It’s all about proper planning.
Him: Last night I was lucky to find my bed when I got home.
Me: Found bed, missed toilet. The wife will not be pleased when she returns.

Location: yesterday, with a pot of coffee
Mood: ready for the week
Music: My oh my oh my what a wonder, my oh my oh my what a wonder
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There’s a food situation

Dinner at STK Downtown

Drinks at STK, Downtown
Got an invite to go to STK with my buddy Bridget and her husband so we met up with them downtown.

Me: I’ll need to prepare my stomach for all the meat it will be eating.
Bridget: I’m very excited for food!

Starters at STK, Downtown

The wife and I each had our own ideas on how to get to the restaurant after exiting the subway. We took my way, but the city gets crazy in the Meatpacking District and the streets make zero sense so we got turned around.

Me: Shoot, you were right, I should have listened to you.
Wife: You should always listen to the person wearing heels!

Bread at STK, Downtown

It actually ended up being perfect timing as we ran into Bridget and her husband right at the door to the restaurant.

Bridget: I have a gift for you too. (hands me a bottle of fine aged rum)
Me: Man, it’s like it’s my birthday!

Tuna at STK, Downtown

I told them about the last time I’d been in that part of the city. I was with Gio after he won a huge chunk of change in Atlantic City and we went to Blue Ribbon afterwards.

Me: Back when I was single, my friends knew that I never turned down an invitation. Especially one with a food situation.

Scallops at STK, Downtown

Bridget’s Husband: Do you gamble also?
Me: No, I just like there’s a food situation.

Poterhouse Steak at STK, Downtown

Ice Cream at STK

Location: my desk
Mood: stuffed
Music: Underneath the copper wires and the floorboards that creek
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First thing you do, buy yourself a whoopee cushion…

The Lighthouse and the Whaler

Bryant Park, NYC in Summertime
Met up with my boss and my buddy Johnny at The William the other night. We had some business to discuss.

Me: We’ve known each other 20 years. This may be the first time we’re working together.
Johnny: You’re the only person left I trust. I couldn’t let money come between us.
Me: That’s the thing. Money’s not my primary purpose. I’m interested in things money can’t buy.
Him: Wait two years. I gotta settle a few things.
Me: I know. It’s been 20 years. I can wait two more.


The weekend was hot so my computer kept crashing.

So I put on some tunes – like Venice by The Lighthouse and the Whaler – pulled it apart, and isolated the problem to a faulty fan.

While I was in there, attempted to swap out the CPU but that didn’t work because I didn’t have the right parts.

Still, was pretty proud that I still knew how to troubleshoot technology; I used to build networks and computer professionally before I became a lawyer.

Me: (to wife) I figure if everything goes to hell, I could always go back and be a computer guy. The only question would be how to start getting rid of my most annoying clients.
Her: First thing you do, buy yourself a whoopee cushion…

Location: Fall in NYC, I think
Mood: ambitious
Music: I have seen all the feeling and the rains
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Slooooowly walking all over the city

Neir’s Tavern from Goodfellas

Neir's Tavern from Goodfellas
End up having to go to Harlem, the Bronx, and then immediately out to Brooklyn for work last week. That’s bad enough on a regular day and worse with a bum knee.

Everything took twice as long.

Actually ended up crossing the border between Brooklyn and Queens – which means I hit every borough except Staten Island that day – and found myself in front of Neil’s Tavern, which is where some pivotal scenes of Goodfellas were shot.

It was in the middle of the work day and I had another client meeting so I couldn’t stop by for a drink. But I told myself I’d come back.

Over the weekend, my cousin crashed on my couch to prepare for the Triathlon, which is in the UWS so she got to see my insomnia on display at 4AM.

Her: You’re awake?
Me: I’m always awake.

After she finished up, we went out for some Cuban-Chinese food in the hood and then I got back to work.

I’ve got some other interesting news to tell you about but I’ll tell you after it’s settled down some.

Him: Remind me, what’s Neir’s? Did we use to sell crack rock out of that place?
Me: First of all, you *know* we sold crack rock out of Neir’s because you said, “Logan, let’s sell crack rock out of Neir’s.” And I said, “You just need the word ‘crack,’ as the word ‘rock’ is superfluous in that sentence.” Secondly, it’s also where Henry finds out Nicky is gonna be made. Although that didn’t turn out how they expected.

John Venn on Google today - 2014.08.04

Just realized that today’s John Venn‘s birthday, the guy that made Venn Diagrams and large influence on how I see the world.

Location: hobbling to the gym
Mood: still hobble-y
Music: you, you can be mean And I, I’ll drink all the time
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Ironing things out

A quiet 4th of July Weekend

Burger at Arte Cafe in NYC
After work on Friday, met up with my friend Johnny. He just bought a bunch of hotels in San Francisco and NYC. We roll in very different circles these days.

But he’s reaching an age where he’s wondering if it was all worth it. He’s always traveling the world, far from family and friends.

Him: I think I’m gonna retire in the next five years, when I turn 50. Maybe do volunteer work in Africa. Be by myself and figure a few things out
Me: You’d probably learn more about yourself by being around friends and family. Your friends mirror what’s important to you. After all, iron sharpens iron.

All this talk of family reminded me that I should see my own so I headed out on Saturday to see my pop as my mom was traveling.

And then on Sunday, the wife and I went to Central Park with her sister to go to a picnic with my wrasslin coach. Unfortunately, spotty reception and mixed messages thwarted us.

Her: Didn’t you figure all this out before we left the house?
Me: (…) No? (thinking) What am I gonna do with all this cole slaw?

So we just grabbed lunch around the way. Got my usual burger, which is all I really ask for over the 4th.

Afterward, headed home to get some work done.

It was a quiet holiday weekend for us, just how we wanted it.

Location: Midtown, shortly
Mood: relaxed
Music: Many days fell away with nothing to show
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